gngfx

[debbier]

Just wanting to blow off steam, though if anyone has any ideas on how to motivate a lazy, game-obsessed teenager, it would be appreciated!

 

My son is in sixth form. He is bright, and capable, but does next to no homework outside of college, and has been told he needs to by his tutors. If he doesn't he'll probably muddle through with average grades, but will be well below his capabilities. "Could do better", in other words

 

All he does, all the time is sit in front of his pc playing games. We have tried curfews etc. but he is 17 now, and I feel he should be organising his time better. He knows he won't get the grades and therefore more choice as to uni etc. if he doesn't work, but he doesn't seem that bothered (to me).

 

It seems such a waste! I must say that I wasn't exactly a paragon of virtue when I was his age, so can empathise a bit, but it's still driving me nuts, the apathy.

 

Phew.

 

I do appreciate that in other ways he is no trouble, compared to some of my friends' offspring, and can be good company etc., so it's not all doom and gloom, but sometimes I just feel he needs a metaphorical kick up the backside. He hasn't a clue what he wants to do, which doesn't help, I suppose. Ho-hum, sorry if I'm whinge-ing.

[Rhapsody]

Wow. Tell him he has a soul mate in Surrey would you? I sympathise utterly, my eldest was on for Vetinary School until the pressure ramped up and it was all too much bother, he can cruise along getting so-so grades and playing Assassin's Creed, his top priority is an easy life and he has very little motivation, I spend most of my time like this

Its doubly galling when his Aspergic brother struggles so valiantly at his special school and will never have the opportunities and choices that the elder takes for granted.

Can I join you in the Venting Corner?

[earthmam1]

Hi

 

I have 3 boys now 23, 21 and 19 and they have all been the same - only doing projects and homwork at the very last minute (sometimes if they could get out of it not at all). They would play computer games, talk on facebook, etc etc. I, like you lot, briibed, threatened, cajoled,but learnt they just did enough and did not seem to push themselves. They were never stressed.

 

The oldest one completed a degree 2.1 and is now doing a masters, the middle one is in his last year at Uni on couse for a 2.1, and the youngest is also doing a degree. They are all good degrees from the Russel Group Universities. It seems with boys that the majority are from another planet and will do enough to get them through..

 

I certainly found that the more laid back I was with them I found that they would talk with me.

 

Hope this helps

 

sue

[mini chick]

hi, my son was exactly the same ,his world revolved around his x box & pc.he is now at university studing computer game design &animation.

[chickencam]

No hope for my son then, he isn't yet 14 and he is already like this

 

All that we can do is our best and then cross our fingers that something finally motivates them.

 

My ED on the otherhand is consciencious to the point of stress, it would be good to divide them up a bit

[bluekarin]

MY ED's friend, who is 13, has been banned from Facebook for a month as she went on it before doing her home work!

 

We are quite lucky with ED as she does do her homework, at the moment. I'm sure she could put a bit more effort in, but she is getting very good marks (way above the national average) so I'm not too worried. However, if they drop, or the teachers say anything, (and they will do as the school just got 100% A* - C in its GCSE grades and will want to keep it like that) then she'll find the same thing happening to her. But she is quite self motivated to do things like teach herself guitar and learn how to draw Manga people. I think DS and YD will be trouble though

[patsylabrador]

When our kids were about 10 we took them out of school. there were no issues, it just seemed right for us. I had no idea how many teenage angst problems we would circumvent.

The best thing was that we could work really hard, 9-5, monday to friday, unless we felt like doing something else and then the rest of the time was free. There was no peer pressure, they kept the best of the friends from school and it was a good time. Setting up and doing exams was pretty hard but we managed it, the nicest and most helpful people were teachers who were strangely supportive.

[The Dogmother]

I know what you mean, Rosie started mucking around on the PC instead of doing homework. because I'm not in when she gets home from school, I wasn't able to police it. At first I changed her password on the PC so that she could only log on (to do computer based homework) when I was around and able to log her on. Now I have just blocked all the unnecessary sites and apps, and she's no longer allowed to downoad anything... works a treat!

[Seagazer]

My ES is exactly the same. He did sort of okay in his GCSEs but could have done so much better. He even admitted that he didn't bother revising for them and just shrugs his shoulders when we talk about what he could have got. He is very laidback, almost horizontal. Luckily he has a job and goes to college once a week. Trouble is college isn't stretching him either so he'll probably just coast along in that.

 

He is completely pc obsessed - World of Warcraft, he could talk for ever about it.

 

I'm not sure if its a boy thing, my hubby says that he was exactly the same. My DD is exactly the other way and puts too much stress on herself to do her exams. I was always conscientious about doing homework etc.

 

I'm not sure there is anything you can really do but keep talking to him and explaining what will happen if he doesn't get good grades.

 

A lot of the boys from my ES's year at school haven't managed to get jobs, competition is really tough out there.

 

Good luck.

[..lay a little egg for me]

My cousin's son, now in his 20s was similar at around 16. She sent him to work on Te$co stacking shelves on Saturdays and when he complained how boring it was, she pointed out that it would be the best he could look forward to doing all his adult life if he didn't work harder at school. That got him motivated and he now has his own design company so can't be doing too badly!!

 

My DS is only 10 but showing signs of going the same way. He comes from the "that'll do" school of thought and it takes a superhuman effort to get him even to use a ruler to underline his essay titles or write an answer using a whole sentence! How soon can I send him out to Tes$co???

[Alis girls]

They are all the same its COD 4 or 6 or COD something they are all obsessed with. ES has COD afternoons where mates come and plonk themselves in front of my telly and play en masse. I noramlly feed them mug that I am but I have to say they are all lovely strapping lads with nice manners and all I have to tell them about is the fruity language And I always thought COD's were fish ES has told me that joke is wearing thin.

At present his work is ok and he still likes sport but it is addictive, I have no answers I'm afraid

In some ways I'm glad hes in my house and not out getting into trouble (not that I think he would but at least hes safe)

[Ain't Nobody Here]

I had to check who the author of the original post was . I thought it was me talking about my ES .

 

Lovely boy and no worries about his behaviour at all but I posted about him failing 2 out of 5 Highers last year . He has 5 conditional offers for uni which is great but he does have to pass something this year .

 

Like you, I want him to motivate himself and manage his own time so try not to nag but to talk to him. We'll see if it works .

 

We're in the middle of prelims now - 3 exams 2 weeks apart (2 on the same day) so guess what he's doing with the rest of his time .

[sadietoo]

OK, I know I sound like the world's most horrid mum, but I told both of my two kids that to stay on at school for A levels is a privilege. They are now old enough to go out and do a proper day's work, but instead of that I am expecting them to put the working hours in to their study. They can't just take it for granted that I will go out and work till silly o'clock every day to keep them in the luxury to which they have become accustomed, and they have to do enough work to meet their predicted grades from Tutors or exceed them, or there will be no more sixth form , and they will have to leave school and find a job!! (Obviously if they have worked very hard and still not made the grades for some other reason that would be different but in my experience if they put enough time and effort in, the good grades follow!) Worked for me My daughter is now in her second year at Exeter uni (her first choice uni and her first choice course)...my son started his A levels this year and so far all is well....

[docsquid]

I don't think it is necessarily a recent phenomenon, although the distractions are now different. DH is much more intelligent than I am (measured on the IQ scale he's almost off the top), but was obsessed with car rallying when he was a teenager. He started building rally cars for his brothers when he was much too young to drive, and then took up rallying himself.

 

He ended up reading physics, even though he should really have done engineering, and did just enough to get through. He spent most of his time at Uni building cars, running the motor club and rallying. When he wasn't rallying, he was cycling. Not computer games, but a similar level of distraction in terms of the priority he gave it and the time it took.

 

He still turned out alright, passing through running a hardware engineering company through software engineering to making big bits of metal type engineering, with a bit of nature conservation thrown in!

 

I guess different things have priorities at different times for young lads, and there have been and always will be distractions. Not much help, I know, but I am sure your lads will eventually make their way.

[The Dogmother]

My ex was the same docsquid - only ever did enough to s"Ooops, word censored!"e through, spent most of his time at Edinburgh either white water canoeing or boxing, then left with a double first!

 

He's still easily distracted and can't settle.

[Valkyrie]

I think quite a lot of boys are like this. They don't seem to have any aim in life. But my boy has just decided he'd like to buy his own place and suddenly it's all systems go. He's suddenly grown up - now as long as he doesn't get a relapse when something doesn't go his way, all well and good. There can be light at the end of the tunnel.

[keyhole kate]

What about an Incetive some driving lessons or a experience day for good results.

 

I have done this with YD very very bright & capable but needs that little push unlike her siblings works for me

[Chickendoodle]

My DD is very clever but stopped working at school the year before her GCSE's, s"Ooops, word censored!"ed through a few then dropped out of college. I don't think even she knows now what caused it - probably just hormones!

 

She is now 24 and while working in social Services (sent there as a temp and never left!) she did an OU course to enable her to get into uni and is now on the first year of a 3 year Social Work degree course.

 

All I want to say from this is do not despair if the schooling and exams don't go as you hoped they would as there are other means to an end.

 

They all need some spur to make them grow up - DD went to Australia for a year at age 18 and while she was there my Mum died. I think that was her wake up call.

[The Dogmother]

I think quite a lot of boys are like this.

 

True enough, but then I know some girls who are too, then there are lads like our own Martin and Lewis, who know what they want and work blooming hard to get it. I take my hat off to the more responsible youngsters, be they boys or girls.

[Alis girls]

ES had parents evening last night - seems ok except he talks too much the teachers say - not bad for a lad with a stammer that hes been struggling with for years. Bless him. Not sure where he gets the incessant chatter from - not me surely

[patsylabrador]

I also think we're pretty hard on ourselves in the developed world. All these exams and qualifications are a fairly new invention, I'm a bit hazy on the details but they've only been around for about 50 -60 yrs, before that it was a good grounding in the 3 rs and a school certificate. For the future scientists, engineers, businessmen etc they're great and genuinely useful but so many people have a more practical bent. Humans haven't evolved that much in the last hundred years, and reliance on academic prowess doesn't seem to work. I'm thinking of that lost generation of young people we have who have absolutely nothing to show from school because school doesn't seem relevant to them. Technology and science means we have a big, strong population but has also taken away the skills and crafts that people used to have in order to earn money.

This is my convoluted way of saying that your children sound fine, I can understand that learning from books and exams holds no great attraction to 16 year old. Maybe only 20 years ago they would have been learning a trade or skill at Tech colleges which always struck me as a good idea.

I think nursing is a good example. When they talk about needing a degree to be a nurse, won't that put off less academic people who would otherwise make good careers out of nursing, learning and taking qualifications based on knowledge gained at work.

Sorry if this is badly put together but I've had all these thoughts wobbling round my head for a couple of days.

[Valkyrie]

Last year I'd happily swap my boy for Lewis but I think his mum might not have agreed to that.

[BarbaraJ]

Another son the same here. he went into 6th form , they should never have let him in, i just think they needed more kids there he didnt have a clue what he wanted to do though his maths teacher said he should do maths at uni son thought he was mad. he lasted 6 months at 6th form , had the brains but not the inclination, teachers got so frustrated!!

He had a year where he worked for a couple months on and off, we nagged we moaned we threatened though not too much as he was fine at home and asked for nothing (and only got food and lodging). Last year he got a job at Asda and a girlfreind. After deciding at 19 that he would never be able to leave home on Asda wages he enrolled for college for an Accountancy course which we agreed to pay for if he passed it. Should have listened to that teacher Anyway at the time i never would have guessed he would end up back at college but he's a stubborn lad and i should have realised once he decided to do something he would do it!!

He has passed his first exam but still spends hours on his PS3 i really don't like games machines and am so happy they weren't around when they were young.