Chicken bald back

[Cinnamon]

I get on ok with my MIL - I don't see much of her & that is fine...we get along well when I do see her, but we are not 'close' as such.

She has always been quite laid back, but lately she keeps on phoning my Husband up all the time to remind him about stuff that he has forgotten, like his sister's birthday. Now fair enough, he had forgotten his sisters birthday,but he never remembers any birthday!

That has all always been my job if you like, & no one has EVER gone without a gift or a card on my watch!

So by phoning him up to remind him to buy her a gift & to send her a text (he is 46, for Gods sake!) I feel that she has no faith in me & my ability to organise MY family

 

Maybe its the hot weather, but I feel really grumpy over this. She phoned him 3 times yesterday to make sure he had got the message, while all the time there is a nicely wrapped gift here on my desk that I have had the forethought to choose.

 

Relatives,eh?

[kinsk]

You can only have forgotten something if the event goes by

 

Does he know that you've got it in hand? If so he would be aware of it and would have said to his mother that 'you' hadn't forgotten and there was a present ready and waiting.

[Cinnamon]

Oh he knows alright, but elected to just do the nod,smile & agree thing, for a quiet life (from her, not me!)

In his defence,she caught him while he was in a compromising position up a ladder & was trying to end the call quickly.

 

And yes, she phoned a few days before the birthday just to make sure he didn't forget, not after the event.

[WitchHazel]

Did you have some trouble with your sis in law (or maybe I'm thinking of someone else, if so - apologies).

 

If so, maybe that's why your MIL wanted to check whether your DH had remembered?

[Princess Leia]

If it's not one thing, it's your mother (in-law) - as they say...

[Cinnamon]

Did you have some trouble with your sis in law (or maybe I'm thinking of someone else, if so - apologies).

 

If so, maybe that's why your MIL wanted to check whether your DH had remembered?

 

Yep, but that was on the other side of the family, so they do not know each other at all

[Angie]

My In laws are in NZ , they emigrated in the early 70's. Leaving the three boys all serving in the forces and their sister married and taken care of.

My SIL and her OH moved there 4yrs ago.

I am the one who does the cards etc...Never My OH.

I felt very insulted by my SIL and her emails to insist that I send my FIL a fathers day card as he hadn't been well lately and she didn't want him to feel no one cared.

As Fathers' day is not the same as UK, I had to send her a reminder of this , just in case in 4 yrs she had forgotten , and that my FIL had been sent all relevant cards up to date and the Fathers' day card was sent as soon as they were in the shops ( and I know it got to him in plenty of time for the NZ day as he always sends a thank you email to me .)

She sends reminders for Christmas and everything, she never did this all the time she was in UK .

I often think it is She who is feeling forgotten as she was always centre stage for 40 yrs here in Uk. And doesn't have that same status in NZ.

[C&T]

You have to love the entitled inlaws... Calling all hours, and wondering why you dare not answer the phone. God forbid you might have a life and go out occasionally...

 

And having a 10 week old brings out all the crazy in full force. Oh well. I am sure the novelty will wear off soon...

[bluekarin]

and wondering why you dare not answer the phone. God forbid you might have a life and go out occasionally...

 

 

Oh my MIL seems to think the whole world is against her if she comes across an answer phone! She has no idea, living in France with her OH, that we with kids and busy lives aren't sitting there waiting her call. Quite often, she is drunk, and we really don't want to speak to them so do avoid answering the phone, only because she doesn't remember what she has said and repeats it all when she phones the next day When she isn't being horrid. All that said, I do actually get on with her. But in small doses

[charly1979]

I get on ok with me esp but they live a good 90 mins drive away phew !!

 

But this did just remind me that a few years ago my MIL gave me a right flee in my ear for not remembering their Wedding anniversary the night this happened was on in fact MY wedding anniversary and hers wasn't until the following month, I had never been told when it was (I don't even know when my parents is as its not something I tend to send cards for etc ) I chuckle about it now but at the time I was furious !!!

[chickencam]

I am lucky that I am very close to my MIL, but she is two and a half hours away so that may help. Our husbands are very similar and we commiserate with each other about this. She also has a great sense of humour and a zest for life which helps. My FIL, however, is a very different matter, I have always been fond of him but he has turned into a grumpy old man who repeats himself all the time and hates not to be the centre of attention.

 

I think that it is a reaction to no longer being the centre of family life, getting older and finding they have less going on in their lives. Just shows how important it is to keep up with hobbies and interests and to have a life outside of your family.

[Mercedes55]

I'm a mother in law and I get along very well with my daughter in law, in fact we often sit on the phone discussing the things my son should be doing at home but doesn't

 

We live in the same town and see them every week but never feel left out if for any reason they are busy and can't come over and we are always happy to babysit for our granddaughter or have her over staying with us.

 

Have to say though that when it's coming up to a birthday on our side of the family I do initially let my son know as in my mind they are on his side of the family and he should be making an effort to sort out gifts and cards too, although I am sure most of the time it's my daughter in law that ends up buying the stuff.

[Space Chick]

My mother in law lives a 3 minute walk away

 

Thankfully, she has lots of hobbies and is (mostly) great

 

In fact, she has a better social life than we do

[nanarock]

Just remember you may all be a MIL one day. I have three married sons and hopefully I have a good relationship with all their wives. The relationship I have with my own mother is wonderful and I do believe most women do naturally go to their own mother's first for advice and support. I now can see how difficult this could be for some MIL if they don't get on with their DIL for whatever reason. There is a fine balance from being considered an interfering MIL and a friend to your DIL. So please try to see it from a MIL perspective she may not realise she is getting it wrong sometimes.

[Mercedes55]

Just remember you may all be a MIL one day. I have three married sons and hopefully I have a good relationship with all their wives. The relationship I have with my own mother is wonderful and I do believe most women do naturally go to their own mother's first for advice and support. I now can see how difficult this could be for some MIL if they don't get on with their DIL for whatever reason. There is a fine balance from being considered an interfering MIL and a friend to your DIL. So please try to see it from a MIL perspective she may not realise she is getting it wrong sometimes.

 

You are totally right, a lot of people on here will one day be a MIL themselves and it's not the easiest role to get right as you don't want to interfere but you don't want to appear as someone who doesn't care either, striking the balance is extremely hard. I remember when my DIL was expecting our first grandchild I joined the Bounty forum as I knew things had changed a lot since my son was born and I wanted to be able to offer help if I was asked for it, but wanted it to be up to date. I was astonished at the amount of animosity on there towards MIL's and didn't even bother posting on the forum as the sheer hatred of such a high percentage of these mothers was quite scary

[Jennifer Jane]

I get on ok with my MIL - I don't see much of her & that is fine...we get along well when I do see her, but we are not 'close' as such.

She has always been quite laid back, but lately she keeps on phoning my Husband up all the time to remind him about stuff that he has forgotten, like his sister's birthday.

 

I'm the other way round. I get on really well with my MIL, but the one thing she never does is remind me about birthdays, anniversaries, etc, and I wish she would. I do keep a list of all the events, but sometimes I'm just so busy, I forget to look. And of course, it is my job to remember and get presents and cards for both mine and his family - DH even has to ask me the names of his cousins

 

For example... Last year it was a big birthday for my SIL - I knew it was her birthday, but not that it was a special one, so I just posted an ordinary card & present. I only realised on the day when I saw her posts on FB. Thank goodness for online wine & flower delivery services!!! My SIL was incredibly grateful, though I'm not sure that she didn't suspect that I forgot. I mentioned the incident to my MIL, who of course knew that it was a special birthday, and told her to feel free to remind me, but she still doesn't. I sometimes think she secretly wants me to forget

[Valkyrie]

Hmmm MIL. Wasn't good enough for her boy then and still not. Luckily she loathes me so much now that she doesn't speak to me unless she has to. Add that to me not being such a "yes" person to her and realising that I actually will beg to differ now has kept me well free.

[WitchHazel]

[quote name="Mercedes55" I remember when my DIL was expecting our first grandchild I joined the Bounty forum as I knew things had changed a lot since my son was born and I wanted to be able to offer help if I was asked for it, but wanted it to be up to date. I was astonished at the amount of animosity on there towards MIL's and didn't even bother posting on the forum as the sheer hatred of such a high percentage of these mothers was quite scary

 

Oh my goodness, how right you are!

 

I've just typed "mother in law" into the search box on mumsnet.

 

Poor MiLs can't do right for doing wrong! "She doesn't visit" /"She keeps visiting"/"she only visits when we ask" ; "She buys things for the baby without asking"/"she doesn't buy anything"; "she reminds me about birthdays"/"she didn't remind me"; "We an't visit her because it's 4 hours away and my husband works long hours, she won't visit us because she says its 4 hours away and her partner works long hours". It goes on and on and on.

 

I'm a Mother in Law myself. I have nothing but praise and admiration both for my son-in-law and my 2 daughters-in-law, and I think I've been really lucky in the kids choice of partners.

 

I wish I hadn't read any of the posts on the mumset forum now, as it makes me wonder what they'd be saying about me.

[Mercedes55]

Hazel I felt exactly the same after I read all the posts on the forum I joined. I've never encountered such sheer hatred and nastiness towards a family member before and I was gobsmacked at how some of those young mums went out of their way to stop their MIL's having a good relationship with their grandchildren for the most trivial of reasons

[Lavenders_Blue]

Well, if it reassures anyone, I get on really well with my MIL and think she's fab So we're not all MIL haters!

[Cinnamon]

Don't get me wrong - I don't HATE my MIL, but I do dislike her thinking that I am incapable of reminding my Husband to phone his sister on her birthday.

He has after all been married to me for longer than he has been not married to me (if that makes sense), & I have never let him forget an important event yet.

 

Hatred is to strong an emotion to use willy nilly.

[Lavenders_Blue]

I didn't mean you when I said 'we' Cinnamon, although I do realise it reads like that. Sorry if it came across that way!

I meant married women collectively and hate in response to the Mumsnet comments. Must proof read before posting

[Alis girls]

Can I just say that I never knew mine, she died at age 42 (in the 1970's) of ovarian cancer. She was Greek Cypriot, spoke several languages and looks beautiful in photos - my OH adored her as did his dad and brothers and her death which franlkly sounds like neglience in this day and age wrecked their family. His dad had a breakdown and OH became a carer at 19 for two brothers of 16 and 9 and dad. Believe me I would have loved a MIL.

[WitchHazel]

Well, if it reassures anyone, I get on really well with my MIL and think she's fab So we're not all MIL haters!

 

,

Don't get me wrong - I don't HATE my MIL, but I do dislike her thinking that I am incapable of reminding my Husband to phone his sister on her birthday.

He has after all been married to me for longer than he has been not married to me (if that makes sense), & I have never let him forget an important event yet.

 

Hatred is to strong an emotion to use willy nilly.

 

Apologies from me too - ,I wasn't referring to the posts on here or this particular post, I was referring to the vitriol I found when I searched for "mother in law" on mumsnet.

[Cinnamon]

I do realise that & thanks to you both for your responses.

But as the person who opened the thread with a moan about my MIL, I wanted to make my position clear