4m x 3m Omlet pen, cube, new auto door still boxed and coop light

[AJuff]

My DD is 11 nearly 12 and has gone out on her first date with a boy from her class. He's a very nice sensible respectable boy. They are going to the cinema together. he ha come by train to see her, she waited to meet him off his train and will walk down with him to get his train home later. We'll collect her from the train station later on. I'm so surprised that this boy's parents haven't rang to check someone was there to meet him.

 

Are thing happening a lot earlier than I remember?

[jlo]

I think so too! DD is 12 1/2 and has a "boyfriend". I think that this mainly involves playing PSP together! At least I hope so!

[Chucky Mama]

I think personally that it is too young but I do tend to be a bit old fashioned. I would be happy for my daughter at that age to go if they were part of a group but not alone. Lots of our young children feel pressured into doing things that they see older children doing and I have found that saying no takes the pressure off. It is easier for them to say 'sorry I am not allowed' than 'sorry but I don't want to'. Only opinion though AJuff, they will probably have broken up by this time next week.

[ubereglu]

To be honest, most dates at the age of 12 never really come to anything.

 

I've never had a boyfriend really, and I'm 17...

[Alis girls]

Er my 8 yr old told me he had a girlfriend last night. An older woman no less in Yr 5. Yes they start early - he wont be dating yet though rest assured

[Cinnamon]

Both my girls have boyfriend who they started seeing when they were 14, but friends of theirs dated at 12

It does seem young,but I am sure it is very innocent at that age.

The peer pressure on them as teens (or pre teens) to conform to the norm & have boy/girl friends is enormous.

 

Don't fret - you are just being a normal Mum feeling as you do, but your girl is being a normal 12 year old too

[bluekarin]

My ED went on a date when she was 10. They went to the cinema and myself and the boys mum dropped them outside the cinema and then met them afterwards. We did let them have a bit of time to wander round town for 1/2 an hour or so, but the film over ran so they didn't get to do that My hubby was more concerned about this date than I was. I think it was the protective fatherly gene kicking in. I feel re-runs of 8 Simple Rules will be occurring in our house in the not too distant future

 

However, it is a bit odd they didn't phone to check he got there ok. Unless he had a mobile and called as he came into the station?

 

Kids do seem to be growing up sooner and I'm not sure if that's happening on their own, or down to peer pressure and the clothes that are in the shops for them. I'm sure I wasn't like my ED is now when I was 12. My mum thinks different but didn't say what I was actually like. I may have to quiz her a bit more about that. I thought I became a nightmare when I hit 14

[PurpleTree]

I had a boyfriend when I was 12, although we didn't do anything, he came to the house for tea. He then went out with my best friend for about 3 years. I'm still good friends with him now - and his wife and children.

 

I started going into town on the bus with my friend from about 12, only to go to the cinema though. Lots of my friends were going into town regularly before that just to wander round. No mobile phones then either, so parents couldn't check up on us.

 

Had my first 'proper' boyfriend at about 13. My mum wouldn't let us into my bedroom unless we kept the door open.

[chickenanne]

Personally I find the idea of kids just "hanging about" of an evening really unpleasant: so much more likely to end up in trouble. Most people wouldn't like the idea of groups of kids hanging about, even if the worst they get up to is "ring-the-bell-and-run-away" it's going to get pretty irritating.

Anyway.... going to the cinema with a boy at 12 I'm sure would be pretty innocent. I can see why you'd be anxious about her being too young. I'm guessing that by the time they're 15 or whatever it's a bit late to start laying down the law though, so maybe allowing it but setting some pretty definite strict ground rules would help?

 

I've not got kids, so am in no position to advise!

[The Dogmother]

I think personally that it is too young but I do tend to be a bit old fashioned. I would be happy for my daughter at that age to go if they were part of a group but not alone. Lots of our young children feel pressured into doing things that they see older children doing and I have found that saying no takes the pressure off. It is easier for them to say 'sorry I am not allowed' than 'sorry but I don't want to'. Only opinion though AJuff, they will probably have broken up by this time next week.

 

I agree with Rachel on this one - I'm old fashioned too.

 

Rosie doesn't have a boyfriend, but plays with the lad from next door (on the trampoline in his garden, so I can see them) They're not allowed upstairs though and he only comes round when I am in the house, not after she gets back from school.

[PurpleTree]

Personally I find the idea of kids just "hanging about" of an evening really unpleasant: so much more likely to end up in trouble. Most people wouldn't like the idea of groups of kids hanging about, even if the worst they get up to is "ring-the-bell-and-run-away" it's going to get pretty irritating.

Anyway.... going to the cinema with a boy at 12 I'm sure would be pretty innocent. I can see why you'd be anxious about her being too young. I'm guessing that by the time they're 15 or whatever it's a bit late to start laying down the law though, so maybe allowing it but setting some pretty definite strict ground rules would help?

 

I've not got kids, so am in no position to advise!

 

 

We never went into town in the evening when we were that young, it was usually a Saturday afternoon. It was more window shopping and sitting in the castle grounds, than hanging around and making a nuisance of ourselves. I don't get the hanging around on street corners thing.

 

I guess things have probably changed a lot since I was 12. Hubby's cousin had a baby when she was 15, she's now 17 and expecting her second. Having babies was definitely not on my mind when I was 15.

[chickenanne]

I think that's the thing I don't get: it doesn't seem that unusual for 14/15 year olds to be having babies, or, ahem, acting in a way that would make it possible. But when I was 14/15, short of a miracle it wouldn't have happened! I'm not even all that old....

 

I do agree with you that window shopping with freinds/etc is normal teenage stuff to do: I didn't read your post and have you down as having hung about town late at night with can of Special Brew in hand, honest .

[Cinnamon]

I truly believe that this generation have a good 4-5 years on my (our) generation.

I didn't know much about boys until I was 17 or so - met Hubby when I was 19.

But my girls are far more worldly that I was at their age.

 

Physically their development seems to be way ahead of where I was at that age,so I guess it figures that their development in other areas will be enhanced too?

Puberty kicked in at around 10-11 for my girls- with me it was about 14

 

I do think that its natural & normal once puberty has set in, to be curious about the opposite sex, & however much we complain about the early aging of our children,they cannot help it ,much like we couldn't help how we acted at 16 or so.....

Yes,sometimes the clothes are overtly old for their age, & society is encouraging them to grow up earlier to some degree,but they are hitting puberty so much earlier than we did & there is really nothing we can do about that.

 

Its nothing new - I remember at 17 being told off by my Mum for being 'fast'. She said that at 17 she didn't know what boys were for & didn't behave like I was until she was 21

 

 

It makes you wonder where we will be with future generations really.

[Redwing]

Thats interesting Sarah, it certainly seems like kids are ahead these days

 

I am not a parent but personally I would say be there and offer advice but dont interfere unless you get very uncomfortable with it, its better you know what your child is up to and if you come across badly at this stage she may choose to exclude you from her confidence in the future

 

I know my strict mum made me hide things when I was younger, I did the usual dating etc.. behind her back - looking back I know that she didnt want me to repeat her 'mistake' of starting a family too young but children don't always see things from an adult perspective

 

i would love to say that children should be children for as long as possible and its a shame they are growing up so fast these days but I think that their peers and popular culture makes that very hard for them

 

Maybe my view is too simplistic as I am not a parent though..

[Valkyrie]

Well, my daughter is still quite happy without a boyfriend. I think they would need to be pretty strong to put up with her hyper personality! Although she has a fair few friends that are boys - and lots of friends who are girls too. There's no rush.

On the other hand some children are more "adult" than others, our neighbour's daughter has had a very rough time with one of her friends who has a boyfriend - the mother would like them to be married and encourages the sort of behaviour that I would deem very unsuitable. Said mother kept on at our neighbours girl that she should and that there was something wrong if she didn't have a boyfriend soon. They are 12 for goodness sake. She no longer sees the other girl because she isn't on her "social wavelength". She's made friends with another group who still like to do little girlie things without boys.

 

If your daughter is only going out on a friendly basis, there's no harm in that, but at that age it's best you make sure they are going in public places where it's easy to keep an eye on them.

[Chucky Mama]

I have taught my children not to confuse liking someone of the opposite sex and enjoying their company with 'fancying' them. They now enjoy spending pressure free time with friends of both sexes. I think that peer pressure and older children can make the younger children feel confused about the whole 'fancying' thing. My 13 year old now happily watches her girlfriends 'going out', 'breaking up', 'going out' again etc etc and spends a good deal of her time counselling them through their traumas She on the other hand knows how fickle boys of this age are and just enjoys being mates with them all.

I think too many aer peaking too soon. I don't believe that children are any more mature now. They can talk the talk but they are still children and I will continue to put the brakes on mine when I think things are going to fast. DD asked if she was allowed to camp in a tent with 2 friends in a local forestry commission campsite as friends uncle ran it. 3 x 13 year old girls in tent alone in forest backing on to public rights of way........NOOOOOO!

[Valkyrie]

Erm, I agree - however did they think that one up? They all think they are immortal at that age and nothing will go wrong. DD sneaked off to Campden Market a couple of times with her friend when they were 14 (they said they were going to Basingstoke) - but they were caught out. I didn't speak to her for a month (apart from dinners ready, get up etc). That was the worst punishment that she ever had and she realised that she overstepped the boundaries. She never did it again - nowadays it's treated as a joke - do you mean Campden Basingstoke or Basingstoke Basingstoke?

 

How about camping in the garden - they'll soon get cold and want to come inside.

[sparkysmum]

Well my girl is 11 and will be 12 in March. To my relief the only interest she has in boys is to play football with them - she plays in a local team. She has many sporty interests, and lots of friends and for now the thought of a "boyfriend" is simply laughable. I'm delighted. When she read this she said "euuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh" . I wish more girls had Hazie's attitude.

[Lewis]

I know what you're saying, but I don't think there's anything wrong with going to the cinema with someone at 12 - I think at that age its just like a friend and you don't really know what a boyfriend and a date is.

 

If you're worried I would say they should go in a group and keep their phones on and call every few hours, just so you feel safer, because you don't want her to think she's doing anything wrong by being friends with boys

 

Mom always said to me as long as she knew where we were it was fine ... I did do the pushing the boundaries and going to the 'next' lot of shops about a mile further on which meant crossing a main road - we didn't do it again

[The Dogmother]

Chucky Mama, I totally agree; they are still not emotionally mature enough to deal with the fallout.

[Chucky Mama]

Chucky Mama, I totally agree; they are still not emotionally mature enough to deal with the fallout.

 

Glad to find a like minded soul

[The Dogmother]

Well, it worries me to see 11 and 12 year olds out in the town centre, dressed like lap-dancers They look older, but really aren't emotionally equipped to deal with the attention that their appearance encourages.

 

The boys/men must find it confusing, and TBH, I feel sorry for them.

 

... call me old fashioned, but I learned the hard way as a wild teenager all those years ago.

[Chucky Mama]

Well, it worries me to see 11 and 12 year olds out in the town centre, dressed like lap-dancers

 

I couldn't agree more! I have always had to spend a lot of time looking for quirky and fun clothes that are age appropriate for my 13 year old so that she feels trendy without looking 'sexy'. It has been tricky but also fun. The other girls have always loved her clothes because they were different and she was happy wearing them because of this. I am particularly anti little girls in tiny crop tops I just think its inappropriate. Also little girls with make up trowelled on is a no no in my book. Call be an old fuddy duddy but I am happy to buck the trend and do what I think is best. DD is also very happy and well adjusted.

[The Dogmother]

Same here.. sounds like they'd get on well

[cluckingmad]

Claret and Clucky mama - nothing wrong with being old-fashined!!! I didn't have a boyfriend till I was 17, I met my fiance at 27 and we're finally getting hitched this december so I happily took my time about things I was the sensible child of the family, dear baby bro was attracting the ladies at 14

 

And full on agreement here to the dress sense comments... we were shopping for a friends 6 yr old daughter in a well-known chain of shops - dress up to age 5 were gorgeous, hit 6 and its all knee high boots, mini skirts and crop tops