Locking Bar Eglu Classic

[Ain't Nobody Here]

I do feel pleased that she's been in contact. Often after she's decided she's fallen out with me, she doesn't phone for weeks.

 

I'm not holding my breath though, she's been like this before but always reverts to type before long. I'll try keeping my distance but still speaking to her.

 

By the way, she called to speak to me but OH answered. Not sure if you thought he'd phoned her (he wouldn't have, in a million years ). Still deserves Brownie points though!

[chickencam]

Hopefully a positive step for a happier 2009

 

I have a strained relationship with my own mother, but I am lucky that I get on really well with my MIL.

[KimmyCustard]

ANH I have also just caught up with this thread.

 

Nothing more to offer but love and hugs and a large brandy for your nerves.

 

Kimmy

x

[Lisa]

A positive step for 2009 - I will keep my fingers crossed for you!

 

Take care

[MedusA]

I agree that is a very positive step to start the new year. *fingers crossed* it's a new start.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

I'm here for a bit of ramble so feel free to ignore me .

 

This time I feel a bit different about mum even though she's made the first move. I really feel like I've had enough of the mood swings, the unpredictability, the unwillingness to listen to others' points of view and the nasty comments. People keep telling me (forum and non-forum ) that I don't do anything to deserve it and I really believe that now. She obviously has some long held and deep-seated negative feelings about me which surface every now and then.

 

I held off from phoning her (although OH told her I would) with little difficulty. I'm happy to speak to her when she is "in the mood" to speak to me but I don't feel any qualms about not contacting her otherwise.

 

She phoned me this morning. No mention of OH's conversation with her or any of the issues she seems to have with me. This is what I find so frustrating. She either forgets, or chooses to ignore, everything that she says or does to me so I never manage to get anything resolved or even discussed. She had phoned to say she had an upset tummy and wouldn't manage to see dad. She didn't ask if I would go (she'll never ask, just waits for you to offer). Obviously I offered so she was happy with that. Dad was fine, tucking into a huge meal with gusto .

 

This is obviously my problem, but even during that phone call she managed to annoy me . She said she'd visit dad tomorrow if the weather was OK. "It's fine today apart from the fog. You won't have that where you are - you don't seem to get the same weather we do." I live a mile away from her for goodness sake. We get the same weather . I think she likes thinking that "her" weather is more extreme than "mine" . I know that's pathetic getting annoyed about that but I can't help it .

 

OK, ramble over .

[Cooks]

you ramble all you want x

[poachedegg]

you ramble all you want x

 

Hear, hear - it's good to rant, sometimes just to get your thoughts in order and sometimes to get other people's perspective on things - and it will keep you sane!

[Tiggy]

you rant all you want

[fowlbird]

I know that's pathetic getting annoyed about that but I can't help it .

not pathetic at all she seems determined to be worse off than she is and that is so annoying...

[Ms Marple]

Ramble on ANH!

 

I need to go bck to the beginning of this thread to see where you are coming from, but parents!!! I am so deperate not to be like my mother - she is so awful to my dad. They will have been married 50 years this March yet they seem so horrid to each other - mainly my mum. Although Dad seems to be retaliating now yet I don't think he used to. There is only me so I feel like piggy in the middle when things go wrong.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

What a shame for your Dad . My mum's always been a bit like that to my dad but he's the most placid person in the world. I think he's happy in his nursing home partly because he doesn't have to listen to her constant whinging and moaning .

 

If you think there was a lot of catching up to do in this thread, you need to steer clear of this thread where it all began . All 49 pages of it .

[Olly]

I feel so sad for you ANH, and for others who've posted on here, because my mum was NOT like this at all - she was great fun, and a good friend, and loved me and my brothers and sisters very much. That's not to say that she was perfect (she wasn't!) and she could irritate me very quickly, and no doubt I did the same to her, but there was always a strong current of love underneath the day-to-day whirlpools of emotion. That is what really seems to be missing in your case.

 

The word 'mother' suggests someone nurturing and loving, and there's an expectation that most of us will support and help our parents and do anything we can for them ... that disregards the reality in your case that she has been actively nasty, spiteful and rude to you and behaves totally irrationally. I don't think anyone could blame you for just walking away; you probably won't do that, because you have put up with so much already, but my view is firmly that you must do what works for you and not regard her feelings. You are probably never going to get resolution on this - she will never say 'sorry' or admit her wrongs.

[Tiggy]

I

 

The word 'mother' suggests someone nurturing and loving, and there's an expectation that most of us will support and help our parents and do anything we can for them ... that disregards the reality in your case that she has been actively nasty, spiteful and rude to you and behaves totally irrationally. I don't think anyone could blame you for just walking away; you probably won't do that, because you have put up with so much already, but my view is firmly that you must do what works for you and not regard her feelings. You are probably never going to get resolution on this - she will never say 'sorry' or admit her wrongs.

 

wise words from Olly, she's right you may never get your Mom to say sorry, but at least she

did talk more openly to your OH, there must be some feeling there, but you need to put your needs first and try to leave her to her own devices.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Sorry folks, back for more .

 

This is more of an update for myself so no replies necessary!

 

Had a long chat with my brother today. He says he's more concerned about mum's mental state than he's ever been. She's got her finances in a bit of a muddle and her short term memory is getting worse too. She's not in great shape but we don't feel there's an awful lot we can do about it.

 

She apparently goes on and on about my birth family whenever she's having a rant (about anything) and says I'm probably visiting them if she's not seen me for a bit. (I rarely see them and only speak occasionally.)

 

She mentioned the conversation with OH but just said that he said "I was wonderful".

 

He asked if I have a key for her house because she said the last time I saw her I threw my key at her . Obviously, I didn't.

 

I'm still adamant I won't contact her. If she calls me, at least I know she wants to speak to me and we might have as normal a conversation as we can.

 

To cap it all, I'm a bit worried about Dad. When I saw him today, he could barely finish a sentence (he doesn't often make sense, but can formulate a sentence). He didn't look great at all . I'll need to see how he is over the next day or so - hopefully it's just a blip.

 

Edit: my brother came down to Edinburgh this weekend past but didn't tell me . Am I right to think that's a bit off?

[jlo]

I would say so!

 

I am afraid that I can offer no advice on the general situation but we all are thinking about you.

[Paola]

Edit: my brother came down to Edinburgh this weekend past but didn't tell me . Am I right to think that's a bit off?

 

That is off Even if he had very little time I am sure that he could have arranged to meet for a coffee, esp with the situation at the moment with your folks.

 

((((((HUGS))))))) xx

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Actually, I've been a bit hasty dissing big bro' . I remember now he said my mum told him I was away till next Tuesday . I am going away (to school camp) but not until a week tomorrow . It's on her calendar (that I bought specially so she could write dates of things in it) but she's obviously not looked at it and is just believing what's in her head .

[Ms Marple]

((((((MORE HUGS))))))xx

[Egluntyne]

Sorry to hear that your Dad didn't seem too good. Did you have a word with the nursing home staff?

 

Just hazzarding a guess and wondering if he might have a urinary tract infection.

[MedusA]

Sorry to hear that your Dad didn't seem too good. Did you have a word with the nursing home staff?

 

Just hazzarding a guess and wondering if he might have a urinary tract infection.

 

 

I was thinking that too. What is it they say about great minds, Egluntine?

 

I hope your Dad soon picks up again Vicki. *hugs*

[Chook n Boo Mum]

Actually, I've been a bit hasty dissing big bro' . I remember now he said my mum told him I was away till next Tuesday . .

 

Do you have a mobile that he could ring you on if you are away from home & he's worried about Mum or Dad? Just a thought.....

 

Sorry to hear Dad's poorly again, I agree with the UTI thought. Bless him!

 

Hope this week improves for you, take care

 

{{{hugs}}} Sha x

[Tiggy]

I hope you have a better week, is Dad any better?

[Mutrix Farmers]

Big hug from me to you!! No words of advice to offer, it's all been said, just lots of positive vibes.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Do you have a mobile that he could ring you on if you are away from home & he's worried about Mum or Dad? Just a thought.....

 

Yes, he has a mobile which is always by his side (for work) so you'd think a quick text wouldn't have been too much to ask . He never phones to tell me anything though, he's rubbish at keeping in touch generally so I'm used to that.

 

Went to see dad today after work. He was quite bright, still not making a huge amount of sense and a bit choked with a cold, but much better than yesterday. So I'm very relieved . Thanks for your concern .