chickencam Posted June 1, 2017 Share Posted June 1, 2017 Sorry to hear this Ali, hopefully a solution that suits you all can be found. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daphne Posted June 1, 2017 Share Posted June 1, 2017 I am sorry as well I know it's no help really, but do try not to beat yourself up with guilt about not having your Dad to live with you. Physically and emotionally I know it would be too much for me, and it sounds like it would be for you. Practically speaking, OH's mother has Alzeheimers and her legs stopped getting the messages from the brain about how to work and she was wheelchair bound. However, regular physio has helped and she can now walk with a zimmer or holding onto a person, for short distances. It sounds as tho your Dad needs bathroom adaptions for a walk in bath/shower? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted June 1, 2017 Author Share Posted June 1, 2017 This morning he was found upstairs - how he got up having lost the use of his legs yesterday I do not know. The physio and nurse were astounded. Just goes to show what you can do when push comes to shove. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted June 1, 2017 Author Share Posted June 1, 2017 After all that they think he's had a stroke. The care home are not happy as they can't look after him. Will keep him for one night. GP has cocked up and he doesn't get on with matron of the home. Dad is in the middle. The woman was very apologetic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackrocksrock Posted June 2, 2017 Share Posted June 2, 2017 Oh sounds not good at all - Sorry you are having to deal with this - I had my mum live with us for about 15 years before she had to go into a home - she was 80 when she came to live with us and believe you me it was no picnic. No matter how well you get on it does cause problems in the home especially with 2 kids around at the time who were in school. Would not have had it any other way mind you but a lot of work for a full time working mum like me! Take care and not stress too much as you also need to look out for yourself! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted June 2, 2017 Author Share Posted June 2, 2017 We havent room and have been quoted 50 grand for an extention. funds we dont have. Also it would leave another elderly relative alone - dad and his sil have each other even though they do rub each other up the wrong way. Dad wants to die in his house and refuses to enter modern life. kitchen and bathroom original 1960's - as old as me!!! eeek Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sil-El Posted June 2, 2017 Share Posted June 2, 2017 When my MIL died suddenly a few years ago, leaving FIL on his own, and not coping well, we contemplated moving him in with us. The house is big enough if we did some rearranging, but fortunately common sense prevailed and we didn't follow through. It's a nice idea to have an elderly relative live with you but the reality is far different and I know it would never have worked with us and I think the same is true for a lot of folk to be honest. You have to think of your own sanity and how much it would disrupt the rest of your family and what impact it would have on your work and social life and even how it would affect your pets. I'm full of admiration for those who manage to do this successfully but I think they are the exception rather than the rule. I know for a fact that if we had moved FIL in with us, before long our house would have ended up as an item on the local news, with the neighbours all saying how shocked they were, and the report ending with the phrase "the police are not looking for anyone else in connection with this incident" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted June 2, 2017 Author Share Posted June 2, 2017 Thank you for talking sense Sil-el . The ones that work have tons of room, tons of money and carers in many cases. A friend had her mum live with them a more easy woman you couldn't imagine and my friend suddenly felt mum was in the way and wanted mum to move out. A weekend with my dad was often like a weekend with a bored child he wanted entertaining and taking out not always easy when you work have kids and a house to look after. Dad is now on his way to Nottingham hospital t o the neurology unit. Poor man . I am going to go up when he is settled somewhere but by train the driving is a killer. It's like déjà blooming vue. I think he's had more falls than he's letting on and probably a bleed in brain as he's on blood thinners. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackrocksrock Posted June 3, 2017 Share Posted June 3, 2017 Sorry to hear he has to go back into hospital. Maybe they will get him in somewhere as he shoukd not be left so he can fall. As to large houses. We have a small bungalow 3 beds and a small office - the small office my son had for his bedroom when we had my mum. We built our bungalow so we could have her stay with us, never in a million years did I think we coukd have our own houses as hubby was in job with tied houses. We lived in some awful ones over the years. It was a struggle financially for a long time but we got there in the end. We did not have tons of money fancy jobs or tons of room, still do not, wish could win that lottery!!! Hubby retired and me with 20 months to go - hoorah! It is a very big commitment and not to be taken lightly by any means and I woukd say to anyone to think long and hard about having a relative to live with you. Then think again!!!! I hope your dad is doing ok. Take care of yourself too please. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted June 3, 2017 Author Share Posted June 3, 2017 Op has been post poned due to low sodium level. Hes obeying commands and sleeping a lot. ES who is in Bristol wants to see him and might meet me Thursday in Nottingham if hes up to visitors. I think they might do a burr hole or craniotomy to allow blood out. I suspect hes had falls and not told us. He had one the day before I last saw him and didnt tell me. He doesnt like his stick it makes him feel old - as I pointed out 2 black eyes and a face covered in steri strips is not a good look and makes you look old too. Hes also swapped his thick lens glasses which aided his eye sight for a normal lens with no power to help his eye. so virtually blind in one eye. As you may have gathered I am not the most patient of daughter and feel like screaming at times. and breathe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daphne Posted June 3, 2017 Share Posted June 3, 2017 Let it all out here, AG, we are all sending you supportive vibes. I hope your Dad's op goes well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackrocksrock Posted June 3, 2017 Share Posted June 3, 2017 Yep just rant all you want on here - we will listen and send you good vibes. I hope all goes well for him - when we get older we want to stay independent and in our own homes - its sad really but comes to us all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted June 16, 2017 Author Share Posted June 16, 2017 Dad passed away early this morning. Had seen him on Tuesday and spent 6 hours at hospital with him. He was semi conscious and paralysed down one side. His good side wasn't moving either. I asked the doctors on Tues what the outcome of the treatment was going to be in the light of the fact he had chest infection , huge blood clot on the brain and he seemed to think that dad could go onto a nursing home for long term care. Advised him my dad wouldn't want that he liked his house and garden and was fiercely independent. Asked him what he would do if it was his dad. He said he would speak to consultant. Yesterday a nurse called - to tell me they were concerned at lack of progress and how did I feel about ceasing treatment and keeping him comfortable. I replied I had spoken to Dr and they weren't keen on the idea. She had no idea of this or the fact I lived 100 miles away. The other thing I found odd is that they call you in the middle of the night to tell you that your loved one has detiorated. We never did that as it meant someone might crash on the way there. Any older nurses on forum will back me on this. I am sad that this might have been avoided if we had known about the falls. I suspect dad's dementia was worse than first thought. My experience of the hospitals up there is not good. He looked cared for but the lack of communication drove me mad. I am very tired and drained going up and down to Nottingham several times a week. But onwards and upwards. RIP dad. Xx Thank you for your support. Xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soapdragon Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 AG, so, so sorry to hear the news. Thinking of you..... make sure that you rest, eat and are kind to yourself. It was a very difficult situation for you given the distance but you grasped the nettle and got on with it to the very best of your ability; I take my hat off to you. Take care x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daphne Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 AG, I am so sorry what a shock it must have been to you. You must be in pieces, on autopilot but a bit dazed as well I should think. Let your family help in whichever way they can, particularly domestically so you don't have to get any more physically drained, the mental side is bad enough. I expect you will feel worse before you start to feel a bit better, but rest assured we are all here for you, thinking, in our small way You are so right about old fashioned nursing, if I can put it that way. One of my close friends was an early 80s student nurse, and I remember her saying you never contacted the family during the night, unless there was an emergency of some sort, because there was little they could do, and also the hospital would not be working at full capacity till the morning. RiP your Dad, and I also hope your Aunt is holding up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted June 16, 2017 Author Share Posted June 16, 2017 Thanks phones been busy and lots of texts from work. People very kind. Thank you for your kind wishes. X Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minnie&Moose Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 I'm very sorry Alis Girls - such a difficult and stressful situation for you. Thinking of you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sil-El Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 So sorry to hear the news Thinking of you at this very difficult time, I know from experience how draining a situation like this can be, so please take care of yourself and let others help take the strain as much as possible. x x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grandmashazzie Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 So sorry to hear your sad news.At least he didn't have to go to nursing home which he would have hated. Take care of yourself you am sure still have so much to sort out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackrocksrock Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 Really sorry to read this, take care, be glad he did not have to go into the home. Big hugs here too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluekarin Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 I am so sorry to read of your sad news. I haven't posted on here that much recently, so I missed when you posted about it. Sending you my love and thoughts at this sad time xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted June 22, 2017 Author Share Posted June 22, 2017 Thanks Karin. Been up and down a bit. Fathers day was hard - but i lost my mum a week before mothers day so sort of used to it. Work have been lovely and had some lovely cards. Was ok then today my aunt for reasons I dont know said someone had criticised the fact we are off to California next week and the funeral isnt till 14th July. We havent got death cert yet as went to coroners. The holiday was booked in March and is a chance of a lifetime with some money my uncle left me. some people are so spiteful. If dad had have lived I might have not gone but I felt I could go with a clear conscince till now. OH and ES said ignore it but feeling very senstive and go from tearful and then ok. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackrocksrock Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 Ignore these people - go and enjoy yourself - you can do nothing at home now until the funeral and you should just try and enjoy this trip of a lifetime, your dad when he was well would not have wanted you to stay at home. You have done all you could - big hug Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soapdragon Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 If you don't have the death cert then there is nothing that you can do and it's out of your hands! They can stick that in their pipe and smoke it! You deserve a break after all your trials and tribulations! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grandmashazzie Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 Enjoy your holiday,as you say you can do no more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
