fluffyfeet Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 Need to get something off my chest and see if anyone else would feel like me. Quick history - A friend of mine - who I would call my closest friend - has over the last few years been involved in a few relationships that have gone wrong, dumped by fiance, then there was the bloke who was with someone else and had a baby with the someone else, the one night stands, and most recently the step-brother up until 6 months ago. And every single time things went up that well known creek I did what friends do - dropped everything and hugged her and dried her eyes and made sure she was okay. Then around Sept/Oct she got with new bloke who she seemed rather reluctant to introduce to us saying he's very well educated and that she didn't know whether he would 'get' us. Met him very briefly in November and arranged to call and get together in the New Year. Flip forward to now - I get a FB message addressed to about 10 people saying she's 12 weeks pregnant. I was more than a little stunned to put it mildly - concerned because she's only been with him a short while and hurt because of the way I found out. I didn't reply to the message immediately because of this and I've just gone onto FB to reply and found that I have been dumped off her friends list!! I've sent a message anyway just saying belated congratulations and hoping that she's okay. Would anyone else be even just a tad upset if their closest friend did this? Dawn x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olly Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 I think you're absolutely justifiably upset. I'm afraid it sounds to me as if the 'friendship' was rather one-way, and you're better off without her. Perhaps she feels you know a bit too much about her past, and that's why she has been reluctant to introduce you to the new bloke? I'm being generous - she does't sound like a very nice person, from what you've said above. I think you should congratulate yourself on not having to put up with her any more! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plum Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 Very hurtful for you. Do you think she heard from someone else that you were surpised at the news. Otherwise I would be really shocked as well it's not an action of a friend. Guess Olly is probably right about you knowing about her past. We still love you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snoxy Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 ((((((((((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))) YES, I would feel just like you do Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fluffyfeet Posted April 1, 2011 Author Share Posted April 1, 2011 Thank you. you know a bit too much about her past, and that's why she has been reluctant to introduce you to the new bloke? You could be right - my OH was with her when I joined the bike club (I was married) - they split up in Spring 93, I became single in July 93 and me and OH got together Nov 93, and it has always been a bit of fun watching peoples faces when we explain how we know each other. And then the quizzical look as if to say to OH 'you prefer that - to that???' as she is really pretty and I'm not - and she's 9 years younger too. Dawn x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chuckmum6 Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 I think in the age of FB, some people tend to choose a medium of communication that is easy and is frankly emotionless. It is a cowardly way of dealing with issues that are beyond the trivial and causes hurt. At my school a teacher posted her resignation on FB! Your friend may find it easier to pass on news through a faceless means rather than deal properly with the people who matter - a great shame and a very poor means of communicating. You may find that she has just been thoughtless in her approach, good friends are worth keeping, if she has been a good friend, it might be worth talking to her properly? Grrrrrrrr Facebook !!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JillM Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 Chuckmum6 you are being way too generous and kind hearted... Dawn, it sounds as if all the friendship has been from your direction. The best thing you can do is forget about her - a true friend would not behave like she has. Some people are givers and some people just take, never giving anything back. Give your friendship to someone who appreciates you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 Give your friendship to someone who appreciates you I agree with this. I dare say that we have all invested heavily in a friendship, ie done all the running, only to be sidelined when the other party has better things to do. It's hurtful and puzzling, but you can guarantee that she will be knocking on your door if things go wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plum Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 You couldn't have been deleted accidently could you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seagazer Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 I think you deserve better than you have received and so what if she is prettier than you, she doesn't sound nicer than you and that's what counts. The only thing I can think of to justify it at all (not that I think you can) is that perhaps she completely hormonal and all over the place and that is why a) she facebooked it and b) she has deleted you. It didn't sound as if it was so much of a two way friendship so I wouldn't be too upset. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valkyrie Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 Big hug for you Fluffers! Very strange. Although I met up with an old friend a month ago - we hadn't seen each other for ages and then we just carried on where we left off. Since then I've had an email practically organising my life for me - what sport we can do together, meeting every fortnight for the day. Er, think my hubby would be a bit miffed if I did that! She is unattached (morals quite low as she is an avid husband hunter - other people's husbands that is) and is rather selfish in that respect. Think your friend is the same - selfish that is. But she may be affected by her hormones. Or maybe her other half is a control freak and she's just losing the closest friends to her so that he isn't jealous by the competition for her affections. We have seen much the same with a relative - her OH is very controlling - he can do what he wants, but she's vetted and where she used to see her closest family members frequently, she has dropped out somewhat and always making excuses why they can't stay over (his family are often sleeping over). So try not to worry yourself about it. You have done nothing wrong and when everything goes pear-shaped for her she will probably expect you to pick up the pieces again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 She sounds like a needy nightmare to me & I am sure you are much better off without her. As for the Facebook thing,it does randomly delete people or even whole pages at times. I thought someone had knocked me off of their list just this week,but he is back this week......and my profile deleted a dozen or so of my 'friends' a couple of months ago too. THAT took some explaining in some quarters,I can tell you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sammiboo Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 I can fully understand you being cross and upset. To cut a long story short, since i moved away and as i was one of a few that could drive. If it wasnt me doing the running around then there wouldnt be friendships. When I had my car accident and was in a bad way none of my "close" local friends came to see me. My friend in carlisle made the effort. taught me a great lesson. I dont bother with any of them bar FB. Ive since moved away and most of my time i am with my OH and close family and thats all that matters to me. I have a couple of close friends here but i am a very different person. You dont need or deserve friends like that. As harsh as it sounds leave her to it, dont get too upset and i am sure if/when things go wrong she will come running! Dont waste your time on a user. Big hugs to you (random google chicken hug) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Omletina Kyckling Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 Lummy!! With friends like that....... She isn't worth your concern judging by her behaviour and you are definitely better with her out of your life. There always seem to be either givers or takers in friendships and there seem to be a lot more takers out there. I've had friends like that most of my life until the past couple of years when I consider myself blessed with the friends I have (mostly on here!) and I'm now intolerant to friends like her and don't waste any more emotion or time on them, and neither should you! and to my next point..... And then the quizzical look as if to say to OH 'you prefer that - to that???' as she is really pretty and I'm not - and she's 9 years younger too.x What utter tosh, I've met you and you are pretty, have a fabulous figure I'd kill for, amazing long blond hair and are a real biker chick............besides, she's obviously ugly inside and at the end of the day that's what matters.....you're a beauty inside and out and don't you forget it or else!! Consider yourself told! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goodinparts Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 Fluffyfeet - that's horrid I'm really sorry your "friend" has been so thoughtless & do hope it doesn't hurt too much. There's been so much wisdom offered already, I'm not going to waffle on - but do hope that you won't let this woman's attitude rock your self confidence. You are obviously a great friend yourself - someone to rely on in a crisis and both loving and loved...I hope you've lots of people to show you how much you are appreciated. Hugs xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fluffyfeet Posted April 2, 2011 Author Share Posted April 2, 2011 Thanks for all the lovely things you've said - I'm quite Deleted accidentally? This is a person who enjoys playing mind games, and knows I use FB a lot, and also knows I suffer with frequent bouts of depression, low self esteem etc, and I have heard her plotting stuff to 'get at' people before, especially if she can find an achilles heel, so she knows that this would hurt me. We had a 'fall out' about 11 yrs ago - me and OH were going through a really rough patch - and to cut a long story short I called her a 'fair weather friend' then - what is it they say about leopards and spots. She has replied to my belated congratulations message earlier saying I should see how big she is already!! No thanks and I can't help thinking it's early for her to be showing that much - or perhaps I'm being cynical Any road up - for the sake of the mutual friends that we have I will keep everything civil between us, but I will never trust her again, and I certainly will not be there anymore if or when the wheel comes off again. And if you were at Tasha's do last year - you will have met the person I am talking about. I only regret that I felt compelled to sit with her on the edge and not with everyone else - that won't happen again either. Bless you all for listening to my ramblings - OH's ears are having a rest Dawn x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plum Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 Chin up Dawn. Hugs for you x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j00lz_12366 Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 hmmm I know if it was me I would feel terrible-rightly or wrongly, but it really doesnt sound like shes a very nice person at all... I think its quite telling that she was reluctant to let you all meet up with new bloke-i think that shes 'trading up' and it wouldnt make her look good if (in her opinion) people who didnt measure up to the new (current) bloke in her life-in her eyes, not anyone elses. Additionally, as someone else said, it would well be she doesnt want anyone spilling any secrets that she doesnt want him to know.. Hope you are ok..have a fabulous day tomorrow!! juliet x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClaireG Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 You have every bright to feel hurt and cross, i'd be seething! You don't need friends like that ((hug)). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Couperwife Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 i cant see what people get about treating their friends like rubbish... Fluffster you are lovely, trust me - I know Im a teacher (and we know stuff!) she is not!! dont waste any more emotional energy on her, you dont need it, you need people to adore and cherish you - real friends do that!! (((((hugs))))) cathy x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadietoo Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 hmmmI know if it was me I would feel terrible-rightly or wrongly, but it really doesnt sound like shes a very nice person at all... I think its quite telling that she was reluctant to let you all meet up with new bloke-i think that shes 'trading up' and it wouldnt make her look good if (in her opinion) people who didnt measure up to the new (current) bloke in her life-in her eyes, not anyone elses. Additionally, as someone else said, it would well be she doesnt want anyone spilling any secrets that she doesnt want him to know.. I thought exactly the same thing...it seems to me that you are the one being real...and she is getting herself into a whole load of trouble by pretending to be something she isn't ...it's like she can't afford to let the cat out of the bag...what a way to have a relationship...let alone to bring a child into the world.... castles in the sand and all that... I would be equally hurt, but really, it doesn't sound to me that you will be losing much to cross her off your christmas card list....whereas she will be losing someone who genuinely cared about her.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angie Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 So sorry your friend feels like this. My best friend did something similar a few years ago, i helped her through thick and thin, and was always let down by her. I was there when she ditched the men, even married one i told her not to, whom she is divorced from now. Helped her through the big C, to be left high and dry when i became ill. We haven't spoken since and i don't know where she is. I feel very sorry for her, Her loss is the greater. I do miss not having a best friend though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 Similar thing happened to me - a so called friends son was horrible to mine on a trip we all went on - she is so thick she reckoned she didnt notice it. Strange how all the teenagers noticed it - shes a teacher too so should be used to children being spiteful to each other. All it needed was a sorry but that was too much to ask. She blanked me at Christmas and what really hurts is that as a group we were all there for her when she needed us - so love if you're reading this - dont bother getting in touch with me cos I dont want to know - i was in pieces when her son was horrid to mine - she forgets I could make like really hard for her but cos I am basically a nice person I wouldnt - bitter - YOU BET I AM. Friends - more like Fiends. Sorry you're so called mate is so horrid - beauty is in the eye of the beholder - never a truer saying - its whats inside that counts. You are well rid of in my opionion but sorry you have been hurt. Hugs Ali x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
