Janepie33 Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 What would you do?? I have very few friends on Facebook and one of them is my sister in law. She is the widow of my brother in law who died almost 15 years ago. We are not very close, only meeting up occasionally at family gatherings. She never comments or interacts with any of my FB posts, but seems to watch me and my children avidly and reports our every move to my Father in Law (to whom we speak to every week). He often starts the conversation with "I hear you have a new handbag" "I know that my grandson has spent the weekend with a new girlfriend" and such like. I have no problem with anyone knowing what I post (I wouldn't post it otherwise!) but I do have a problem with SIL passing on info and bypassing me completely! My first reaction was to delete her from my friends. My second reaction is to contact her and tell her how I feel. My third reaction is to do nothing but fell cross every week. Anyone had a similar experience? What would you do? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Looney Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 Hmmm, tough one I think you may be able to prevent her from seeing some of your posts so you could do that? Not sure if it will be obvious to her that you've done this though, or whether it will just look like you've been a bit quiet recently! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angie Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 Oh dear i am going to have to own up now, I was having issues with my sister and i'm afraid i posted a statement on my FB page asking everyone who wished to remain on my friends list to either like or reply . As i was having a big tidy up, had lots that were only there for the games i used to play, but i stopped playing so hence the tidy up. My sis and her DDs' were amongst many others that didn't reply. I repeated the same post three times but had no reply so i deleted them. I have not had any requests to befriend them so i have left it at that. Now when i speak to my mum there are no out of order comments and just happy conversations.With my mum coming close to 80 that is how i want it to be, no upsets just good conversations.As we are in the yorkshire hills and they are in Bucks'. Not that i have anything to hide or be ashamed of. At our ages and being grandparents ourselves you'd think siblings could get on wouldn't you ? I have so little compared to the rest of my family but i am happy with all i have. My children and the grandchildren are well mannered and nicely spoken and do what is right. We seem to be the only ones without troubles but i won't be drawn into unnecessary squabbles anymore hence off the friend list. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Couperwife Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 I think I might not put on as much information Or be really vague about stuff. Maybe she just needs to feel like part of the family, or maybe she needs something to talk about? Fb is an interesting one. It causes no end of issues with kids at school Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowberry Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 If it were me I'd either post a statement on FB asking if people want to stay on your friends list or.......you can custom set your status's so that some people can see them or other people are hidden from them; this may be the easier appproach in your situation. When you write a status, click on the little 'cog' just below the box to see the options... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 Post something amazing,like you have won the lottery & are decamping to Bermuda with Daniel Craig immediately. If she passes it on,she will look a fool & it should stop her doing so again without thinking. If she doesn't pass it on then she must surely know that you are on to her. Or just block her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janepie33 Posted February 18, 2012 Author Share Posted February 18, 2012 Post something amazing,Or just block her. Was thinking of posting something outrageous! Problem is she is also friends with DD and DS an she passes on their posts too! The sad thing is that when we get together we get on really well. She doesn't work and I think she has time on her hands. She never post anything on FB, just plays games. I really wouldn't mind if only she just 'liked' one of my posts occasionally! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 Either out and out block her, defriend her or limit your posts to a group - of which you do not include her. Get your family to do the same. To her it will look like you are quiet - that's all. So if she says anything - you can honestly say that she is still on your "friends" list! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redwing Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 Maybe stop posting as much info there At the end of the day if it's important then your FIL should know before your Facebook friends, if it's not and it's trivial then maybe it doesn't matter that he already knows when you phone him.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janepie33 Posted February 18, 2012 Author Share Posted February 18, 2012 I really don't mind anyone reading my posts - otherwise I wouldn't post them! What annoys me is that SIL does not interact with me or DD or DS whatsoever, no comment on our posts or posting anything herself, just takes in all the info and passes it on to FIL. I told FIL he could look for himself if he set up a FB account, but he won't. I suppose I should be flattered that my new handbag is such a topic of conversation!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
majuka Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 I agree with some of the other posts. If you don't want to defriend her then just limit who can see your status updates - she won't know that you've done that. If she never posts on her own page, maybe she just doesn't get the point of FB and doesn't know to like or comment on a status update? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 Quite,you keep posting whatever you like! I don't think posting about a new bag is too personal anyhow......its just the stuff that anyone might post. It's the relaying of it to someone else that is,frankly,a bit odd. She sounds like a total sticky beak to me,& obviously either finds your life amazingly interesting,or is trying to undermine you in some small way. I would block her if I were you. She won't know you have . Otherwise maybe just relay all of her posts back to FIL yourself.....the more trivial or embarrassing the better Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 I would block her too. She won't know. If she questions you, you can always crack on that you don't bother with fb any longer. Even though the stuff she is passing on is very minor, you would probably prefer to update your FIL newswise yourself. I certainly wouldn't want her spying on my children, especially as she is at best, a rather distant relative. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parsley Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 She sounds very lonely to me. If she does not work then she may not have anything to talk about in her own life and lives through yours. You could try posting on her wall to try to get her more involved in facebook. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janepie33 Posted February 19, 2012 Author Share Posted February 19, 2012 Thanks everyone. A lot to think about. It is her birthday today so will post on her wall and see if I get a response. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scubababe Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 Any response yet? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janepie33 Posted February 19, 2012 Author Share Posted February 19, 2012 No nothing!! Loads of people have wished her Happy Birthday and she doesn't seem to have responded to any of them! She just fills her FB posts with requests for things for games (maybe Farmville?). Very odd. I keep fluctuating between being very cross and feeling a bit sorry for her as she doesn't seem to have anything better to do than FB stalk us and pass on info to FIL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bottledcherryangel Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 Even though you are sympathetic, it is bothering you. I agree with the people who have suggested that you block her, or exclude her from your groups. Anyways, you might want to impart your news to your FIL yourself, and she is getting in the way of this, unintentionally or not. Took me a while to work out what a FIL is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patricia W Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 It could simply be that she is limited in her understanding of FB. I have to say I am! I wait until my one of my lovely DIL come along before I venture into FB territory! So I guess I ignore many a message- but it's incompetence nothing else. And I mainly go on to see what others are doing. Maybe she needs some help with it - like me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scubababe Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 Indeedee block her & just say you've deleted your account It is serving no purpose to have her as a friend Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janepie33 Posted February 19, 2012 Author Share Posted February 19, 2012 She knows exactly what she id doing! She had to go searching via my or DD's account to find a picture of DS's new girlfriend so that she could report back to FIL! I think I have managed to restrict what she can see, by only allowing 'close friends' to view my posts, but the problem is that I now get notified every time they post anything at all. Just as well I don'e have too many friends! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
