4m x 3m Omlet pen, cube, new auto door still boxed and coop light

[Karen & co.]

At the moment I have steam coming out of my ears

 

I really don't know how to encourage my eldest to get his head down and revise for the AS levels he will be sitting not long after the Easter holiday I've tried gentle hints, very un gentle hints even bribery but nothing is working

 

Next week against my better judgment he is off to Spain on a rugby tour with his club, he isn't playing because he broke his leg just before Christmas, and hasn't finished physio yet, but we had paid a non returnable deposit before he broke his leg but that means not a s"Ooops, word censored!" of revision for a week.

 

At the moment he doesn't know what he wants to do after A levels, so the point of doing well isn't even on his radar

 

Sorry this is a long and probably pointless post but it's so frustrating watch a very bright boy just cruise along with no drive

 

Karen x

[Jules.]

oh

 

My eldest is 12 & I can see him heading the same way.

 

It's only with hindsight that we see wasted opportunities & how we should have just knuckled down to revision, but how to get that across I don't know.

When you find out will you please let me know?

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Oh, I can soooo sympathise . I have a nearly 17 year old who has his Highers starting on 11th May. He did pretty badly in his prelims which we were hoping would give him a kick up the whatsit. He started off well, revising a couple of hours each night but now we're on holiday, every time I see him, he's on his PC. I ask him (a few times daily!) about his revision but he's getting a bit defensive now, insisting he's doing enough. I worry that his "enough" isn't really enough .

 

Shouting and nagging don't seem to work with him so I'm trying the encouragement and concerned parent route - not sure if it's working . I suppose we'll find out in August .

 

He still has 6th year to go but I'd rather he got good results this year and added to his qualifications next year, rather than resitting/upgrading .

 

Your last line really rings true for us too .

[Looney]

Hmmm you could tell him til you're blue in the face that putting the work in now will save so much trouble and work later on......but if he ain't listening, he ain't listening I'm afraid.

 

My brother is a year older than me and it was only when he visited me at uni (after I'd already taken a gap year to work before going) that it hit him he was missing out and what he wanted to do in life really did depend on him getting a uni level qualification. He pulled his finger out and is now doing very well for himself.

 

All very frustrating.

[poachedegg]

Our ES is about to sit his A2's (one year older than yours) and we have taken the tack of letting him get on with it, however saying things like 'it's your future, not ours', 'if you want to go the the uni of your choice it's up to you to get the grades', this then puts the responsibility on him - we have got to let him get on with it and hope he does the right thing - me nagging and nagging him is not going to make him work anymore, infact it would probably do the opposite.

[feemcg]

It's so frustrating isn't it ......I never once had to ask eldest daughter if she'd done homework or studied.....she just got on with it and managed a nice balance with her 'social life' too. Middle daughter had me almost having a nervous breakdown, isn't in the slightest bit interested in school/studying etc. She has Highers in May......if she goes , but I've stopped nagging/shouting/reminding because it doesn't make any difference.....and I'm not going to let my health suffer any more . If I were you I wouldn't mention it again....then it might get him thinking why you've stopped.

[Patricia W]

my four are all grown up now- but I've been there and got the T-shirts! I finally realised that unless they " own" the revision, there is nothing a parent can do, other than provide the " right" environment i.e. somewhere quiet and comfortable where they can work.

 

After that, you really have to sit back because you can't do it for them.

 

One of mine completely rejected exams and insisted on leaving at 16. However, he's done as well in the end as the one with 4 grade A A levels, and a first class degree.

 

Another failed an exam - and was so shocked, she then worked her socks off and did really well.

 

I do feel for you all - but am SO glad all I have to think about is has Phillipa laid an egg!!

 

Good luck!

 

Tricia

[KimmyCustard]

I used to work in a greengrocers as a Saturday job when I was 16. My Mum said to me that if I didnt knuckle down and get some good grades at school, then I would have to spend the rest of my life sorting potatoes and chopping cucumbers in half (plus the finger nail damage).

She also said that if I thought I was going to remain at home without having a job to go to once I'd left school, then I was to think again, as her and my Dad were not going to be handing over any money, giving lifts, providing clothing or food without house keeping from me.

Horrified was not the word. I knuckled, got what I needed and they were happy! Phew.

 

Good luck, YSD is about to begin secondary school.......

 

Kimmy

x

[Cinnamon]

Now I have the opposite problem

 

My eldest has her GCSE's coming up next month & is revising like mad, all the time...........& yes, I mean ALL the time.

She is wearing herself into the ground with revision & worry about her exams, & I am really concerned for her.

I think over revising may be just as bad as under revising. as she is so stressed.

She doesn't even want to do our usual school holidays shopping then YO! Sushi trip tomorrow.

 

I can 100% guarantee that I will not have this worry with my youngest, who is so laid back she is almost comatose

 

Can you cancel his trip, so him you mean business???

[Lisa]

I sympathise Karen. It was a visit to Cambridge Uni that began to spark the light for my DS.

 

You can nag till you are blue in the face - the occassional reminder/encouragement seems to work better, however, you do have to let them get on with it however frustrating ut us!

 

Good luck!

[Kirstine]

Also been there and done that - OH is still doing it as I write.

Stepson is now 22 and supposed to be studying for finals, but he is procrastinating. It doesn't help that he has chosen to spend his final year at home with his Mum and commute to Uni, so doesn't have the peer pressure (by which I mean noone to go out with 'cos they are all working) that he should have.

However, when we pointed out that he has always done this, nearly got kicked out of school, got bare minimum GCSEs to do A levels and bare minimum A levels to go to Uni, he just said that that was 'all part of the plan'. The plan always seems to be to work really hard NEXT time. AAAARGH!!!!!

I agree that you've got to give them ownership - but it is very hard to sit and watch someone throw their education away in front of you. As adults we know that there will be second chances, but anyone who has been a mature student with a family (as my OH was) knows it is so much harder that way!

[Ms Marple]

All of these posts ring true at our house too. It cuts me up so much to seee him wasting the easy opportunity now. We are also doing AS levels. I teach at the same school and see other boys appearing to be really focused and working hard which just makes me feel even more down about the whole situation. It is true that they have to 'own' the revision, I just wish they weren't so good at owning the route to disaster too. We have had a difficult time so far through AS. It seemed much easier with my OS - or have I just forgotten.

[Janepie33]

I have one doing AS levels and one doing A2s this year.

 

My son - doing A2s - has always worked hard, met his deadlines and been very focused, working hard and steadily throughout the year. He will be off to do a degree in Aquaculture & Fishery management in September. He is like his dad. Steady and consistent.

 

My daughter is doing her ASs. Everything is a drama! She meets her deadlines at the last possible second. (Like her mum)

 

She would rather tidy her room than do her coursework (and she HATES to tidy her room!). She wants to drop one of her A levels as she hates that too. I said yes, on the proviso that she works REALLY hard on the other two. The course she wants to do only requires 2 Alevels (wildlife conservation).

 

Nagging does not work. I agree with the previous posts. The drive has to come from the child. You can't do it for them. As soon as I took a step back, I became less stressed and I passed the responsibility onto my daughter.

 

I asked my daughter what she would suggest to encourage the teenager in question to get busy and do the work required and her response?

 

"Buy him some new Converses"!! Guess what she wants?!

[Karen & co.]

Thank you all for the comments much as it's a horrible thing to be going through, it really is good to know it's not only me that is finding it hard work parenting at the moment.

 

We have never been able to bribe him even as a toddler, he would go with out anything he really wanted to avoid doing what he didn't want to but with the others it's a different story, if I offered them an incentive the work would be done yesterday with bells on (well it would at the moment, when I'm back having torn my hair out in a few years remind me what I said about them )

 

I did think about not letting him go to Spain, but appart from loosing a few hundred pounds, the fall out from the black moods would make everyones week off painfull, so for the sake of the other 3, and us we will let him go, he does know I am prepared to stop him though.

 

His cousin is in the same year group in Scotland, and has to be dragged out of her room to eat and stop working, why can't we mix the attitudes up a little

 

One last thing that makes my blood boil is that his best friend who is of the same ability level keeps telling him he isn't revising, but his Father tells me he is doing at least 4 or 5 hours per day, guess who ES believes

 

Oh well there are only 3 more children to go through this with

 

Karen x

[Egluntyne]

Having been through all this (You've no idea how liberating it is to have them all out of the education system ) I would observe that it is a boy / girl thing.

 

They approach their revising very differently, in the main. I've observed it with friends children too. Cinnamon's daughter and your niece are displaying typical girl behaviour, singlemindedly and methodically making notes and going over things repeatedly. My daughter and her friends used to organise group revision sessions and used to sit around my dining table going over things together, even doing past papers together under exam conditions. Like broody hens, they had to be coaxed off the nest to eat and drink.

 

The boys seem to have a much more relaxed attitiude and retain facts better in last minute, night before the exam cramming sessions.

 

All to do with the way their brains are wired up. Of course it doesn't apply in every case, but seems to be the way in general.

 

Very stressful for the parents.

 

Once he is back from Spain, he might surprise you and knuckle down.

 

Good luck.

[chickenanne]

Oh dear, I think I was like your offspring.

I did highers, and did really badly with the ones in 5th year. I'd found S Grades really easy so just didn't do much work. However, I did more Higher exams in 6th year (I didn't do badly enough to warrant resits from 5th year) and at that point I really got on with it got the resutls I needed, despite my parents nagging.

I guess that if he doesn't see the need to do it, he won't: but am sure he'll wake up to reality pretty soon: hopefully soon enough that he won't need to do resits.

[Valkyrie]

My DS had a cushy time at school - never revised but has ability to retain knowledge. It was a shock when he actually had to work for his AS levels - so much so that he dropped out and went on a "gap year". He then reapplied to go to another college and did the same again! He has had 2 jobs so far - then girlfriend problems seem to take priority - ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! At the moment he is looking for employment and earning his keep by helping OH with his work - and he has been extremely helpful. I have a very bright son who lacks common sense. DD is different - although she nearly took the same route. She wanted to drop out of her college, but her teacher told her that "once a quitter, always a quitter"- at that time DS had just quit his 2nd job. So it proved the teacher's point, and she is still at college and working hard. Funnily enough, she now has a plan for her future, whereas DS hasn't a clue, although he wants to go on a computer course - which he nearly coughed up money (that had been given to him by doting grandparents for helping with university fees - hah! ) for it until we told him to research it further. Turns out there is a government course which starts in July, but we can't help thinking how long he will last at it. We get the odd moments when we can talk to him, and he does seem to take things on board - we know when he has been listening to us, because he does talk about things - occasionally. I have tried the swift kick up the bum and reverse psychology, but they didn't work. As I said before, I prefer freeloading chickens to freeloading son - at least they provide fertilizer whereas son . . .

[Seagazer]

I think I agree with Eglutine in that often the girls study harder and the boys just manage to do the exams somehow.

 

My DD studied hard all the time and has got to Uni. My ES started 6th form but didn't really want to be there I think but had left applying for college too late for the course he wanted. He had to retake his maths GCSE as he needed a C for college. Again he did no studying but somehow got his C. He actually said to me - I wonder what grades I would have got if I had studied

 

He's now an apprentice and seems to be enjoying it. His firm are paying for him to go to college soon and he had an interview with the college and a test. Apparently he did really, really well in it and they were surprised that he wanted to be an engineer and not do a more taxing job?!! I think if he's in a job he enjoys and is getting paid then its all good.

 

Only got 1 more left to get through - he's a bit of a mix of his brother and sister so I hope he will make a bit of effort.

[Valkyrie]

Seagazer - I think there is light at the end of the tunnel for you!

[badgerbluebadger]

Mmm I am now 30 but was no angel.

 

My A level results were not what I expected, so I decided to go out and work and not go to Uni.

 

After a few bad jobs, I found a job I really love doing and I am now doing formal qualifications, which will be equal to a degree.

 

It took me to grow up and go out to work to find out what I really wanted to do and now I am working really hard!

 

My sister however knew what she wanted to do from a very early age and has got a degree, a masters and a PHD.

 

My mother treated my sister and I both in the same way but we have both chosen different paths. We both however still have very good jobs, earn good money and both are happy!

 

Everyone is different but most of us get there in the end!

[chooklady]

My eldest did his AS's last year and he had no idea what he wanted to do, he failed them terribly and decided to leave school. He had a part time job and has just managed to get a job of 25 hours a week with the hope of it becoming full time in the summer.

We tried everything but the more we nagged the more he dug his heels in, I think you just have to let them get on with it. It's their future and all it does to us is cause pain and anguish and arguments.

My eldest daugther is doing GCSE's this year, She does seem to be revising, they are all different I'm afraid.

[Phoebe]

my daughter must be the exception which proves the rule then - perpetually twittering or watching dvds when supposed to be revising. for A2s........