Storms and chickens

[Popcorn]

that finds bringing up children hard?

 

I'm not saying I don't enjoy it, but I do find it extremely hard at times. Brilliant and so rewarding, but can be relentless and very difficult to know how to handle things for the best, especially when you're functioning on little sleep time. And trying to run the home efficiently and go to work.

 

MIL came over at the weekend, and I made a comment at how hard it can be bringing up children.

 

And she disagreed.

 

Point blank.

 

Quite strongly.

 

I was left standing gob smacked. She absolutely, downright refused to see my point of view, or even empathise with me.

 

I had to walk out of the room in the end as I was either going to burst in tears or into a fit of rage.

 

Now I'm sort of left in limbo, as I want to have my say, but don't want to cause an argument or atmosphere, so I am left with a build up of annoyance and feeling like I'm being totally unreasonable if I have a little moan about how hard I find things on some days.

 

I just don't get it?

 

She's raised two of her own and has been a child minder for 30 years.

[bronze]

Its the hardest job in the world

I think your MIL is either a liar or in denial to be honest

[Guest]

oh, I'm sorry that has happened to you Gina. It sounds like someone who has forgotten what it's like.

 

Bringing up children is hard, of course it is. It's the most important (and therefore hardest) job in the world. We're on our own with no training, trying to work out how to handle things from the very minor to the very important. We don't always know what to do but we always want to do the best thing for our children.

 

I think the stage you've got to is one of the hardest (although they're all different and all hard!). Stefan must have a will of his own and it is very important that he does as he's told when he's told. If you can set that up now, things will be much easier later on. But it is a constant battle and you can't let him get away with any disobedience/rudeness etc at all. Sometimes, I know, we just don't have the energy to continue the battle. But if we give in, the child has won a round and it will be harder next time. You have to teach the right approach to everything - manners, safety, discipline, playing nicely etc and it is very hard work. A baby is hard work but it does sleep and will lie in a pram while you do the chores. A toddler needs watching all the time, there is no break for you.

 

Don't worry about your MIL Gina. Ignore it. Carry on doing a good job and enjoying your child - soon it'll be children and you won't feel like a beginner, I promise!

[Cinnamon]

Maybe it was easier in her time.

Back then you could let your children play on the streets in ralative saftey,which you just cannot do today.

And thats without all the other worries than parents have these days too

 

Ignore her Gina. What might have been right for her children might not be what you would want for yours.

If you find it harder than she did,its because you are doing a better job

[Tessa the Duchess]

I think bringing up children is just about the hardest job in the world As you say it is relentless, there is no end to it, it just goes on and on every day. I found a lot of it so boring you tidy and clean, they just make a mess again. You want to get out of the house quickly, they throw wobblies and make you late Add to this working as well, I am amazed that mothers go through the whole bringing up children and remain sane As far as your MIL'S comments. I think she probably wants to give the impression that she coped brilliantly and you are not, isn't that what MILs do Take no notice of her, talk to your friends who are also mothers of young children, I bet every single one of them has reached breaking point at some time or another. I bet you are doing a fab job

 

Tessa

[Karen & co.]

You are not on your own at all.

 

I think when you put your heart and soul into bringing up little ones then it can be the hardest job in the world, there isn't a get out clause, and the little monkeys know which buttons to press right from the start

 

Give her a 'fools pardon' and you carry on doing it your way, because that will be the best way for Stefan and the next one

 

Karen x

[chickweed]

Not only do I share your avatar, I also share your thoughts about bringing up children. It's one of the hardest but most rewarding jobs in the world. My children are grown up now ,and l am retired, but I remember the exhaustion and feeling like the juggler spinning plates on sticks.

 

Your mother in law is surely suffering from memory loss.

[fairy&cake]

MILS are the bain of most womens lives, that i know.

 

 

What a stupid thing to say. She is either trying to make you feel bad so she looks like Mother earth. Or she was a rubbish mother who didn't actually care about her children, just did it as a 'job'.

 

Bringing up babies and children is such hard work. I am exhausted , luckily seths asleep on my lap. I cant imagine having seth and being pregnant and going out to work.

 

Ignore her comments. Im sure shes jealous, my mil is jealous i am young and have seth.

[The Dogmother]

Now, mothers in law; there's a thought - my ex-MIL was a nightmare and a nasty drunk, so I just kept out of her way.

 

Phil's Mum (OK, not officially my MIL) is the best - she brought up 4 children (all under 5 at one stage) on a busy farm, while her husband worked all hours. She is the kindest and most patient person that I know; OK, times were hard, but she really enjoyed raising her family and says that it's only hard if you think it is - times can be trying, but you just soldier on and overcome them. She is also incredibly supportive of me when I need it - she totally understand the difficulties of being a full-time working single mum with no money and offers support when needed. I have learned a lot from her about attitude and think myself lucky to have what little I do.

 

I like my MIL

[fairy&cake]

your sooo lucky Claret!!!!

 

 

She sounds wonderful.I do think though in there day it was easier. I mean women didn't have pressure on them to make money etc.

 

I do love bringing up Seth its wonderful. But when he screams so hard for a lightswitch that hes not allowed and perforated my ear drum last week, i dont think its easy to enjoy those parts. Im still in 'echo land' now from it.

 

and especially when your trying to do 3 or 4 things at one time.

[Tina C]

No comment on MIL (as I am not married I don't offically have one )

 

Best advice we have been given is - everything is just a phase.

 

In other words, just as you think you have parenthood under control, they go and spring something else on you. So you sort out the sleep/tantrum thing and then they decide they only ever want to eat spinach, chocolate and cream crackers.

 

I am assured this process goes right on through the teenage years.

[little chickadee]

You are not on your own - I think anyone is a bionic woman or lying if they say that it is. Don't worry about mother in laws!

[Snowy]

Oh Gina, sorry you are having a rough time at the moment and your MIL sounds very insensitive You are right - it is the hardest job in the world, but it is the most rewarding. Anyone who says it isn't is just deluded. But as Claret's sort of MIL points out, you can get through it with the right frame of mind. Look for the positives everyday, keep a diary. Forget about the negatives, they really are a phase (mine are 3, 5 and 16 and ALL going through a phase at the moment ) But it will be a different one next week Maybe that is what MIL has done - selective memory and only remembers the good times! There's a lot to be said for that!

[The Dogmother]

She sounds wonderful.I do think though in there day it was easier. I mean women didn't have pressure on them to make money etc.

 

Not at all Laura - they were quite poor financailly and really had to make do, but were (and still are) and incredibly close and loving family . Jean brought up 4 children, helped run the farm, kept house, tended her veg patch and chickens, then went out 3 nights a week to work as a chef at a posh restaurant nearby. She makes me feel very humble - they didn't have any of the gadgets that we have now, and still managed to put a beautiful home-cooked meal on the table. Never underestimate what the previous generations went through.

 

If it's any consolation, what seems hard at the time is always looked back on fondly; we are blessed with selective memories. I look fondly back on when Rosie was a newborn, but when I really think about it; I can't imagine how I coped.

[Tessa the Duchess]

She sounds wonderful.I do think though in there day it was easier. I mean women didn't have pressure on them to make money etc.

 

I have to disagree here. I am assuming the MILs that you all have are in their 60's or maybe late 50's? There was huge pressure on women to make money in the 1970's and l980's, pretty much all the women I knew worked full time and had children. The mortgage rate rose to 15% in the early 80's

women just 'had' to work I think the women that had it really hard were those with children in the 1950's no automatic washing machines no telly to stick the kids in front of no steam irons, just grindingly hard work day after day. I guess it has been hard to be a mother through time, but the rewards are generally speaking so worth it, otherwise we wouldn't keep on doing it

 

Tessa

[Trish]

Oh Gina, so sorry your MIL is so antagonistic toward you, I think she's jealous. Honestly as the mother of three teenage boys I think being a parent is the hardest, most consuming, painful and wonderful job there is, when you care about your children. How could it not be, they make you feel on cloud nine on minute and like dirt the jext. The emotional rollercoaster, worry and sheer physical hard work is 24/7, nothing else evens come close.

 

As amazing as it is it's also the toughest thing I've ever done.

[Tiggy]

my mom was bringing up the 4 of us in the 1960s -70s it was hard, little money 2 part time jobs dad working away, but to listen to her now she was supa mom never got mad at us never tired, always there in the mornings to make breakfast & meal on the table every night. Funny I dont quite remember it like that, my sisters get really fed up with her comments, & I am a step mom with no natural child of my own so what do I know about any thing!! My MIL had a stroke many years ago so my mum has to make up for the two of them & Oh don't she make a good job of it. I have asked my 2 to shoot me if I ever start to sound like her.

[The Dogmother]

I'm like that with my own mother Anne - she's coming to stay next week and I'm stockpiling the valium

[Tiggy]

mine does not come around any more now that I am too old to have any children of my own - she says there is no point in visiting me, if there are no real grandchildren to see. which means my poor sisters get all the flack. I dread to think what she would have been like if any of us had been boys the MIL from hell I thinK.

 

Its not just MIL that can be spiteful

 

Oh dear I'm ranting maybe a spot of counselling is in order

[Daywalker]

It's a NIGHTMARE! We have 2 twelve year old boys and the worrying never stops...are they safe, is it the right school, what time to go to bed, backchat. But how great are they!? No one tells you the real story about bringing up kids, I've found it a really hard and steep learning curve. All I can say is I'm glad their worth it.

PS Dont plan on adding to the family!

[Guest]

mine does not come around any more now that I am too old to have any children of my own - she says there is no point in visiting me, if there are no real grandchildren to see.

 

Anne, that is absolutely awful! There are times when honesty is NOT appropriate and no mother should say something like that to her child, however old.

 

I have the opposite. My mother frequently tells me that she is coming to see ME, not my children. She complains that I don't make time for her and that my children show her no respect. They are not rude children, she just expects to be treated like a Victorian grandmother.

 

What you have is far worse though. You must feel very hurt by remarks like that.

[Guest]

but did she have to work as well as bring up children?

 

I'd love to have children but can't have my own because of my condition and we can't adopt at the moment because of my health. We were looking into it before I became ill but we don't have the money now and TBH I don't think I could cope.

 

My friend has 2 boys, 1 and 4 years old, she works full time and looks after the house etc and I think she is a superwoman, I really admire how she seems to cope.

 

My 1 year old niece has just been for a visit, she was only here half an hour and I'm exhausted!

 

I am in awe (and a bit jealous) of people like you! Be proud of yourself, you should be

Edited February 8, 2008 by Guest

[Guest]

Who?

 

My mother worked, several jobs at a time including running her own Nursey School. we had no money and she was a single parent with 3 children. She was a good mother but had a very hard childhood herself and her outlook can be a little harsh sometimes.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

:(mine does not come around any more now that I am too old to have any children of my own - she says there is no point in visiting me, if there are no real grandchildren to see.

How hurtful . You wouldn't want her to visit you anyway if that's her attitude towards you .

 

I agree with everyone else - parenting is not easy. I think any MIL that says it was in her day has rose tinted spectacles on.

 

I think we have greater pressures on us these days too. Children are no longer expected to be seen and not heard and therefore don't always show the respect to adults that was the norm in our day. As a result, disciplining a child can be hard. There are also pressures on us as parents to rear children who reach a whole range of milestones at particular ages - not an easy task as each child is so different. There are also so many outside influences on children these days so they can easily learn behaviours (not always desirable ones) from others outwith the family unit.

 

Chin up, I bet you're doing a great job. We all lurch from one worry or crisis to another but I bet all our children grow up successful and happy (how could they fail to - they're Omleteers in the making ).

 

My 15 year old has just got his prelim results back. Let's just say OH didn't handle it too well . Since when did ranting at a teenager get you anywhere .

[Guest]

Who?

 

.

 

popcorn/Gina