Part 0800.0005

[tooties]

You know how on this forum we can ask anything and know we get honest answers??

 

I'm about to move house in less than 2 wks and the house we are moving into is a reposession and in a terrible state. We won't have a working kitchen, don't know if central heating works etc till we move in. So we will have a lot on our hands.

 

But I keep thinking about my beloved cat who died about 2 yrs ago and is buried in our garden. She was the light of my life and I still cry when I think about her - she was really special. She was with me all through my adult life, and throughout my 19yr relationship with my partner.

 

I keep having this urge to dig her up and take her with us. God only knows what my partner would think of this idea as she loved her dearly too, although she was my baby. She was buried wrapped in a towel and I haved no idea how her body would be now. I know this is probably really weird, but she was so important to me, I'm not sure how I'll be at leaving her behind.

 

We never planned to stay in this house forever, but at the time I felt strongly that she should be buried, not cremated. We bought a stone lantern that we put on top of her grave you can put little tea lights in - I've lit one for her every now and again. The idea was that part of her became associated with the lantern and we could take this with us when we got round to moving house eventually. I suppose I feel its too soon to leave her behind.

 

She is buried in a part of the garden where she used to sit and loved to be. I read an article once about a woman whose cat died and she didn't feel ready to bury her for 6 mths so she put her in the freezer in a flower filled shroud. I kind of wish I'd done that now, at least I could have taken her with us. Or should I try to think that she should remain where she knew and was happy? TBH, we moved house so many times, the only thing that meant home to her was having us there.

 

So, is this feeling really weird? Should I discuss it with my partner? Should I somehow take her body with us, but not tell my partner? Its going to be hard enough moving in without trying to surrupticiously transport and bury a dead cat on the quiet! But I am tempted.... please let me know what you think, I've realised you lot are the only ones I can ask!!

x

[Joojoo]

Hi

 

I can totally understand why you feel what you do about leaving your beautiful cat behind. It would never be an option for me now if I did ever decide to move, as Charlie has been buried for far too long but... and it's only an idea - before you speak to your partner, why don't you sound out a local vet and ask them if it's possible after 2 years? If you are worried that they are going to judge you, just ring a different practice. They don't need to know who you are, to be able to answer your question. Granted it isn't a common question but I would imagine it has been asked before. I would definitely check with a vets first though as the last thing you need is to go through more trauma if you do try to dig her up and find you can't

 

Having the stone lantern sort of attributed to her grave is also nice in that you could take that with you as a reminder, but I DO totally understand where you're coming from with wanting to take your cat with you and not just a memorial. So if you do feel mad - you're not alone

 

I hope that whatever happens, you can find the right answer for you.

 

x

[ChickenTracey]

Hi there,

 

I moved house 7 months ago and had to leave behind 2 of my beloved cats buried in the garden. I dont think i could have dug them up..after all that is their resting place now and where they loved to sit when they were with us. Also, i think digging them up and seeing the state they are in...and you have to be honest with yourself here it wont be pleasant...would be very very distressing and i worried it would ruin my last memory of them...playing and being them.

 

I was sad to leave them behind but i told myself that all that is there is their bones and not them. They were now up in kitty heaven playing with all the other kitties......so i brought the rose bush i planted in their name with me.

 

You could bring the lantern with you and have a special place in your new garden...and you can still light the candles and think of her. You will always have the memories and pictures of her...no amount of moving will take that away.

 

You have to do what will make you feel happy. Whatever you decide you are not mad!!

 

Hugs

[Seagazer]

I think I would probably feel the same as you as my beloved dog Sally was cremated and we buried her ashes in the garden, along with Molly the cat.

 

My YS still has his rabbit AJ's ashes (about 18 months now) on his windowsill as we talk every now and again about moving and he doesn't want to bury them and then us to move.

 

I think it would be quite upsetting to dig up your cat, I would probably go for taking the lantern with you to the new house and perhaps putting a new plant next to it in memory of your cat.

 

I would be upset to leave my pets but I know that they loved this garden and to me its where they will stay.

[Old Speckled Hen]

So sorry you are in this dilemma and I know exactly how you feel.

I can tell you that what you will find is her bones but maybe not all of them and there may be remains of the towel.

If you leave her there she will, in time, become part of the fabric of the garden and she will be part of the creatures that live and die in it gradually being diluted till she is but a homeopathic remnant. That seems to me a better thing to be especially as you say she loved to sit there. In a way, she will sit there forever.

Take your lantern and your memories and leave her in her garden.

Edited January 26, 2010 by Guest

[Egluntyne]

I agree with OSH.

 

You may find that if you dig her up that you will find the experience very distressing, and it will get in the way of your happy memories of her.

[Cooks]

I was in your position when I moved to this house. I had buried my childhood dog in my previous house garden and struggled with the idea of 'leaving her' but after speaking to a few people I realised I wasn't leaving her, she would always be with me where she was safe and could never be harmed, leaving her where she was laid to rest but taking away all memories and love for her with me.

 

Then moving to this house I lost my first dog hubby and I got together and she is buried here, but shes with me also, they are with us constantly

[chickenanne]

Without wanting to belittle your love for the cat in any way, are you sure that some element of your feelings aren't related to leaving your old home, which I'm guessing is comfortable and has many memories for you, and moving somewhere new (which needs a lot of work)?

 

Either way, I would definitely not exhume the cat: after 2 years you are likely to find it very distressing.

[Griffin]

I felt that way about leaving my cat Phoebe behind when we moved house. She'd died aged 13 months after being hit by a car and was buried under a rose bush in the garden. I too thought of digging her up to take her with me, my dad even offered to do it because he knew how I felt but in the end I asked him just to dig up her rose bush and I took that with me.

[chick wiggle]

I almost wish I hadnt read this post, I can barely see the screen through my tears I feel for you so much and so many of us have been in the same situation. We have had to leave loved pets behind and it is heartbreaking. However, your memories of your beautiful cat will remain with you forever, and hopefully knowing that she is in a place she loved and was happy will help you too.

Move house, be happy and know that your lovely pet was happy too, and is now resting peacefully in a place she loved.

[The Dogmother]

I agree with OSH.

 

You may find that if you dig her up that you will find the experience very distressing, and it will get in the way of your happy memories of her.

 

Same here, a few of our animals are buried in the garden. I'd prefer to take my memories of them though.

[Cinnamon]

I truly believe that as your cat lived in your garden,that is where she will be happiest at reast.

 

Moving her would be a huge trauma for you & your husband & I think that you need to take your memories of her,playing in that garden with you.

 

Do you have another cat now?

Is it a possibility that a new home for you would benefit from a new cat for you to love?

 

How about filling a small flower pot with some of the soil above where she is buried & taking it with you to plant something in later on?

Catnip,maybe?

[C&T]

Your current house and garden is what your cat knew and loved, and that was her home.

 

Let her rest in peace in the garden that she new a loved, rather than taking her somewhere new. Digging her up is likely to be very distressing.

 

I would also echo someone elses comments, and are you sure that you aren't nervous etc about moving, and focusing these nerves/concerns on your cat?

 

I think you should talk to your partner. Talk through your feelings. Take your lantern and all the photo's I am sure you have to your new home, and look forward to a new chapter in your life.

[tooties]

Thankyou everyone for your really thoughtful replies - I've been really touched by some of the things said.

 

I will talk to my partner about this, but I'm sure she will want to leave her buried here (which if I'm honest, is why I haven't mentioned it to her yet!).

 

I did get a new cat after Cuddles died, and he is special, but she was irreplaceable. I spent a lot of time caring for her in her old age as she had arthritis and an overactive thyroid and I think that strengthened the bond over her last yrs.

 

I know moving will be tough due to the house needing so much work, but its a positive move and definitely a step in the right direction. I don't think thats affecting how I feel about leaving Cuddles behind. I just loved her much more than I ever thought possible.

 

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest and into perspective a little bit. I'm definitely taking the lantern, that was always the plan, but taking some of the soil is a good idea, if she is part of that now, then I will be taking her with me.

 

Thank you all so much, you have really helped me since I woke up in a panic last night x

[Cinnamon]

How about filling a small flower pot with some of the soil above where she is buried & taking it with you to plant something in later on?

Catnip,maybe?

 

 

Forget me Nots would be a nice idea

[Snowy]

I had a similar experience with my Mother - OK you are thinking we are talking pets here not parents But I think it's the idea of somehow leaving them behind isn't it? When my Mum died, we always knew she would like us to scatter her ashes in a forest in Scotland. Unfortunately it was a couple of years before we were able to make the trip as a family so for those years she had an urn on the piano

When we finally got round to scattering her, the next few days were awful, I had this weird sense that we were abandonning her in a place where we would never get chance to visit again Very very strange feeling, and not one I was prepared for. It did go though, and I know she is where she wanted to be. After all, it is no different than leaving her in a cemetary somewhere.

 

I like the idea of digging up some soil from the grave site and using it to plant some flowers.

[Old Speckled Hen]

When I first qualified somebody brought in a battered, unconscious two or three day old kitten that they had found in their garden. Well, he was hand reared and lived for 18 years even though he was quite ESN. He used to travel everywhere with me sitting on the back of the seat behind my head in my old Mini. I was besotted with him and he with me. I had him cremated and popped him in a a container where I planted a Camelia. This flowers on his anniversary and I take him with me every time I move. I still miss him

[Chucky Mama]

after speaking to a few people I realised I wasn't leaving her, she would always be with me where she was safe and could never be harmed, leaving her where she was laid to rest but taking away all memories and love for her with me.

 

I agree, what is in your garden is not really your cat anymore, your cat is now beyond the physical. Taking soil and the lanterns and keeping yur precious memories without disturbing the body I think is a lovely idea.

[chickencam]

This is always difficult, I wish you luck with whatever you decide to do.

 

We buried our old cat Toffee under one of the paths at our allotment. We hope that being an old established site surrounded by houses that it will never be built on and that she will remain there undisturbed. My OH talks to her whenever he is there and we take her little flowers in the summer. Our previous cat we had to leave behind in the garden when we left only a few months after she died, it is hard but her real place is in your heart.

 

I love your idea OSH about the cremation then putting the ashes in a pot and planting something special in there too. I will consider this in the future. I have just rooted some cutting of a fuschia that almost got destroyed in one of Toffee's last stands with her nemesis down the road, which I intend to keep.

 

I would take with you the lantern and your happy memories.

[bluekarin]

When I first qualified somebody brought in a battered, unconscious two or three day old kitten that they had found in their garden. Well, he was hand reared and lived for 18 years even though he was quite ESN. He used to travel everywhere with me sitting on the back of the seat behind my head in my old Mini. I was besotted with him and he with me. I had him cremated and popped him in a a container where I planted a Camelia. This flowers on his anniversary and I take him with me every time I move. I still miss him

 

awww thats lovely! Quick question - whats ESN?

 

 

I agree with everyone else has said. Your cat knew your garden where she's been buried and to move her would be very distressing for you and your partner. Remember her how she was when she was alive, take the lantern with you, and some of the soil and plant something that may flower on her anniversary for you to remember her by (like OSH did).

[Redwing]

after speaking to a few people I realised I wasn't leaving her, she would always be with me where she was safe and could never be harmed, leaving her where she was laid to rest but taking away all memories and love for her with me.

 

I agree, what is in your garden is not really your cat anymore, your cat is now beyond the physical. Taking soil and the lanterns and keeping yur precious memories without disturbing the body I think is a lovely idea.

 

I agree with this too

 

A member of my family lost a cat and had them sealed in a special metal box that could be dug up and taken from home to home to be re-buried (and indeed was ) I personally dont think this is a good idea though after all they enjoyed the garden where you laid them to rest so should stay there

[Sunshine]

When our two previous dogs have died we have had them both cremated and sprinkled their ashes up on the hills near my house. They have both been sprinkled in the same place along with my auntie's dog's ashes. So everytime we go on this particular walk we remember them. Its really strange as everytime our present dog goes up there she goes crazy in the field, our last dog did the same. Very strange, its obviously a good field for running in which is why we chose it.

 

I definanely think the lantern and planting some flowers/a plant is the most suitable option. It is hard though. A new pet can never take away the memories of any pet you have owned.

[Alis girls]

Just remember no one can take your memories - they are yours. Take the lantern, I think digging her up would be distressing so leave her at rest - shes with you in spirit. The memories will be with you forever.

[Old Speckled Hen]

awww thats lovely! Quick question - whats ESN?

 

 

.

probably completely unPC

Educationally SubNormal, dim, clumsy

[bluekarin]

awww thats lovely! Quick question - whats ESN?

 

 

.

probably completely unPC

Educationally SubNormal, dim, clumsy

 

ahh I see now! I thought I was having a, errr, blonde moment (I was once blonde so I am allowed to say that )