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Aspergers

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Does anyone on the forum have any direct experience (ie; a child with) Aspergers? ES (9 next week) was formally diagnosed on Monday and, although I have been given reading lists, lists of contacts for various societies/helplines etc, its often more 'comfortable' to speak to/communicate/compare notes with other parents.

 

It wasn't a huge surprise; we were aware that this was probably the case but pushed for formal diagnosis so that he can access help at school (though he is doing really well academically - its the social side of life that seems to baffle him!)

 

I admit to struggling with some of his behaviour and any hints/tips for dealing with this would be gratefully received and much appreciated! Please feel free to PM!

 

Thanks.

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It has been suggested my ED (16) has this, but they have said she doesn't need to be tested for it, unless she wants to. She is very gifted academically but socially she really struggles. She does have friends, but doesn't understand stand why they get upset by some things she says to them. She finds eye contact very hard, as do I so must run in the family that bit. She doesn't understand different facial expressions which I only found out about 5 yeas ago when she was trying to drawn different Manga faces and couldn't tell the difference between them all. She prefers her own company and doesn't tend to get very emotional, unless it is something really bad or she is hormonal. I dot think I'd be much help for you, just wanted to let you know you are not alone (((hugs)))

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It has been suggested my ED (16) has this, but they have said she doesn't need to be tested for it, unless she wants to. She is very gifted academically but socially she really struggles. She does have friends, but doesn't understand stand why they get upset by some things she says to them. She finds eye contact very hard, as do I so must run in the family that bit. She doesn't understand different facial expressions which I only found out about 5 yeas ago when she was trying to drawn different Manga faces and couldn't tell the difference between them all. She prefers her own company and doesn't tend to get very emotional, unless it is something really bad or she is hormonal. I dot think I'd be much help for you, just wanted to let you know you are not alone (((hugs)))

 

Thank you for that! The Autistic/Aspergers spectrum is, apparently, very wide and children seem to cope very differently with some needing support and some being quite happy to cope as and where they are! Its also said that we are ALL on the spectrum somewhere! 8)

 

I have heard that Aspergers are often very 'Techie' - apparently a huge proportion of those in Silicon Valley have it! ES is certainly very computer orientated so guess that's where his future will be!

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Wow, clever girl! ES doesn't seem to like maths but is into his technology and does have an amazing memory. He is also very pedantic and always corrects any mistakes we make (infuriating!) He is very literal and has never been interested in imaginative play.

 

Having talked to the Dr at the assessment on Monday more and more things 'came out' that all added up. Trouble is FIL doesn't believe in these 'labels' as he puts it and thinks its high spirits and sibling rivalry (which is, he says, my fault for favouring YS! :roll: ) Pot to Kettle alert as FIL displays many of the same traits so, if hereditary, that's prob where it came from................. :lol:

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the Dr at the assessment on Monday more and more things 'came out' that all added up. Trouble is FIL doesn't believe in these 'labels' as he puts it and thinks its high spirits and sibling rivalry (which is, he says, my fault for favouring YS! :roll: ) Pot to Kettle alert as FIL displays many of the same traits so, if hereditary, that's prob where it came from................. :lol:

 

Hi, I am a teacher in an SEN dept of a mainstream high school and that sounds awfully familiar!

I have met many parents and relatives who display similar traits and refuse to believe their youngster is struggling. Usually the adults have developed coping strategies themselves and don't understand why the youngsters can't do the same. I also find that a diagnosis can be supportive for the child as they soon become aware that they are different from their peers, a diagnosis is a big help in explaining why and teaching coping strategies.

Good luck with your FIL, but I fear that if you're right and he does have those inflexible traits, you may find it difficult to convince him that the diagnosis is a real condition and not down to upbringing. :roll:

I hope your DSs school are supportive, it is a relatively common diagnosis now and hopefully they will be well clued up on how to meet his needs.

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My ES has a mate (they are 17) who has Aspergers. He had problems when they first started secondary school and would do things like stabbing at other kids with a ruler (although I have seen worse behaviour in kids without!). Hes a charming young man, especially with the ladies (of all ages I hasten to add - he butters them up something rotten), it also helps that hes good looking too, but if he wasnt his lovely charm would be enough.Hes very bright and apparently has a photographic memory. I suspect he has had some help but what I am afraid I dont know. I didnt know him when he was younger and he has a good group of mates, but I do recall difficulties when younger. Maturity does help.I agree a diagnosis helps as you know what you are dealing with.

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Yorkshire Pudding..........poor ES was becoming very aware that he is 'different' to his peers as he can be very socially inept so it was hugely important that we had a proper diagnosis. The Dr explained things to him very matter of factly and he does seem a bit more relaxed since! It wasn't a conversation that I was looking forward to having with him but she was brilliant! 8)

 

We have explained too that we cannot 'cure' him but can help and support him - just waiting for relevant bodies to arrange some extra support at school. Head teacher is the SENCO and has been wonderful (I am a Govenor and so know her quite well...only a small 70 pupil village school!)

 

However, tho we fully suspected for a long time that he is an 'Aspie' and I thought I'd be relieved at the diagnosis I do now feel very sad and quite teary which I didn't expect as I know full well that there are FAR worse things that he could have and that he will still be able to live a 'normal' life :wall:

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Lots of hugs - i suspect as he matures he will cope and if he has a good circle of mates esp when he goes to secondary school they support each other. My sons group included the boy I told you about, 1 child who had lost a sibling (all very much in the papers), several kids whose parents had marriage difficulties, a parent with cancer and my son with a stammer. I wish you could meet this lad as I know he had some problems. I hope this reassures you a little. Ali x

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Lots of hugs - i suspect as he matures he will cope and if he has a good circle of mates esp when he goes to secondary school they support each other. My sons group included the boy I told you about, 1 child who had lost a sibling (all very much in the papers), several kids whose parents had marriage difficulties, a parent with cancer and my son with a stammer. I wish you could meet this lad as I know he had some problems. I hope this reassures you a little. Ali x

 

Thank you for those wise words!

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I now have the second appointment for just me to go back on Friday to 'discuss further' - not sure exactly why! I have noticed other behaviour since the first appointment; how noisy he is, always talking, crashing around etc also ALWAYS has to be reminded about putting socks on even when I leave them out on the top of his clothes pile! He takes AGES to get to sleep; settling at 8.30ish but up and down or crashing around often till 10.00/10.30 then a huge hassle to get him up in the morning!

 

Will be interesting to see what Friday brings!

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However, tho we fully suspected for a long time that he is an 'Aspie' and I thought I'd be relieved at the diagnosis I do now feel very sad and quite teary which I didn't expect as I know full well that there are FAR worse things that he could have and that he will still be able to live a 'normal' life :wall:

 

Relief has strange ways of showing itself though. The tearyness could be that you finally have a reason for something you knew wasn't quite right but now you are on the path of knowing and acceptance.

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My YS was friends at primary with a boy with Aspergers and they rubbed along quite well. We got used to him always questioning us if we said things like 'see you later' - he would need to know when later. This boy appears to be coping fairly well now at senior school, has joined a band as a drummer and has quite a few friends now as well as my son. His mum has said that her place of work have already said he can have a job with them when he leaves school.

 

My nephew also has Aspergers, he did have a fair bit of trouble at school unfortunately doing things he shouldn't have, he was a bit of a teenage tearaway and exasperated everyone a fair bit. He had problems realizing what was socially acceptable behaviour a lot of the time. How much of this is to do with Aspergers, his character or a combination and not realizing who not to become friends with, we don't know.

 

I have to say though that he left school and got a job almost straight away. He's still in his job, has already saved and been on holiday and is now learning to drive. He's turned into a really nice young man. :D

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Thanks for your thoughts - it was interesting and good to have the opportunity to talk to a professional on my own. The Dr gave me some useful tips for dealing with certain behaviours and suggested a lava lamp to help get ES off to sleep (give him something to concentrate on and slow his brain down!) OH did an Argos dash on the way home and, so far, it seems to have worked!!! :pray:

 

There is a course that is recommended for parents and the next available one is in January - two hours each Thursday morning for 6 weeks (coffee and cake, Patricia!!?? :dance: ). This is then followed by a debrief and then, it seems, we are on our own! I have several leads to follow up (local groups etc) which I shall do over the next week or so and some additional assistance will be provided at school.

 

I am also cultivating more friends for ES from school and arranging regular 'play dates' (tho he has never shown any interest in this before the Dr suggested it as a way for him to build relationships on a one to one and also build up his confidence socially - obvious, really :wall: )

 

As my dear old mum would say 'Its all part of lifes rich tapestry'!

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