The Dogmother Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 I totally agree with A chickychickychick-ENN!! on this, but then perhaps I just have a well behaved child who enjoys engaging in conversation. Call me old-fashioned, but...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 I much prefer to see children "engaging in conversation" too but suggestions for distractions were asked for weren't they or am I missing the point? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ness3103 Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 if i'm ever insane enough to take my kids to a restaurant they are armed with ipod's and hand held games i couldn't risk my 6 year old twins engaging anyone in conversation as their usual topic is death and blood and they have been known to say naughty words in public too which is why i rarely go out Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joojoo Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 if i'm ever insane enough to take my kids to a restaurant they are armed with ipod's and hand held games i couldn't risk my 6 year old twins engaging anyone in conversation as their usual topic is death and blood and they have been known to say naughty words in public too which is why i rarely go out That's just made me think of Outnumbered if you've ever seen it Very very funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ness3103 Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 luv that programme especially the wedding and the conversation with the vicar kind of thing my twins would do Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joojoo Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 luv that programme especially the wedding and the conversation with the vicar kind of thing my twins would do the episode you're on about is just pure genius. I love it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 i couldn't risk my 6 year old twins engaging anyone in conversation as their usual topic is death and blood and they have been known to say naughty words in public too which is why i rarely go out When my eldest daughter was 6 she was a bridesmaid with two adult maids. In the car on the way to the wedding, she announced that "they would die before her anyway because she was much younger". I think they were more than a little taken aback! I hadn't realised that death was a normal topic for 6 year olds, but perhaps it is? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ness3103 Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 one of my little lovelys went through a phase of drawing dead people. and they both decided that they want lots of children when they're older so they can cry for them when they die but they're not going to cry when i die Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 That is really funny! I think quite unusual too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joojoo Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 one of my little lovelys went through a phase of drawing dead people. and they both decided that they want lots of children when they're older so they can cry for them when they die but they're not going to cry when i die Are you sure you're not the scriptwriter for Outnumbered? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 if i'm ever insane enough to take my kids to a restaurant they are armed with ipod's and hand held games i couldn't risk my 6 year old twins engaging anyone in conversation as their usual topic is death and blood and they have been known to say naughty words in public too which is why i rarely go out That's just made me think of Outnumbered if you've ever seen it Very very funny. that prog is BRILLIANT!!! Did you see the one at the airport ? The little girl is a fabulous little actress, she makes that prog! LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 one of my little lovelys went through a phase of drawing dead people. and they both decided that they want lots of children when they're older so they can cry for them when they die but they're not going to cry when i die your kids sound fabulous! LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joojoo Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 if i'm ever insane enough to take my kids to a restaurant they are armed with ipod's and hand held games i couldn't risk my 6 year old twins engaging anyone in conversation as their usual topic is death and blood and they have been known to say naughty words in public too which is why i rarely go out That's just made me think of Outnumbered if you've ever seen it Very very funny. that prog is BRILLIANT!!! Did you see the one at the airport ? She is a fabulous little actress, she makes that prog! LOL Yeah that was a very funny episode too I think all the kids are fantastic on there. Apparently there is some weird thing in that they aren't scripted or something like that anyway. I'm waiting for the DVD of series 2 to be delivered in the next couple of weeks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A chickychickychick-ENN!! Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 I totally agree with A chickychickychick-ENN!! on this, but then perhaps I just have a well behaved child who enjoys engaging in conversation. Call me old-fashioned, but...... Old-fashioned but. I don't understand why children aren't involved in family events. Conversation with people of different ages and different (read opposite and annoying sometimes) persuasions are surely good for their social skills. If they're going to wear headphones they might as well not be there and if they're not, bleepy noises in the middle of dinner are really annoying. Plus computer games are so insular. At least with board games or drawing they can engage with each other as a group. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 I couldn't agree more. My sister daren't ever take her children out without electronic pacifiers; they are 10 and 7 and neither of them has any idea how to behave socially. They miss out on so much 15 years before I had Rosie, I helped raise 3 boys belonging to a friend; they are all now very succesful young men with impeccable manners, but then we didn't have video games then. I don't mind in the least being old fashioned in that context Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chookiehen Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 (edited) As a mother of 4, I can safely say that, although they, on the whole, are well behaved in public, they can, on occasion play up. Generally when bored, normally during family meals unfortunately. The combination of giddy excitement at getting to do a 'grown-up' thing, like eat in a posh restaurant, combined with the thrill of spending time with people who they don't go to school with and the added pressure of the odd know it all commenting on how things were when 'they were young', can push even the best behaved child over the edge into naughtiness! How you keep your children amused is down to you - you know them better than anyone else in this world, so whether it be a DS, a book or a full chess tournament, just be prepared. And try not to stress - children pick up on it, and tend to play up when they feel the stress levels rising. And avoid fizzy juice! And remember, no matter what anyone says, there is no such thing as a perfect child. Even a child brought up by the most perfect mother in the world will have off days, and it is no-one elses right to judge you or your children on one meal. Even I have been known to misbehave in restaurant...... Edited October 22, 2009 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 Well despite my best efforts I obviously have 2 brats who beahve appallingly in public. I'd rather have 2 kids playing on Ninetendos and chipping into converstion as my 2 do than kids running around all over the place. i also think you can chose somewhere that likes kids - didficult in a country like ours which favour biggotted people. I think if we tried to like kids a bit more we wouldnt have so may binge drinking, promiscous, and drug taking teens. |There I've had my say, goodnight ( i also cant spell because I'm tired) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joojoo Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 Well despite my best efforts I obviously have 2 brats who beahve appallingly in public. I'd rather have 2 kids playing on Ninetendos and chipping into converstion as my 2 do than kids running around all over the place. i also think you can chose somewhere that likes kids - didficult in a country like ours which favour biggotted people. I think if we tried to like kids a bit more we wouldnt have so may binge drinking, promiscous, and drug taking teens. |There I've had my say, goodnight ( i also cant spell because I'm tired) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janepie33 Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 Hello fellow odd person! Please don't leave your youngest at home. "All for one and one for all." It's just one night. You can do it! Like the sugestions from others, I agree with having a bag of goodies up your sleeve to entertain the children. Also a bit of bribery won't go amiss, explaining that it is a special day for their grandparents and if they behave they can be rewarded with a....... ? Having worked for years and years with children, I have found that the best way to get results is positive reinforcement. E.g. you praise every bit of positive behaviour you see - maybe popping off to the loo (for a bit of a break from procedings and a bit of privacy) with one or two of your offspring and telling them how beautifully they are sitting, passing the salt to grandma or speaking to auntie etc. Wine ALWAYS helps! Hope it goes OK. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ness3103 Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 good idea, get the kids drunk and hope they fall asleep Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redhotchick Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 i also think you can chose somewhere that likes kids I realise that as I read through all of this I was imaging a scenario in a place close to me that is great for children. Ah well! It is a golden wedding anniversary. I would take all 3 children, I'd talk to them before hand, they are 9, 11 and 12, take things to occupy them and bribe them with treats for later! Don't react to "bad" behaviour, it's a one off. Tell your children later that it is NOT the way to behave. Why stress if your SIL is not? Talk to OH as well about your worries and expectations for the evening. (let him draw the line? relax and eat something you haven't prepared?) Your husband and SIL grew up together and may share a level of expectations that to them is unspoken and understood. eg. dropping off at picking up at airports. Can other parents be called upon to help out with the sports commitments? You would do the same for them I'm sure. As someone said before, I would "go with the flow" Smile and enjoy! If it gets too awful, politely feign illness and go home in a taxi! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 Apologies for being a gobby mare last night but I hate the way kids are treated in this country and I think thats why we have so many probs with anti social behaviour. In Spain this yr they were made welcome and in Cyprus yrs ago I was told off for telling my child off Believe me some of the European kids behave no better than ours but spend more time with their families. Go for it if you can, families are hard work but OH puts up with my mad aunt and dad and I put up with his depressive brother. 1 day out of 365 isnt much - otherwise as someone suggested feign illness but you will have to live with guilt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 Apologies for being a gobby mare last night but I hate the way kids are treated in this country and I think thats why we have so many probs with anti social behaviour. In Spain this yr they were made welcome and in Cyprus yrs ago I was told off for telling my child off Believe me some of the European kids behave no better than ours but spend more time with their families. Go for it if you can, families are hard work but OH puts up with my mad aunt and dad and I put up with his depressive brother. 1 day out of 365 isnt much - otherwise as someone suggested feign illness but you will have to live with guilt. Very true - but unfortunately, European weather is more conducive to having relaxed meals out with children. I like to see parents eating with their children and think it isn't necessarily the way children are brought up which dictates their behaviour..........Lauren loves her food and will eat anything, even food that causes her a problem because she is intolerant to it (she has the choice now she is older). She's happy to sit at a table and join in conversations, and has done for some years. Jake is a bundle of energy and only eats to survive. He sees eating as an interruption to his playtime - all the time, not just at family get-togethers. Every evening in the summer he is a fidgety eater because he wants to leave the table and go back out to play. Both Lauren and Jake have attended family meals in restaurants from a very early age and were expected to behave in a manner appropriate to their age. I've always taken the 'Grandma Bag' to restaurants - sheets from colouring pads and puzzles from puzzle pads, crayons etc. Sometimes there can be a long wait between courses, especially in restaurants that are not aimed at families. There is also a big difference if children are brought up as only children. They tend to have a more mature attitude from living in a more adult world - and it does make a big difference when they have no siblings to goad into poor behaviour We have some major family problems and I have to grit my teeth to attend some family get togethers. We keep them to a minimum and I do it for Carl - life's too short to have to worry too much about people who upset me........... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Frugal Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 It also depends on the character of the child. Not all children are so self-assured that they feel comfortable engaging in conversation with adults, especially those they don't know well. Despite being painfully shy as a child, I was brought up to sit at the table during large dinner parties hosted by my parents so knew how to behave and how to speak politely when spoken to by adults. Both my boys are shy, quiet young adults too who would rather sit and read or listen to their MP3 players than listen to a group of adults waffling on at the table and that's fine by me as long as they are well behaved. When I was a child, we didn't have electronic games or music players and I was expected to be part of the group. I didn't particularly enjoy the experience and most of the time was bored to tears so I won't make my children do that if they don't want to. I don't see the harm in letting children have some kind of entertainment which they can enjoy quietly, be it reading or playing a game, as long as they aren't bored or desperately trying to make themselves the centre of attention. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Busybird Posted October 24, 2009 Author Share Posted October 24, 2009 Some interesting and conflicting views on here. My kids have been brought up the best way I know how. They are bright and articulate, know about good manners but don't always show it. We do not often eat out in restaurants due to cost so they have little experience of it and find the waiting tedious. We always eat together at the table as a family at home. They had to choose their food for this 'family' outing today (needed in advance which will, hopefully, speed things up on the night) and the kids referred to it as 'this awful meal out'. I know that this is my fault for not being positive. They asked if they could bring a book each which I will allow so long as it isn't read while eating . I think that they will look just as rude sitting reading a book as playing a nintendo thing. I agree that, at their age, they should be able to sit through a meal and join in conversation when appropriate. Sometimes, however, it just doesn't work out that way. From previous experience FIL will tease DS1 and then complain about his (bad) manners when he reacts (and I have spoken to DS1 about this but he is not easy to persuade to be quiet when he feels insulted). If we were at home I could send him to his room. Can't do that in a restaurant. DS2 will get bored and fidgety but I can then give him something to do. DD will be fine. OH had one of his 'you have to do this' moments when we were talking about the meal today. I tried to tell him how I was feeling but he just cannot understand. I felt so stressed I went upstairs to calm myself down, burst into tears and was sick. It has all just got to me so badly. I'm okay now and will try, again, to put it out of my head. I can't make my kids be perfect and I can't get out of this meal. I just hope that I can get through it without having a huge bust up with OH . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
