My eco solution to rat problems

[Cooks]

I is not a big riter but my sis Flo said you are all nyce so I fort I would hin'tro'dooce myself

 

my name is Dorrrrrry, you are all verree cleva, I am not a cleva girl I dont understand how Flo n Cocoa trick our hoomans or get out from this 'orrible string stuff cross the garden, I am always left behind when they go .

 

I is going to try to learn from you though, Hooman says its cos I is a heff a lump, can you tell me what she meens ?

[Chicken Licken]

A terrible thing has happened. Today I was herded around the chicken area until after a long chase (and hiding in the eglu run and the hen house run,) I was caught, and the indignity of it ladies , I had my bottom dunked in a bowl of nasty clean warm water to wash all of the nice dried mud and poop I have been collecting there all winter off. The hooman chased me, and ducked and dived, and slid on stealth poos left by me an my friends, but in the end I got washed (nasty clean wet stuff),

I did get my revenge by flappinf my wings and making sure she got a wash too - but be careflu girls, she was muttering something about spring cleaning.

We chickens must be extra vigilant - no eggs for her for a few days .... stand up for your chicken rights BoooCCCKKKKkkk

 

PS Flo, I think Heff- a - lump might mean you have been first in the que for treats for a while and be a bit plump -the cheek of it!! All feathers I'm sure!

[Space Chick]

Dory, you is clever cause you came on here to talk to us all

 

I suspect it is your Hooman that isn't the clever one, like our hooman space chick.

 

Today she got all excited because Barbara laid a 23g teeny tiny egg, she mentioned something about a leeedddaarrr board and got all excited, took photos and everything.

 

Well quite frankly, we are all very upset, we have all been laying nice big eggs, some very nice coloured ones too, and she gets excited about a 23g ex batt egg. We despair. Apart from Barbara of course who now thinks she is very special

[dancing cloud]

Pardon me for butting in on your post girls (and boys), but we definitely have a complaint!

 

I'm Daisy, top-chook and the one with the brains, and we usually have nothing to complain about. Being ex-battery girls we fully appreciate our lovely houses and garden, and the unlimited food and water (though not unlimited grapes), however we have been evicted from our home .

 

Not only was our lovely closed off to us with no consultation whatsoever (and it's been our home for nearly two years now, I'll have you know), but we were all expected to share . Five of us in - the indignity of it!

 

Why? I hear you ask. Why indeed! Not only does our usually gullible hooman evict us from our home, but she then puts five featherbare runts in it and tells us they are our little sisters and we must be nice to them. Well they're no relatives of mine, I can tell you, and as for "being nice", she must be having a laugh. Not only do they look and smell dreadful, the daft creatures don't even know what to do with proper food - they just look at it like they've never seen it before. Mind you, one of the cleverer ones watched us scoffing our pellet-porridge and decided to give hers a go, the little copycat.

 

We've tried shouting at them, but they still haven't gone away, and silly hooman says we're going to try mingling this weekend - mangling more like! We've not laid eggs since they arrived (except Sun who lays an egg every day, the little creep) and have made sure we've done lots of poo on the paths where silly hooman can tread in it, but she's still not getting the hint and keeps talking about us "big girls teaching the littlies how to be proper chickens". We'll be teaching them how to run away really quickly and not much else if I have my way!

 

Honestly girls (and boys) it just isn't right. What would you do?

 

PS Dandelion would like to know if Sir Minky has a brother? Now she's fully-feathered that girl's become a real flirt!

[docsquid]

Dear sisters. Blodwyn here.

 

All these reports from Daisy and my other sisters makes me think that there is something in what the hoomans call "the air" and what my sister Gwennie calls "stuff you fly in".

 

Anyway, we have to report that the hoomans have bought something called "Omlet netting". They have stopped us doing our favourite activities with it viz

 

- getting into the shed and removing everything from the shelves

- spreading the contents of the compost heap over all the paths in the garden so that the stupid cowardly animals that they call "cats" can take all the mud indoors and put it on something called a "doovet cover".

- scratching up the garlic and chives in the herb bed

- pooing on the path and decking

- mugging the hooman man thing and the other hooman man thing called "his brother" for treats every time they go out of the back door.

 

We now have only half the garden to scratch in. Having half a garden, a lot of lovely borders, a mud bath, and a nice pond to drink from is just not good enough. We want our compost heap back! And the hoowoman person wanted a cuddle today - I was having none of it. I have gone what they call "flighty" although I must admit flying isn't my strong point...

 

Well, we have Taken Measures. I have decided not to lay eggs in the big green cube thing any more although Gwennie hasn't really got the hang of it, and is still laying in the nest box, the little creep. Gwennie is annoying because she can fly over the fence too, but I just have to sit and shriek at them, but they don't take any notice. And me being top chook and all! Disgraceful. Of course, I'm not letting on where I am actually laying my eggs - then they'll have to take the fence down and come in and look for them and.....freeedom! Bokkkk!

[Tutti Frutti]

Evening Sisters and Brother, Roxy here making my first report. Please may I join you? I have a complaint.

 

Some Vet called Ben Flew here last week and hid my Green Magic Treat Thing. You know, the Thing the stoopid hoowommin with the big-black-feet-with-no-toes holds and suddenly nice grub or grubs appear in it but within seconds of me putting my head in it, they just as suddenly all vanish again. Do you have them too? Are they all green? I was quite cross with her cos she kept talking about worms but didn't give me any! Just who does this Ben Vet think he is? Well, he must be stoopid too, cos he only Flew in for a week then won't fly again for months - and I can fly anytime I want, as my stoopid hoowommin was about to find out...

 

She came in to MY run again today and made a racket. She just wandered in - doesn't even knock - and used that loud noisy thing again, this time to "sk-roooo" a shiny stick onto the wall. She said it's so she could hang my Green Magic Treat Thing HIGH UP and make me WALK up onto THAT new perch wot she sk-rooed up yesterday. The peckin' cheek! She finks she's been so clever but there's no way I'm giving in and walking up there! So I just waited until she turned round to choose my best poos (she says she wants to pick them )... then quick as a flash I FLEW up instead

 

She also said it'll stop me knocking it over and pooing in it but GIRLS! I've already worked out that if I put my beak RIGHT IN and flick it around, I can spill stuff all over the floor. And then if I turn round and aim carefully, I can still poo in it.

 

Beak Power!!

[Chicken Shirl]

Hi, Sir Minky here,

 

I have made two attempts at replying to you Daisy and you Blodwyn and you Roxy, but the internet has gone down here every time and I am spitting fevvers.

 

Enough to say that you are all lovely girls and at this moment I need a drink of something strong.

 

Right, Daisy, could you tell Dandelion that I do not have a brother, but she can be a special friend like Noodle if she wants. I would like to see her photo if I may. See photo of me to show her.

 

My chicken mummy loves to show me off.

 

I have had enough of the internet chucking me out tonight so. Nite Nite everyone.

 

Love.

 

Minkyxx

[Space Chick]

Sir Minky *swoons*

 

I think I am in love

 

Your comb is so big and red, and you stand in such a masterful way

 

Your wives are so lucky to have such a handsome man as you.

 

I will dream about you in the cube tonight.

 

Here is my picture (even though I am not quite as pretty as Noodle, and despite being a year old I still haven't laid an egg )

 

 

Lots of love

Nyssa xxxxxxx

[Chicken Shirl]

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeello Nysa,

 

Well, you are a beauty, and beauty is in the eye of the beholder. you are very different to any of my girls. What breed are you Nysa? I love your colours and the way you hold your tail, you have a japanese look about you. Don't worry about the egg dropping that will come after we get together.

 

I had a stiff drink and I feel a bit better now.

 

Thank you for saying all those nice things about me. I am just an ordinary boy, who likes all the usual chickeny things in life. Meal worms, hens, grass, trees, red balls in the sky, dust baths, chasing frogs and lizzards, and lots of seeds to eat, and greens, I love greens.......

 

Tell me what you like most Nysa.

 

Love.

 

Minky.xx

[Chicken Shirl]

Oops, sorry, I left a "S" out of your name Nyssa. (must be the Wine).x

[Space Chick]

Well Sir Minky, I am a silver spangled Appenzeller

 

What I like most is jumping on high perches (I love the sound of your trees), eating mealworms, shouting to get my chicken mum's attention and then running away when she tries to pick me up

 

I also love following my big sister Rose around, waiting until she scratches up some worms or grubs and then eating them myself (she doesn't seem to mind)

 

Lots of love

Nyssa xxxx

[Chicken Shirl]

Good morning Nyssa,

 

thank you for getting back to me so soon, my hooman got very fed up last nite and turned off the compooter thing, and went to bed.

 

You and Noodle are now my of-i-shal girl friends from far away. Sorry Noodle but Nyssa is just so unusual being one of those Apple hens. I may be adding Dandelion to my list by the end of today. No photo so far. so I'll have to see.

 

I am a very happy cockerel, at the moment I am digging around the compost bins with my girls, as our chicken mummy was composting yesterday and there are lots of things on the ground to peck at. The big red ball is out and it is very very pleasant indeed.

 

Have a nice day girls. Stand up for your right to free range.

 

Sending you all compost Heaps of love.

 

Sir Minky.xxxx

[Chicken Shirl]

PS. Rose sounds a very kind hen Nyssa, most hens wouldn't give you their worms. xx

 

Love Minky.xx

[docsquid]

Sending you all compost Heaps of love.

 

Sir Minky.xxxx

 

Dear Sir Minky. I know we aren't speshul chickens, but I wonder if you could possibly send a compost heap our way too, now that we've been excluded from the one in our own garden?

 

Yours hopefully,

Blodwyn

[Chicken Shirl]

Dear Blodwyn,

 

that's a tall order, but I will do my best. We have been kicking the stuff about all morning, we are not allowed actually on the heap until it is ready to spread around the garden, then our chicken daddy puts it in wheel barrows and we fly up onto them and get very very excited cos there are cockroaches in it and all sorts of lovely things to eat. We all love those cockroaches they don't live long when we are around.

 

No, we are only allowed around the big wooden bins to play in what comes out of the big machine that they shred the compost in. It is reeeeeeeeeeeeeely big Blodwyn, you might be scared of it, but we are so used to the noise that we get underneath it and every thing. Chicken mummy says, "They have no fear those hens" says it all the time she does.

 

So, sending you a big cyber compost bin over right now Blodwyn chock- a- block full of loverrrrrrrly grubs. Be ready to accept in you garden.

 

Heaps of love.

 

Minky.xxxxx

[docsquid]

Dear Blodwyn,

So, sending you a big cyber compost bin over right now Blodwyn chock- a- block full of loverrrrrrrly grubs. Be ready to accept in you garden.

 

Heaps of love.

 

Minky.xxxxx

 

Dear Sir Minky

 

Thank you for the cyber compost - it has been very windy here today, so I think most of it blew away, but it is definitely better than no compost at all! Our hoowoman also spilt a lot of mealworms today so we got extra treats, so I laid an egg in the big green cube thing today. She still hasn't found the last few eggs, but you have to make them understand that compost restriction and lack of treats is not the way to get your eggs laid in convenient places.

 

We don't have cockroaches here, but we have lovely big snails. When I catch one I run round in circles and my sisters try and steal it off me. I'll have to watch that Gwennie - she is getting a Bit Pushy.

 

Love and much fluttering of feathers.

 

Blodwyn xxx

[Chicken Mad]

Galdys here! Sorry to barge on you but ... Listen to this!

 

She KICKED ME TODAY!

 

She was rather appologetic and use some daft eggscuse that she has no perifeather vision as she wears speckled-tickeles. But that doesn't changes the fact!

 

She came in today, clearly with some yummy stuff in her hand so as always we were right under her feet. She danced all around us trying to walk in to OUR part of the garden, stepping over us but I was quicker and stepped right infront of her. What is that all about anyway. Why does she have to come in, it would be easier if she just gave us what she has straight of! Or even better let us come and get it from "their side" of the garden so we can tidy up flower borders in there as well.

 

The yummy stuff turnd up to be dried mealworms. She picked me up to make sure I'm OK and fed them to me high up without the interfeatherrance of my two sis! I have to make sure I get kicked more often!

 

By the way, what are the hoomans all about. They know we love grapes (I believe you all agree). So why a peck are they waiting till they go all dry and nasty and give them to us in a form they call raisins! Well I tell you they can keep them.

 

Similar thing is with these mealworms. We much rather have them live, but she says something about him not liking them stored in the fridge. Not a problem, we'll eat them straight away, not need to store!! Though worms are pretty delicious dried as well and we get them more offten that way! That must be a good thing!

 

Friendly pecks,

Gladys and sis Mabel and Florance

[Chicken Shirl]

Nice reporting Gladys, and good to know you have your hoomans under your feet. Know just what you mean about those raisins. My girls like sultanas best, but black grapes even more

 

Love and pecks. Minky.x

[Chicken Mad]

Oh Sir Minky,

 

We are honoured you are talking to us. We had thet red ball in sky you often talked about most of the day today.

 

Shehooman had something delivered today. We haven't seen it yet as she put at the side of the garage where we can't see. She said something about "keeping the feathery toerags" to their side. What do you think that meant? Wild birds flying over the netting anyway and I'm sure they will over whatever she's got hiding behind there!

 

We had more dried worms today. I think she feels guilty . She said something about not seeing us much next few days due to that work stuff. She does that often you know. We are then left with the hehooman. He pretends he's not too keen on us and says stuff like no treats till weekend . But in reality he gives us grapes when she's not around. And he weighs our eggs and writes down how many we layed each day.

 

Kind Peckings,

Gladys and sisters

[docsquid]

He pretends he's not too keen on us and says stuff like no treats till weekend . But in reality he gives us grapes when she's not around. And he weighs our eggs and writes down how many we layed each day.

 

Kind Peckings,

Gladys and sisters

 

Ooh, Gladys. You may be on to something there. Our hehooman is just the same!

 

Our hoowoman has been giving us raisins, and dried mealworms but I think the hehooman knows best because he gives us the nice grapes from the drawer in the bottom of the hooman coldbox that they call a "fridge". And yesterday he put an old tarpaulin covered with snails in our half of the garden so we could chase each other round trying to steal them off each other. Obviously he understands chickens much better than her, even though he says he doesn't like us.

 

We are still confined to "our half" of the garden, which doesn't have compost heaps and garlic beds, so they still need to be trained a bit better, but we are working on it. I keep sending Gwennie over the fencing to check things out, as she's good at escaping doing the flying thing. We just try the burrowing thing instead.

 

Sir Minky, the big red ball thing came out today. I'm sure it must have come over with that compost heap you sent us.

 

Yours, in sisterlyness.

Blodwyn (and her sisters).

[Chicken Shirl]

Hello Ladies, and any gentlemen who are switched on,

 

You poor things having to be behind the netting stuff. it must be so maddening watching all those compost heaps growing bigger and not being able to play in them just think, you could be ridding the garden of all sorts of nasty things that are eating away at the new seedlings. Try telling your hoopeople that!

 

We have had the red ball in the sky today, but we have had the terrible blowings. Our hoowoman came to sit with us because she was worried that we would be blown away, so she brought her lunch out. That was a big mistake Huge she had venison patte sandwiches which we could smell and guess what we ate them all We pestered and pestered and flew up onto her chair arm and onto her knees until she realised that all the sandwiches were gone she had given the whole two sandwiches to us. We loved them The thing is girls we don't have much to complain about here because we have no barriers, just a bit of that netting stuff over the seedling things, but we get a good go at them when they have grown big, so no worries really. Paradise thats what it is, and two daft hoomans thrown in.

 

Sending loads of chickeny love to all of you brothers and sisters. Spring is coming so lots of us will be getting ready to make chicks!!!!Yeah!!! I wonder how Noodle is and all my other girls. xxxx

[brambles]

Dear Nyssa,

 

My, you are a very elegant lady. I am a traditionally built lady, hence the name Rasputia, but I am a partridge cochin and I am stateley as a galleon. I have beautiful feather covered shoes and massive tennis knickers which the hoowoman says reminds her of Virginia Wade in the 70s.

 

Sir Minky, thank you for explaining about that tube thing. My hoowman says that she thought the end was nigh. The small ones apparently got very excited about seeing forrin chikkins when they weren't pointing at goats or volcanoes.

 

23g is very good. We could start a craze. Blubby did a 15g one last week, it is very pretty. Herself calls it a wind egg, so we're a bit scared that blubby's going flatulent whilst we still have our front door locked closed at night.

 

Keep up the good work girls. The omlet green spaghetti is v. good as you can pretend to get yourself wedged through it then the hoomans come and rescue you and give you food to stop you shouting.

[dancing cloud]

A quick update from Daisy top-chook girls (and boys), I have reclaimed my home

 

We stopped shouting at the runts last week (they didn't go away, no matter how loud we were), so the silly hooman decided to let us mingle on Thursday night. After a bit of chasing them round, we all got tired and went to bed in the as she wouldn't let us in the . We did the same thing on Friday night and got told what good girls we were for not bullying the littlies and got dried mealworms for being good , so a cunning plan was hatched .

 

On Saturday silly hooman let us mingle all day, so at bedtime I nipped into the when she wasn't looking, and looked so cute and snuggly when she found me that she didn't have the heart to turf me out - success ! Dandelion has joined me and our nestbox is now our own - though we do have to put up wth the runts sleeping on the roosting bars. The Roxanne-runt tried to join us in our nestbox one night - the cheek of it! Sent her packing, I can tell you.

 

So far we have them contained in the yard as they're too scaredy to venture into the big garden, but I've seen the Lola-runt looking through the doors and I'm guessing they'll be trying to come out and join us soon. Another cunning plan will be called for ...

 

Dandelion says hello to Sir Minky

[Chicken Shirl]

Hello Dandelion. *waves madly at Dandelion* Glad all is well in the Dying to now what "Daisy's" next cunning plan is. Just off to my tree, see you all tomorrow.

 

Sir Minky.xxxx

[Tutti Frutti]

Dear Sisters and Sir Minky,

 

Bok bok bok BOKKKK! Ursula here! I'm must report about my 'orrible day That hoowommin got out some purple spray and I HATE being sprayed I legged it as fast as I could but then she started grabbing at me with a purple hand. Now we're both purple So I pretended to be grumpy with her so she'd get the mealworms out and it worked! But here's the best bit! I flew up onto The Shelf and waited until she had just taken the lid off the pot... Then I DIVE BOMBED her and knocked the pot clean out of her hands! We spent a good hour digging in the Aubiose for mealworms and eating them but she was just putting them back in the pot Weirdo!

 

Oh and she was fussing over Tallulah again. Now Tallulah's got her new beautiful brown feathers, she's become such a creep. Anyway Hoowommin fell for her standing in the bushes doing the "I don't feel very well, my tail's down, I look sleepy" thing. She put Tallulah up on The Shelf and (get this for creeping) Tallulah then laid a whole softie in her hands

 

I've got real competition here, I've gotta think of something better and quiick! Any ideas?

 

I want to do just three things. Stop the hoowoomin chasing me with purple hands. Get her to like me loads more than Tallulah again. And most importantly, go away in her noisy tin box then come back with more mealworms. And I know she can get live ones but HooMan doesn't want bugs, he says. Hmmm I need to work on him too!