Unsecure chicken perches

[chuckmum6]

I know it is going to be hard, my first Mothers Day without a mum, and I can feel it looming. Any ideas on how to try and get through it? I'd quite like to ignor it and let it just pass by, but I'm a mum and my young boys will quite rightly want to do something.

The firsts are hard, my mums birthday is/was March 30th, I think I'm going to buy some flowers or a plant to cheer me up and mark the day that way. I'm still am a way from accepting my mum has gone and can't believe it has been six months since I saw her alive and smiling (albeit in her post stroke state). Life just goes on regardless, even if you are hurting. I glad I've got my chickens to sit and watch in the sun, they don't mind the odd tear and are quite happy to preen themselves at my feet! Sorry, I just feeling a little fragile again.

[peckingham palace]

Hi

 

Really, really know how you feel, lost my dad on 27th January after a year long illness. Miss him so much and find each day so raw. He has left a massive gap which nothing will ever fill.

 

I guess its just a question of time, and I try to stay strong and not give into tears every day (well I try) as I think it would upset him to see me like that.

 

Your mum will be with you, remember all the happy memories you have and no one can ever take those from you.

 

Big hugs xx

[Chucky Mama]

I am so sorry to hear that you are missing your beloved mum so much Could you perhaps use the day as a way of celebrated your mother. Was there something that she loved that you could do in her memory, perhaps a place that she enjoyed visiting. You could go with your boys and remember her together. Try not to worry about crying - missing your mum and being sad about it is not something that you need to hide from them, or anyone else. I shows how much you love and miss her.

[Jools]

I'd agree it's a good idea to think about her, to remember her, to laugh and to cry. Maybe take a little time out to look at photos or just sit and remember. The "firsts" are such a hurdle. I know I shall feel the same about Father's Day this year.

 

Sending you lots of cyber hugs.

[scarlettohara]

I'm sorry you are feeling so down, my counsellor told me that once the 'firsts' are over it does get a little better, big hugs to you.

[chuckmum6]

Thank you all, I have up and down days. The first events do trigger downs, just like New Year did. Normal life forces you to get with things. Thinking of you too Peckingham.

[Purplemaniacs]

Remember your Mum on the day but enjoy being a Mum yourself, do something special with your boys to mark the day, I am sure your Mum would have wanted you to enjoy your Mothers Day as a Mum, not just as a daughter.

 

Chrissie

[Alis girls]

Can you put some flowers on her grave? Or buy a nice bunch to put by her photo? My mum died over 15yrs ago now and my first mothers day without her corresponded with being a new mum - so OH got me flowers etc. I remember feeling raw and miserable has had PND and was struggling. No words of wisdom - it will get easier - you have your lovely memories. Ali x

[Cinnamon]

Remember your Mum on the day but enjoy being a Mum yourself, do something special with your boys to mark the day, I am sure your Mum would have wanted you to enjoy your Mothers Day as a Mum, not just as a daughter.

 

Chrissie

 

Wise words

 

I lost my Mum 2 years ago, & it does get easier,honest.

I try to make special days like her birthday (which is also Christmas Eve) a celebration.

This doesn't suit everyone & my Brother in particular feels the need to spend the day upset & telling anyone he can why he is upset,but that's just him.

Focus on your children ,make it a day to speak to them about happy times with your Mum,& make the day memorable for them

[j00lz_12366]

I can also really identify how you are feeling-my mum died last may, and this year mothers day would have been on her birthday..

I have very up and down days or moments and sometimes I think it can help just just wallow in it a little-but only a little, allow yourself a little cry while you think of her, and then move on-with her in your heart. She wouldnt want you to be upset, she would want you to have a lovely mothers day of your own.

 

Take care

[Reikiranf]

I know just how you feel, last year was my first Mother's Day without my Mum, but to be honest I was in such a daze from having lost both of my parents within the first 7 weeks of 2010 it went by and I barely noticed, however this year is different a few weeks ago when I spotted a big Mother's Day display in M&S I hurried past as I felt like crying

 

Definitely make it a Day to remember your Mum & perhaps buy a plant or small tree for the garden or do or eat something that she liked and reminisce about the good times, you will always get things that trigger a memory and make you feel sad but they do get further apart.

 

Try and enjoy your day with your boys, hopefully it'll be a lovely day for you although one tinged with sadness, I'm not dreading the day as I shall be thinking of my Mum & remembering all the fun we had, plus I have a 5 week old grandson reminding me that although life changes it still goes on

[Space Chick]

I agree that the firsts are the hardest, I lost my Mum just over 10 years ago, and that first mothers day, I walked passed a card shop with the notice in the window and was a uncontrollable wreck.

 

I've never stopped missing my Mum (I dont think you ever do), and I still shed a few tears when things remind me of her (for example Barry Manilow being on Radio 2 the Friday before last, she loved him and I sobbed and laughed all the way to my meeting in the car as his songs reminded me of times we had together) but it does get easier.

 

Sending huge healing hugs xxxx

[AJuff]

Your post brought tears to my eyes. I never knew my mum but I am told that your mum is your everything to you. Can you bake a cake she liked and make a flask of tea and go somewhere your mum enjoyed being? Buy a card and write in it for her. Knit or crochet a square and make a mum blanket? Buy flowers and celebrate her life. It's ok to be sad. It will get easier as everyone has said, firsts are the worst.

[keyhole kate]

I'm sorry you are feeling so down, my counsellor told me that once the 'firsts' are over it does get a little better, big hugs to you.

 

This very true I planned days out on the first significants of losing my Mum otherwise I would have moped around as they say it does get easier in time XHugsX

[sadietoo]

I lost my mum 30 years ago, so I am used to Mother's day, but every year I try to make it something fun and special...ever since the first round of "firsts" I have tried to mark them with something different and lovely, so that the following year they won't only be the anniversary of that one thing...but something else to remember, and each year I've tried to out do the first for lovely, life affirming memories. This is not in any way to wipe out the memories of the person who has gone, but a celebration of their life and yours...because you are still here, and your work is not over yet....try to enjoy it as much as possible, raise a glass to your Mum and know that she would not want you sad, or spending a precious second of your life in grief...(what mother would?) enjoy your life, and live every second...that's what she would want...xxxx

[Olly]

It gets easier, but you never totally get over it. AJuff I am humbled by you saying you never knew your mum - that's very sad. I am lucky enough to have had my mum till I was well and truly grown up, and now (eight years on) I am able to remember her with love and gratitude, rather than with the sadness which dominated my memories to begin with.

 

I still hurry by the card displays and I wish that every supermarket//florists/chocolate shop didn't have big signs up about it, though.

 

And for those of you reading this who are still lucky enough to have your mum - tell her you love her, and not just on Mothering Sunday!

[sadietoo]

And for those of you reading this who are still lucky enough to have your mum - tell her you love her, and not just on Mothering Sunday!

 

hear hear

[chuckmum6]

I think we will try and do something, maybe go back to Wales where she was born and I visited as a child to see my grandparents.

Her last few years were pretty terrible both because of the stoke and the difficulties with her husband. I almost feel I am grieving for two people my proper mum and the fragile mum (who was different but the same).

The cards do seem to be everywhere, and I agree I need to make the firsts different, but also want to mark the past. I do miss my mum ever day, but I am functioning normally unlike the first couple of months, like I said events trigger the feels more. I can believe that time helps but don't ever think it will heal, rather change the hurt, this is clear from your posts too. My mum should still be her watching her "grand boys" and living her life, but she is not, and I am slowly making my way through the swirling emotions of the gaping hole she has left.

It is comforting to hear that my feels are common and a big thank you too you all.

[Chickendoodle]

I don't know how to help really as I remember it being really awful. I had already been through the first birthday and Christmas but somehow Mothers Day was the worst as seeing all the cards in the shops (and getting very helpful reminders from interflora!) really brought it home to me that I no longer had a Mum to buy a card or flowers for.

 

It will be horrible, but it is part of the grieving and healing process and I can assure you that it does get easier as the years pass. Mum died in 2005 and I now see Mothers Day as a lovely reminder of her rather than how I felt the first year, like it was rubbing salt into an open wound.