soapdragon Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 Does anyone on the forum have any direct experience (ie; a child with) Aspergers? ES (9 next week) was formally diagnosed on Monday and, although I have been given reading lists, lists of contacts for various societies/helplines etc, its often more 'comfortable' to speak to/communicate/compare notes with other parents. It wasn't a huge surprise; we were aware that this was probably the case but pushed for formal diagnosis so that he can access help at school (though he is doing really well academically - its the social side of life that seems to baffle him!) I admit to struggling with some of his behaviour and any hints/tips for dealing with this would be gratefully received and much appreciated! Please feel free to PM! Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluekarin Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 It has been suggested my ED (16) has this, but they have said she doesn't need to be tested for it, unless she wants to. She is very gifted academically but socially she really struggles. She does have friends, but doesn't understand stand why they get upset by some things she says to them. She finds eye contact very hard, as do I so must run in the family that bit. She doesn't understand different facial expressions which I only found out about 5 yeas ago when she was trying to drawn different Manga faces and couldn't tell the difference between them all. She prefers her own company and doesn't tend to get very emotional, unless it is something really bad or she is hormonal. I dot think I'd be much help for you, just wanted to let you know you are not alone (((hugs))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soapdragon Posted September 11, 2013 Author Share Posted September 11, 2013 It has been suggested my ED (16) has this, but they have said she doesn't need to be tested for it, unless she wants to. She is very gifted academically but socially she really struggles. She does have friends, but doesn't understand stand why they get upset by some things she says to them. She finds eye contact very hard, as do I so must run in the family that bit. She doesn't understand different facial expressions which I only found out about 5 yeas ago when she was trying to drawn different Manga faces and couldn't tell the difference between them all. She prefers her own company and doesn't tend to get very emotional, unless it is something really bad or she is hormonal. I dot think I'd be much help for you, just wanted to let you know you are not alone (((hugs))) Thank you for that! The Autistic/Aspergers spectrum is, apparently, very wide and children seem to cope very differently with some needing support and some being quite happy to cope as and where they are! Its also said that we are ALL on the spectrum somewhere! I have heard that Aspergers are often very 'Techie' - apparently a huge proportion of those in Silicon Valley have it! ES is certainly very computer orientated so guess that's where his future will be! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluekarin Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 My daughter is doing computers, maths, further maths and physics for her A levels, as well as history which is her 'relaxing subject'! It appears she has an affinity with these subjects. She can also memorise long strings of numbers like Pi! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soapdragon Posted September 11, 2013 Author Share Posted September 11, 2013 Wow, clever girl! ES doesn't seem to like maths but is into his technology and does have an amazing memory. He is also very pedantic and always corrects any mistakes we make (infuriating!) He is very literal and has never been interested in imaginative play. Having talked to the Dr at the assessment on Monday more and more things 'came out' that all added up. Trouble is FIL doesn't believe in these 'labels' as he puts it and thinks its high spirits and sibling rivalry (which is, he says, my fault for favouring YS! ) Pot to Kettle alert as FIL displays many of the same traits so, if hereditary, that's prob where it came from................. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 What a relief to have your suspicions confirmed though A. I hope that you get the information and support you need... I seem to remember that Janty's son has Asperger's; she's not on the forum these days, but you might be able to raise her via PM. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yorkshire Pudding Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 the Dr at the assessment on Monday more and more things 'came out' that all added up. Trouble is FIL doesn't believe in these 'labels' as he puts it and thinks its high spirits and sibling rivalry (which is, he says, my fault for favouring YS! ) Pot to Kettle alert as FIL displays many of the same traits so, if hereditary, that's prob where it came from................. Hi, I am a teacher in an SEN dept of a mainstream high school and that sounds awfully familiar! I have met many parents and relatives who display similar traits and refuse to believe their youngster is struggling. Usually the adults have developed coping strategies themselves and don't understand why the youngsters can't do the same. I also find that a diagnosis can be supportive for the child as they soon become aware that they are different from their peers, a diagnosis is a big help in explaining why and teaching coping strategies. Good luck with your FIL, but I fear that if you're right and he does have those inflexible traits, you may find it difficult to convince him that the diagnosis is a real condition and not down to upbringing. I hope your DSs school are supportive, it is a relatively common diagnosis now and hopefully they will be well clued up on how to meet his needs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 My ES has a mate (they are 17) who has Aspergers. He had problems when they first started secondary school and would do things like stabbing at other kids with a ruler (although I have seen worse behaviour in kids without!). Hes a charming young man, especially with the ladies (of all ages I hasten to add - he butters them up something rotten), it also helps that hes good looking too, but if he wasnt his lovely charm would be enough.Hes very bright and apparently has a photographic memory. I suspect he has had some help but what I am afraid I dont know. I didnt know him when he was younger and he has a good group of mates, but I do recall difficulties when younger. Maturity does help.I agree a diagnosis helps as you know what you are dealing with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soapdragon Posted September 11, 2013 Author Share Posted September 11, 2013 Yorkshire Pudding..........poor ES was becoming very aware that he is 'different' to his peers as he can be very socially inept so it was hugely important that we had a proper diagnosis. The Dr explained things to him very matter of factly and he does seem a bit more relaxed since! It wasn't a conversation that I was looking forward to having with him but she was brilliant! We have explained too that we cannot 'cure' him but can help and support him - just waiting for relevant bodies to arrange some extra support at school. Head teacher is the SENCO and has been wonderful (I am a Govenor and so know her quite well...only a small 70 pupil village school!) However, tho we fully suspected for a long time that he is an 'Aspie' and I thought I'd be relieved at the diagnosis I do now feel very sad and quite teary which I didn't expect as I know full well that there are FAR worse things that he could have and that he will still be able to live a 'normal' life Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 Lots of hugs - i suspect as he matures he will cope and if he has a good circle of mates esp when he goes to secondary school they support each other. My sons group included the boy I told you about, 1 child who had lost a sibling (all very much in the papers), several kids whose parents had marriage difficulties, a parent with cancer and my son with a stammer. I wish you could meet this lad as I know he had some problems. I hope this reassures you a little. Ali x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soapdragon Posted September 11, 2013 Author Share Posted September 11, 2013 Lots of hugs - i suspect as he matures he will cope and if he has a good circle of mates esp when he goes to secondary school they support each other. My sons group included the boy I told you about, 1 child who had lost a sibling (all very much in the papers), several kids whose parents had marriage difficulties, a parent with cancer and my son with a stammer. I wish you could meet this lad as I know he had some problems. I hope this reassures you a little. Ali x Thank you for those wise words! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kissinuk Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 I done some research recently, will DM you separately when I get chance. I'd watch this guy on YouTube, he has a great "I dont care" attitude. Possibly not great for your son to watch but good for older teenagers (strong language and gross burping...) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted September 12, 2013 Share Posted September 12, 2013 Gross burping - yuck - my 12 yr old son can burp and talk at the same time it really annoys me - probably why he does it. But thats another thread - dont worry mods I wont be posting it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soapdragon Posted September 17, 2013 Author Share Posted September 17, 2013 I now have the second appointment for just me to go back on Friday to 'discuss further' - not sure exactly why! I have noticed other behaviour since the first appointment; how noisy he is, always talking, crashing around etc also ALWAYS has to be reminded about putting socks on even when I leave them out on the top of his clothes pile! He takes AGES to get to sleep; settling at 8.30ish but up and down or crashing around often till 10.00/10.30 then a huge hassle to get him up in the morning! Will be interesting to see what Friday brings! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted September 18, 2013 Share Posted September 18, 2013 Good luck A, do let us know how it goes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kinsk Posted September 18, 2013 Share Posted September 18, 2013 However, tho we fully suspected for a long time that he is an 'Aspie' and I thought I'd be relieved at the diagnosis I do now feel very sad and quite teary which I didn't expect as I know full well that there are FAR worse things that he could have and that he will still be able to live a 'normal' life Relief has strange ways of showing itself though. The tearyness could be that you finally have a reason for something you knew wasn't quite right but now you are on the path of knowing and acceptance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seagazer Posted September 19, 2013 Share Posted September 19, 2013 My YS was friends at primary with a boy with Aspergers and they rubbed along quite well. We got used to him always questioning us if we said things like 'see you later' - he would need to know when later. This boy appears to be coping fairly well now at senior school, has joined a band as a drummer and has quite a few friends now as well as my son. His mum has said that her place of work have already said he can have a job with them when he leaves school. My nephew also has Aspergers, he did have a fair bit of trouble at school unfortunately doing things he shouldn't have, he was a bit of a teenage tearaway and exasperated everyone a fair bit. He had problems realizing what was socially acceptable behaviour a lot of the time. How much of this is to do with Aspergers, his character or a combination and not realizing who not to become friends with, we don't know. I have to say though that he left school and got a job almost straight away. He's still in his job, has already saved and been on holiday and is now learning to drive. He's turned into a really nice young man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soapdragon Posted September 19, 2013 Author Share Posted September 19, 2013 Thanks for that - hopefully I will be able to find out roughly where on the scale ES is at tomorrow's appointment and then tailor some support round that. He is literal but not to a huge degree - its the social side of life that seems to baffle the poor lad! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patricia W Posted September 19, 2013 Share Posted September 19, 2013 I remember reading some research years ago which came up with the theory that all men are autistic to some degree in that they are missing a social gene which we women have. The research said that men have the car parking gene which we women allegedly don't have! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soapdragon Posted September 19, 2013 Author Share Posted September 19, 2013 I agree with the first bit, Patricia, tho not sure about the second! I had to replace the passenger side wing mirror twice on my ancient Rover as OH 'removed' it whilst reversing into the garage Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willow Posted September 20, 2013 Share Posted September 20, 2013 Hope today went well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickencam Posted September 20, 2013 Share Posted September 20, 2013 Me too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soapdragon Posted September 22, 2013 Author Share Posted September 22, 2013 Thanks for your thoughts - it was interesting and good to have the opportunity to talk to a professional on my own. The Dr gave me some useful tips for dealing with certain behaviours and suggested a lava lamp to help get ES off to sleep (give him something to concentrate on and slow his brain down!) OH did an Argos dash on the way home and, so far, it seems to have worked!!! There is a course that is recommended for parents and the next available one is in January - two hours each Thursday morning for 6 weeks (coffee and cake, Patricia!!?? ). This is then followed by a debrief and then, it seems, we are on our own! I have several leads to follow up (local groups etc) which I shall do over the next week or so and some additional assistance will be provided at school. I am also cultivating more friends for ES from school and arranging regular 'play dates' (tho he has never shown any interest in this before the Dr suggested it as a way for him to build relationships on a one to one and also build up his confidence socially - obvious, really ) As my dear old mum would say 'Its all part of lifes rich tapestry'! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patricia W Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 I'm always up for tea and cakes so just call me. And the lava lamps sounds a brilliant move! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 That all sounds very positive A, good luck with the course. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...