Guest Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 What a day! I am really pleased to hear from you and it is good news that the surgeon thinks he can 'mend' your father. It's 11 now and I hope all has gone well. Your mother - what can I say? I hope tomorrow is calmer and that she feels a little better. She is in such a state and instead of taking comfort from those around her she's wielding a big stick and hurting everybody she can find. She needs help and I hope your GP gets on all right on Thursday. Sleep well! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted March 11, 2008 Author Share Posted March 11, 2008 Thanks, everyone. Phoned hospital, he's just come out of surgery and is stable. I'll phone again in the morning (mum hadn't phoned, by the way ). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olly Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 Glad that's good news - fingers crossed for a good night (for you as well as him). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 oh V, what can I say!? Just sending you lots of love xxxxxxxxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joojoo Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 I just don't know what to say, other than if you were here I would give you a massive hug. I think you are pretty amazing to be going through all this and holding it all together - I don't know if I could or would be so strong under those circumstances. Please remember to take care of yourself. Keeping everything crossed for all of you. Jue xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hillfamily Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 Oh ANH - you really have had an awful day :( ..............glad to hear your dad is out of surgery and stable Sending you ((((big hugs)))) xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowy Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 What a rotten day for you. Sending big (((hugs))) xx Take care Hon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen&Lee Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Well I hope today is lots better for you and your Dad ANH, you sound like you are handling this as well as you can. Your mum is really like my parents-in law. Their behaviour is completely irrational much of the time, and unfortunatly we work with them What really gets me down is the inability to reason with them and if you stay calm and don't rise the thought process that they have gets even more bizarre. After 6 years of working with them I have no advice of how to handle them, so I hope in your case the doctor can make a diagnosis and you mum can get some medication Enjoy your day of respite, you definately deserve a medal Take care, Helen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olly Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Just checking for any news - hope your dad had a good night, and that your brother arrives and takes the weight off you today. xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 I hope today is better for you as well - try to find some 'me time' so that you can recover slightly and are able to carry on coping. Big Hugs! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theherd123 Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 ANH I think its you that deserves a medal for coping with all this never mind one for us! Im really pleased that the surgery looks like it has been successful and i do hope your dad makes a good recovery. As for your mum - i'm not sure what to say at all! Do as your brother has suggested and take a day out to try and do what YOU need to do. Lots of hugs and thinking of you xox Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted March 12, 2008 Author Share Posted March 12, 2008 You lot are lovely . It's so nice to log on here and see all your thoughtful messages. Phoned this morning - dad is OK, didn't sleep much as they had to keep waking him up for obs. Slightly raised temperature but that's settled. Is talking but not unprompted (so presumably much like a few days ago) and the right side still weak but they hope that'll improve. He'll be there till Friday then transferred back to the geriatric hospital near my work. Don't think mum's phoned the hospital (hasn't phoned me either thank goodness ) so have passed it all on to my brother who will be down after lunch. Not going to work - skiving really, but I'm still a bit wobbly (and haven't done a big food shop for days and days - the kids keep saying "where's the Ricicles - there's no bread - the fridge is empty" .) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedusA Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 I wasn't around yesterday, ANH, so just catching up. What a hell of a time you are having. I think you are doing a marvelous job! Take it easy today, and take full opportunity of that "respite". I'm glad the GP is seeing your Mum. Sounds like she's in a bad way at the moment, whether through stress or illness. Fingers crossed for you all. Hope your dad improves some more. *hugs* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sheilaz Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Just sending you lots of love & hugs, ANH. Hope you can make the most of recharging today, it's not skiving, you really need it. I'm full of admiration for your strength in coping with this, you're amazing. Just try & stay as lovely as you are, and look after yourself and have time for your own feelings. I've always thought my Mother was irrational until I read this, and my heart goes out to you. Last year when my sister & I nursed my Father we would have gone totally barmy if we hadn't had each other to go at when Mother was being unbelievable. Even so, she has never been hurtful, so you're incredibly brave. It's just impossible to reason with irrationality so don't exhaust yourself trying. Even if she's always been difficult, this is a step further isn't it? She can't be thinking straight at all (which sounds an old problem) so don't believe the spiteful comments. Has your Father always covered for her irrationality, been the positive one to counter her negativity, and therefore perhaps hidden her worst behaviour from the world? Do you generally get on well with him? He must be immensely proud of you, as would your Mother be if she hadn't become paranoid. Well, I'm very proud of your calmness and strength. The hospital seem to be caring well for your Father so I hope you continue to have good news there. I've made you another very big pot of tea! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Morning Vicki, glad to hear that your Dad responded well to the surgery and is improving. It must be so hard on you to have your mum being so unhelpful and a burden as she is. Not to mention the hurtful comments. Sending positive thoughts to you today, and hope that you get a rest when your thoughtful brother gets there. XXXOOO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feemcg Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Just caught up with whats's been happening . I hope you manage to 'switch off' a bit today, take some time for yourself and family - you must be exhausted, mentally and physically. I'm so glad your boys are a bit older, and you're not having to cope with wee ones through all this as well. I think your mum's forgetting that this situation is about your dad and not her - she seems to have turned it around to be all about her, her feelings, her problems etc. and it's your dad that's lying in hospital . I hope he recovers well from the surgery. Take care x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickencam Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Hope you get some time for yourself today, go out and buy everything that you like from the shops, then rest as much as you can. fingers crossed for your dad today and big (((hugs))) to you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helly Welly Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Big hugs from me too I hope your Dad is feeling better today and that you are getting some rest. Don't worry about work, you aren't skiving at all. Spend today with your feet up or just doing normal things such as watching the chooks getting frazzled in the wind Best wishes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted March 12, 2008 Author Share Posted March 12, 2008 Well I've spent an extra 3 hours in bed this morning, watched Neighbours and am now going to take Riley for a walk. Need to do a shop though - no food at all in the house . Have decided though that I need (as usual ) to make the first step. I phoned mum (she's not answering so maybe she followed through on her threat ) and left a message saying if she would like me to give her and my brother a lift to the hospital (parking is a complete nightmare & you then have to walk miles) I'd be happy to. I said to have a word with my brother when he arrives and let me know if she's happy with that. Off for a stomp through the woods - very therapeutic . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina C Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 I have just managed to speed read most of this - glad you are sounding more positive today and that you are getting a much-deserved breather. It does sound like there is something wrong with your mum as well as your dad. I am sure she is worred sick too and she just can't cope. It does seem to be bringing out all her 'worst' characteristics. I know it sounds strange but thank you for posting about this I am sure that more than one of us will go through similar experiences in the future and if we do, we won't feel quite so alone. If I were near to you I would go shopping for you, but all I can do is send virtual hugs and positive vibes to support you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheGirlsMum Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 You are coping famously, make sure you include a huge bar of chocolate on your shopping list, just for you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted March 12, 2008 Author Share Posted March 12, 2008 Darn it, just got back from the shops ........ forgot chocolate . Think I'll need more than chocolate, however. I drove past mum's and the kitchen curtains are closed. Phoned my brother - the Forth Road Bridge has been closed so he's been diverted and is stuck in traffic near Stirling. I don't want to go through what I did on Sunday and go to mum's thinking I'm going to find her dead. I also don't want to go there in case she's alive, as she'll not be happy to see me. So, I have to wait till my brother gets there and he'll phone and let me know if she's dead or alive. If she's alive, I'm going to tell her to use some of that imagination she says I don't have to imagine what it's like going to someone's house (twice) thinking you're going to find a dead body. Sorry, I'm being very maudlin and am probably worrying about nothing. But on the other hand, she did threaten suicide (once again) and we did part on bad terms (once again). It's the first time I've ever said to her "go ahead" when she's threatened to o/d. (Don't worry, I'm not going to blame myself ... she's capable of making her own decisions.) In the meantime, my poor dad is oblivious to all this - thank goodness. Hope you're all having a good day . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Oh Vicky, I am so sorry. How very stressful for you. I think waiting for your brother is the right plan. This is your day for keeping out of things. Maybe she's just taken a sleeping tablet (just one) again and is sleeping. I really hope so and will look for further news later. Try to distract yourself a little, if you can. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 I know what it is like to have a manipulative mother ANH so I totally sympathise. If her behaviour is because of some sort of illness then the GP must get her referred to the right expert.....you can't go on like this......and why should you have to? If it is just pure malice......I know how tempting it is to call their bluff.....and that is all it is as a rule. Trouble is....she may cry wolf once too often. Take a bit of time out with your own family when your brother arrives. And get some chocolate. All the best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
baby bears mum Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Sending you huge hugs and lots of positive vibes for your Dad. Take care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
