Helly Welly Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 My 10 year old DD has always been a bit untidy. Her room looks like a skip has been emptied into it. However, it's not just her room. Her handwriting, which has never been fabulous, is getting worse and worse and her general appearnce tends towards scruffy too. Her hair gets brushed once a day, though not always properly, i still have to check her teeth and shove her towards the shower/bath. She comes home from school covered in pen, holes in her leggings, even holes in her bags. I couldn't actually open the door of her room today and yet she has certain areas of her room which she's supposed to tidy every day. She admitted to me that she hadn't done any of her tidying this week because she didn't like it We've tried threatening her, removing privileges, praising her, rewarding her, nothing seems to work. I know kids rooms get messy but she really doesn't care. I've tried to explain that as she gets older, her appearance really does matter and that if her schoolwork is messy then she'll be marked down but she doesn't care. I'm praying that she was neat for her SATS this week but it is a concern. She's a top level pupil but this general disregard for appearance is going to cause problems soon. What can i do? If it was just her room i wouldn't be a bothered but as every aspect of her life seems messy at the moment i want to help her fix it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rachelk Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 My daughter is exactly the same. She is the most disorganised and untidy person. She too went through a phase of refusing to wash hair, and clean teeth at about the same age. When she got to secondary school and discovered boys (she is 13 now) we noticed that at least she washes and cleans her teeth properly! However, her room is a constant battle. I have given up going in there if I can help it. I tidy it and clean every six weeks or so but that takes me all day. Its generally untidy again by the evening despite promises to keep it nice this time. I have tried bribery, withdrawal of treats and pocket money, and noting seems to work. She will tidy if she has someone coming to stay, but other than that its horrid! On one occasion we went away overnight and on returning I went to her room to open the curtains which had been shut all weekend. When I got there I realised that she had fed the new hamster, and left its cage open. The room looked as if a bomb had gone off, and we had to search through it to find the blimming creature!! I did a lot of shouting that night (hamster was found safe and well down side of wardrobe) I have reluctantly come to the conclusion that as long as the door stays shut and it doesn't spread to the rest of the house, that it is simpler to ignore it. When she has lost something important, its her responsibility to find it, and its tough luck if its in her room! Life is too short to spend battling about something that we may never change!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helly Welly Posted May 14, 2010 Author Share Posted May 14, 2010 Thanks Rachel, it's nice to know i'm not the only one. I have been trying to ignore it lately but i find it a bit upsetting when things which should be precious to her, such as presents or irreplacable items, are strewn across the floor or worse broken. Or i've slaved over the ironing board to find her school shirts thrown on the floor after she's assured me she's hung them up. I'm also concerned from a hygiene point of view. The room hasn't been hoovered in about two months and she has a hamster too. Dirty washing is mixed in with clean washing (including undies. She hasn't discovered boys, thank goodness, but she has discovered make-up and jewellery. So now, she uses make-up to disguise her untidy appearance and leaves her jewellery on the floor ready to be trod on. She trod on a dalek in bare feet and badly stabbed her foot. I explained, nicely, that this was a good example of why the room should be a bit tidier. She agreed but, needless to say, nothing got better. I'm not an overly tidy person myself, my house is far from show home material, but at least it's clean. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shirl Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 My son is like this and he's 23. The handwriting I put down to the brain going faster than the hand and yes they lose marks in exams because of it. His bedroom is still a pigsty but he doesn't live at home anymore. He too has little personal hygiene. Girls don't go near him because of it, I'm sure. There have been times I have actually told him to shower because he stinks but he just doesn't get it. If there's something I should have done please let me know. I feel I have missed the boat with my son though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickenNutter Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 This is an interesting one - My son started off as a toddler being obsessive about tidyness and his clothes etc, and I was worried he had obsessive compulsive disorder. He is now 16, and averagely untidy, but hygienic on the whole, and his room is what you would expect of the average 16 year old. My daughter on the other hand was very messy as a younger child, and her room was always shocking, but ever since we renovated our previously flatted house and let her choose how her bedroom was going to be decorated, she became obsessively tidy and proud about her 'new' bedroom. I think had we not been renovating and had she been in her old tatty room, she possibly may not have changed. Is there a chance you could offer a lick of paint and a 'makeover' (can be done quite cheaply if you are clever) on the promise that you will only do this if she promises to keep it nice? I think general grubbiness/untidiness is something all adolescents seem to go through at some point. My daughter went through the not washing/teeth cleaning phase for a while, but now has a 'regime' and loves a pampering session. I wouldn't worry unduly for a while, just gently encourage/remind about general cleanliness, and see how it goes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 ... I have been trying to ignore it lately but i find it a bit upsetting when things which should be precious to her, such as presents or irreplacable items, are strewn across the floor or worse broken. Or i've slaved over the ironing board to find her school shirts thrown on the floor after she's assured me she's hung them up..... I'm not an overly tidy person myself, my house is far from show home material, but at least it's clean. This rings a bell with me Helly - Rosie was very tidy as a child, but now she's 12 it has all gone downhill. I have got fed up with the mess, and clean clothes strewn over the floor etc. She's away on guide camp this weekend, so I am attacking it with a bin bag and shovel.... I may be some time! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geoid Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 Act on your threats, my sister was messy (still is to some extent, but better now) my mum said if she didn't clean up all the stuff on the floor would go in the bin, she didn't clear up, stuff went in the bin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 Oh, I've bagged and binned before Fred, she doesn't seem too bothered. I think that it has now got to the state where it is so bad that she doesn't know how to deal with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helly Welly Posted May 14, 2010 Author Share Posted May 14, 2010 Oh, I've bagged and binned before Fred, she doesn't seem too bothered. I think that it has now got to the state where it is so bad that she doesn't know how to deal with it. I've carried out my threats before as well, didn't make any difference other than making her hate me. I've got her tidying it step-by-step, literally. She takes one step inside the room, tidies what she can reach, then takes another step, tidies etc. She's got most of her floor done today. I did have a good talk with her about why she should be tidier and cleaner and why it made me upset. It seemed to work but then again, i've done it before. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chucky Mama Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 All of my 3 went through or are going through the stages of messy rooms YS however is also prone to not cleaning teeth and has had to be told about the whole personal hygeine bit. Re the teeth - get some disclosing tablets and when you know she hasn't done them get her to chew one and look in the mirror. If YS is found not to clean his teeth he gets a total sweet & sweet drinks (only have at weekends anyway) ban for a week for each day that he doesn't clean his teeth. He went for 1 month over Easter without sweets Re bathing he now has to have a shower before bed every evening and put deodorant on - not comprimise. We were in a supermarket a couple of months ago and walked past someone with awful BO, I have told him that that is how he smells when he doesn't put deodorant on and bathe, he was horrified. I tend to ask for bedrooms to be tidied just before something is going to be on TV and tell everyone that rooms have to be tidy before watching. Every 2 weeks they have to be done properly, anything not picked up and tidy gets plonked on their bed in a pile and they have to put it away. It is a pretty constant battle but they do get better...and then worse...and then better..and then..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janepie33 Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 This all sounds quite familiar! DD (nearly 18) is also quite messy. Often, I can't walk across her bedroom floor to get to the central heating controls or open a window. Her belongings creep downstairs and cover any surface they come across and she always runs out of clothes because she doesn't bother to put the dirty ones into the laundry basket. It used to drive me mad and we had so many rows about it. I'd tell her to tidy her room, she wouldn't. I'd offer to help her tidy. No joy there either. I tried closing the door on it all too, but that didn't help. I used to tell her how upset it made me and she just laughed and said that it didn't bother her. One day I got so fed up with it, I tidied her room myself. I actually quite enjoyed it, putting things into order and finding lost things (my hairbrush and make up for example!). When she got home from college, she was so grateful and gave me a huge hug and promised to keep it tidy. . That lasted a couple of weeks and the mess started to creep back. Now we've slipped into a sort of pattern and I tidy her room when I can't stand it any longer. She is off to university in September and I won't be popping down to tidy her room then! As for the hygiene aspect, peer pressure and the opposite sex will sort that out eventually! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Couperwife Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 im not tidy when i was younger I used to get the "do you want me to tidy your room?" threat from my mum this usually consisted of everything tipped onto the floor - (on top of the duvet/quilt) and left. at that point i usually sorted everything out and put it all away neat and tidy until the next time you could try something like flylady and see if that helps - you know the 15 minute timer thing - you never know cathy x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeckyBoo Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 Oh Helly Welly, I feel for you, I really do. My eldest DD is 9 and she has NEVER EVER kept her room tidy. Unfortunately it drives me to distraction and sometimes causes rows. But nothing works. I'm not an obsessively tidy person, don't have the time, but I do like things tidy downstairs before I sit down for the evening or I can't relax. She likes her room tidy when I do it but after slaving, like you, for hours and getting everything nice, and a place for al lher precious stuff, within a few hours it's all chaos - and I daren't even go under her bed. I just insist that dirty washing appears in the washing bin (I still find socks and knickers lurking under the bed tho ) and that there is a path to her bed so I can say goodnight and so she can make it to the loo in the night if she needs without causing herself an injury. I only console myself with knowing I was like it at her age, and until I was about 16 and used to HATE it when my Nan came to stay and tidied my room thinking she was doing me a favour!! One day, all this will be 20 years ago..... BeckyBoo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluekarin Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 OMG! Do you have my 10 year old daughter living with you? The messing room, the messy writing, the saying she's hung up/put clean and folded clothes away (and not really stuffed them under her bed/in a box/anywhere BUT the drawer ) We have now told her, if she leaves clothes on the floor or doesn't put them away properly, they'll be no mention of it, they will just be put in a bag and sent off to the charity shop for someone who needs them. She was a bit tearful over this, but hopfully it will work I too have spent days just tidying everything up properly, putting it all away in the correct place, for her to promise she'll keep it nice and within a few days, back to the pig sty I'm not the tidiest person in the world, but I am trying very hard myself to keep the house nice and hopefully it will be inspiration to her to keep her room nice. Won't hold my breath I tell all my three to keep a path clear so if there is a fire, at least they can get out without breaking their necks falling over toys. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jlo Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 Same here . I have been my own worst enemy because I would tidy the bombsite (and like someone else has said, it was quite satisfying) and threaten that this would be the last ever time. Then the stage would come when I couldn't stand it. I would say that we would do it together. DD would help for a while and then would get distracted. I would finish off. I haven't tidied it for about a year now and she does seem to be getting better and will now actually admit that she does prefer it tidy. Previously she had complained that she actually liked her messy room better than a tidy one! (She is just 13 for comparison's sake!) I am not particularly tidy but I can only stand so much. DDs idea of tidying up her clothes was picking them all up, clean or dirty and putting them in the linen basket. She would then complain that she had the biggest pile of washing to put away That has stopped as I refuse to wash anything that has only had one wear (exept for undies or anything that has had something major happen to it!) and will just put it back on her bed to be put away. I loved Ben on Outnumbered last week:- When mum had cleaned his room prior to potential house buyers coming round, he complained that he didn't like his room as there was, "too much floor!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helly Welly Posted May 14, 2010 Author Share Posted May 14, 2010 I must say, i'm in shock that so many other kids are like this, i genuinely thought that DD must be the worst. No offence but your children's mess has made me very happy!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lewis Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 My room's not too bad at the moment though actually Sometimes I can't see the floor, but then when someones coming over or something, I'll tidy + vacuum I hate it when mother 'tidies' my room - everything gets lost Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chickvic Posted May 15, 2010 Share Posted May 15, 2010 My DD is just the same, messy room and messy writing. I am not particularly tidy but it has to be reasonable she wants a friend for a sleepover so I've told her she has to have it all tidy tomorrow or it won't happen funnily enough she's really keen. It won't last though! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted May 15, 2010 Share Posted May 15, 2010 I am afraid that I resort to bribery & threats If she doesn't clean her room,then she doesn't get to go out shopping/visiting the boyfriend/hanging out with mates. We are very rural,so she needs me to take her anywhere....it works for us! Also I expect a decent level of tidyness in exchange for pocket money.....so that gets witheld too. Tough Mum here,but needs must I am afraid Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seagazer Posted May 15, 2010 Share Posted May 15, 2010 I don't clean up my older kids rooms (22 and 19) mainly because my DD keeps lots of things that are precious to her and they might be things like ticket stubs so I would be a bad mum for throwing those away. I hoover and dust (usually just before she comes back from uni) and in my son's room I don't think my tetanus would cover me for any possible infections I could pick up in there He actually told me off for cleaning up in there. I do hoover whatever bit of floor I can find. I do despair at times though. YS's room I do clean up every now and then. He has a lot of things in his room, overflowing book case, tortoise, fish tank and full size drum kit so its quite hard for him to find places to put things away. He recently got told off by the orthodontist for the state of his teeth (in his defence he has not eaten or drunk anything different from the other two and they have really good teeth) and now he takes extra special care of his hygiene. The other two are very clean, often having two showers a day (although ES does have a manual job that often involves dusty places so that accounts for him). I think its pretty normal and I bet we'll all miss the mess when they leave home - or not Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debbier Posted May 15, 2010 Share Posted May 15, 2010 I'm going to take some pics of my daughter's room. I can't honestly believe anyone is more untidy than she is. edit: just snapped these two, from the door. It might make some of you feel better?! I blame the parents... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debbier Posted May 15, 2010 Share Posted May 15, 2010 On one occasion we went away overnight and on returning I went to her room to open the curtains which had been shut all weekend. When I got there I realised that she had fed the new hamster, and left its cage open. The room looked as if a bomb had gone off, and we had to search through it to find the blimming creature!! I did a lot of shouting that night (hamster was found safe and well down side of wardrobe) My daughter used to have gerbils, and she used to let them out "for a run". Her ethernet cable was chewed through, which stopped her pc from connecting to the internet (shame, eh: I didn't rush to sort that one out). I'm trying to ignore it, but every now and then I crack. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seagazer Posted May 16, 2010 Share Posted May 16, 2010 Debbier - that's what my DD's bedroom used to look like(when she was about 12) - you couldn't see the floor for the clothes. Somehow ES seems to have piles of stuff, clothes, rubbish, dvds, most of my plates etc from the kitchen. I just think its easier for him to walk around piles of stuff Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunty e Posted May 16, 2010 Share Posted May 16, 2010 Oh good, something to look forward to I have had several lodgers like this - I eventually gave up on the nicey nicey approach to their stuff lying around the house and took to bagging it and putting it in their room. With one of them, after six weeks of her sleeping in a sleeping bag because she couldn't be bothered to make her bed, I went in and made it and tidied her room a bit so she could get to bed. Actually, she was really grateful although as I think I threw away her ipod once when cleaning up the hundreds of plastic bags with one or two things in the that she used to dump around the house (schoolbooks, rubbish, clothes, shoes, an ipod. sigh), she may have learnt her lesson that way. One of them had the not showering enough issue too, but that was cured by the advent of a new boyfriend! Phew. Anyway all but one of them became incredibly house proud when they eventually left us and got their own places. I like to think it was because they realised that the housework fairies don't magically clean after them. I think it was more likely that they just decided that they liked things cleaner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debbier Posted May 16, 2010 Share Posted May 16, 2010 My room's not too bad at the moment though actually Sometimes I can't see the floor, but then when someones coming over or something, I'll tidy + vacuum I hate it when mother 'tidies' my room - everything gets lost Hi Lewis, That's the biggest threat I can give my daughter: tidying it up for her. I have done in the past, but, honestly, she's 15 now, and I have other priorities (like a job!). It's her bedroom, so up to her what she lives like, I suppose. It's hard to ignore though Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
