chelsea Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 This is sad, to have "Ooops, word censored!"ody that cares about you I agree Tessa, I think its really sad and upsetting, poor chap. I cant believe a member of his family - be it a distant cousin or two just couldnt turn up for 30 minutes to pay their last respects. Awful. Good on you Phil. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kannie Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 Yes - good on you Phil - and the solicitor, who did more than many of them would. I'm so not looking forward to getting really old. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 I used to see an elderly chap, must have been late 80s, walking painfully slowly with one of those frames on wheels, on his way to the local shops now and again while I was driving home from work. After I saw him a few times, I figured out he had a heck of a walk to get there so one day, when I bumped into him in the shop, I offered him a lift home. He then asked me if I could maybe take him and bring him back sometimes. No problem, I did that a few times which I didn't mind at all. Then he began to ask me if I could take his dog for short walks, it all got a bit much in the end, because I didn't have the heart to say no. As I knew he had a son (he mentioned him) who visited him now and again, I gradually backed off. I felt incredibly guilty but friends kept telling me that if I wanted to help I should contact social services as his son might think I was up to no good and let them arrange help for the old man. When I see elderly people struggling with carrier bags, I always want to stop and offer them a lift but I'd be scared they'd feel threatened by getting into a car with a stranger. It's hard to know how to help to be honest and how much you should actually get involved. I think, if you want to help, it's best to do it via an authorised charity or an official body- offering hospital lifts or doing shopping for elderly people. I think you can do that via 'Help The Aged'? I s'pose neigbours are different and to be honest, if we had an elderly neighbour, I'd keep an eye on them but we don't. That's such a sad story Phil but if someone doesn't want help or contact, it's hard to know what to do for the best isn't it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theherd123 Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 Glad you gave him the send off he deserved Phil and very considerate of the solicitor to find his old pal and for them to attend too. Im sure he is now resting in peace and probably happy to be back with his wife, in spirit at least. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hils78 Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 oops sorry didn't mean to swear Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevie Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 How sad. The shock of loosing his wife obviously had a devestating effect.People deal with grief in different ways and i kinda understand why.I do hope people dont start comming out of the woodwork looking for any sort of monetary gain. Respect to you though for going. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedusA Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 What a sad story. I had a terminal patient that I cared for once who had ""Ooops, word censored!"ody". When he died, I went to the funeral. There wer three of us there, including the vicar. It was so heartbreaking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olly Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 It's hard to know how to help to be honest and how much you should actually get involved. I think, if you want to help, it's best to do it via an authorised charity or an official body- offering hospital lifts or doing shopping for elderly people. I think you can do that via 'Help The Aged'? You are absolutely right Poet - and sadly your experience bears this out -it's best to go through some sort of organisation, unless you have a neighbour whom you already know, and who is open to accepting help. There are quite a few charities which organise or co-ordinate help, and they are usually desperate for volunteers (I'll only mention my favourite, Contact the Elderly, once in this post, I promise!) It might be offering lifts or serving teas, but lots of elderly people want help with their gardens or help filling out forms - there's something for everyone. If anyone is interested in finding something locally, take a look at Volunteering England. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 What a sad story and what a sad ending to a life . Good for you for making the effort to mark the poor old chap's passing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Couperman Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 A good friend of mine had a similar experience. The old lady over the road from her (very proud and kept herself to herself) was noticably 'missing'. Said friend phoned the Police and Ambulance services who found the poor old dear in a bad way. It turned out she has two daughters who never showed their faces during the whole episode even though they were contacted. she was in hospital for a month or so at deaths door and due to my friend had many visitors she had never previously met The same old dear is now fighting fit and has come out of her shell in appreciation of the help and love she didn't know was so close. She bought me a pint yesterday, purely because she could. : Yay. With regard to the gent in question, It is so sad that someone should live and die alone and then have "Ooops, word censored!"ody to send them off properly. Well done Phil and all those who dared to care. Kev. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mayflower Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 Life is complex and we are all so different. What might be a terrible lonely life for one person might be a peaceful existence reliving the past for another. What might be living in squalor for one person might be living according to all you actually need for another. It's all so complex. I suppose the only thing that we really need to be concerned about is that, people are truly living how they want to live, and if not offer a bit of help. Difficult though to accept people as they are, especially when their concept of life is completely different from ours. My Hubby recently through his work came accross a close relative of someone who had died incredibly rich, yet, lived in a house falling down about his ears. The chap was totally in his right mind....just had a different viewpoint to what was important in life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keanie Bean Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 That's such a sad story Phil but if someone doesn't want help or contact, it's hard to know what to do for the best isn't it? This is so true, my grandparents lived in the same house as us and they would still refuse help ( so we had to help in more sneeky ways, like cleaning when they went for appointments), why are some of them just so stubborn. Well done Phil for giving him a goodand decent send off. The poor old chap is probably happier now than he has been for the last 20 years. Maybe he's smiling at last knowing he's had the thoughts of some at the last. Sarah.x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cooks Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 I have been thinking of this guy.. I am so pleased he had a nice send off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paola Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 I have been thinking of this guy.. I am so pleased he had a nice send off. Ditto He is now at peace and with his wife. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superjules Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 Oh how sad that this man just chose to fade away. Well done Phil for caring enough to do a proper service. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 At least he has good wishes speeding him on his way to wherever he is going from the folk on this forum. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hils78 Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 I bet its the most he's been thought/spoken about in many many years. Hopefully his sad ending being made public will have raised enough awareness if only to help one other person. It doesn't take much to help an elderly person. The other week an old lady fell at the bus stop near where I live and was really shaken. I helped her up but she was clearly unable to get on the bus but refused an ambulance. So I asked if I could give her a lift home. So I got my car used my last £10 on fuel & took her & her friend home. The friend managed to get my house number out of my daughter (age 5!) & they knew what steet I lived on...a week later I recieved a card through the door saying that she'll never forget my kindness & its sad how many people just walk by these days etc etc anyway she had actually broken 2 bones in her arm . I did check she could wiggle her fingers etc but all the same a little kindness goes a long way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickenanne Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 There is something incredibly sad about a funeral with so few mourners. But I do believe funerals are about the living, not the dead - i.e. to help those left; after all I don't imagine that when you've gone you're going to be that fussed about one hour - if you're still about in some way then eternity would look a fair bit bigger than that! And if you no longer exist when you die, then there's no "you" left to care. IMO some sort of ceremony to mark a death is essential for people left behind, so you shouldn't ever say that you won't have a funeral when you die. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 IMO some sort of ceremony to mark a death is essential for people left behind, so you shouldn't ever say that you won't have a funeral when you die. Well I don't want one In my opinion they are so disteressing for those left behind that I would rather have a private cremation,then a party for those who wanted to celebrate my life,not mourn my death. I am not religious - quite the opposite in fact, & while I can see that some like to have a funeral for closure, I think that I would prefer people to have a jolly party than a funeral when its my time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 Cinammon, I think that is still a funeral! They can come in any shape or size but essentially they are to celebrate the departed person's life in what ever way seems appropriate for the person and for the mourners. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowy Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 IMO some sort of ceremony to mark a death is essential for people left behind, so you shouldn't ever say that you won't have a funeral when you die. Well I don't want one In my opinion they are so disteressing for those left behind that I would rather have a private cremation,then a party for those who wanted to celebrate my life,not mourn my death. I am not religious - quite the opposite in fact, & while I can see that some like to have a funeral for closure, I think that I would prefer people to have a jolly party than a funeral when its my time. That's what we did for my Mum (she was a Christian) We had a big celebration of her life. I have lovely memories of my Mum's funeral Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 Cinammon, I think that is still a funeral! They can come in any shape or size but essentially they are to celebrate the departed person's life in what ever way seems appropriate for the person and for the mourners. Yes,I see that. It will be at least 3 months after my death,there will be music,booze,bright clothes etc,etc. No black,no crying,no religious content at all. Loud funky music,no hymns. No flowers - plant a tree instead I guess I am saying I don't want a traditional church or crematoriam funeral,but something more fitting for my personality. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jules. Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 My Gran died nearly 4 years ago now, a lovely committed Christian lady. Her death & funeral were a big wake-up call & turning point for me, both spiritually & emotionally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 Cinammon, I think that is still a funeral! They can come in any shape or size but essentially they are to celebrate the departed person's life in what ever way seems appropriate for the person and for the mourners. Yes,I see that. It will be at least 3 months after my death,there will be music,booze,bright clothes etc,etc. No black,no crying,no religious content at all. Loud funky music,no hymns. No flowers - plant a tree instead I guess I am saying I don't want a traditional church or crematoriam funeral,but something more fitting for my personality. Sounds great to me Sarah! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 Yes,I see that. It will be at least 3 months after my death,there will be music,booze,bright clothes etc,etc. No black,no crying,no religious content at all. Loud funky music,no hymns. No flowers - plant a tree instead I guess I am saying I don't want a traditional church or crematoriam funeral,but something more fitting for my personality. what you're saying is you don't want a dismal and grim experience for your surviving friends/relatives! I guess none of us would want that! as Ginette says - a funeral can be anything you make it.. a word to the wise though - just in case you don't know (and after you're dead you won't really care anyway!!) your surviving relatives are NOT bound to follow your instructions for your disposal - the decision is made by the next of kin. this is not usually a problem - most people will follow your wishes within reason - but there is no legal force to funeral instructions in wills..... jolly talk for a dismal wednesday eh? Phil Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
