4m x 3m Omlet pen, cube, new auto door still boxed and coop light

[AJuff]

Maybe it's the time of year . . or the time of the month . . but I feel things are getting out of control. My work/home life is unbalanced. I'm stilll report writing. OH thinks I take too long on them but then he would wouldn't he. On a weekend I'm always close to the computer writing whenI'm not having to deal with meals and children. I can't write in the evenings as I'm too tired from taeching all day.

 

Nothing else gets done . . the study is in a complete mess with mounting paperwork. I managed to find the postal voting papers just in time. I've paid the violin teacher the wrong amount. I've lost my purse. New school papers are languishing around. Carpets lay unvacumed. Dust is everywhere. Children have missed parties. Parents evening clashes with work meetings. OH is away cycle racing tomorrow, children are having music theory and singing lessons = no report writing. Bed sheets are unchanged this weekend. Hen house needs a clean. I forgot to pay for my YD ballet show tickets. YD has birthday thank yous to write, she needs supervision. I'm on tea duty at church tomorrow and the kids don't want to go. I'm drowning in eggs and they are building up in the kitchen and I can't give them away quickly enough. OH thinks....no he knows I've got too many hens. The bathroom is still being finished ans OH keeps asking what type of this or that I want and I just don't know. I feel guilty as I haven't taken the kids out anywhere this weekend and i don't intend to either.

 

I think I'm a bit stressed as I've not slept too well for the last two nights. Also OH has made coments about how much I snack during report writing and how much weight I've piled on. He's right as I've never been heavier. . . . Also I'd like to just go away somewhere and read my book which is really good but I'm either too tired to read it or feel guilty as i should be finishing reports. I can't see an end until report writing is finished and I just need more time. I've got 10 reports left. I think I'll go to bed.

[craftyhunnypie]

Your OH has no right to tell you you look heavier! He should love you for what you are & just keep his trap shut!

 

I think you will feel tons better when those reports are done, but a bit of help & support from the family would help. Perhaps a rota / timetable for you & the family might not be a bad idea. That way, you get time together, housework gets done & your reports will get done. You have all got to pull together as a family.

 

If all else fails - just look after yourself, maybe try a herbal rescue remedy to calm & relax you?

 

Big hugs

Emma.x

[AJuff]

Thanks for that. OH is a super fit guy . . I have neither the time nor inclination to take exercise at the moment. he works shifts so he gets the time. I work Mon - Fri, he seems to work the weekends. Every day I'm off so are the kids. Catch 22.

[jlo]

Sorry to hear that you are feeling low. I was going to make some comment about how it might be helpful for OH to forego the cycle race and help around the house tomorrow but then thought that it was really none of my business so thought that I would just send a instead!

[Woodcat]

hey

 

Sounds like a difficult time hope it improves when you finish report writing

[Chickvic]

I was talking to my SIL (a primary teacher) and the amount of time it takes to do reports is staggering I don't know what to suggest, the rota sounds like a good idea. Sending you some (((hugs))) Reports will soon be over!

[craftyhunnypie]

You mean I had a good idea? I don't even have kids. But I've been an Au pair & nanny - so understand the stresses of everyday life for mums (& dads). So perhaps I can talk a bit of sense & give some useful advice?

Hope things get better for you soon, never ever ever feel guilty about what you as an individual want to do. Just think of number one for a change!

 

Emma.x

[chickencam]

I feel for you, all us mums feel like this at times, if the children are old enough get them going with the vacuum and hen cleaning etc saying 'many hands make light work' more time for fun if everyone chips in.

 

Go and read your book or shut your eyes for 15 minutes, it will make all the difference.

 

Maybe have some blood tests, when my life felt at it's most out of control I was diagnosed with an underactive thyroid which makes you feel really tired, put on weight etc . might be worth a visit to the docs.

 

In the meantime (((hugs)))

[Snowy]

Poor you (((hugs))) Isn't it awful when there is so much to do and not enough time to do it in? I'd suggest to your OH that he takes over some of the chores so that you have time to go to the gym/cycle/walk/exercise whatever if he feels so strongly about it

 

Prioritise what you have to do, and forget about what isn't important - most jobs will keep and can be done when you or OH do have the time. You and your kids are what is important, everything else is secondary. Hope you feel better soon. xx

[Alis girls]

My friends a primary school teacher and is always doing work long into evenings. This will not help but her OH took kids at 1/2 term camping so she could get them done. I think you need to leave the work - take some time out to destress - book a facial, swim or something and it will be easier to tackle when you get back. OH like a lot of men (sorry guys) is feeling neglected so hes being nauaghty and saying nasty things suggest so you finish quicker he takes kids out, tidies house or cooks dinner - short of that put him in the shed with the kids like the other thread user problem solved - I do feel for u as my friend gets very stressed and we have to prop her up with coffees out to support her!!

[Seagazer]

I'm sorry you're feeling fed up. I think you need to take some time out, even if its just an hour, go out for a walk without the kids or OH (who shouldn't have said what he'd said, its not very supportive). Just a little bit of time to clear your head, don't think about anything else, can often help.

 

Does your OH do anything around the house? You are both working full time so it should be an equal share of housework. I think a rota sounds a good idea. No idea what age your kids are but could they do a few little jobs?

 

Sending you a (((((hug))))).

[Jules.]

I find that making lists of what need to be done, so that it's written down & I don't forget things. It also helps me visualise what's important to do NOW, & what can wait.

(This may not help you as it sounds like your list would be a long one )

 

I understand that when the pressure is on it feels like nothing will ever be straight again, & life will never be normal, but you will get there eventually.

 

Take some time to refresh your soul at church today, enjoy geting out the house & chatting to your friends, then get those last 10 reports finished asap & then ignore all the housework until next weekend at least.

The chooks will be fine even if they haven't been cleaned out as often as you usually do, & the children's beds can wait for clean sheets. Get them to strip their own beds & remake them! The beds won't look perfect, but that's what i get my 12 yo to do, & he sleeps fine in his bed

 

Get a blood test too, I have an underactive throid & my medication makes all the difference x

 

Only 6 weeks to go till the summer holidays

[Egluntyne]

Sorry you are feeling down.

 

Perhaps your OH could help you around the place and with the children's activities.

 

Have you considered getting someone in to do the cleaning and the ironing?

[ClaireG]

((hugs)) I think the rota is a good idea. Would your DH look after the children so that you can reward yourself when you have finished the reports? Something just for you.

 

The study etc will wait. Break everything down into bite size chunks in order of priority. I'm a list writter, maybe this might help you. Try and take some time out each day even if it's shutting yourself in the bathroom to have a bath with some relaxing essential oils.

[Plum]

Get your husband to write the reports. Kids can finish the bathroom. You sit down with your feet up and a glass of wine and throw eggs at them all.

 

Hope you feel better soon.

[BeckyBoo]

STOP STOP STOP! It sounds like there are so many things to do that you don't know where to start. Much as I think Plums idea is the best second best is to get a blackboard or whiteboard, put it somewhere obvious, like the kitchen or hall wall and write a list of EVERYTHING that needs doing in order of importance.

Writing them down in itself can help your mind prioritise and give you a sense of control.

Some of that stuff your OH could do, like paying for the tickets and violin lesson and also supervising the thank-you letters.

I don't know how old your children are but for a small financial remuneration mine are open to helping with most things although I often have to re-do their efforts later.

You MUST get the reports done, then you can take a break, have a cuppa and a re-think. Don't worry about the weight, once you've taken the other stuff in hand you might find some of it falls away as you won't need to snack so much and the rest you can decide later to deal with or not. If there is an excercise you lie doing, even swimming and a sauna or something not too taxing, it might be nice to do that either with OH or a mate - will make you feel fab.

 

And I also think he has no business telling you you're too heavy - guaranteed to make me reach for the chocolate digestives that would be. What he SHOULD be saying is something like "I know you've got your pants on over your tights a la superwoman and are cramming 36 hours worth of stuff into 24 hours but it is OK to be human, you can let some stuff go, we are on this earth to try and be happy and NOT at the expense of everything else."

No one is going to die if you don't change the sheets for another week - if he doesn't like it he could always do it, doesn't take ten minutes.

 

And make sure you cross it off the list as you do it, seeing the list diminsh will be great.

 

So there endeth my lesson - but most of all you need to stop, just for a minute, and take a breather - you're no good to anyone frazzled and things that should take five minutes will take 50 minutes.

 

BIIIIIGGGGGG hug, we all think you're amazing and probably so does he - he maybe thought he'd spur you on to great slimness - don't forget, he is a bloke!

 

BeckyBoo

[badgerbluebadger]

This sounds simliar to my life apart from I don't have kids yet.

 

Both my husband and I work full time and are trying to do up our little flat in our spare time. I am also trying to complete my study to become a full financial advisor. Sometimes I get to lose it point also!

 

When you have to run a home and work and in your case do even more than me and look after kids things do get on top of you.

 

The answer, I don't have I am afraid! But I do find a nice cuppa and chicken watch normally makes my life just that little bit better!

[Ain't Nobody Here]

the study is in a complete mess with mounting paperwork. I managed to find the postal voting papers just in time. You found them, that's the main thing . You know everything's there if you need it so don't worry till you do need it . Plenty of time to file it all when the reports are done.

 

I've paid the violin teacher the wrong amount. They'll get over it .

 

I've lost my purse. Tell the kids to find it and you'll give them a reward .

 

New school papers are languishing around. Shove 'em in the study - at least they'll have company .

 

Carpets lay unvacumed. Dust is everywhere. So what? If you spend time cleaning, the dust will just be back.

Children have missed parties. Good . Less tatt from party bags to clutter up the place.

 

Parents evening clashes with work meetings. Send OH.

 

OH is away cycle racing tomorrow, children are having music theory and singing lessons = no report writing. No way out of that but make him do something when he gets back to make up for leaving you on your own.

 

Bed sheets are unchanged this weekend. Hen house needs a clean. Another week will make no difference whatsoever.

 

I forgot to pay for my YD ballet show tickets. I bet you're not the only one.

 

YD has birthday thank yous to write, she needs supervision. OH can do that.

 

I'm on tea duty at church tomorrow and the kids don't want to go. You're probably there now - hope you managed to drag them there .

 

I'm drowning in eggs and they are building up in the kitchen and I can't give them away quickly enough. Massive omlettes for tea? A basket at the end of your drive saying "help yourself "?

 

OH thinks....no he knows I've got too many hens. Pah!

 

The bathroom is still being finished ans OH keeps asking what type of this or that I want and I just don't know. Tell him to decide or stop asking till you have time to think.

 

I feel guilty as I haven't taken the kids out anywhere this weekend and i don't intend to either. They'll live. Make them help round the house instead .

 

I think I'm a bit stressed as I've not slept too well for the last two nights. Could you get something to help you sleep?

 

Also OH has made coments about how much I snack during report writing and how much weight I've piled on. He's right as I've never been heavier. . . . That's not fair . When you have time to think, nip over to this thread . It's working for me .

 

Also I'd like to just go away somewhere and read my book which is really good but I'm either too tired to read it or feel guilty as i should be finishing reports. I can't see an end until report writing is finished and I just need more time. I've got 10 reports left. I think I'll go to bed. You must have completed lots already so just think of it as "only" 10 left. You'll enjoy your book much more without the guilt.

 

Hope you managed to sleep last night and it all looks better today .

[Cooks]

(((hug)))

[theherd123]

Ajuff - its that time of year again for teachers and there will be no let up until report writing is over, get them done as best as you can and then the pressure will start to ease im sure Being a teacher at this time of year is just pants - big fat hairy pants!

 

Who cares if you cant be a supermum 24 7 - who can?

 

Bumble along in the best way possible until you feel you have time to breathe again

[Ygerna]

For me, the biggest thing that jumped out was that you both seem to work full time, but its only you that does the work at home. That is not fair. No wonder you are stressed.

 

Delegation is an option. Someone earlier suggested a white board with a list of things on. I would add who is to do it, and when by. If your family are not used to the idea you may have to stand there each morning for 5 mins and say 'hubby- pay music lesson bill, put out bins, change sheets on bed, all to be done by tomorrow 6pm', 'DD-pick up toys in bedroom, dust lounge-to be done today by tea time'

 

Its basic but then at least everyone knows what is expected of them.

 

I would also have a word with hubby if it were me about how his negative comments regarding any possible wieght gain is unsupportive and demoralising and tell him to stop it.

[Couperwife]

oh (((hugs)))

 

I can add anything more, except agree with what else has been said.

 

except - if the children do a job, please dont re-do it, accept that they have done their best and live with it - they will get better

 

if you list everything that needs doing and tick off what you have done (and what OH has done, he may notice that maybe he needs to do more - before he goes off on his little jolly )

 

but, we think you are wonderful - tell OH to poo off

 

and

 

only 10 to go

 

cathy

x

[cathybc]

can't really add any new words of wisdom, but when I am overwhelmed I am definitely a list person, start with things that have deadlines (reports I guess?) , and try to forget stuff that can wait (cleaning!). Hugs from me and my disgustingly dirty carpets - see, they don't do any harm

[jlo]

I have to say that everyone has excellent advice for you but Beckyboo and Vicki, your posts made me smile big time and I am sure that they have helped a lot!

[Chucky Mama]

You poor thing, you may feel a bit better just getting it all off your chest. I am prone to violence when someone suggests that I am hormonal so I wont go there! (hate to admit that it is usually true ).

 

I have a complete wobbly a few weeks ago as felt pretty much like you sound. The rest of the family stood open mouthed at me. Are you children old enough to help out a bit more? I know that part of the problem with me is the unrealistic attempts to be superwoman. Also I stress myself by constantly thinking about all the things that I have to do. I find that letting the less important things go by the wayside helps when I am pushed for time. The cleaning and tidying are not going anywhere, they will keep! Maybe just do the absolutely essential things, make sure that you have time for a quite hot bath and time to relax otherwise you will get ill. Explain to OH and kids that you need their help, they are part of the reason for your stress and can help if they are made aware. These days when I cook I often made double quantities and freeze half in foil containers. These are bought out on days when I know that I am pushed for time. Cooking double doesn't take any longer but having a meal ready can be a lifesaver.

Don't beat yourself up about not having taken the kids out this weekend. They will not come to any hard making their own entertainment at home. If they are old enough set up a rota with incentives if need be to help with some of the chores like the chicken house, vacuuming etc. If they all get done, they stand a better chance of going out!

Men don't understand the whole comfort food, snacking thing. I find myself eating all sorts of inappropriate things to give me a quick lift when I am exhausted - not kind on the waistline.

He needs to help you to make time for some time out to exercise and/or relax. He obviously has time to do this but probably only because you are very good a pulling up the slack. You can't continue to live like this as you will burn yourself out and then you will be no good to anyone!

Lots of hugs and sympathy from Chucky Mama. Hope that you feel better soon. You will I am sure feel better just getting it all off your chest. Take care!