Janepie33 Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 My friends 22 year old disabled son sadly died unexpectedly last week. My friend has asked me to speak at the funeral which will be a humanist ceremony. She would like me to talk about some memories of her son and also to to speak on her behalf. She is estranged from her husband who is delivering the eulogy. To tell you the truth, I am absolutely terrified! I am really worried that I will say the wrong thing or do something really stupid like getting his name wrong. Has anyone had to speak at a funeral before? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 That's very sad, poor woman . I've never spoken at a funeral so I can't offer any advice but I'm sure you couldn't say the wrong thing . Is she telling you anything she wants to be said? Perhaps write some little notes down on card so you have something to look down at and you won't dry up? I too would feel terrified so I wish you good luck . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purplemaniacs Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 I was asked by my friends OH after she died after a fight with a brain tumour that she lost on Christmas Day, I declined, I didn't feel I could hold things together enough to do it and fortunately he understood. After the service I was very relieved and felt I had made the correct decision. I would definitely write down what I wanted to say. Perhaps read it to her before hand so that she can add anything that she would like to be said. Chrissie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChrisP Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 I spoke at a funeral for the first time this spring, at my Grans I would suggest that you write down your speech. You don't have to use it, but I found it immensely helpful, both to make sure I remembered to say everything that I wanted to, and to read it as a pause from speaking (so that I could compose myself more than anything). I also gave a copy to the person who was conducting the service in case I couldn't get through it all - perhaps you could give a copy to someone who could take over if the need arises? I also asked my boyfriend to stand up with me when I spoke, just so that I had a support pillar next to me. Take a tissue up with you, in case emotions take over. I forgot, so I used my sleeve to wipe my eyes I don't know if it will be useful for you, but I found that when writing my speech I started with lots of bullet points of the stories/areas I wanted to cover, then I made these into sentences/paragraphs to say. I found this easier to do, and less daunting, than trying to write in one big go. Ignoring everything else, just know that there is nothing that you can or can't say which will be wrong. If you slip up with a name or jumble your words, no one will hold that against you. Just smile and chuckle to yourself and carry on as normal. Sorry, I seem to have waffled on...as usual! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 I feel for you; you're being very brave. We've recently lost Phil's dad, and while I didn't speak at the funeral, I did help to write the eulogy. The family wanted it to be very personal to him, so it was a gathering of anecdotes and family memories of him, and telling how he inspired everyone with his positive attitude. Have a trawl of the internet for some examples to inspire you, then write down a few points and go from there. I think it would be very hard to offend anyone by ding that, but I'm sure that the family would be happy for you to run it by them first. Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Louise Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 I spoke at my dads funeral my mum couldn't and his brothers wouldn't. I thought about what I remembered and any time my dad travelled it was a disaster so I made that the main subject I asked people who knew him to provide tales to pad my memories out I got the congregation laughing at it which would have pleased my dad!!! So ask others to help is my advice!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mullethunter Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 Very similar to ChrisP. I spoke at both my gran and grandads funerals. My grans was standard C of E and my grandads humanist. The humanist celebrant was lovely and I did like ChrisP suggested - wrote down what I wNted to say and gave a copy to him in case I couldn't do it. Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janepie33 Posted August 26, 2015 Author Share Posted August 26, 2015 Thanks for the advice everyone. Some really useful hints and tips. Especially giving out copies for what I want to say. Not looking forward to it but far worse for my friend who has lost her son. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparkysmum Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 Just wanted to add how brave and thoughtful you are being. Well done . Ax Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janepie33 Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 Thank you everyone for your words of encouragement. The funeral was yesterday and everyone helped to make it a beautiful service. My speech was quite short, but many people commented on it afterwards (favourably I might add) and I was so pleased that I could do it for my friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Groovychook Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 I'm pleased that it went well for you. Well done, it can't have been easy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Well done, it can't have been easy but it sounds like you said just the right things, which will have been a real comfort to your friend . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olly Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Glad to hear you got through it, well done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlottechicken Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Well done you, that's something I couldn't do so hats off to you! I recently attended an uncle's funeral and one of his granddaughters made a speech, with another standing alongside holding hands for support. The speech actually had us all crying tears of laughter and it really helped everyone celebrate his life too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christian Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 I spoke at my Mum's funeral (also a humanist ceremony) and it was the hardest thing I've ever done. I wrote a speech and rewrote it several times. Use lots of gaps between the sentences and take your time. Look up at people as you are talking as friendly smiles really does help! Practice lots on your own and get the pace right. I didn't intend for my eulogy to be funny, but looking back it was hysterical Mum would have liked that. In all my practice runs, I didn't manage to finish, as got too emotional, but on the day, the Humanist said he would read it if I couldn't, but I wanted to....and did get through it. I was hard to do, but am so glad I managed to do it, made her proud I think and that it what got me through it. People will understand if you make mistakes, get lost, or lose your place, it's ok. Nice that your friend feels that you can do it for her. Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
