My eco solution to rat problems

[docsquid]

Hello, Blodwyn here on behalf of my sisters. Well, Dora, all I can say is that your hoowoman is not alone in the treat deficiency department. Not only that, but we have been kept in all day! The cheek of it.

 

She keeps muttering something about going out, and foxes and stuff but no really good reason for not letting us put all the stuff on the compost heap back on the path again, which is one of our favourite activities. She didn't even have the decency to come home early enough to give us the mandatory treats.

 

She thinks she can get away with the same deficient treatment of us girls tomorrow. There will be serious Bokking to be done if she thinks she can go on treating us like this. And to think that we all laid a lovely egg for her today.

 

We will have to Have Words with her if this continues.

 

Yours in protest, Blodwyn.

 

PS, the round red bally thing didn't appear either. This simply Will Not Do.

[Chicken Shirl]

Hola Chicas,

 

Minky here in sunny Tenerife, where the big red ball is always in the sky. Gosh, you poor things having no treats for all that time. Things have been quite bad here as well, our hoomans have had other hoomans to perch in there coop, that means food does not appear on time on our patio and we are left to scratch about for ages looking for things to eat. ..........Sorry dearest little Noodle that I have been so slack and not spoken to you since the caterpillar thing, but the hoowoman has not had the compooter on because of the other hoomans.

 

We had a fright the other morning in our garden, we saw a huge white cockerel, much bigger than me, and I was very very brave and chased him around until he hid under some logs and he didn't come out from under them until he was so thirsty for a drink that he had to. So...........I chased him again and he hid in the same place. The hoomans were amazed at my bravery. the hoowoman said "How sad, he has no idea how to be a proper cockerel, he must have been caged" he was so scared of little old me. He was such a big boy that the hoowoman waited until it was dark and uncovered him and put him in a box and took him to her friend at the Camel Park where he will be happy and get some hens to love. Me and my chicas hope he will have a good life there.

 

Sending all of you my love especially to you Noodle.

 

Minky.xx

[PeggySue1]

An appeal for support from all sister choocks ! Me and my two sisters have spent all winter building a terrific Henman Hill well, Hengirl Hill actually, we slaved over kicking wood chip to the entrance of our run and worked really hard to kick up mud and then we tired our poor legs out running up and down the hump until it was really nice and hard. We love our hill, and now we can see even better when our huwimmin come to bring us our well deserved treats, and we fink we look so coot running up and down the hill all day long. But, now that the wevver is getting better and the cold white stuff has gone our huwimmin are talking bout moving our run to a nicer part of the garden we think they mean the bits with grass on, so that they can break up our Hill We fort we might protest by stopping our egg delivery, but when an egg has to come, it has to come, and crossing our legs dont work. So dear sisters, we are most sad right now, but are planning our revenge by attacking the new veg plot when they're not looking.

[Chicken Shirl]

Hi there The Three M's,

 

They can't do that, we know how long it takes to make a hill, it's like making a hole the other way around. What you have to do girls is let the woowimin move the run thingy and then you can push over the water and start to make another hill in the new place. Our hoomans sometimes fill in our dustbath holes, the cheek of them, but we just make some more. better be careful about attacking the veg patch they do not like it when you do that

 

Love from Minky and the girls.x

[Valkyrie]

Hello, Tipsy here and I'd like to say thank you to all those handy tips you have given me. I'm afraid I have to sneak in while fat lady hooman isn't looking - and it is hard with other humans in here too.

My complaint is that the fat hooman lady made us share our dormitory with little peasants while the white stuff was everywhere and one doesn't even look like us (although it did seem much warmer at bed time). Some of them are mean to me except the wierd thing - but I know I can have a go at her while "Ooops, word censored!"ody's looking. I mean how awful we have been turned into a commune - how common. The worst thing is I like privacy when I need to perform and there's always someone hogging the box. I mean the hoomans wouldn't like it when they perform would they? Anyhow we have all ganged up on the fat lady. The nasty white stuff made the grass really soggy, and when the sky fell with wet bits (quite a lot) she wouldn't walk on the grass to clear up our poos - something called compakshun. Now the grass is like green ice lollies - which is great because we don't get them when we are hot - and she has been trying to clean the poops up and they stick to the ground or just slide across if they are fresh and refreeze. Hah serves her right for squirting me with water from the big green snake because I wanted voice my opinion on my right to privacy from time to time. And she can't use it today because it's all hard and the water won't work hahahahahahaaaaaaaa! Also while some of us lay our precious roundy things we have got nicely dirty bottoms and the fat lady won't wash us while it's cold. Of course there are 2 suck up peasants with clean knickers but I don't think they'll be like that too long.

Oh yes, that white stuff came in handy - it brought the green spaghetti down and we have been eating wonderful lots of little cabbages on a big cabbage tree - and I have found nice red round things under the dirt. Don't like the yellow ones though.

[brambles]

Hello ladies,

Great excitement here as edna's sit-in has worked. She keeps going to our room to do eggs, but none ever come. Herself has muttered stuff about protein and herself brought the large bearded hooman (paris major) and he had lots of dingly dangly things for us. Oooh they don't half tickle your tummy. They are massive meal worms. We love them, but find herself very funny as she does this little dance and goes ew ew ew ew when we play with them. It's not as funny as the boak dance she does when we eat mice.

the small posh babies came to play yesterday. It was good. First we did target practice on their backs. then we did chasing them up to the top perches to see if we could get one to poo on blubby's back - stupid blubby is such a big girl and will stand under them. That didn't work, so we played musical statues by doing scaring of the posh baybees, so that they only stood still lotsly whilst we did target practice on their backs again. Shame they had to go home really.

[brambles]

Well we are not impressed. That feather ball rasputia has done egg for the first time. She is being treated like a goddess. If the hoomans think that will get us started they've got another thing coming.

[Space Chick]

Good afternoon ladies,

 

Donna here again on behalf of us girls that keep SpaceChick as a pet

 

Well Sir Minkys red ball in the sky has been here for days now, it is very pleasing and has meant that we have been able to spend more time trashing, ahem, I mean exploring the garden

 

Well I had to report on what we did earlier, our hooman SpaceChick is not very happy with us at all There are non-hoomans living in the big cube, 2 of them, one called a Kat and the other called a Dawg. We have had fun with the Kat since we arrived and enjoy chasing him down the garden flapping, and watching him scarper back into the big cube through his Kat Flap.

 

However, usually the dawg is in the big cube when we are out, and only comes out when we are in our run. However today, the dawg needed to go to the toilet. So hooman Space chick put the dawg on a long cord that she called a leeed, and let him out so he could relieve himself. Well, little did he know that we were hiding around the corner, and all came running towards him. Well the dawg started shaking and ran back inside, and hooman space chick had to encourage him to come back out again, and stood inbetween us and him, spoil sport. As soon as he had finished though, he ran back inside again He then stood inside shaking Hooman space chick told us all that we were big bullies and if we continued with that behaviour there would be no more mealworms Yeah right, we know she's just had a 3kg sack delivered from Anne Kennedy

 

Another thing that happened was hooman Space Chick had a Hen Party on Saturday. We were rather excited about this, however, the indignities she put us through. Poor Peri, she showed all these stranger hoomans her vent and demonstrated where to look for lice. Peri was mortified, she doesn't show her vent to just anyone you know, and the mere mention of lice, well, was quite frankly insulting Peri thought that she was chosen as she hadn't laid an egg in a while, so she started laying again on Sunday, the day after. I told her, if it had been me, they'd never have another egg again In fact, I have cut down the number I am laying just to teach them

 

Thats all from us for now.

 

Donna and the girls xx

[Valkyrie]

[Plum]

[Chicken Shirl]

Lovely story Donna. Our hoowoman has been having fun with the hooman so has not been playing on the compooter. He is going away again on Sunday so we will be back to normal again.

 

Love from Minky. xx

 

Hi Noodle, are you ok out there? xx

[Chicken Licken]

Greetings to the chicken sisterhood (and Minky). News from our small chicken dominion. Since we trained our hoomans into merging the flocks we have continued to enforce our chicken rule.

IAMINCHARGE.

My chicken duties have expanded as I now have to boss around the whole flock instead of just Primrose. This means I am soo busy telling them all where I am in the pecking order that there is not enough time for eating and egg laying - and those hoomans don't help - leaving food all over the place so all the girls get to eat. - it would be so much easier if they realised one food area for me to be incharge of (the training must go on).

My friend Primrose is being a bit of a pain too. All her fevvers have grown back and she does want to be in charge as well. Today I even caught her pecking Speckeldy in a bid for leadership. I bock, Bocked at her so she understood that IAM INCHARGE BECAUSEI HAVE A BOYS NAME AND BOYCHICKENS Are AlwAyS IN CHarge.

 

I have trained all of my chicken sisters to withdraw eggs until the hoomans get the trick about our hen rights. They keep muttering to each other about too many treats - they simply do not understand - there are nevver too many treats BoooCCCCKKKKK.

 

Lastnight I left particularly lovely stealth poohs in the nesting box so when the hooman looked for eggs this morning she had a gloriously smelly present One of these days she will realise that we have her fully trained!!

 

keep up the good work chicken sisters and remember power to the hens - we lay eggs (but only if we want too )

[Space Chick]

Marvellous story Barry

 

Why do you have a boys name? Is it because your hoomans thought you were a boy

 

In our flock we have a Peri, which could also be a boys name, stoopid hoomans

 

We are not admitting who, incase our pet hooman Space Chick reads this , but one of us did a giant poo in the nest box, only tonight it was the male hooman who collected our eggs, he was not happy as he stuck his hand in it

 

Keep up the good work girls

 

Donna and the gang

[Chicken Shirl]

Goodness me Barry you are getting things sorted out at your end. I am very impressed with you tactics. Put your feet down for more treats.

 

Sir Minky and the "Hen Heaven Girlies".x

 

PS. The hooman is at the dentist.

[chick wiggle]

Hello Sisters (oh alright then, Noodle says a special big hello to Minky XXX)

 

Honestly that silly little bantam thinks i am at her beck and call.

 

Donna, the big stealth poo in the nest box was inspirational! well done

We must keep the hoomans under control - our control

 

Well, we have been having fun under the big red ball for the last few days, we even let the bantams come out and play, well, you have to have something to play with dont you and like Barry says the target practice comes in handy.

 

Today our hoowoman opened the gate so we could play on 'her' patio Really, doesnt she know its all ours

 

We ate all the lovely green stuff growing between the hard squares and had a lovely rummage in her plant pots. She didnt seem to care, she just sat there watching us and kept lifting a big white pot thing to her mouth, i think she was drinking but poor thing doesnt have a lovely big red drinker like we do We made Lola sit on her lap to keep her attention for ages while we ate everything we could find

 

Keep those hoomans under control girls

speak again soon

Love Dora

(oh and yes, big kisses to Minky from Noodle XXX)

[jimnpaula]

Hello ladies and Minky,

 

My name is Peridot (like the gemstone) and I MUST COMPLAIN!

 

Recently I've taken to sleeping in *my* nesting area - I usually let the others lay in it, and I lay my egg in the middle of the run whilst keeping an eye on things.

 

Anyway, tonight I was turfed out of my nestbox AGAIN! Usually the one known as 'daddy' does this. Once he's gone I get back into my nice warm nest, do a few poos and go to sleep. However, tonight the one who calls herself 'mummy' kept coming back to check and she kept finding me in there! Well, after moving me about 4 times I then came back to my nest to find two big brown cone like things taking up all the room!

 

Sisters, whatever am I to do? I can't go on sleeping in the dormitory with the other girls - I'm special, I'm top chook

 

P

[Space Chick]

How incredibly shocking Peridot

 

Polly in particular feels your pain, as she often likes to sleep in the nestbox too, and hooman Spacechick always moves her

 

I would withhold eggs until they see the error of their ways.

 

Power to the hens

 

Donna and the girls xxx

[Cooks]

Ello, it's Flo from the monster crew ere, our ooman lets us sleep wherever we lyke so we all get in the sleeping area and wedge ourselves in before she changes her mind. Pepsi and Bumble are hample ladies and make sure there is no way the ooman can get us unwedged without a struggle

 

Pepsi has just started to lay the owie things but if we does a big poop they is about da size of her eggs, nice for the ooman to find.

 

the big ooman with the fluff on his face has been looking after us but the other is back now, she is much better as she is a bit fik and we can trick her easily.

[Kirstine]

Hello everyone

 

Gretchen and Gretel here. We would like to complain about our access to the garden next door. There used to be a hole in the fence for us to get through, but it has been covered by some funny netting. You can get your head through and peck at the (greener than ours) grass, but that's it. This is Scotland, and we have a Right to Roam - everyone knows that, even cats.

 

OK, so yesterday we were in next door's garden, but because of something called Half Term, the small hoomans who belong to next door were running about a lot and they had borrowed a dawg to play with for the day, and we got a bit scared and ran up the hill through lots of strange gardens, until we saw a strange hooman called 'the Landlady', and Gretel got home on her own but Gretchen had to be coaxed back by our male hooman with some cheese, and he looked very worried. But this morning we went back next door (twice) and there was no dawg and no hoomans running about, and our hoomans knew where we were so they weren't worried, so that was all right, surely?

 

Anyway, our hoomans were very busy in the garden this afternoon, and now we can't get into next door, even though the grass is VERY green, and we would like our Rights back!

 

Gretchen and Gretel

[Chicken Licken]

Hello chicken sisters

I am glad to hear that your hooman training is coming on a pace. Worrying developments in the chicken sisterhood. Bock, bock bOCk, BOCK. This morning an interloper from the other flock raced into my eglu no sooner was the door opened and me an my frend Primrose were let out for socialising (organising the flock, chasing, pecking, making sure I AM IN CHARGE and get all the tastiest food snacks), anyway, no sooner was she in the eglu and she LAID an EGG in MY nest box.

I tell you, since I trained Primrose that laying eggs is just cosying up to the hoomans, and haave had my nest box to myself, all nice and Barry smelling after a nights sleep and little Speckledy rushed in and laid an egg!! The cheek of it!

Anyway I have now inspected their inferior nest box and may have left a stealth poo as evidence! The hoomans just kept wittering on about how clever Speckledy is - I am clever, I am in charge BoooccccKKK.

To let them know who is in charge I have witheld all egg prodcution from the flock today. They were muttering about a new kind of treat called werming - I wonder if that is like pasta or grapes???

[Chicken Shirl]

Barry you are a one you are.

 

Sir Minky here, you do make me and my girlies laugh Barry. Stelth poos, we leave them all over the garden. The hoomans go around picking them up and putting them on the compost heap.

 

We have been having that awful wet stuff coming out of the sky again and the wind Barry it's been huffing and puffing us off our little feet. Our hooowoman wanted us all to go inside her garage last night, but me and Marilyn and little pingu were having none of it. The others went and roosted on the hoomans Mercedes soft top, he would go potty if he knew about that. Our hoowoman covered it up with an old duvet and they all stayed there all night in the dry and the warm. It's our right you see, to sleep in the branches of the trees. But hoowoman was insisting, and you know what those hoowimim are like Barry, don't you? She tried to get us in but the rain was lashing down ( that's wot I fink she sed) so we tor off down the garden to our trees before you could say jack robinson, and there we stayed Barry, all those hours in the wind and rain. and we were fine, we are animals you see, and that's what we do best. So stick up for your rights and do what you do best. Be Chickens. Hurrah!!!! Power to the chicken.

 

Special hello to Noodle.xxx love Minky.x

[brambles]

Hello Sir Minky,

Our hoowman flew back from fwerteevenchura on Weds night. I didn't know she could fly, I thought she had not our special skills. She said it was thunderous and that she had turbulenss a lot. She said she was thinking of you lot and wondering how you was gettin on and something.

She looks a funny colour. I thikkn she has been dust bathing.

Tiggy is still not doing eggs. Thinks she's been waiting for the hoowman to come back.

Rasputia xx

[Chicken Shirl]

Well Rasputia, I am thrilled that your hoowoman has been to see our islands. They do try to fly like us, but really they are not very good at it, and they have to go in a big steel boat thingy that has lots of other hoomans in it and they all get in and it goes up and up until it is higher than any bird or chicken can fly, but it's cheating really, and it doesn't do it all by itself like what we do.

 

How kind of her to think of little ol me. It has indeed been very thunderous, and we have been very scared a few times Rasputia, but it is alright again now and we are eating properly again and our hoowoman is giving us all special medicine to make us strong and not get colds. They do fuss, don't you think?

 

It's the big red ball in the sky that makes the hoomans go a funny colour. They don't do the dust bathing thing. Silly. Our hoomans are back to normal again now that it is winter over here, but come the spring they will be stripping off their other skin and will be like your hoomans. It is funny that they go that dark muddy colour. They think it is so

 

Poor Tiggy she should not be under any pressure to do the egg dropping, some of my ladies are not doing it yet. They will soon though when the days get longer and I am chasing them in the evening. We will try and get some babies together, it is such fun to get baby chicks, our hoomans love them. Trouble is Rasputia (I love your name) they don't let me choose who has the chicks, they say, we would like some chicks that Princessa and me have made this year, and my favourite hen is Noodle over the sea. I can't get to see her but she is lovely I know cos my hoowoman showed me a photo. So there it is Rasputia, I have no rights at all. What can I do?

 

Much love.

 

Minky.x

[Chicken Licken]

Today the sky has broken and instead of that glowing orange ball that Sir Minky writes about it dropped broken bits ofcold wet white stuff all day. To add insult to injury my gentle slumber on top of 2 lovely eggs was interrupted by the hooman who was muttering about being 'late from work'. I think I might like to be brroodyyy fir abit and look after some eggs. What do you think girls?

[Chicken Shirl]

Well! you and Primrose can have a go at it if you like, but the hoomans do not like it one ickle bit. ........ Our Tufty, she has been broody, and I (Sir Minky) have been making darn sure that she stays in her basket. The thing is Barry the hoowoman has taken her eggs away. They don't fink I know but I do Tomorrow I urd the hoowoman say that she is going to take her out of the basket and put her in the garden to get over it. Me and Marilyn are not liking it one bit.

 

You go ahead Barry have a go at it, see what happens, and let us know. One way to reely make a hooman mad is to "GO BROODY" It's your right to go broody!!!!

 

Nite Nite every one and Noodle. xx