The Dogmother Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 Dear Santa, I've been a good mum all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two cases of choc.bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground. I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years. Here are my Christmas wishes: I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any colour, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze; but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the lolly aisle in the grocery store. I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy. If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone. On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, 'Yes, Mummy' to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools. I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting 'Don't eat in the living room' and 'Take your hands off your brother,' because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog. If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container. If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare tomato sauce a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family. Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so you don't catch cold. Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet. Yours Always, MUM...! P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children happy, healthy and always believing Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xScrunchee Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 That is excellent!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted November 28, 2007 Author Share Posted November 28, 2007 It was sent to me by a very good friend in Oz, she has two boys under 5 and another on the way.. I think she needs her head testing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowy Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 Aww, thats great, and so true! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparkleeeeee Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 thats great!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted November 28, 2007 Author Share Posted November 28, 2007 When Rosie was little I used to wish to be able to go to the loo on my own. I used to joke that that was why I went back to work! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 I have JUST trained Caitlin to not follow me to the loo everytime I go, and I'm going to have another following me soon..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jomaxsmith Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 When Rosie was little I used to wish to be able to go to the loo on my own. I used to joke that that was why I went back to work! That was the worst thing about having two lovely holidays abroad this year - every time a loo break was necessary it was me cringing in a cubicle while my two boys (aged 3 and 5) very loudly asked 'why don't you have a willy, mummy?' or 'are you having a wee or a poo?'. Apparently men's toilets are far too insanitary for my husband ever to take the children in with him Jo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krysia Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 I Love this letter! thanks for making me laugh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feemcg Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 So Jo, why don't you have a willy? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
little chickadee Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 loved the letter - it really made me laugh. I also remember not being able to go to the toilet on my own - I only just manage it now as there is always a conversation which my 6yr old thinks is vital to continue! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 So Jo, why don't you have a willy? Absolutely Brilliant Claret. I loved the bits about jeans zipping without the us of power tools and tomato sauce being declared a vegetable. Not to be read on a train. You get funny looks when you laugh out loud and your tea comes down your nose. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen & co. Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 That's brilliant The things you long for when they are very small are so simple, like a trip to the loo by yourself, and a hot cup of tea But the other day I went into the Early Learning Center, stood there and left holding back the tears, as mine are now suddenly all too big to need anything from there anymore karen x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 That's good Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goosey Lucy Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 Fab! Many Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickenlass Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 Aww thats lovely! Brings tears to your eyes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted November 29, 2007 Author Share Posted November 29, 2007 Karen, I do that too - I was getting ready for work the other morning and a memory flashed into my mind of when Rosie was tiny and I had to get to work - I was breastfeeding while putting on my mascara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatsCube Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 Well I have come to the conclusion that either I have super behaved childeren or Im just a rubbish mum, cause I dint have any of the typical problems, and manage to just carry on pretty much the same as before i had kids. I have a 7 month old and one who just turned 2 and would happily have another. I get a good uninterupeted night sleep, roll out of bed around 8:30 potter around the house all day, both sleep all afternoon so I can do any housework, draw, study, watch a film etc then, we all eat the same food, I have never had to eat a cold dinner, and still wear lovely clothes which have never been covered in any form of baby bodily fluid. I reckon they will get revenge when they become teenagers! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 Well I have come to the conclusion that either I have super behaved childeren or Im just a rubbish mum, cause I dint have any of the typical problems, and manage to just carry on pretty much the same as before i had kids. I have a 7 month old and one who just turned 2 and would happily have another. I get a good uninterupeted night sleep, roll out of bed around 8:30 potter around the house all day, both sleep all afternoon so I can do any housework, draw, study, watch a film etc then, we all eat the same food, I have never had to eat a cold dinner, and still wear lovely clothes which have never been covered in any form of baby bodily fluid. I reckon they will get revenge when they become teenagers! You have just made at least 2000 enemies on the forum CatsCube. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bronze Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 DO you get to go to the toilet on your own though. I havent for the last four years. How long does it last? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatsCube Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 Haha yeah most of the time, although now I encourage the little man to come with me as he has his own mini toilet next to the big one, so he sits next to me, he sometimes reads a book at the same time, what a man! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted November 29, 2007 Author Share Posted November 29, 2007 DO you get to go to the toilet on your own though. I havent for the last four years. How long does it last? About 5 years Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunty e Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 Oh dear. You're not making yourself any friends here you know Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 I reckon they will get revenge when they become teenagers! Or when they become 1 and 3 My kids don't follow to the loo anymore (well, they are 13 and 15) but the dog often wanders in and sits beside me . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatsCube Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 I let his daddy do the male bonding toilet time normally (he will love me for posting this) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
