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[Ain't Nobody Here]

Our 16 yr old has come home from school with one B (62%), one C (52%) and three Ds for his Higher exam prelims.

 

We're really surprised and disappointed and don't know what to do now. He's a bright boy and his teachers say he's capable of good marks if he puts the effort in. He obviously hasn't been. He's disappointed too but is a boy of few words and won't really talk much about it. In his eyes as long as others have done worse than him, things are fine. He reckons everyone in his Maths set failed.

 

How does he turn this around and how can we help him? I plan to email the school and ask if we should be worried or have they all done badly and there's no need to panic.

[riane]

Sometimes the shock of not achieving as well as predicted motivates them into an extra boost of effort. Lets hope

[Chookiehen]

I did pretty badly in my Higher prelims, after being expected to do well. I failed 3 out of the 5 subjects that I sat, only passing Maths & Physics.

 

I was totally and utterly shell-shocked, and after a teary heart-to-heart with my maths teacher, I realised that I needed to stop relying on the fact I'd never had problems with exams and sat down and started to work my little bum off.

 

I ended up with 3 A's, 1 B and a C.

 

Hopefully your son will feel the same once the reality of what's happened has hit him, and he'll knuckle down.

[Egluntyne]

Perhaps a bit if extra tuition will give him a confidence boost.

[Cinnamon]

What are higher prelims?

Are they like GCSE mocks?

 

if so, I do know that thy are marked more harshly, in the effort to make the pupils buck up a bit

[Blackrocksrock]

The higher prelims are the scottish version of mock higher level in england I think. My son failed his maths prelim and his teacher said he could not sit it - I asked that he was allowed to sit it and got a tutor for him - turns out he was messing about in class at a vital time and missed the basics - sorted it out and he got a B. Boys are very deep too and I am sure he will be fine - maybe just run it through with a private tutor.

[little chickadee]

If it's any help, I got an E in my French GCSE mocks and a B in the real thing. The shock can be enough to make them put in the effort. Good luck with talking to him

[mags]

my almost 16 yr son is the same

 

really drives me mad

 

you could try a math's tutor , we got one for our daughter's higher math's

school said she would fail but she got b

 

mags

[ubereglu]

How about saying to him that the people who are doing better than him at the moment will later be employed in front of him for the same job...

 

Also, presumably he knows that he hasn't done as well as he could, say that he should try his best, otherwise he will regret it later.

 

Some of those are a bit sharp, (I'm sorry, it's just the person I am ), but he'll realise what they mean later on, even if he gets slightly annoyed.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Thanks, all .

 

We had a good chat with him and I think he gets it (even got a bit teary which set me off too ). He got good grades in his 5 intermediate 2s and 2 standard grades so I think he's been resting on those laurels somewhat.

 

He seems keen to sort out some kind of revision timetable so I've been helping him look out some revision websites and set out a plan for tomorrow evening's revision. I've said I'm happy to test him on stuff and do Close Reading (comprehension) with him. We'll really have to keep an eye on him and keep him focussed.

 

He's a lovely boy so we should be grateful this is all we have to worry about really .

[Redwing]

Sounds like a plan ANH, you sound like a good mum

[jackiepoppies]

Hello Vicki,

 

Obviously you know your lad better than anyone but if he had been one of mine I think I would have said something like.........

 

'Obviously, like you we are disappointed, especially when we were all so sure you would have done better. However, as long as you did your best and put the effort in, we can ask nothing more.

What we and especially you, need to do now, is take a bit of time to think what and where you want to go career wise because without decent results you will be up against a lot of competition to even get a job you might not want or be happy in. The last thing we want is for you to be doing something that you wouldn't choose to do with your life. That would be a total waste of the inteligence we know is in there!'

 

I don't know if this might help, but however you approach it, I wish you all the very best of luck and good wishes.

 

Jx

 

Edit to say....You know how numptyish on the 'pooter I am......you must have had your chat and got your plan together in the time it took me to type the above

xxx

[Ms Marple]

Sounds to me like you have said the right things really ANH.

 

I hope this doesn't sound too harsh, but from what I see on a daily basis (and indeed with my own two boys) a taste of 'failure' does no harm other than to focus the mind on how much you dislike the taste if you get what I mean.

 

YS mock results were disasterous last year and we were feeling pretty low (not easy as I work in the same school) but it did seem to be the thing that actually 'switched' him on to focus for the real event.

 

At the end of the day, they say what they do to ease their pain and save face. Our recriminations don't help - other than to allow us to let of steam. My advice (to parents of boys in my care - I am Head of Year 11 for my sins - actually I love it!) is to be supportive and positive. (NOT EASY I KNOW)

Find ways to help organise revision,- diff styles of note-making etc, test topics, make cups of tea and sandwiches or whatever.

 

I am sure the real event will be far better - have faith in him ( he is probably full of self-doubt at the moment anyway).

 

I hope this doesn't sound too bossy. Good luck!

[sparkysmum]

Hi, It is hugely disappointing for everyone - parents and young people - when they fail important exams. but as someone else has said I think it is important to stay supportive and not to nag This just turns them off. Different friends have told me of their children failing prelims and one friend who is an English teacher failed all her prelims herself. I think it often serves as a wake up call. Fingers crossed he'll work hard now, but it's not the end of the world, esp for boys. There will always be other opportunities although its more straightforward if they do it now.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

All good, helpful advice - thanks .

 

We are trying the "let us help you" approach rather than the ranting (not easy for OH ). He does seem to appreciate that so it's up to me to keep to my word and keep an eye on him.

 

I've been trying to have chats about what he'll do next year and then after school but he's so laid back and, frankly, unenthusiastic about anything I can't get anything out of him. There's a parents evening soon where the universities have stalls so maybe something will inspire him.

 

I just don't know what fields are open to him. The job market is so different nowadays. He's doing Graphic Communications (his favourite), Computing, Physics, Maths and English. I don't even know what jobs those would lead into .

[Guest]

In my experience with my daughters, sometimes the mock results are bad purely because they haven't finished the course yet and so couldn't answer some of the questions properly. In addition to making sure he is properly prepared, try not to worry too much. If the school thinks he is capable of more, they will contact you won't they?

[Ms Marple]

It is so different to when we were their age as fewer people went to uni in the first place. I think it is definitely about what you are good at AND what you enjoy these days. I think a visit to a uni careers exhibition usually helps to start them thinking. Do you have a big exhibition that you can attend? We have a really big 6th form careers fair at GMEX in Manchester next month.

[Guest]

I don't know how schools are "judged" in Scotland but in England the results are so important now that the schools throw EVERYTHING into the C/D border kids. The thinking being that there is a better chance of securing magic C's with someone on a D than someone on a lower grade - in most schools these kids can mean up to 5% improvement on grades so they are offered tons of extra help. Especialy if English & Maths are at stake as we now have to get the kids 5 passing grades including English and Maths - rather than 4 in one subject and any other one!

 

Ask the school what help they have in place.

[bellekatz]

My DDs mock GCSE results were rather dissappointing but at parents evening her teachers were full of ways to improve and move up that extra grade or 2 and they are offering extra after school groups and holiday sessions.

 

I just said that I ws a little dissappointed because I thought she had spent too much time with her boyfriend ( who did his mocks beofre Christmas and not after) and that all I wanted was for her to do her best and achieve the high targets she has set herself so that she can do what she wants to do with her life ( go to a russell group Uni). She has since settled down and talked to sixth formers at her school about revision etc and having a praents evening after the mocks was a great help. Lets hope this shock before the real thing gives them an incentive to do better

[..lay a little egg for me]

Lots of good advice here as always. Just wanted to throw in a little anecdote from my cousin. Her DS was just taking things easy at school until he wanted some money for something (can't remember what) and my cousin insisted he got a saturday job to earn the money he needed. He started stacking shelves for Tesco on a saturday, which he hated. My cousin said to him "You do realise that this is the kind of work you will be doing for the rest of your life if you don't get good exam grades..." Boy did he pick up his work and did really well in his exams!!!

 

Not sure if you can use this kind of psychology in any way on your DS, but it worked for my cousin.

[PapaJuliet]

 

I hope this doesn't sound too harsh, but from what I see on a daily basis (and indeed with my own two boys) a taste of 'failure' does no harm other than to focus the mind on how much you dislike the taste if you get what I mean.

 

 

I didn't think we were allowed to use the "F" word any more in case the poor little darlings get scarred for life.

 

 

 

(Not having a go at anybody here... just at the "system" )

 

PJ

[Egluntyne]

You could try what my friend did a few years ago when her daughter did unexpectedly badly in her mock GCSE's a few years ago. (Boyfriend getting in the way of revision)

 

They said, pull your socks up, and for every A you get we will give you £50 and for every *A we will double it.

 

She got 9 *A's and 4 A's in the real thing.

 

They didn't know whether to be flabbergasted or delighted.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

I've heard that ploy before. Trouble is, ES isn't particularly motivated by money. He doesn't spend his pocket money very often and has a tidy sum in his bank already. It's certainly worth a thought though, I might run it past OH though .

[Seagazer]

Good luck with this Vicki. My ES didn't do very well in his mocks, he thought he would do ok as all along they were saying he would get A to C's but once he got his mock results he just switched off.

 

We were talking about this last night as he has an interview with a college for his day release for his job. He had got a D in maths originally, went to 6th form for about 4 months, retook his maths and got a C. He said he still didn't work for it. I despair

 

As I've said he's working now as an apprentice. I think he is going to enjoy day release more as its for his job.

 

How you get them motivated though is a mystery to me. I didn't have to do anything with my daughter - in fact she is too motivated most of the time

 

I think it always helps if they have an end goal in sight though. She did, she wanted to go to a particular uni. He didn't and would have quite happily drifted I think.

[Falkor]

All really helpful advice just thought I would add my bit....

 

When I did my mocks (OMG 12 yrs ago) my Egnlish Lit was marked as an E, infact my whole set which was the top set were marked no higher than a D. Whilst mid and lower sets had pupils marked with B`s. I think it was all mind games..... scare the top set half to death with bad marks and encourage the lower sets with good marks.

 

In the actual exam there was no one in my set with lower than a B.

 

My mum freaked out when she saw my E mark, she sat me down and we had a teary chat.

 

A few days later my whole set decided to have our own eng lit lesson in the common room and left the teacher in the classroom on her own. We did the work (we were swots afterall) and discussed To Kill a Mocking Bird but without teacher. It took 45 mins of careful negotiatons with the head for us to agree to attend her next class. We got an apology from teacher re low marks and she said it was scare tactic.

 

If he is not motivated by money why not offer something else ...... football tickets? Decorate bedroom?