Kaye

[Happy chickens!]

My 14 year old son was attacked on his way to school. He cycles and another student stepped out of a side street and punched him hard so he swerved and was nearly run over by a car. Fortunately the car was driven by a friend who, most importantly stopped in time, and also then had the decency to phone me.

 

My son is ok, thank heavens, but if I feel shaken and upset at second hand, he must be feeling dreadful. School is dealing with situation and am waiting for phone call to hear what they plan to do with culprit.

 

This is third incident - not had one for over a year - but don't these little horrors realise that punching someone by a busy road is not the same as in a school corridor, the consequences could be horrendous. Last time we reported to police, but decided not to press charges as it would have been long drawn out stressful process. The culprit was temporarily excluded. This time want him locked up and the key lost - something to get through to him!

 

And the reason for the bullying, son has ginger hair and is quiet, self-contained and doesn't have (or want) big circle of friends.

 

Sorry to rant, don't want to get on the phone to my friends and stop the call coming in from school!

Edited September 21, 2009 by Guest

[poachedegg]

Hope your DS is ok and everything gets satisfactorily sorted very soon .

[bluekarin]

Oh thats awful! Hope your son is okay and thank god it was your friend driving past. I really hope the school do something about this and if it comes up with the police again, I'd press charges this time. Is it the same person doing the bullying?

[Egluntyne]

I'd call the police. Your son is the victim of an assault.

 

I hope that he is OK.

[Happy chickens!]

School phoned back at last, time really drags when you wait for phone to ring!

 

Son ok, back in lessons, treated with icepack for lump on head where he was punched. His younger brother also very upset as saw whole thing, but both happy to stay at school.

 

Culprit already pulled out of lessons, admitted totally unprovoked attack and is very sorry. He's being strongly spoken to, not really sure that's enough, so have told school am thinking of going to the police and they will pass that on to make sure he understands the seriousness of the situation. School suggested a chat with community policeman, so have put a call into him and am now waiting for him to phone back...

 

I am usually a very strong person, but I just crumple when it comes to my children being hurt, feel very tearful and not in control of situation, silly really.

 

Thanks for support and 'listening' to my ravings.

[Willow]

How awful !

 

Report to the police and press charges this time especially as you have a friendly witness.

 

These thugs get so used to being in trouble at school and the lack of serious repercussions for themselves that the telling off/detentions mean nothing.

[PurpleTree]

Aw that's terrible, can totally understand why you're feeling upset, I would be the same. All a mother wants to do is protect her children, but then when something like this happens, you feel terrible.

 

Hope you get it all sorted, and the boy who did it is dealt with accordingly. I don't think just pulling him out of lessons and being spoken to is enough. How old is he?

[chickencam]

I totally understand how you feel, I hate anything that makes my family hurt or unhappy.

 

I hope that the situation gets sorted as soon as possible, not a good start to term.

 

My son doesn't quite conform to the norm and is very self contained, he has been quite fortunate not to come up against this sort of thing. He goes to a boys grammar school so he isn't alone in being a little different, and he is a big lad so I think this may help.

 

We have always told out children to be true to themselves, but this can be very hard under peer pressure.

 

Best wishes to you and your family.

[hillfamily]

A very worrying time for you HC. I'm thinking of you and your family.

 

Keep the pressure on the school to take some positive action in this matter and definitely seek the help and guidance of the Community Police officer.

 

My own DS was bullied during Year 7 and into Year 8. A very stressful and tearful time for any mum I kept in constant contact with the school and eventually they came through and came up with a solution (and fortunately over the course of Year 8 the boys doing the bullying were permanently excluded as my son wasn't the only victim it turned out)

 

Sending you big big hugs from one mum to another xx

[bluekarin]

Its good the school has been pro active about this, and although community police officers do a good job, I feel in this situation the boy needs a good talking to by a full time officer. When I was younger I used to be terrified of the police (in a good way) and if we drove past them in our car, I'd sit up straight so they would tell me off I can't imagine a lot of kids nowadays feeling like that. I think if this was a one off by this kid, then being spoke to by someone of authority might stop this from happening again. And also it sends the message to other kids that if you do something like this, especially seeing as it could have ended in such a bad way, then things will happen and it won't just be the case of a teacher telling you off and a couple of days off school.

[Seagazer]

HC - how awful for you and your boys. I hope the school and community police do something to get through to this bully. I've never understood how people can be picked on just for the colour of their hair - stupid.

 

My ES was bullied by a smaller boy in his year and the school were no help and said because he was smaller it couldn't be happening (not sure what the thinking behind that was?). Even when this thug broke my son's finger (he had to have an op to have a pin put into it) the school just excluded the bully for a couple of days and said that it was difficult as he came from a troubled background, alcoholic dad etc. I wanted to do more but we were talked out of it.

 

We later found out that the bully was going around school bragging about breaking my son's finger.

 

Don't worry about crying or being upset, you're a mother and you care what happens to your children. You come and rant all you want.

[Chucky Mama]

What an awful thing to happen. I would personally go to the police especially if it has happened before and that fact that it happened outside of school. This isn't bullying, it is assault in my book. Had the boy not been someone from the school - a stranger, you would report it as an assualt. Good luck

[Happy chickens!]

Thanks for all your kind words, it's much appreciated.

 

Now have appointment with police for tomorrow morning, OH will be home so will have extra support.

 

Last time this happened I was given the impression that they couldn't just go round to the lad and 'have a chat' but they seem to think that they can give him some kind of a warning this time. I hope so. There are advantages to being a hoarder, dug out my file and gave the ref for the previous incident so they can see not a one off.

 

Calmer now, have done all I can for now, son ok, which is main thing.

 

I've always been the kind of parent who thinks it is good for my kids to learn to take risks - they've walked, then cycled to school since a young age with me then on their own and that has made them both independent and sensible. There comes a point when you start to think should I drive them everywhere and encourage os to die his hair? But then the bullies have 'won', but if os had been run over this morning, would I think independence was so great then?

[ClaireG]

How awful. I have to say i tend to agree with Eglutine and Chucky Mama, this is assualt and as so needs to be delt with appropriatly. I'm not sure a " talking to" is enough.

[Chucky Mama]

I've always been the kind of parent who thinks it is good for my kids to learn to take risks - they've walked, then cycled to school since a young age with me then on their own and that has made them both independent and sensible. There comes a point when you start to think should I drive them everywhere and encourage os to die his hair? But then the bullies have 'won', but if os had been run over this morning, would I think independence was so great then?

 

You are absolutely right to let your children cycle to school and walk on their own and it will have made them independent and sensible. Don't comprimise your beliefs or parenting because of this idiot. Your son's hair is part of who he is and thinking of changing his hair colour will be giving him the message that he needs to change in order to get on in life and that is not the case. I have mixed race children and like your son they wear their 'difference' for all to see. I have taught them to stand up and be proud of who they are and yes they will be picked on along the way but I have given them the confidence to deal with it. After all it is no different to the poor kid that is teased and bullied for being fat, thin, wears glasses, has a speech impediment, smells, wears the wrong clothes...etc etc. Idiots like this one that assaulted your son will always find a reason to have a go at someone. If they can't find anything obvious the latest thing to do it to call someone gay. Having different coloured hair would not have stopped your son getting hurt or the potential of him getting run over this morning. This thug probably would have picked on him anyway. It is not your parenting or your son that needs to change it is the person that assaulted him. My eldest son is a Tae Kwon Do black belt and was bullied in his first year at school. As he is such a gently law abiding soul he wouldn't defend himself until I found out and told him to use his skills to 'defend' himself. The bully got quite a shock!! Was sorted out pretty quickly.

[missuscluck]

When I read your original post it made me feel sick. I really feel for you and your son. Its horrible. I have a 13 year old red head son who has been through jibes about his red hair. He dosent have any trouble at the moment. A good talking to the culprits did the job fortunatly. He has just moved school so weather it occurs again we will see.

 

I hope things improve for your son.

[clootie]

pm'd you

[Happy chickens!]

Thanks Clootie - perhaps we could set up a support group!

 

Missuscluck - hope you don't get any further problems - my son says it's racist being bullied because you're a ginger! He deliberately has long hair, which is copper coloured and curly (very handsome young man!! ) as he is quite secure in his own skin and doesn't take the comments to heart, we have told him that any bullies will end up stacking shelves in tesco if they're lucky cos they're such losers, whereas he will have the pick of the girls and the job of his dreams!!

[Seagazer]

Your son doesn't have to change, the bully does.

 

Grr - why can't people just live and let live?

[Cooks]

Your son doesn't have to change, the bully does.

I agree, I also think you should push hard for pressing charges ((hugs))

[missuscluck]

My son has really embraced his 'gingerness' these days. He has a really good sense of humor and uses this to ride above any jibes to the point where these days he loves his hair colour and wouldnt want it any other way.

 

I hope things get better for your son and the school effectivley deal with it. My sons old school delt with the situation really well by suggesting to the boy who was giving him grief that my son really didnt want him to get in trouble and if he continued to cause problems in effect it was him that was getting himself into trouble. It seemed to shift the responsibility of his beheviour back onto him and did the trick.

 

Its just such a horrible feeling as a parent when you send your kids out to school and they are being made miserable. You just want them to be safe and happy.

[Happy chickens!]

You just want them to be safe and happy.

 

Absolutely, is that too much to ask!

[Alis girls]

I am so sorry and have vented my rage re bullying so many thimes on forum won't bore you.I also think you should go to police. "sorry " is easy to say isnt it. This mornings papers are full of article on 2 kids of 10/11 who beat up 2 others and left for dead. If decent parents let these things go theres no end to it. Lots of love and all the best to your lads. I have one the same age and I worry myself sick about them.

[Happy chickens!]

He's home from school and absolutely fine. Phew!

 

Said the bully has been suspended for 3 days. That never sounds like a punishment to me somehow - you punched someone now take 3 days off I guess that's the most a school can do these days, especially considering that it happened outside school.

 

Police are coming round in the morning to discuss options, and the friend who saw it happen is happy to give a statement.

 

Horrific how much bullying goes on - and those young kids that did such awful awful things, what kind of a life must they have had? Mine at that age wouldn't have even been aware of some of the stuff they are accused of doing let alone have tried to carry it out.

[Alis girls]

No i know, I do hope you get a satisfactry result and that your boys are ok. Mine did karate for a while and my eldest who was picked on by an oik much smaller than himself (son has stammer) has used it. I wouldnt let son read the mentioned article as it is so sick but I suspect he will when I'm not looking. It never seeks to amaze me how utterly dreadful some peoples upbringings are BUT it is no excuse to ruin others lives. Anyway all the best and keep us posted - as mums we need to support each other