Chicken boarders

[Tiggy]

I seem to do this a lot on here recently but its stops me blowing a gasket in the real world so here goes -

Im led to believe that your mother is supposed to love you, be a source of support and comfort, a shoulder to cry on and be there for advice & generally be in your corner. I wish

 

For as long as I can remember my mother has played one sister off against another - there are 4 of us- and over the years this has led for arguments resentment & even fisty cuffs, no really she has set one sister against another & real fights. 4 years ago she decided that because her old car was off to the s"Ooops, word censored!" yard that I could afford to buy her a new one, i have over the years paid bills for her when money was tight, but a new car was out of the question. So she sulked like a child, then I had a call from one of my sisters who was very worried, mother had been to her house & accused me of hitting her & tried to get my sister to beat me up, and for the first time ever was told that 'No I dont believe you!!!' Mother then demonstrated what I was supposed to have done by hitting my sister several times as hard as she could she stamped out of the house shouting ' if Anne turns up grizling here you know what she got it for, I'll punch her in the face next time I see her"

 

The next time my mother was due to visit my sister I made sure I was there, she refused to speak to me but certainly didn't accuse me or attack me or confront me in any way. After that I just kept away.

 

then 18 months ago I got an email, Id found moms brother, they had been separated as children & now his daughter had found me, my new cousin & I got on right from the start but of course I then had to contact my Mother. The text messages & voice messages started all over again, nasty threats, drunk abusive. I ended up seeing my GP & put on anti depressents, changed my phone numbers. Luckily my sisters all joined forces and for the first time ever Mother realised that she couldnt do this any more, & suddenly began to behave as if she were the injured party, it was amazing!!!

 

My youngest sister was 40 last week & had a barbie at her house, lots of old school friends 2 sisters and step Dad (how he's lived with her for 30 years I dont know) my Dad made his excuses & kept away.

 

Mother cut me & my hubby dead, I couldnt help it, had 2 glassess of wine & plonked myself right next to her, how anoying am I Her face was a picture, well I stayed for a couple of hours & went home, Id had a lovely time & and she couldn't spoil it. Hubby was very proud of me, my sisters were too and we may just get together more often, Mother is 70 this year Idont suppose she will ever change, Im sure she has some sort of mental problem but its taken me a long time to come to terms with it & realise its not my fault

 

there, rant over

[WarrensWorld]

Good for you . A lot of nonsense is talked about 'A Mothers unconditional love'. That's probably why I have'nt seen my mother for 34 years..........

[The Dogmother]

I'm sorry to hear that Tiggy, at least you gave it your best.

 

It sounds as if she does have mental problems.

 

My ex-MIL was very similar, drunken ranting etc, the Ex now no longer sees his family as it's not worth the hassle.

[furball]

Just want to send you hugs.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Im led to believe that your mother is supposed to love you, be a source of support and comfort, a shoulder to cry on and be there for advice & generally be in your corner. I wish

 

Don't you believe it . I hadn't seen my mum for over a year but was trying to mend the relationship - with some success - until she started saying I'd stolen things from her house and then talked about killing me . I'm staying away now (and she's getting help, long overdue ).

 

A good rant and writing it all down is very cathartic - I hope it helps . (You also realise that you're not alone having a "difficult" parent .)

[Seagazer]

No wonder you needed to sound off! Well done for coping with it all, sounds a nightmare.

[Charlottechicken]

Blimey

 

Thank goodness you vented your spleen, heaven knows what sort of damage all that could've done bottled up

 

Have a ((((hug)))) from me too!

[patsylabrador]

You can virtually share my old Mum if you like. She's always had far more love to dole out than she needs. You can have a sort of shadow Mum when you feel fed up. Consider it as a done job and that you have good vibes from her now!

[Chucky Mama]

its taken me a long time to come to terms with it & realise its not my fault

 

This is really important to remember Tiggy. You didn't choose your mum and to remain sane you need to remember that it is not your fault

[Tiggy]

Blimey

 

Thank goodness you vented your spleen, heaven knows what sort of damage all that could've done bottled up

 

Have a ((((hug)))) from me too!

 

thankyou, you're all so helpful here. my sisters & I have been struggling with this situation for years (all our lives) and no matter how you try to rationalise it, these things are difficult to deal with. the passing of the years & hopefully confidence gained with time seems to have dulled the pain my mother is able to inflict. Her own childhood was traumatic and terrible & has been used as an excuse for her bad behaviour for as long as I can remember. Im sure a time must come when you cant continue to blame your childhood experiances for your adult behaviour. Hopefully I can now move on & my sisters do too, Im lucky to have a good job/education/family & friends in spite of everything. As a youngster I was just too stuborn to give in, now as a mature lady Im glad I was so stuborn, it helped me survive and gave me the means to escape from a social situation that may have trapped many - as it did with my sisters for many years. Two of them are now working in social care & use their own past experiances in a positive way to help others - stuborn too must be a family trait

[Lesley]

What a good job you are!! - well done on the way you handled it all. I hope you and your sisters can stand firm and provide a united front that nothing she does can damage.

[Plum]

You've opened my eyes to human nature today and I am full of admiration for how you have coped and not followed her example. Well done Tiggy, that sort of situation is beyond my experience and just want to send you a big hug.

[Looney]

So sorry you've had to deal with such a horrible situation Tiggy I can't add much more to what others have said so sending you lots of hugs xxx

[Tiggy]

got back from holiday on sunday to a message from my Dad, Mom had been on the phone to him having a good rant about how he & I & my sisters are all in a conspiracy against her he said he just took his hearing aid out & let her ramble on good man

[batcatz]

Hi, Tiggy. You did good! Well done for standing up to her and showing she can't get to you anymore. She probably does have a mental problem as that is not how a loving mother acts. It's best not to let it get to you and just get on with your own life. It does make you stronger. Perhaps she is jealous of you?

Big hugs! x

[A chickychickychick-ENN!!]

Some people never get over abuses in their childhood and they will never find the self-awareness to tackle the demons and start behaving well to those they should love in their present. Sounds horrific. Glad you've found some strength and solidarity between your siblings and can stand up for yourself. That takes such guts and effort.