Chook n Boo Mum Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 This evening our doorbell rang just before 9..........on the doorstep was a young girl (14), almost in tears asking how to get to a village about 5 miles from us, along a very dark, unlit, unpaved, windy lane until you get to the main road.........I was aghast, I suggested she rang her parents for a lift..........her phone was flat & mum & dad were nursing her disabled brother with swine flu so couldn't come out........offered her my house phone to ring a friend/neighbour for help, she didn't know any numbers! Apparently she'd been with friends in a village in the other direction & none of their parents would/could give her a life home & they were very strict, though I've no idea what that meant in connection with ensuring she got home safely.......... I decided at that point to drop her there myself as I was not happy at her walking along our roads on her own etc, so DH insisted we all went along for the ride! I introduced myself & got her Christian name.....where did she live, please drop her at the shop as she lives very near there, no I'll drop you home........she really didn't want me to go up to her house, so rather than make a scene I've written a note to the mother which I'll drop down tomorrow & possibly meet her too as she should still be nursing the sick brother............ I really felt for her, she was dressed in black as many kids do, without any warm clothing as many kids do and nothing at all visible about her whilst walking along a dark road...when is some overpaid celebrity going to make it cool to wear high vis jackets?!?!?!? I'm torn now between feeling warm & fuzzy for helping this child (which she very clearly was this evening despite her makeup & grownup clothes) and feeling I've been taken for a mug.......DH has read my handwritten letter to the mum & has warned about the backlash which may result. I do hope he's wrong! Sha x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 You have done absolutely the right thing in helping her, as a mother, what else would you do?...... but I agree with you that she was not well advised to be out as she was at her age. I would also venture to suggest that she took a massive risk in ringing on a stranger's doorbell late at night. It could well be that her mother thought she was safely somewhere else, and might be grateful that you have tipped her the wink. On the other hand, she might not give two hoots. Good luck, and well done for your altruistic action. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Space Chick Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 Unbelievable Keep us updated with the progress. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 This reminds me of something that happened to me when my eldest was 14. She walked the 5 min walk to the bus stop to get the school coach as normal,only to turn up at my door again about a minute before the coach was due as she had forgotten her ipod I was angry & sent her packing,without her ipod,back to the bus stop.I didn't have a car that day so I told her she had better not miss the coach OR ELSE Anyhow,as far as I knew she ran,got the coach & went to school. Then about 3 months later we hired a handyman to do a few odd jobs,& we got chatting. it seems that my daughter,who is normally so sensible,flagged down a random car to drop her off at the bus stop so she wouldn't miss the coach.It just happened that the car she got in to was this handymans car,& he recognised her when he saw her here. If he hadn't have seen her & spoken to me about it I would never have known how stupid she had been So yes,speak to this girls parents if you can as they may have no idea what position their daughter was in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
henriette Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 You have done absolutely the right thing in helping her, asa mother, what else would you do?...... but I agree with you that she was not well advised to be out as she was at her age. I would also venture to suggest that she took a massive risk in ringing on a stranger's doorbell late at night. It could well be that her mother thought she was safely somewhere else, and might be grateful that you have tipped her the wink. On the other hand, she might not give two hoots. Good luck, and well done for your altruistic action. I couldn't agree more. You had to help her - imagine if you hadn't and something had happened to her. However, helping people today doesn't seem to be as easy as it used to be though. There is always the possibility that someone is going to get upset. But when all is said and done, if people don't help others what a very, very sad world we are going to be living in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 I wouldve done the same but probably knocked on the door and spoke to parents - better a child in trouble with parents than abducted and murdered and worse by a stranger. Good idea you all going as she cant make any accusations against you about anything. I think any of the mums and anyone who isnt a mum on here would do the same - we are a "clucky" lot - thats what ES calls me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patricia W Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 I've done similar things - once with a 9 year old (!) who knocked at my door as she was visiting her grandparents and had got lost. As it happened the house was only about 200 yds away but I still took her there and knocked on the door. I'm sure all my neighbours would have done something similar but it isn't universal. My other good deed backfired though. Son then aged 16 befriended a youngster the same age who had been thrown out of home which was in a village miles away. The youngster asked if he could sleep in his car outside the house. There was NO way I would let that happen, so he came in and stayed in Son's room whilst I chased up social services and got help for him. It was only when he'd gone that we discovered money missing. I put it down to experience. I certainly think you're doing the right thing communicating with Mum. As others have said, it's out of your hands after that. BTW - Cinnamon's tale of finding out after the event rings bells! Mine ( all now in their 30's) seem to love trotting out tales of " remember when"... and they are often things I didn't know at the time!! And am glad I didn't! They've all survived and so have we... I think... Tricia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patsylabrador Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 I live in suburbia so my circumstances are different, but I feel I should say this is a regular and dangerous scam here, we often have crying people on the doorstep late at night, as a means to gaining entry into your property, and do not trust them at all. Sorry to be a meanie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 its a difficult one - so many cases where geniune people have askd for help and been refused and the consequences have been dreadful, I think you did the best you could - hopefully it isnt a scam - if it is shes a very silly girl and next time she might knock on the wrong door. Its a very stupid game to play if its that. Silly girl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickenanne Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 I would say: well done for doing the right thing. Kids do do stupid things at times, putting themselves at great risk. Helping her was a generous thing & the right thing to do. It sounds to me like her understanding of her freinds' parents is lacking slightly: I find it very hard to believe that one of her freinds' parents wouldn't give her a lift home in that type of situation. I've never heard of similar being pulled as a scam , but I live in a pretty rural area so I guess I wouldn't've done! That's horrific. I guess that it's just got to be a judgment call as to what to do in which instance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 You did the right thing Sha, I'd have seen her go in the door, but as you said, that wasn't what she wanted. I'd have been sceptical about a scam too, but this one rings true. I used to hitch lifts in 'the old days' I recently did something similar to you; on my way back from walking the dog, I spotted a young lass (about 16 or so) very pretty, obviously drunk and having trouble walking, making her way up our road. She was dressed as if she'd been out on town (so fairly provocatively) and was in no state to make it home herself. I shadowed her a bit until she flopped onto a parked car, so I went to help her and offered to walk her home, which she accepted. She'd either have passed out in the street, or been assaulted As a mother, you just think...'that could be my daughter' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patsylabrador Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 I feel really horrible so thought i should explain my hard stand. We had a lovely old neighbour, old soldier and all that who was particularly vulnerable to all sorts of cold callers, and used to hand over money to sobbing young girls. He once had some in his home but had the sense to phone us. In the end we had to virtually ban him from opening his front door unless he was expecting visitors. Hope you see where my cynicism comes from. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 I'd always urge caution too patsylabrador, opportunist crime like that is on the increase, although they usually masquerade as utilities workers. Sha's caller sounds to have been geniune though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helly Welly Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 Sha, you did the right thing, it's so hard to be a good citizen nowadays without wondering if you did the right thing or not. When i was that age i would often walk home from parties alone but assure my mum that i'd had a lift I also went to the Reading Festival on the back of a friends mototrbike at the age of 16, my mum to this day believes i went in a car with three other friends. At that age we don't think about the consequences Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparkysmum Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 Yes, without a doubt, you did the right thing. Just glad it was your door bell she rang.Poor thing Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redwing Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 I would have done the same Sha I once hitched a lift when I was about 16, the chap who picked me up spent the 40 minute journey giving me a lecture about not hitching lifts in future giving examples of past crimes and murders I know he was trying to scare me in to not doing it again... and I didnt Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickenanne Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 I feel really horrible so thought i should explain my hard stand. We had a lovely old neighbour, old soldier and all that who was particularly vulnerable to all sorts of cold callers, and used to hand over money to sobbing young girls. He once had some in his home but had the sense to phone us. In the end we had to virtually ban him from opening his front door unless he was expecting visitors. Hope you see where my cynicism comes from. I don't think you're being a meanie or horrible or whatever in protecting yourself from a scam! It's perfectly sensible to be very wary and cautious about inviting strangers into your home, after all. Sometimes it's probably pretty clear if you're safe in doing so or not, but it wouldn't always be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chook n Boo Mum Posted January 25, 2010 Author Share Posted January 25, 2010 I feel really horrible so thought i should explain my hard stand. We had a lovely old neighbour, old soldier and all that who was particularly vulnerable to all sorts of cold callers, and used to hand over money to sobbing young girls. He once had some in his home but had the sense to phone us. In the end we had to virtually ban him from opening his front door unless he was expecting visitors. Hope you see where my cynicism comes from. I don't think you're being a meanie or horrible or whatever in protecting yourself from a scam! It's perfectly sensible to be very wary and cautious about inviting strangers into your home, after all. Sometimes it's probably pretty clear if you're safe in doing so or not, but it wouldn't always be. I must admit, that however sorry I felt for the child I did leave her standing in the front porch whilst I came back indoors for car keys & the rest of the family.....partially due to the 3 mad labs who may well have given me more problems had they jumped up at her to say hello & she'd be scared of them....as it happened she had dogs anyway so would have been ok.....it did vaguely occur to me about scammers, another good reason to leave her outside! I'm just off to drop the letter in having added my mobile & removed my address.........I've shown it to various friends who've all said similar to you........I do hope I'm doing the right thing by dropping it in......the proverbial rock & hard place is an uncomfortable place to be!! Sha x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 Offering help is all you can do Sha; they can only decline it or ignore you if they choose. You made the effort, that's what matters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valkyrie Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 Many a time I've given lifts home to my son's friends because they would be walking home in the dark - or catching a train on their own at 13 - I didn't want anything to happen to them on the way. OH said why should I worry when their parents clearly don't. Can't answer that - I know one mother said her son needed to get streetwise, but at that age - nope Muggins is my middle name. You did the right thing to take her home. Years ago when OH and I were on holiday BC, we had been visiting Windermere and driving back to Leyburn when we were overtaken by a young lad belting along on his motorbike and soon disappeared out of view. Some time later we saw him crashed by the roadside, so we stopped to help. A farmer came out and seemed to think we knocked him off the bike at first and eventually wheeled the bike into his field. The young boy didn't want help at first - we said we'd take him to a hospital, but he eventually agreed for us to drop him home. He was crying his eyes out in the back seat (we weren't that much older than him at the time) all the way. We couldn't leave him there could we. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chelsea Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 She is very lucky she knocked on your door Sha, and I do think you did the right thing However, I do find it a little strange that a teenager of 14 did not know any telephone numbers (clued up as they are these days! ), the story sounds a little bit fishy to me to be honest... At least you can sleep well at night though knowing you did the right thing and got her there safely - so good on you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 I was concerned about the phone number thing too Chelsea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladyjulian Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 I was concerned about the phone number thing too Chelsea. I wouldn't be - most teenagers don't know telephone numbers because they don't dial - they find the person's name and hit the green button. I'd be more concerned if they did know the number & want to call it - there's been a scam going on near where I used to live (Islington / Hackney) where a person produces a dead mobile and asks to come in and use your phone to make an urgent phone call. When they get in they make their phone call while working out where you keep your car keys, whether you have a burglar alarm, whether you have any obvious valuables, whether there's rear entrance access etc, then come back when you're not in and ransack the place. I was asked on my way out the house by one of these guys if they could come in and use the phone, when I said no, but I'd dial the number on my mobile (it was already in my hand, he'd seen it) & pass on a message, I got a faceful of abuse and he moved on. That was a) in a high crime area and b) grown men doing it. The OP's account just sounds like a daft girl who'd got herself in a predicament. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chook n Boo Mum Posted January 25, 2010 Author Share Posted January 25, 2010 Quick update.............I took the letter down to the house I'd seen her enter last night......mum answered the door & thought I was daughter's friend's mum...the little madam hadn't told her what had happened, just as I suspected! Mum was very appreciative of my actions.............hugely apologetic about how the daughter had put me out......it would appear she's a right little mare as she knows her dad will let her get away with murder and as a result her mum is not able to maintain any level of discipline & can't stop her from leaving the house etc as she does have a disabled son of 17 with the mental age of 4 months who cannot be left to deal with female teenage monster moments.......a very sad tale & the poor mum is beside herself, very lonely as she can't get out to meet people with her son etc. I think Daddy may get a bit of a wakeup call tonight and young missy will hopefully have her wings clipped to bring her back into line..........it's not like Mum doesn't have the experience of childrearing, she's got 5 other kids older than these two from her first mariage who mostly seem to have done ok, I think she's just exhausted & doesn't have the backup she needs......a very sorry story. Oh and as the disabled brother was out at respite care this afternoon when I popped round, I don't think he had swine flu either!!!!! Lying little minx! Sha x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C&T Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 You definitely made the right call there then! The mum sounds as though she has her hands very full indeed. The girl may not thank you now however - but bet she will look back on this in a few years time as a learning curve and be grateful it was you and not somebody who would have taken advantage. And I guess flu is easier to say than my brother is severly disabled - stops a lot of questions! I think I can understand that one... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
