Tiggy Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 no matter how I try its always wrong 3 years ago a family member stayed with me for 6 months, ran up our phone bills, lived with us for nothing, generally lied & cheated and took out a mobile contract at our address then left without so much as a thankyou. I have contacted the mobile company several times and given them a forwarding address and the letters stopped. Last night I got home to find another letter from a debt collecting agency wanting imediate attention. I dont have his mobile no & his Mom is poorly so didnt want to worry her, so I rang my mother - they live nearby- to speak to him to contact the company ASAP. Ok so my mother can go on a bit & you really dont want her on your case but in view of how urgent things were I didnt know what else to do. Im now getting messages on facebook apparently its all my fault & how dare I interfere maybe I'll just let the debt collection agency take him to court or balifs go round their house, next time I wont bother trying to do the right thing sorry about the rant Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reikiranf Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Feel free to rant, it's better to let it out than bottle it up! I can see why you are exasperated, my husband has a favourite saying which is "No good deed goes unpunished" and it does seem to be true, a lot of the time when you help someone you do end up worse off, but it doesn't stop me helping people and most of the time it is smiles alround! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keyhole kate Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 I can see why you are exasperated, my husband has a favourite saying which is "No good deed goes unpunished" and it does seem to be true, a lot of the time when you help someone you do end up worse off Sadly not just Families although worse when it is I helped out a work colleague when she split with her OH I let her rent out my then empty flat gave her the first month for nothing I paid the council tax and gave her a reduced rent until she got sorted and on her feet she thanked me by doing a moonlight flit, left the flat dirty, owing a months rent, leaving gas and elec bills unpaid and I have since received post relating to her buying a new car on HP I am concerned she has used my address to get credit Sorry but one bitten twice shy for me just as well for her that I dont work there any more Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Family issues are just the worse. No one has the ability to make you angry or disappointed like a family member. We once gave my wayward BIL a job (much against my instincts & wishes). After 2 weeks he collected the balance from the customer,or several thousand pounds,& flitted off to Spain with it in is back pocket,leaving the job unfinished,& us seriously out of pocket. The most annoying thing about it all is that he was given the silent treatment for a couple of months by the rest of the family,then was forgiven as 'its just the way he is' GAAAAAHHH! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiggy Posted February 22, 2011 Author Share Posted February 22, 2011 Family issues are just the worse. No one has the ability to make you angry or disappointed like a family member. We once gave my wayward BIL a job (much against my instincts & wishes). After 2 weeks he collected the balance from the customer,or several thousand pounds,& flitted off to Spain with it in is back pocket,leaving the job unfinished,& us seriously out of pocket. The most annoying thing about it all is that he was given the silent treatment for a couple of months by the rest of the family,then was forgiven as 'its just the way he is' GAAAAAHHH! oooh that sounds familiar, sis & Mom wont have a bad word said against him, I have a whole gaggle of sisters so it gets confusing, but this nephew went around to stay awhile at my nieces house she has two small children, he kicked off because she wanted him to tiedy up the mess he had made in her lounge with cans & crisp packets on the floor. & the baby in the car carrier was kicked accross the room in temper. He of course denies everything so my 2 sisters no longer speak it must be 5 years now, he lies cons & charms people, one day he WILL pick on the wrong person with any luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Speckled Hen Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Tiggy, you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. Rude word.....awful The problem is that if you do nothing your address gets a bad credit rating. I know, I have never needed a lot of credit, don't have a credit card...only ever had loans for property...but when I moved into my last house I had no end of problems as the people who lived there before had masses of debt chasing going on. I once had the police round to arrest one of them Best of luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiggy Posted February 22, 2011 Author Share Posted February 22, 2011 ..but when I moved into my last house I had no end of problems as the people who lived there before had masses of debt chasing going on. I once had the police round to arrest one of them Best of luck excellent trouble is he only cons family members & friends then hides behind my sister, one day soon he will run out of family & friends, but he's the sort to charm people who dont know him well & then is off as soon as anyone cottons on to what he is up to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valkyrie Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 After recent events I think Elf and Safety should ban families all together! Have had grotty times recently - you wouldn't believe the events and there isn't a long enough thread! Especially mothers who play their children off against each other, manipulating control freaks of sister in laws and no thanks for the things you do for said mother. When I move it is going to be in the opposite direction of that lot! I'm really sorry you are have had a grotty time too. Believe me there are lots of us around each with different scenarios but equally stressful and unfair. So I'm going to send big bear hugs to you and everyone else in the same situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Family issues are just the worse. No one has the ability to make you angry or disappointed like a family member. We once gave my wayward BIL a job (much against my instincts & wishes). After 2 weeks he collected the balance from the customer,or several thousand pounds,& flitted off to Spain with it in is back pocket,leaving the job unfinished,& us seriously out of pocket. The most annoying thing about it all is that he was given the silent treatment for a couple of months by the rest of the family,then was forgiven as 'its just the way he is' GAAAAAHHH! Good lord! Did you press charges? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Nope. Husband was too embarrassed. We didn't know where he had gone anyhow,plus the rest of the family told us not to. I REALLY wanted to,especially as it was I who had expressed doubts to begin with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunty e Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 What?????????? I can't believe how some people behave. I get angry enough when my feckless siblings 'borrow' money from my impoverished mum, or ring me up to ask to 'borrow' money which I know they have no intention of ever paying back, but none of them have actually stolen from me! I don't lend them money which I need back put it that way, but I can't believe your BiL did that and was then forgiven! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiggy Posted February 24, 2011 Author Share Posted February 24, 2011 well Ive finally made the decision thay my family is not worth the energy of worrying about them or getting involved in any way. Its a drastic step but the only one that will keep me sane I live far enough away to not have to see any of them and have decided to totally cut myself off for good. OH is really pleased and feels I should have done it years ago. I got more facebook messages last night that were not very nice so Ive deleated all members of my family from my list of friends. Its amazing that because my nephew is a petty crook that somehow its been turned around and its all my fault for actively trying to prevent his trouble landing at my door. Thank the lord for chickens I feel much better now, thankyou all for listening Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 That's a good move Tiggy and positive too - let's hope that they leave you alone now. My ex's family were like that and I'm so glad that they're not a part of my life any more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Speckled Hen Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 Phew....... you can breathe now, Tiggy Best of luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valkyrie Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 Good luck - once my mum goes I shall be doing exactly the same thing - cut myself off from the lot - too stressful and life is too short. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 I have done the same with my husbands family,although once my FIL goes I would be more than happy to resume relations with my MIL & SIL. My FIL has done so many bad things to us business wise.......in fact my BIL,who stole money from us as described earlier,is a chip off the block Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AJuff Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 And I thought it was just my family . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElvisFan Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 They do say you can pick your friends but not your family I read some where once that if you had a boyfirend/girlfriend you fell out with you wouldn't stick with them so why not "finish" with that annoying friend or family member you feel obliged to stick with as they are a friend or family, I found that quite a useful piece of advise and did act on it to finish with a friend that was clingy, whingy and oh so selfish, it felt like a weight had been lifted. Big hugs to you and I hope that you manage to sort everything out and someone gets their commupance ! Life is too short to be dragged down. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keyhole kate Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 Once MIL goes I can be completely free of OH's only son nosey jealous family especially the 3 witches of macbeth SIL's who we dont have anything to do with. But I know MIL fishes OH as to what goes on in our life then fills them lot in I caught on to this recently when MIL phoned me at home during the day the penny dropped that she knew I was not working I quizzed OH who immediately looked sheepish but elusive as to how he had been drawn into divulging my personal business my guess is the Outlaws had spotted my car on the drive and MIL was sent on a fishing expedition He knows how I feel about them knowing anything about our business and especially mine He was duly read the riot act followed by a dose of vision but no sound Give me friends any day Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElvisFan Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 He was duly read the riot act followed by a dose of vision but no sound : Never heard that before, its a good saying ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 They do say you can pick your friends but not your family I read some where once that if you had a boyfirend/girlfriend you fell out with you wouldn't stick with them so why not "finish" with that annoying friend or family member you feel obliged to stick with as they are a friend or family, I found that quite a useful piece of advise and did act on it to finish with a friend that was clingy, whingy and oh so selfish, it felt like a weight had been lifted. I did the same a couple of years back with an 'emotional vampire' that i knew - she was draining me dry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valkyrie Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 Good one! I have an engineer coming to fix the cooker today and yesterday my mum said "I thought he came the other week" - that was when all hell was let loose and you really don't want to know the ins and outs but my seemingly nice SIL is a control freak and interfering and stirring Unfortunately my mum seems to think I can drop everything and be at her beck and call. Manipulating she is now that she's an old lady, but it seems to go with age sadly. Hope I don't get like that with my children. I did go eventually to sort her out and shortly after my brother arrived with wife and baby daughter and started yelling at me - in front of the 2 year old! They have done very little looking after my folks, but it appears they are the best people in the world according to my mum. Isn't that always the way. Whatever I do for my mum is never enough in her books and I am also the world's worst daughter. According to my brother I shouldn't have a smallholding because I will be spending all my time on it! Makes me more determined now. Anyway I digressed and ranted (sorry ). . . "No, I told you that was the man cleaning the cooker - can't have an engineer looking over a dirty oven. Tomorrow is the engineer to hopefully fix it." So I now know she thought I was lying before - whether she has had my brother and his wife influencing her as they were with her this weekend (he told me - mother kept it secret) I have no idea. OH said it's rather sad but I have to watch what I say to her in future so nothing can be misunderstood or twisted round to make trouble. I have a feeling she will be moving to be nearer them instead of me. I really hope so and then I can feel free. As for OH's sister and BIL - we had a similar company problem - don't get me started on them! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valkyrie Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 I did the same a couple of years back with an 'emotional vampire' that i knew - she was draining me dry Oh that's so my mother! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiggy Posted February 25, 2011 Author Share Posted February 25, 2011 Good one! I have an engineer coming to fix the cooker today and yesterday my mum said "I thought he came the other week" - that was when all hell was let loose and you really don't want to know the ins and outs but my seemingly nice SIL is a control freak and interfering and stirring Unfortunately my mum seems to think I can drop everything and be at her beck and call. Manipulating she is now that she's an old lady, but it seems to go with age sadly. Hope I don't get like that with my children. I did go eventually to sort her out and shortly after my brother arrived with wife and baby daughter and started yelling at me - in front of the 2 year old! They have done very little looking after my folks, but it appears they are the best people in the world according to my mum. Isn't that always the way. Whatever I do for my mum is never enough in her books and I am also the world's worst daughter. According to my brother I shouldn't have a smallholding because I will be spending all my time on it! Makes me more determined now. Anyway I digressed and ranted (sorry ). . . "No, I told you that was the man cleaning the cooker - can't have an engineer looking over a dirty oven. Tomorrow is the engineer to hopefully fix it." So I now know she thought I was lying before - whether she has had my brother and his wife influencing her as they were with her this weekend (he told me - mother kept it secret) I have no idea. OH said it's rather sad but I have to watch what I say to her in future so nothing can be misunderstood or twisted round to make trouble. I have a feeling she will be moving to be nearer them instead of me. I really hope so and then I can feel free. As for OH's sister and BIL - we had a similar company problem - don't get me started on them! we're not related are we I could have written this, it does seem that there are people in this world who are just bullies and not matter that they are supposed to be the closest to you, it really hurts. Im still feeling anxious about what may come next but its nice to know that im not alone. Its because we chicken keepers are nice people I think Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valkyrie Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 Oh I think you have fair share of family troubles without finding extra family feuders! It does show that we are the normal ones! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
