3.6m Omlet Chicken Run for sale, Brand New in Boxes, Milton Keynes (MK19)

[AJuff]

Went to visit my brother yesterday to find him covered in blood and incoherent. Dropped bags and administered first aid in front of my three shocked kids. Discovered large gash on face with skin hanging off very nasty. He had failed to take his medication and denied he'd had drink. It was only when he couldn't put on his shoes I smelled the alcohol! His wife and family had left him following a row about driving the car home drunk (he has a previous DD record) so that's why he was alone. Fortunately my sister arrived to give me a hand into the car and direct me to A&E as I live 1.30 hrs away and didn't know. His wife returned after I rang her so she looked after my kids whilst I went to hospital. He had stitches in and was told he'd damaged a facial nerve. I brought him home to his wife and her sister who hurled abuse at him infront of my kids! It was awful. I bought donner for everyone so they could eat and calm down.

 

I left exhausted and today I have been inundated with calls from various members of my family with their spin on things. I've stopped answering as if his wife wants to divorce him after years of alcohol abuse she has a right to! Life is too short. I am at present wondering why I keep in touch with my siblings as they give me nothing but grief! OH tells me to sleep on it! Sorry for the rant! Alcohol is a terrible thing!

[Willow]

Gosh that sounds horrendous - especially if front of your children. It is a very good thing you were there.

 

Your brothers wife and children must be at the end of their tether so although the hurling abuse not helpful in the circumstances I can understand their point of view. Does your brother acknowledge he has a problem ?

 

Your OH is right - don't do anything hasty re siblings.

 

Hugs you need them

[Goosey Lucy]

Big(((hugs)))

 

Sorry to hear your troubles, I've also been in a similar position. I have no advice other than give yourself time and space to do what you think is right. I agree with your OH about sleeping on it and taking the phone off the hook.

 

There are lots of us here to give you support, feel free to rant when you need to x

[LuckyChickenLover-]

How terrible! I completely understand your need to rant . I hope you feel better soon. ((((Hugs))))

[Eggasperated]

My ex was an alcoholic, I lived through 10 years of it but he never admitted it, telling me I was going mad and mentally ill (which I now understand is par for the course). He developed fits, brain damage and liver damage but still insisted it wasn't him that had a problem. Eventually I left him but he continued to hound me and turned one of my daughters against me for several years. I would never wish anyone to go through what I went through and I still feel horrified when I think about the terrible things my daughters saw as tiny children.

He died of liver failure nearly two years ago and I remarried three years ago but I still feel as if I can never be free of him as my confidence was destroyed for so long through all the verbal abuse I suffered. Also none of his family believed me about his drinking.

I feel that anyone in that situation needs as much support as possible and in hind sight I wish I'd gone to some professional groups to get help (the closest I came to that was locking a very unsympathetic doctor in the house until he got my 'fitting' husband in to hospital).

I do think that children shouldn't be involved in this if possible. Has anyone spoken to al-anon (the support group for relatives of alcoholics)?

 

I hope this hasn't turned into too much of a rant but reading your post brought back a lot of memories. I can really understand why his wife wants to divorce him but of course the problem with your brother will still be there -and yes alcohol is a terrible thing.

[Snowy]

What an awful situation! Alcohol is a terrible thing when someone can't acknowledge that they have a problem, and sadly there is very little you can do to help other than be there to pick up the pieces. Al-anon is a wonderful group that supports families of alcoholics - will help to reassure you that you are doing all you can

Worth sitting down with your children though and seeing if they have any questions and answering them honestly.

(((hugs))) xx

[AJuff]

Thank you all for responding. I had a long chat to the children on the way home about the situation. They have all been very understanding DD2 (7) says she won't repeat the language she heard because it's wrong, DD1 understands how alcohol can wreck lives and has offered to support her cousins more, DS unmoved by the expereince!

 

My brother is not facing to up to his problem at all, as far as he's concerned he can control his drinking. I have another sister who is alcohol dependant and has at least sought help with her drink problem. Until he faces up to it I don't think anyone can help him. He will not speak to his wife about it at all, he has lost all his friends through his problem and ruined his relationship with his daughter.

[keyhole kate]

A very sad situation for everyone involved through personal experience I have learned you cannot help someone who wont recognise they have a problem for other family members as stated there is Al Anon

Xx Hugs xX to you and all your family

[sadietoo]

So sorry to read this. What an awful experience for you, but you are right, it is impossible to help someone who is in denial about their problem. Hopefully he will eventually see the havoc he is wreaking with his own life and the hurt he is causing to those who care about him and seek some help. Sending hugsxxxx

[Alis girls]

I do feel for you. He is an adult and only he can make decision to get help and stop. Your poor kids witnessing that - they will bounce back and just answer their questions honestly and lots of cuddles for all of you. He needs to hit rock bottom before he faces it. Its a sad fact but only he can do it - no amount of nagging from his wife or other family members will help. We lost 2 patients in their 40's recently due to alcohol - sadly it happens. There are associations for familys which counsell and help. I do hope he realises he needs help - I suspect his marriage may be over but who knows. Hugs to you and your children - they have a lovely caring mum there. Ali x

[clootie]

I too feel for you but I also feel for your brother. I can't imagine the place he's in and to be honest, I wouldn't want to. Yes, he needs to make the decision and accept that he requires professional help but his dependence on alcohol far outweighs logical decision making. He has no real concept of the damage he's causing to the lives of others, predominantly his children's and he will no doubt make empty promises to stop and I'm sure he means it at the time. It's a delicate situation and by no means a straightforward one. It's just as well you visited that day as goodness knows what could have happened to him. I'm just sorry your children had to witness it. I hope he gets the help he needs before the demon drink claims yet another victim.

[WitchHazel]

How awful for you and your children, and how awful for his wife as well. And for him, actually, although he doesn't realise it.

 

I can't think of anything to add to the great advice on here. I would echo that it qould be worth contacting Al Anon, as they will be able to give you proper help.

 

It may also help to remember that alchoholism is an illness. It isn't just that someone decides to drink too much. Knowing that, of course, doesn't change the awfulness of the situation, but it might be something to hold on to.

[Old Speckled Hen]

Oh Ajuff, I do feel sorry for you all. The advice to try AlAnon is a good. I wish I had the sense to seek help there.

My late husband was an alcoholic for many years, probably even when I met him. We both liked to party but when my daughter came along I grew into the mother she needed whereas he just went on his merry way. He was never violent to us but had a real mean streak with his tongue. My daughter could never have friends round because I never knew what mood he would be in when he eventually came home. He wrecked his car twice and was banned for life. I wish I had done more, the danger in his driving was unforgivable and I should have done something about it. I loved him dearly and we were/are soul mates but his disease killed him. My daughter was 11 when he died and it was probably the best thing he could have done for her because I was too cowardly to leave.I managed a sort of parallel existence for us and it worked after a fashion.

I hate him for leaving me, not seeing his daughter grow up and wasting his remarkable and rare talent behind the lens of a camera. I hate him for his legacy of guilt that I could have done more.

I am remarried to a kind, selfless and strong man and my daughter at 25 has largely forgotten her father. It's a terrible disease.

I wish you all the luck in the world.

[sadietoo]

OSH, your post made me cry!..

 

My late FIL was an alcoholic, who was also violent when drunk, my poor MIL had the scars to prove it. fortunately my OH was away at boarding school so didn't have to witness the fights too often. He was also a womaniser....he left home when my OH was 11 to live with the other woman, and although both he and MIL were devastated at the time I think he did them a favour. (for one thing my oh he could put his wellies on without having to take out the bottle of vodka first!)...When I first met my oh his dad was still a fully signed up member of Alcoholic Conspicuous, marauding around his local town, and getting himself into financial trouble, causing my oh to have to drive to the other end of the country several times to sort him out(he never gave up on him - amazingly) Fortunately he did eventually seek the help of Alcoholics anonymous and two or three years later after a couple of strokes, we moved him down to be closer to us, (against my wishes, I must say), but amazingly, although his health meant he could no longer go to meetings, he never touched another drop, and was charming and funny, and great with our children..so a happy ending.

 

sorry for the ramble....just wanted to say there can be a happy(ish) ending......sometimes..

[Old Speckled Hen]

OSH, your post made me cry!..

 

Oh no, don't do that.

I am very happy and my daughter is a bright, intelligent, fulfilled young woman. Life can suck sometimes but as you say, can have a happy ending. It's just such a waste!!!!

I was reading this morning that alcohol consumption is actually decreasing, with the younger generation taking the lead.

They are not all senseless in the gutter after a night out clubbing.

Something to celebrate..............but not with a drink ...sorry.....bad joke.

[Alis girls]

Sorry OSH I was moved too and felt my eyes welling up. I am so glad you found happiness with another partner and your daughter has found happiness too. MY one experience as a nurse is drinkers like smokers often but not always go thro the generations - I have patients whose parents drank and a lot and they do too. Then often kids of heavy drinkers will be teetotal and loathe alcohol. So it swings all ways. I do hope Ajuffs brother and his wife and kids will be able to find a solution for all of them.

[AJuff]

It seems to me to be a spiral effect. My brother hit someone at work after a drink and was asked to resign or be sacked. Lots of temp jobs followed. Then he was caught drink driving and couldn't get to work independently. Then came the stroke. Dependency on others increased along with the drinking. He lost his bubbly personality, his friends, some family. Drinking has increase steadily. Where will it end?

[scarlettohara]

Lots of hugs xx

[Charlottechicken]

Oh heck, so sorry I just don't know what to say.

 

Just sending ((((hugs)))) your way.

[Sageandonion]

So sorry to hear this, hugs from me too, hoping your brother will seek help soon.

[AJuff]

My SIL is holding onto his car keys and car documents and is refusing to return them to him. I wholeheartledy support her decision as he only got his liccence back two weeks ago (medical reasons) and has shown that he has not learnt his lesson from the drink driving course he was forced to attend as he drove the car home untaxed and with two litres of strong cider.

[scarlettohara]

My best man at my wedding was an alcoholic and died at the age of 42. I regularly saw him at my local shops sitting on a bench swigging from a can like a tramp. He was always pleased to see me and we used to chat, if made me feel really sad He died at home with his parents, he had no family, possessions or money. His parents were wealthy and had tried countless rehab centres for him throughout his life - he was really good looking and funny before he drank - he died of liver failure. Try and get your brother some help - start with your GP, there are tablets available if not rehab but he will have to want to help himself.