Chucky Mama Posted March 15, 2010 Share Posted March 15, 2010 DD is 14 and was invited to go on holiday with a friend from school next year - 2 weeks in Florida. We initially said that we would be open to the idea and think about it and the parents of the friend went off to plan. They came back to us this week to say that it would be in the region of £1000 + spending money. It would mean that as a family we would either have to have our summer holiday without her (not an option) or not have one as we can't really afford for her to have 2 main holidays. We also don't really know the family well (never even had them over for supper) and they are going with another family that we don't know at all. The friend is a good friend but not a best friend - she doesn't really have a best friend. We have said no, DD understands the reasons why but is fairly heartbroken. It is hard as they may well ask another friend and it will be hard for her if the other person is allowed to go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted March 15, 2010 Share Posted March 15, 2010 Blimey - thats super expensive! Personally I would say no & have a holiday as a family. To me that is what holidays are for - to become a family again.I don't know about you,but us lot can go days without having a proper chance to chat...we need our holiday times together Can she do a cheaper school trip with all her school friends instead maybe? My eldest is going to Sicily with her college in July - £700, but she is paying for it herself with her part time job wages Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cooks Posted March 15, 2010 Share Posted March 15, 2010 I have a 14 year old boy and my answer would be no, holidays like these are family times IMO, although I appreciate your daughters dissapointment. Is there anyway you can have your family holiday in a place your daughter helps choose? that way it's less of a dissapointment and she gets to plan her own holiday with you? It might be just me but I cant see many people paying £1000 plus spending money for a child to go to florida with another family. I took mine when they were younger and it's really such an experience that should be shared with family members. Good luck, this parenting lark isn't easy is it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chucky Mama Posted March 15, 2010 Author Share Posted March 15, 2010 She is lovely and when I asked her whether she would rather have a holiday with the family or with a friend she didn't even have to think - it was family all the way. She has not complained and is totally understanding although teary She is abroad three time this year with the school - 2 educational and 1 fun water sports trip. She also went skiing last year so she has been very fortunate. When she got back from her ski trip she said 'we should go skiing as a family' - she had fun but missed sharing the experience with us. We made her save £100 towards the water sports trip as we felt it was important for her to appreciate the cost and how lucky she was to be going. Holidays for us are 100% about being a family and even if money was not an issue I feel that 2 families in Florida plus 1 extra will end up with adults together and children together. Holidays for us are spent as 1 group, all integrated and no pairing off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Busybird Posted March 15, 2010 Share Posted March 15, 2010 That is a tough one but your DD has accepted your reasons and decision - I would have done the same as you. Do you camp as a family? If it were me then I would suggest to DD that she invite her friend along for a weekends camping. That way they get a short 'holiday' together. If the friend is used to very expensive trips then it may be an adventure for her to do something so different! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redwing Posted March 15, 2010 Share Posted March 15, 2010 Absolutely not a criticism as I know you are an excellent mum but perhaps if it happens again dont express an interest to start with as obviously hopes have been raised I think you made the right decision and its commendable that your family is so close that even a holiday in Florida cant beat time together as a family £1000 seems a lot if it was me I would have swallowed the cost of the accomodation and food as those things will have been expenses anyway and just charged your girl the air fare Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poachedegg Posted March 15, 2010 Share Posted March 15, 2010 Sounds like you have a very sensible DD! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chucky Mama Posted March 15, 2010 Author Share Posted March 15, 2010 Absolutely not a criticism as I know you are an excellent mum but perhaps if it happens again dont express an interest to start with as obviously hopes have been raised I absolutely agree and wish we hadn't discussed it with her. To make myself feel better though, I doubt that the other girl would have kept it quite and there was also the chance that she wouldn't want to go. I took mine when they were younger and it's really such an experience that should be shared with family members. This is a very valid point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willow Posted March 15, 2010 Share Posted March 15, 2010 £1000 seems a lot if it was me I would have swallowed the cost of the accomodation and food as those things will have been expenses anyway and just charged your girl the air fare I agree, I assume they invited your daughter to be company for her friend so I would have expected general costs to be covered and only the additional costs to be charged. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chickendoodle Posted March 15, 2010 Share Posted March 15, 2010 I agree that you have done the right thing. We took one of my ED's friends to the US (not disney)and we asked her parents to pay just the air fare (and give her some spending money of course!). We even had a grand canyon helicopter flight and we paid for everyone as it was part of the holiday. The friend's family were actually better off than us but it is a principle thing. I think if you are going to invite someone you have to take on most of the expense yourself. You wouldn't invite friends for dinner and make them pay for the ingredients! Your DD has obviously been very understanding but you could have been placed in an embarrassing position. £1000 is a lot for 1 person Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chucky Mama Posted March 15, 2010 Author Share Posted March 15, 2010 £1,000 is just for the flights Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted March 15, 2010 Share Posted March 15, 2010 What a lovely and understanding girl your daughter is It really is a lot of money to ask anyone to pay and I would certainly turn it down as well. Perhaps a wee break away for the girl, with you and yours would be a nice way to thank them for thinking of your daughter. I would certainly turn it down myself, firstly because of the expense, and secondly because the other families aren't well known to you (I have just turned down an invite Rosie has received for a sleepover on just that basis). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chickendoodle Posted March 15, 2010 Share Posted March 15, 2010 £1,000 is just for the flights Goodness ! Are they going on a private jet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarbaraJ Posted March 15, 2010 Share Posted March 15, 2010 Thats a mad price admitedly the last time we went was 2002 but even so we spent £5000 for 3 weeks in a villa with 4 adult and 1 child flights that was a major expense for us but not done megar cheaply (with virgin flights) I wouldn't have let my daughters go that far away anyway, unless with family. My youngest went camping a few times with her friend down the street we have known for 20years though not as great friends but was happy to let her go as we knew them well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WarrensWorld Posted March 15, 2010 Share Posted March 15, 2010 No absolutely not, it may mean a disappointment for your daughter, but would you really send her off with anyone that isn't that well known to you or yours. Plus you've never met the other couple, they could be very unsavoury. £1000.00........ no way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chucky Mama Posted March 15, 2010 Author Share Posted March 15, 2010 £1,000 is just for the flights Goodness ! Are they going on a private jet You'd think so but I have just priced flights to Orlando for August this year to see and it is about right Now I can see why people take their children out of school for this type of holiday as flights are so much cheaper then. I wonder if they might end up going out of school time as it adds a lot more to the expense. I think we were a bit naive when they initially asked us as £1,000 never crossed our minds. I wouldn't have let my daughters go that far away anyway, unless with family. My youngest went camping a few times with her friend down the street we have known for 20years though not as great friends but was happy to let her go as we knew them well. This is also how we feel. It would also 'force' them to be better friends and I am not sure that their daughter would be top of her list if we offered to let her take a friend away (which we wouldn't!) Plus you've never met the other couple, they could be very unsavoury. I agree, I also worried that the adult could spend evenings together drinking whilst the children do their own thing, not something that is part of our home or holiday culture. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missuscluck Posted March 15, 2010 Share Posted March 15, 2010 I would have done exactly the same Claire and I would have said no too. Thats great too that your daughter is fine with your decision. Enjoy YOUR family holiday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chelsea Posted March 15, 2010 Share Posted March 15, 2010 I think you did the right thing CM. Enjoy your family holidays now before the children fly the nest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seagazer Posted March 15, 2010 Share Posted March 15, 2010 I agree with Chelsea - the time when they don't want to come away with you comes around so quickly. Make the most of this time. It was a lot of money, especially as it meant you as a family wouldn't be able to go away. Good for your DD in not minding too much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted March 15, 2010 Share Posted March 15, 2010 Totally agree with the others . You've done absolutely the right thing . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chucky Mama Posted April 10, 2010 Author Share Posted April 10, 2010 Well, I am even more secure in knowing that I made the right decision. DD went to this families house for a birthday party last night. She sent me a text to say that the mother had bought them Bacardi Breezers and was it OK for her to have one The girls are just 14, why did the mother have to do this? They would have been more than happy with coke etc. DD would kill for Vimto. They are not a group of girls who would even have thought of drinking anything like that. I am so glad that she is not going away with them. There is enough peer pressure around without parents making it worse. I told her that she could have a sip to taste but nothing more. I was very proud of her as she could have just drunk it and not told me. I am also happy that the parents of the second girl that they asked also said no. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted April 10, 2010 Share Posted April 10, 2010 Don't know what that mother was thinking . Sounds like your daughter is a very sensible girl but you're right, you've def made the right decision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seagazer Posted April 10, 2010 Share Posted April 10, 2010 I would be upset if somebody gave my 14 year old a bacardi breezer welll done to your DD for phoning to check. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted April 10, 2010 Share Posted April 10, 2010 Good grief. If you had found this out after agreeing that she could go with them you would be in a real quandry now. So pleased that your sensible DD made the right decision and spared you ( and herself) all that anxiety. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted April 10, 2010 Share Posted April 10, 2010 My youngest went to a sleepover party at a friends house when she was 14,to be offered Bacardi & coke by the mother. I am no prude,& we have a liberal attitude to teens & alcohol, but ANY parent would be expected to be asked if they minded first. Well done to your daughter for being sensible enough to tell you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
