Alis girls Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 Good to know not everyone thinks the sun shines out of their offsprings elbow we should take responsibilty for our actions and our kids too Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clootie Posted July 24, 2009 Author Share Posted July 24, 2009 Okay, letter drawn up and going in the post today !! Fingers crossed she's approachable and doesn't insist her little darling (all 6ft 2 of him) is an angel (otherwise DH has threatened a visit with a felling axe) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 Best of luck C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 .... I have a chainsaw if you'd like to borrow it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yorkshire Pudding Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 Good idea Clootie. Keep a copy. Let's hope it has the desired effect. If another parent ever approached me in that way, it certainly would (and I would be thanking the parent for their sensible actions). .... I have a chainsaw if you'd like to borrow it. Let's hope that won't be necessary.........! Best of luck Clootie, please keep us updated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lewis Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 .... I have a chainsaw if you'd like to borrow it. Let's hope that won't be necessary.........! Spoil sport! Lets hope your letter does the trick Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jlo Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 Clootie, I am really sorry to hear about all this and hope that the letter does the trick. With any luck, the parents won't be in the "My little darling can do no wrong!" camp. If there is no joy from the parents or from school then there is the option of the police. As Scrambled said, it may be enough to frighten the bully ( who I am sure will be a coward!) There are offences under The Protection from Harassment Act if there are two or more occasions or various offences under Telecommunications Acts that would cover this sort of behaviour. Part of me would advise keeping this as a last resort as I am conscious that young people can get into the criminal justice system very easily these days. It is a real shame that there can't be less formal chats with the police but nearly everything has to have some official outcome - or so it seems sometimes. Having said that, it is totally unacceptable that your son should have to suffer like this and, if it doesn't stop, quite frankly, this lad deserves to get a criminal record. All the best anyway and I hope that it won't spoil the summer too much! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy-Mama Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 really sorry to hear about your son being bullied. I don't believe there is any excuse for bullying, it's just cruelty! I hope your letter does the trick and the bullying stops soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keyhole kate Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 I prescribe to the Lack of Parental Control thinkers regardless of home life, wealth, these little thugs need reigning in quick smart there is to many people ready to make excuses for there appaling behaviour. When quite simply they rule the parents and not the other way round Hope you get this nipped in the bud Clootie Shame your DS dosen't have an Older bigger Brother Happy to lend you my DS as an adoptive BB to wait outside the school Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 Frankly i dont like this facebook etc. ES not into it yet and hope he never will. Bullies are cowards, its the power and after yrs of bullying I'm ashamed to say for a short while at primary school I was a bully. The power gives you a kick - till the mother of my victim threatened to tell my gran. you didnt mees with her. problem solved. So I've seen both sides and as I say I'm not proud of it. When I OH who was also bullied he was shocked but also could see where I was coming from. I have never bullied since. I have no excuse for what I did and to this day I deeply ashamed - just wanted to give anyone out there an insight into why it happens. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rona Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 Oh cloots, I was so sorry to read this. My only thought is that the boy may well completely deny it and his mother might support him (probably buy him a new mobile phone or something as compensation) in which case I would say act all puzzled/apologetic/concerned and say you only thought of her son because he has been bullying your son at school and ask if she could have a word with him and explain that what he sees as small time bullying at school could cause him to be implicated in something much more serious that would involve a police inquiry. I would then go to the girl's parents, show them the facebook info and tell them that you are quite sure that it wasn't written by their daughter because she is such a nice girl and a good friend to your son etc etc but you are concerned that someone has hacked into her facebook profile. Or even worse, some internet wierdo is in contact with her and influencing her to do things out of character, so you really felt you had to let them know for their daughter's safety. Perhaps neither sets of parents will respond in a civilised manner in which case your son should thank his lucky stars that he has parents who care about him. Maybe he could realise he is better than them and accept that it is due to the inadequacies of the other boy (physcally as well as mentally). I would have to PM you to be more explicit but I'm sure you get my drift. Boys of any age can be so sensitive in some areas Good luck with whatever happens - its not easy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clootie Posted July 26, 2009 Author Share Posted July 26, 2009 Just an update to say no response as yet to the letter I posted. Perhaps they went away at the weeekend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 Clootie, I have been away but have experience of this as both of my girls have had trouble with cyber bullying. I have not had time to read right through,so fogive me if I am repeating acvice that has already been given. Your sons school should have an anti cyber bullying policy as well as its usual anti bullying policy - ours has anyhow, & if yours hasn't then go to the Governers & suggest it. The school MUST move with the times on this. My school also has a phone text policy..... Keep all records. If he uses MSN then yo can set it to save all conversations - this is how we snared Devons bullys & how they came to be punished. I will read through this properly later on,but that is what I would advise for now Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clootie Posted July 26, 2009 Author Share Posted July 26, 2009 Thanks Sarah, that's really helpful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ygerna Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 Nothing much more to add to the sound advice already given but wanted to say that if the School dont take the issue seriously and start to put its anti bullying policy into action then I would be taking it to the next level, involving the Governors AND the LEA. I would write to the Headmaster, informing them of this and enclosing a copy of the letter to the LEA/governors. My DH was bullied mercilessly through his school years. He is the nicest guy in the entire world and it pains me when I think about it. However, last year one of the boys who had bulllied him actually had the audacity to ask him to be a 'friend' on FB DH declined the invitation but it did me wonder if the 'bully' actually didnt realise that his actions as a child had been so unpleasant. Did they actually know that they had been bullying him? Did they really think it was just 'fun'? Questions we wont know the answers too I suppose. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 Recently a young girl we know had some unsavoury facebook that was upsetting her she got rid of them from her list and you can get people removed from Face book too so you need to report them to Facebook. Facebook is one issue and yes the school should know what is happening, they are quite good at dealing with bullying these days and it will be done discreetly and they will keep an eye out for your son in school. Sounds like they have more of a problem with themselves and not your son, am sure he has far more interests to occupy himself than the horrids. Def let Facebook know too it is on there how to report etc, and yes I think the girls account will be cancelled and its going to be the annoying lads fault not your son..he has no worry here indie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chucky Mama Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 Hi Clootie, I have been away and only just read your post. I am so sorry to hear that 1 idiot has the power to make your son's life miserable. I know from my son who had a bullying problem early into his 1st year at secondary school that it is important to have your son on board with any decisions that you make. Children suffering bullying often really don't like to have their parents getting involved at the sharp end of their school lives and so he needs to be in agreement with everything that you do. The letter may work but many bullies are the product of their home circumstances and by that I mean both neglect (emotional not physical) and over indulgence. If the parents are the problem you may have to contact the wider authorities. I would actually consider contacting the girls parents as it was her account and she has to accept some of the responsibility. Facing her wrath may actually have more effect on this bully than any adult! Whilst the school can and should do something I don't know what they can do about what goes on in terms of home contact on computers but that is just me not knowing what the set up is with schools an policies on cyber bullying. I really feel for you and your son as youir home is your safe haven and to have this person breech that boundary is unforgivable. Out of interest with my son I gave him a note explaining how and who was bullying him and then gave him permission to hit him when he next hit him - my son was a tae kwon do black belt! The next day he defended himself using tae kwon do and then handed in the letter! - sorted! - still not nice having to resort to a physical solution but in this instance he would not let me tell the school Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peaches Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 Hi, Clootie Your son's school will have an anti-bullying policy and you need to read it. Definitely agree that your son needs to keep detailed records of each incident. I work for the Local Authority in the same room as a colleague who deals with bullying issues. Her advice is always: keep records of the incidents, do not approach bully or their parents directly, approach the school, if you get no luck with them, speak to your PSA, or contact the governors. Find out who the bullying specialist is at the LA if the school are doing nothing, or even for just some advice. Cyber bullying is illegal and I know of cases where the police have been involved. Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clootie Posted July 27, 2009 Author Share Posted July 27, 2009 Thanks all so much for your wise words and support - very much appreciated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clootie Posted July 27, 2009 Author Share Posted July 27, 2009 I've just had an email from the mother of this lad and it's basically saying that she has spoken to her son and he has "no issues" with my son !! Can you believe that? I have it in print - red mist, red mist. I'm doing this the right way, I will not get dragged in to a slanging match, I will rise above this and suppress my feelings of rage, I will take a few deep breaths and take my time in formulating a response which will be my last to her. From then on it's copies to the Headmaster for his information. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valkyrie Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 Typical! I guess she didn't see his crossed fingers behind his back then. I was hoping for something better, but as you read with our experiences, it just doesn't happen with parents of bullies. One for each of you. Just keep watch now - this little so and so will want to have another go - and just log everything - even if he just glares in your son's direction - it is still intimidation. Then go for the jugular. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rona Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 Oh dear, I'm really sorry but I suppose if you had got a civilised response from the parents, their son would not be such a little beast in the first place. Hope it all turns out right. Have a wee dram and some chicken time when the red mist descends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy chickens! Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 No issues? So basically he thinks it's ok to treat everyone like that???? Well done with the deep breaths and for staying out of a slanging match. Have learnt the hard way that e-mails fired off in the heat of the moment never seem to have quite the desired effect.... Any response from facebook? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chucky Mama Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 He's hardly likely to say 'Yes Mum I don't like him and I am making his life a misery by bullying him at every oportunity.... oh, and what's for tea?" Unfortunately I am not suprised, I wouldn't have any direct contact with her from now and be careful now that they have your email address How is your son coping and does he have a close network of friends that are aware of what is going on? The more support the better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy-Mama Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 sorry to hear the initial outcome wasn't better. I don't have any advice to add as I think it has all been said now just wanted to send some hugs! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
