How can I find my old pictures?

[CatieB]

My son is now 9 and so at an age where he is invited to others houses and he and friends chat.

 

My son has a friend who he obviously really likes and I would class him as a best friend. They seem to have the same interest ideas etc. to the best of my knowledge they've never fallen out. So I don't want to ruin It. However my son has become obsessed with computer / iPad games that are fighting shoot em type games. This definitely stems from this friend but is now far too advanced to do much about.

 

The reason I am asking for help is that my son has now told me enough about the games they play at the friends house for me to look them up. The vast majority are 18 rated, some are 15. I'm not impressed but don't know how to tackle this. He's invited to their house next week. I don't know the parents well other than to drop and ask how things have gone. I assume they would not take too kindly to me pointing out that my son is not allowed to play the games that I know for a fact they allow their son to play. Ironically the friend is a year younger than mine so only 8.

 

Wise words please

[soapdragon]

I read this with mounting horror! You are clearly a responsible parent and rightly so! My ES is just turned 9 so I feel that I can put myself in you shoes with some verisimilitude!

 

If this were my son then I would say NO! I fully understand that you do not want to be 'difficult' but also read between the lines of your post that you are NOT happy with the situation or you would not have posted here. Were I in the same situation I would make it clear to the parents, as politely as poss, that I did not find these games acceptable and, whilst I was more than happy for son to spend time with friend, I would not want them playing these games.

 

I am sure that this can be done in an nice way but, at the end of the day, if these parents allow their child (younger than yours) to play virtually adult games on his own perhaps words do need to be said. Its a hard situation but, my love, you need to be true to yourself and, if you feel uncomfortable with this (as I know I would) it needs, IMHO, to be tackled!

 

You are your son's parent and must go with your gut feeling! Phew¬! Good luck!

[The Dogmother]

I agree; I've been in the same position and said 'actually, no, that's not allowed'.

[freddie]

had this, (well, still have the screen obsession, and he's nearly 18)

Say No.

Be brave.

[CatieB]

DM and Freddie do you both mean I should say to the parent too?

[Chucky Mama]

I think that 9 is far too young to let this sort of thing go unchallenged. Things rated 18 are not suitable for them. It is a tricky one to tackle as if you approach it the wrong way your son will stop telling you what goes on at other people's houses. I would suggest that this child came to your house. Is the 8 year old in a household with older children I wonder? Perhaps this is how he has access to these games. If there are 18 games there may well be 18 films in the house too. I would nip it in the bud but tread carefully with your child as you don't want him to stop telling you things. Good luck

[majorbloodnock]

Assuming they are not wilfully negligent, the friend's parents have made a judgement on what their son can and cannot do. Since they know their son better than anyone else, I'm sure they would feel justifiably offended if someone told them they were wrong. I can't say I would make the same choice as them, but I don't have their child or their relationship. However, there is no reason for them to be offended as a result of being told you have different ground rules for your son. That's a simple live and let live statement.

 

Personally, I'd arrange for a friendly chat with the parents, dwelling on how pleased you are at how much the boys are getting out of their growing friendship. In that context, it's not so difficult to ask for a bit of collaboration to work around the few differences between families' ground rules. None of that is threatening or accusatory, so I don't see it needs to be an awkward discussion.

 

Good luck.

[bluekarin]

My son was good friends with a boy at his previous school and used to go around his house a lot. We then found out, when they were about the age your son is, possibly a bit older, that his friend played 18 rated computer games, we were not impressed. We told our son he wasn't to play them, and thankfully he respected our wishes and told the parents he wasn't allowed to play them. They found this a bit odd, but we stuck to our guns. If you are able to talk to the parents then do, but also let your son know you do not want him playing these games anymore. Hope it goes well for you. They do like to try us don't they

[chuckmum6]

8 and 9 is far too young, they are 15 and 18's with good reasons, I had the reverse situation. My YS has some games rated 12 and one 15 (Star Wars) games, when he was 11, I said he wasn't to play them when his 9 yr old friend came round. His friends mum sent a note saying the 9 yr old could play on the 15 game. However not in my house, I told my son and to play other games. Peer pressure is huge, sadly too many parents give in, as a parent you are your child's advocate and protector. Personally, I would tell him, he isn't to play those games and tell the other boys parents the same, it is a slippery slope otherwise, with some horrid games.

[freddie]

I'd probably tell awhite lie here, and when dropping off, have a little chat, and mention you're trying to restrict screen time at the moment for yours, as it's getting a bit of a minefield, and is there any way they could "help you out " with this?? That way, you have saved faces, and maybe got the point across.

Everyone I know has faced this issue. Minecraft was our battlegound, and Age of Empires.

good luck

[Yorkshire Pudding]

My son was good friends with a boy at his previous school and used to go around his house a lot. We then found out, when they were about the age your son is, possibly a bit older, that his friend played 18 rated computer games, we were not impressed. We told our son he wasn't to play them, and thankfully he respected our wishes and told the parents he wasn't allowed to play them. They found this a bit odd, but we stuck to our guns. If you are able to talk to the parents then do, but also let your son know you do not want him playing these games anymore. Hope it goes well for you. They do like to try us don't they

 

We had a very similar situation when DS2 was 10 and he was at a friend's sleepover. The other boys were playing an 18 rated game, but he knew we dont allow these at home and said he didn't want a go. I was very proud of him when he told us about it next day. He did stay in the room while they played it but was playing something more suitable on DSs with one of the other boys.

I was shocked that so many parents seem to think it's OK to expose young children to totally unsuitable games - and all his friends know we don't have them at our house, but it doesn't stop them coming round to play!

 

I agree with others - either you need to make sure your son can say no, or you have to speak to his friend's parents.

[sadietoo]

As Chucky mama has said if your friend's son has older siblings the parent's might not be aware perhaps that he is playing these games? One does get slightly more relaxed about these things as they get older I'm afraid, for example my DD was absolutely not allowed to watch 15 films when she was 12, but, because she was watching them and there is a three year age gap, my DS regularly did aged 12 - and certainly both children were watching films that would have been 18's when first released by the time they were 15 or so. However, this did not extend to guests, who were only allowed age appropriate films unless their parent had said that they didn't mind. You can, (and obviously do) set the ground rules for your son, and perhaps the easiest way to do this is keep them on your home territory where your rules apply. If not, does your son have any games that he could take to their house to play? I hate to say it but if the other boy isn't interested in playing "younger" games then perhaps their friendship is not going to be a match made in heaven in any case.

 

(I think the first time I realised that other people's children are really different to my own was when I found one of my daughter's friends (aged five) standing on our dining room table (whilst the food was on it) instead of sitting down to tea....I have to confess I didn't have her back again so perhaps I am easily shocked )

 

Good luck!

[CatieB]

Thank you everyone for your replies, it is reassuring to see I'm not the only one concerned.

 

The boy does not have older siblings and the parents definitely know he is playing the games. From what my son has said, I believe that the boy and the dad are very keen gamers, they get the latest releases straight away, rush to complete them sometimes staying up very late to do so

 

I honestly don't seek to judge others, obviously the father deems that suitable, whilst that may seem odd he comes across a decent man. I just don't want the same for my son.

 

Both my husband and I have made clear to our son that we don't want him playing the games or watching the friend do so. Bless him he has already said well I will ask to play x, y and z. I don't know whether to leave it there because I know that if introduced to a new game my son won't think to ask the rating. I do trust my son (fortunately, it would appear that he has inherited my -far too honest for my own good -gene, I just have to hope it stays) but he is a boy who will rush in and would not think about the rating unless told.

[Lavenders_Blue]

I was speaking to a friend last night who is a primary school teacher. She has a child in her class who told her he had been playing Grand Theft Auto 5. He is 6 years old. The game is rated 18

She asked him a bit more about it, it turns out he plays it with his Mum present so she can censor it. What this seems to mean is that she turns the volume off so he doesn't hear the bad language in the game. The action in the game is not censor-able (not a word, sorry) so he can take drugs and murder prostitutes - but as long as he doesn't hear the bad language, that's okay?! I find that really worrying. Is this child going to grow up completely desensitised to violence, I wonder?

[chickencam]

We have always used our own judgement where our children are concerned and as has been said earlier in this thread, the youngest has probably had more access to older material than the eldest did. However, the older two have also acted as censors when it comes to games, books and films that they have had contact with. We have always asked permission from parents for film nights where a film is rated older than any visiting child, speaking directly to the parent rather than relying on the child saying ''mum and dad are ok with this".

 

In relation to 18 rated games, we didn't buy them for our youngsters and DS once borrowed one from a friend at school but was then too ashamed to play it, so gave it back. We found out about this when his older sister told us some time later. Fortunately they haven't really shown any interest in very violent games.

 

YD blagged her way into a 15 film during the summer, she is 14 as are all of her friends, they all found it very disturbing, so I felt that it served them right.

[kissinuk]

GTA5 is a fantastic game, technically one of the best ever. However, there is no way I would let my 7 year old see or hear me playing it. The language in the game is really bad and at times unnecessary, not just swearing but also the n-word. If he is playing this my advice is stop him.

 

The game itself is a sandbox game, you can drive/fly around a city all day if you want (in theory safe if volume turned down), but the other bits are there if you know where to find them.

 

When I was his age I used to play shooting games all the time on my Spectrum, I ended up with a career in IT so not all bad but graphics now are far more advanced than back then, the 18 rating is there for a reason.

 

Get him into Code Club to create his own games, I am planning on posting about this shortly, I run 2 of them at local schools.

[CatieB]

Thank goodness no mention of GTA yet!!!!

 

The two I have picked up on that the friend plays (or is about to get -not sure which) are assassins creed and unchartered 2.

 

My son is obsessed with minecraft, trigger fist and brothers in arms. Im hoping that none of them are for older kids as he got into them from a younger friend, 6. Its very difficult not being into these things and having to google in case i get the wrong idea.

 

Anyway i just spoke to him about learning code and designing his own games and his face lit up. Is there a way he can teach himself?

[kissinuk]

At the start of my Code Club sessions almost *all* the kids mentioned that they played Minecraft so he's definitely not alone, I think that is safe for his age group. Uncharted is a bit tamer than others too, more of Indiana Jones but possibly some bad language.

 

Yes, he certainly could start to code himself, I will post some details of Code Club shortly but will also PM you with other details (I've promised them to someone else on here too). It makes writing simple games really easy and whist fun the kids are actually learning real coding without realising it!

Edited October 6, 2013 by Guest

[CatieB]

That's really good of you. Thank you very much.

[lizinsa]

Yes, he certainly could start to code himself, I will post some details of Code Club shortly but will also PM you with other details (I've promised them to someone else on here too). It makes writing simple games really easy and whist fun the kids are actually learning real coding without realising it!

 

Oooh please can you tell me more about Code Club? I'm a teacher and heard about it last week but hearing from personal experience would be great!

[Egluntyne]

Code Clubs

[CatieB]

According to that link there are two in the village where my son goes to school. However there is only one school in the village and neither he or I have heard of it. My son was very interested too.

[Patricia W]

Anyone know of anything similar to a Code Club for the 11-16 age range? I help at a local youth club and we are struggling to find activities to stretch some of the more challenging ones.

[Cloverfield]

This is really tricky, I had a similar thing wiht my eldest daughter when I found out that her friend's mum let them watch 18 films when they were 9/10. The mum was a neighbour of mine and had older children and I think she probably didn't realise that the younger ones were watching them too. I dealt with it by saying that my daughter was having nightmares (which she was) and said we were being really careful about what she saw. I didn't actually say she'd seen them at their house, i didn't want to accuse them of anything, but asked if she could also keep an eye on what they watch etc.

You could use the same kind of tactic, say he's been having bad dreams and you're having to cut down on what he watches/plays.

Good luck.

[kissinuk]

Added some Code Club info here: http://club.omlet.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=95088