scarlettohara Posted November 18, 2010 Share Posted November 18, 2010 (edited) My ex has reared his ugly head about divorce again We agreed earlier this year to wait until we have been separated for 2 years but he has renegued on this yet again. He wants me to divorce him on the grounds on his adultery and attend mediation to sort out our assets. I have told him again and again that I cannot afford to divorce him or pay for mediation (he gets legal aid as he is pretending he is not working). It is so frustrating He also agreed in writing that my sons and I could continue to live in our home until they go their own way (I pay all the bills) now he has sent a legal form for me to sign for us to split the tenancy. Why can't people just do what they say they will Rant over - my solicitor will deal with it. Edited December 9, 2010 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beach chick Posted November 18, 2010 Share Posted November 18, 2010 I can totally understand the need to rant about it though! it's the grrrrrr factor in life that gets you down... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Omletina Kyckling Posted November 18, 2010 Share Posted November 18, 2010 Oh I'm so sorry, having just gone through all of this (well still going through it) I can really sympathise, although it was easier for me as no children involved. Divorce is a very costly business indeed. My legal fees have been around £4k and it's a straightforward job with no children involved. I'm guessing your situation, like mine, isn't amicable so it's probably not possible, but if you can do it, when it comes to it, look at going down the collaborative law route. This is where you both have solicitors, but basically meet around a table a couple of times to hammer things out and agree out of court and without the multiple letters going back and forth and there's usually a flat fee of around £800 (my friend is about to go down the divorce route and saw my solicitor who is a collaborative law expert and this is the amount she was quoted) I couldn't have done this, because I would have been tempted to rip his throat out if we'd had to sit opposite each other and talk things through!! Once this is all over, though, I'll feel happier as all ties can then be cut. Unfortunately, I've learned the hard way that somebody's word means nothing at all. If it's not written down and legally binding, then men (sorry men on the forum if I seem to be tarring you all with the same brush but I've been badly burned!) just seem to renege on whatever they say, with no conscience at all! Sending you lots of hugs x PS rant as much as you like, it really does help!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chick wiggle Posted November 18, 2010 Share Posted November 18, 2010 Oh im sorry your going through it at the moment, i cant really offer any help or advice just a huge hug and hopefully you will be able to get it sorted how you want. Rant away all you want hunni, it certainly wont hurt and it might help! {{HUGS}} Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scarlettohara Posted November 18, 2010 Author Share Posted November 18, 2010 Thanks for your support - it really helps I'm not going to meet him now like Omletina I would do or say something I would later regret plus he refused to go down the collaborative law route earlier this year. The only way I will give him his divorce will be if he signs the house over to me and pays all my fees (my solicitor suggested this last year). I will probably go to London to meet with her at some point and my sons (both 19) have asked to come with me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lillybettybabs Posted November 18, 2010 Share Posted November 18, 2010 I understand what you are going through. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhapsody Posted November 18, 2010 Share Posted November 18, 2010 Nothing constructive to say so just have a Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scarlettohara Posted November 18, 2010 Author Share Posted November 18, 2010 I understand what you are going through. It's pants isn't it Earlier this year he asked me leave him alone to live his 'new life' which I have done. Wish he would leave me to do the same. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seagazer Posted November 18, 2010 Share Posted November 18, 2010 I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time, sending you a ((((hug)))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mostin Posted November 18, 2010 Share Posted November 18, 2010 Sending you huge hugs darling, hope you can stay strong and not give in to his messing about. So glad you have the support of your sons as well xxxxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chicken bark Posted November 18, 2010 Share Posted November 18, 2010 Sending you huge hugs darling, hope you can stay strong and not give in to his messing about. So glad you have the support of your sons as well xxxxxx I was going to say the same thing Mostin. Your sons are old enough to know what is what but it is a horrible situation for you all. A big hug from me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scarlettohara Posted November 18, 2010 Author Share Posted November 18, 2010 Thanks guys - so looking forward to seeing you at the National on Sunday Mostin I feel bad having to tell my sons but if they are to be homeless then they have a right to a say in things, I wouldn't leave them with nowhere to live but If the house is sold I wouldn't be able to afford a house for us all in St Albans so would have to move away Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiggy Posted November 19, 2010 Share Posted November 19, 2010 its a tough situation, I just hope it all sorts out soon, I remember it well ((HUGS)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scarlettohara Posted November 19, 2010 Author Share Posted November 19, 2010 Posted him all cards, letters, notes he has ever sent me yesterday. Childish I know but it felt good Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Space Chick Posted November 19, 2010 Share Posted November 19, 2010 Sometimes childish things can help Even though my divorce with my first marriage was amicable, there were still the odd moments through the process where I could flattened him, I hate to think what it's like where there is bad feeling. Feel free to rant all you like over a cuppa and a cake on Sunday Sara {{hugs}} Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scarlettohara Posted November 19, 2010 Author Share Posted November 19, 2010 Thanks but not wasting precious cake eating time on him - need to catch up with friends Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve the Gas Posted November 19, 2010 Share Posted November 19, 2010 Get out and strut your stuff dirl - get an ego massage................ every little helps. Done it twice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snoxy Posted November 19, 2010 Share Posted November 19, 2010 I have been through divorce once...and am still here to tell the tale...mine was amicable because I focused on my children ((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))) for you...every little hug helps...so I found out Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeckyBoo Posted November 20, 2010 Share Posted November 20, 2010 Just remember, one day all this will be 20 years ago. Going through a similar thing meself although no solicitors so doing it myself. Oh yes, they say one thing one minute, then the opposite ten minutes later. Enjoy today, enjoy the rest of your life, stuff 'em!!! BeckyBoo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scarlettohara Posted November 20, 2010 Author Share Posted November 20, 2010 Thanks Beckyboo - hope all goes well for you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jlo Posted November 20, 2010 Share Posted November 20, 2010 All the best to you. I will send a virtual hug - secure in the knowledge that you will get some real ones from fellow Omleteers tomorrow! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scarlettohara Posted November 29, 2010 Author Share Posted November 29, 2010 Well despite all the threats and manipulating, since my solicitor wrote at the beginning of last week haven't heard a word. So I'm either expecting the next nasty instalment or maybe he has had second thoughts, the letter she wrote was brilliant and basically told him that he was to stop blackmailing me, that I wouldn't attend mediation unless he came clean about his plans etc. I feel more in control anyway despite worrying about where I will be living Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mostin Posted November 29, 2010 Share Posted November 29, 2010 Good for you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted November 29, 2010 Share Posted November 29, 2010 Way to go Scarlet - waves from down the road Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valkyrie Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 Yo! Can't help, but sending huge huggles too. Keep your chin up kiddo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
