Installing Indoor Cat Tree

[One Man Banned]

I need your advice on something.

 

When I was back at school I had a brilliant friend G.

 

He lived not far away (but on top of a big hill on a working farm) and we'd spend all our day at school then hours on the phone after it too!

 

When we left school we still stayed in touch for a while - me off to work, him off to college in Usk then onto Uni in Aberystwyth.

While he was at Usk he was staying in a caravan for a while on a farm for the summer to earn some cash. It was also about the same time I realised a lot about me and went to tell him - he was my best mate after all!

Without too much detail things were said by both of us and we had a brief relationship which fizzled out after a few months but I never saw him when he went off to Uni and haven't seen him since.....

 

until Wednesday night.

 

I was driving down the M5 on my way home from getting my volvo from the bodyshop and saw this little oxide red Daihatsu jeep. Noticed the reg and realised it was G's dads old jeep....and as I drove past it was G driving it!

 

He didn't see me as I drove past and I didn't feel confident about trying to get his attention. I haven't spoken to him for the best part of 8 years and pull him over from the motorway wasn't really a safe thing to do.

 

So now I think about him and want to get back in touch. He doesn't update his Friends reunited profile but I still remember his mum's phone number.

 

Should I ring or write to get back in contact with him. Joe says that I should leave the past in the past if it were him but despite our history he knows that we were best friends for years and for that reason he'd get back in touch.

 

But what if he doesnt want to talk to me after what happened even though its been so long??

 

I don't know what to do

 

A

xx

[Lesley]

You'll never know if you don't try Andrew.

 

I'm tempted to say leave the past in the past - but is it going to niggle away at you?

 

It appears that you didn't end the friendship on a bad note - just that it fizzled out? - in which case it would be good to get in touch again - as long as Joe is comfortable about it of course.

 

Good luck.

[The Dogmother]

same here Andrew

 

Ooooo, what a decision. If you get in touch and he doesn't get back to you, then at least you know where you stand.

[Laura & CTB]

Can I stick my nose in too?? Yes Andrew I think you should try to get in touch.

 

Ring his Mum and just say that you saw him on the motorway and wondered if he'd like to have a chat & catch up.

 

 

You've got nothing to lose.

[Guest]

Why do you want to get in touch? What's the point and what would you hope to achieve?

 

I think you need to ask yourself these questions before doing anything. You need to be quite clear and honest with yourself about your motives. Some things are best left as pleasant memories and I think you wouldn't want to complicate your present or future. But it's nice to keep in touch with old friends too. Just sort yourself out first!

[Cinnamon]

I have had a similar experience,when a great friend turned into (briefly) something more, then we lost touch.

Funnily I missed his friendship more than having him as a boyfriend

 

If I saw him now (unlikely,he lives in LA & works as a fashion designer,& lives with his boyfriend!) I don't think I would try to get in touch with him again.

I think it would be awkward & the friendship which we had & which I value highly could never really be regained.

 

I prefer to remember our friendship for what it was & know that he will always be someone I care for

 

Speak with Joe again too - he may not be comfortable with you seeing this person again

[Guest]

I think I would have to agree with Ginette and Sarah here

 

I think some things need to stay as pleasant memories

 

I will say no more as Dan may read this

 

Best of luck with whatever you decide Andrew, it's a toughie is this one

[Popcorn]

We change so much as adults and we are all very different people to what we were at school. It's hard to know how somebody might have changed.

 

If I was you Andrew, I wouldn't dwell on it too much or let it become a big issue. Get in touch if you feel you want to, keep it nice and light hearted and if you get no response, it's no big deal. If you do meet up, make things really easy, and include Joe in whatever you do.

 

I've met very good friends of mine from school in the past that I haven't seen for 10 years or so, had a few meetings, I realised it was never going to be the same as it was at school, but we still do the Christmas card and email thing every so often, which is nice. No big deal.

 

Good Luck. You never know, you and Joe might have a new friend for life?

[craftyhunnypie]

Hi !

Hmm a tough one this is. I would just be tempted to send a letter saying that you saw him on the motorway & had a chuckle to yourself thinking of how you used to play together....just wonderd what he was doing now & then also include a picture of you with your hubby & chickens! Just so he knows you are happy and settled now & he knows where he stands should the friendship redevelop. I would leave it at that though, don't mither him or ring his mum. The ball is in his court then, is he wants you as a friend again & is truly happy for you & what you've acheived - he will answer your letter. If he is jealous & wants more, he won't answer!

 

I have had this. I was very good friends with a lad when I lived in Austria. We laughed, went places, di most things together. Then we sort of lost touch a bit when I moved back to England. I later visited with my ' now husband' , we took him some traditional English gifts & he was just really strange & off. So we walked away from him & we have never seen or heard from him since! His loss, as we could have all been friends & he could have come over for his holidays! I guess he was jealous of me finding happiness in England!!!!

Sometimes you have to live for the moment, then leave it in the past!

 

Emma.x

[buffie]

Well I would also ask what it is you're missing without him in your life, perhaps it's closure?

 

Do you need him as a friend, is it guilt or something else? You could write a letter saying hi I saw you and take it from there or you could write a letter and shread it for closure.

 

Whatever you decide Andrew you have no doubt changed and perhaps if he is driving his dad's old car he may not be in the same place you are.

 

 

Follow your instincts

 

BBxx

[Egluntyne]

Difficult.......The past is a foreign country....they do things differently there...someone once said (L P Hartley!). I think that if you ring his mum and say that you spotted him and since he seems to be back in the area you would like to get in touch. Ask her to get him to ring you. Then the ball is firmly in his court. If he doesn't ring then you'll know that he would prefer not to revisit the past....and factor Joe into the equation at every stage.

 

All the best.

 

xx

[Guest]

It's difficult - there must eb a reason you drifted apart, and while that reason may not be clear now, it may rear it's head if you were to meet. perhaps it would be more realistic to stick to emails, phonecalls and letters just now - see if you are both still in similar places to each other. And make sure that Joe is happy with any contact you make with this old friend!

[Looney]

Hi Andrew - gosh, what a decision!

 

Nostalgia and memories can be the devil in disguise.....if you are like me anyway, you'll remember the good bits and not anything else......! I was happily reminiscing the other day about a certain period spent with an ex until a good friend (as they always tell you the truth) reminded me all the mean and horrible things he did as well

 

I agree with the others that you must discuss it with your OH, make sure he really doesn't mind if you try and contact your old friend. If you do decide to try and contact him, I like Emma's idea of letting him know you are happily settled at the same time so that there can be no confusion....

 

 

Whatever you decide don't dwell on your decision

[Christian]

Andrew, a difficult decision!

 

You have lived this long without him, so I would be tempted to stay away. You are clearly very happy with your life, so I would have doubts about contacting G.

 

Take it from someone who knows. NEVER go back! It makes life messy and complicated.

 

Big hugs!

[AnnieP]

Andrew, I've never been in this situation, so can offer no tried and tested advice. I think you have some great people above, talking a lot of sense!

A couple of observations...... If you are on Friends reunited, then he could have got in touch with you if he wanted to.

 

If you want to close something, then maybe pen him a line, saying you saw him and remembered what a great friend he was and how much you enjoyed those days blah blah. Let him know what you're up to now and how good life is, and wish him all the best. Leave it there.

[red]

If you want to close something, then maybe pen him a line, saying you saw him and remembered what a great friend he was and how much you enjoyed those days blah blah. Let him know what you're up to now and how good life is, and wish him all the best. Leave it there.

 

Ooh I like this suggestion best Such a difficult decision to make though - I like this suggestion because it doesn't suggest you invite him back into your life - it's just a closure letter YET it does give him the chance to contact you back if he wants to and knowing where you're at in your life. If he doesn't then at least you've given yourself closure. If he does then, as others say, it should involve Joe too.

[theherd123]

Oh Andrew i dont envy your decision

 

I like Annies suggestion - that way you leave the ball in his court if he wants to get in touch and you have lost nothing

[Karen & co.]

That's a tough one Andrew, I think it's got to be a case of follow your head

 

karen x

[The Dogmother]

Go for 'Auntie Annie's' suggestion Hon.

 

Big hug to you too.