Cinnamon Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 I found out yesterday that my eldest is being bullied at school. Like a berk I allowed her to talk me into not contacting the school today as that would 'make it worse', so I left her to try & sort it for a day. However,I have been online & her MSN pinged up with truly awful messages from 3 girls saying they are going to beat her up tomorrow at school It stems from one girl in particular who is tough,but is friendly with the daughter.They had some kind of falling out & now this girl is literally rallying the troops against my girl, & she has had various other girls come up to her today in a threatining manner. And when I say threatning,I really mean it.These girls will punch my daughter & not feel sorry if they do. They are all 14-15 years old. Obviously I am contacting the school in the morning,even though she is literally beging me not to. In the meantime I feel sick with worry & angry that girls can behave like this to each other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krysia Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 make sure you take a print out of the messages with you. (Any way of prooving who they are from their screen names?) Good luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 i'd have msn'd them back and said "this her mother and i'll beat the carp out of you if you lay a finger on my daughter and I'll be speaking to your parents, the school AND contacting the police!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowy Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 Sorry to hear about this Cinnamon, but you are doing the right thing. These girls cannot be allowed to get away with this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 Get her to set her MSN up to save all conversations. I do that because I allow the kids to have my MSN in case they want help with any coursework or revision. You can then print out a conversation history and prove that she is being cyber-bullied, its a nice extra bit of ammunition to use with the school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janty Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 I would turn the matter over to the police given my past experienceof cyber bullying. A girl in my year group at school (I am head of year 7) was being bullied by two other girls over the internet. When we tried to sort it out one of the bully's mothers swore at me and became abusive as it had **** all to do with me apparently as it was an out of school matter. Charming! At that point I rang the parent of the victim and I reported the bullying to the police myself. They have to take this seriously now as it is a wide spread problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ubereglu Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 I hope you get it sorted out Cinnamon. Bullying in schools is really horrible and I know just what it's like. Luckily it has got less of a problem for me since I started upper school, (Years 9-11) last year. However my best friend was bullied really badly when she was in year 8 and she was getting so scared that she was afraid to go to school, but luckily we managed to get her in and get the problem dealt with. Hope you get it sorted soon, Liz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joojoo Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 Hi Sarah I really feel for you and your daughter. I worry myself silly about Ashley as he is such a lovely kid and very sensitive towards everyone. I worry that I have brought him up to be "soft", but ultimately I know that if what is happening with you happened to him I would be up at the school and the police station like a shot. I was bullied in school and it was horrific to go through, but now it seems to be so much easier for them to do it. This makes me sound old but "in my day" kids were at least safe in their own homes but now with MSN etc they are able to do it 24/7. I hope everything gets sorted out quickly for both of you. You must be worried sick Take care Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christian Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 Sarah, I am so sorry to hear this. As others have advised, keep a history of all msn conversation to use as proof. I'm sure you won't, but make no contact whatsoever with the bullies yourself. Take a look here http://bullying.co.uk/ I hope it is sorted soon C x x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 i'd have msn'd them back and said "this her mother and i'll beat the carp out of you if you lay a finger on my daughter and I'll be speaking to your parents, the school AND contacting the police!" Threatening violence would not be a good idea Cinnamon. You would not have a leg to stand on yourself....an adult making threats of physical violence against minors....not a good idea, whatever the provocation. How awful for you and your daughter. I agree about making copies of the threatening messages. I would go with your daughter to school tomorrow, and demand to see the head. Show him/her the messages and inform him/her that you are referring the matter to the police ,as is your right. Insist that the bullies are suspended with immediate effect. Don't allow them to fob you off with a promise that the school will sort the matter out.......cyber bullying is a crime. Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 Hi Sarah I'm so sorry to hear about what is happening to your daughter We had a bit of a problem with Harry over the past couple of weeks and on Monday was the final straw, as these lads followed him home and started calling him names. They were really good friends from primary school. However Dan being Dan, decided to go round to the ringleaders house and tell his parents, luckily 2 of the other lads parents were there at the time, so Dan had a word with them as well. The ringleaders Mum was very protective of her innocent little lad and said it was all Harry's fault for staying away from her precious little offspring One of the other Dads was a sensible chap and agreed with Dan that they should stay away from each other The next day at school the other 3 lads came up to Harry and apologised to him and they are now friends again We have advised Harry to be friendly with them but to try and stay away from them and mix with other friends We also plan to keep a diary of incidents in case it happens again I dread Jules going to secondary school, I think girls are much worse My thoughts are with you and hope this comes to a speedy and positive conclusion Best wishes to you allxx MSN has a lot to answer for Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 MSN has a lot to answer for You're not kidding Debs. Sorry to hear your boy is having trouble. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina C Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 Oh no - I am sure if I were you I would be trembling with rage. However, we all know that is not the way to deal with it. I don't know if this will help your daughter at all but I used to work at BT and when abusive/silent calls were reported the initial advice was always 'do not react in any way (do not even slam the phone down walk away from it as replacing the receiver can be construed as a reaction). If your daughter can possibly (outwardly at least) ignore all taunts and jibes and anything intended to upset her the bullies may start to lose interest. Even to the extent that she does not discuss it with other friends if possible (perhaps confide in one for support but away from school). However, I do not have experience of bullying, its just one idea your daughter may feel able to try. I think this site may be aimed at younger children but others with younger children may be interested so I thought I would share it anyway - this was created by a young local girl. http://www.whybully.co.uk/faqs.html Keep any evidence as others have said. I would try and get a meeting at school after school hours - so the bully does not know, again a case of less fuel on the fire at this stage? Feeling so sad for you. Hope you get it sorted out quickly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 Was, hopefully Egluntine These are nice lads from nice homes and I think Dan going round to see their parents has put the fear of god into them, so hopefully no more trouble The ringleader is a manipulative little B, who looks like butter wouldn't melt, he gets his cronies to do the dirty work, so he can smile sweetly and say 'it wasn't me' Harry has held his own with the big lads, in his first week some of them came up to the 1st years and demanded their dinner money. Harry told them to get lost (his friends ran off) they then patted him on the head and always say hello to him now when they see him I went to parents evening tonight and Jules teacher has implied that she is making a bad choice with one of her 'friends'. We have had a talk about this girl before, she is only 9 but one look at her and you can see her life mapped out It is so worrying when horrible things happen to your babies, you just want to protect them from the world, but all you can do is give them your time, love and some of your worldly advice and gently nudge them into making the right choices Sarah, let us know how things go with the head tomorrow. I think this forum is a great way of expressing our worries and problems and getting lots of sound advice and a bit of sympathy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
layla Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 My daughter was being bullied too.We have deleted msn..She finally had the courage to stand up to this bullying girl.Who incidently is our neighbour It broke my heart seeing her sobbing but like you she wouldn't let me sort it out.Go to the head mistress,or teacher. schools will not tolerate bullying now. Thinking of you both Layla xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina C Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 I just had a look at that site and there are some useful links on there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geoid Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 Just tell her to block them so they cant contact her. Also MSN has a "report abuse" feature under "tools" which Microsoft goes and bans (or other appropriate action) the bully. This happened to me once, printed off convo, gave it to head of year, the bully is now permanently excluded (HA!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superjules Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 Cinnamon, I am so sorry to hear about your daughter. I was bullied for a short time at school and as I didn't have any friends outside of school it felt like my whole world was falling apart. I'm sure you will cover everything when you go to the school tomorrow but it's always good idea to make sure everything is followed up in writing. Good luck. We'll be thinking of you tomorrow morning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Couperman Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 I had a hard time in school, due to s"Ooops, word censored!"bery bullying, I had no right to be in the top class, because my father wasn't an accountant or any other equivalent acceptable occupation. My father is a bum (my words) and out of work at the time as he was most of my childhood. I really didn't understand at the time why I was judged by what my father chose (or not) to do for a living, I certainly did not judge my tormenters by what their fathers did , I could see them as ********* in their own right! I know this doesn't help much, Sarah , But I did laugh when one of my oh so witty bullies knocked on my door selling Kleeneze stuff (not a bad thing to do, unless you are a bully who was going to conquer the world), I asked how his dad was doing, he didn't answer. People who bully rarely do well in life, those who are bullied generally do. Kev Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted November 9, 2007 Author Share Posted November 9, 2007 Thanks for your support everyone - I can't tell you how much better your advice has made me feel. When the MSN message pinged up saying hi to my daughter I actually replied saying sorry but this is her Mum, she is away from the computer. But they (it was a 3 way convo) obviously thought it was my daughter & the threats started. I was gobsmacked,& I know I should have printed/saved it,but I didn't - I just blocked them. I have spoken to my daughter,who is terrified of going to school today,& we have agreed that I will speak to her head of house this morning & warn him that this may all kick off today. She will deny all knowledge of the conversation,saying it was me on the computer,should these girls ask her. The girl in question has apparantly already got an ASBO I don't want to come accross as one of those mothers who thinks their child is perfect - I am under no illusions about her behaviour sometimes & know darn well that she can provoke people with her attitude. But bullying & threats like this are not deserved by anyone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted November 9, 2007 Share Posted November 9, 2007 Good luck. Any more messages....save them. Have you asked about any texts your daughter may have received? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen&Lee Posted November 9, 2007 Share Posted November 9, 2007 Good Luck for today Cinnamon, I hope it all gets sorted out and doesn't all kick off as you are expecting it to. Fingers crossed. Helen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superjules Posted November 9, 2007 Share Posted November 9, 2007 Thinking of you both this morning. I hope it gets sorted out so that she doesn't have to endure it any more. An ASBO already, oh my goodness! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted November 9, 2007 Author Share Posted November 9, 2007 I have just spoken to her head of house. It is a CPHE day today,so the pupils will be taught in house groups, & she is in the same house as all these girls so he is telling the teachers in charge to keep a very close eye on things. Devon knows to go & see him if she gets any problems at break times, so I am hoping this will sort itself out today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina C Posted November 9, 2007 Share Posted November 9, 2007 Well it sounds like the school is well aware of the problem and is going to be supportive. I hope your daughter gets through today OK and that you do too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
