Ain't Nobody Here Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 (edited) A very close friend of mine has been through a nightmare this week . Her 20 year old daughter, who has learning difficulties, went missing for 6 days and has only now been tracked down by the police. She's been with a boy my friend knows nothing about and they've been travelling around Edinburgh, staying in hotels. Her daughter hasn't been in touch once to let her know she's ok so for a few days we didn't know if she was even alive. Because her daughter hasn't been formally assessed my friend has no rights to any information whatsoever. She was told eventually, after begging, which Travelodge they were in but although she went there, the staff weren't allowed to divulge any information. My friend just has to wait now until her daughter decides to come home, which may be soon as her bank account is almost empty. On top of this our main fear is that she ends up pregnant. She has totally gone boy crazy in the last year and regularly meets up with boys she finds on Facebook. In my view, this is a situation where data protection doesn't actually protect anyone. Edited January 18, 2015 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gavclojak Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 Gosh I 100% agree, it's totally crazy. We had a lovely lady call the other day to see if her son, who has learning difficulties had arrived for his appointment as she hadn't seen him for a few days and was worried. I was unable to tell her he had cancelled his appointment but sounded fine, she was frantic. I did call him and tell him to ring his mum as she was worried though! I constantly get patients calling to check appointmentsmand having a go if we are unable to disclose any info about a hubby/wife etc Your poor friend, she must be beside herself, gosh we don't know what fear is till we have kids do we!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Groovychook Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Sounds horrendous, your poor friend must be beside herself with worry I have great sympathy as we have a similar thing going on with a couple of family members on my OH's side. They both have very severe learning difficulties and have been proven to have no capacity. They seem to have very little protection despite our very best efforts and are in an extremely worrying and vulnerable position. My poor MIL is kept completely in the dark and although she has an inkling as to what is going on, she has no way of finding out or being able to do anything about it because their personal right to privacy. It's a total nightmare. They have been terribly let down by Social Services... but that's a whole different story! Sending love to your friend. I hope things improve for her and her daughter soon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grandmashazzie Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Just wondering about the exploitation act.I am presuming it extends to over 18's,and is applied to people smuggling etc.You would think there would be some protection for the girl.Maybe contact young adults social worker in her area.Pregnancy is such a worry on top of everything else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted January 14, 2015 Author Share Posted January 14, 2015 She's still not turned up . The police are no longer dealing with it because they've spoken to her and she says she's fine. Well, she would say that, she's doing exactly what she wants to do with no real understanding of the consequences. Because the boy is about the same age and also has learning difficulties, I suppose there isn't the worry of exploitation but he'll probably be as irresponsible as she is so goodness knows how it'll all end. Apart from her benefits, she's totally dependent on her mum and dad so hopefully she'll not manage to stay "on the run" for much longer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soapdragon Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 ANH -this is heartbreaking and I feel so upset just reading the post that I just CANNOT imagine how her poor parents are feeling. Something, somewhere has gone tragically wrong. Does the family have an allocated Social Worker.....there just must be someone who can help esp as she is clearly still very much dependant on her parents (likewise the boy too, by the sound of it.) Could the Citizens Advice help with pointing them in the direction of some assistance? It seems ironic that you can get power of attorney with regard to an elderly person relativley easily yet there is no similar arrangement in place for younger dependants. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Groovychook Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 I'm so sorry she's still missing Are the staff at the Travelodge aware that she only has a small amount of money to pay any outstanding bills? Maybe they would be more helpful if they feared that they may lose out financially? It sounds very callous to look at it from this angle but perhaps they might become more helpful if they were fully in the picture. It's a shame that your friend doesn't know the boy because it would be so helpful for her to be able to speak to his parents. They must be very worried about the situation too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 Golly, what a nightmare. No further advice to add, but I hope that it resolves quickly and she's home safely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 Our old neighbours had a daughter now probavbly in early 20's with learning difficulties - doubly incontinent and her mum was trying to get permission for a hysterctomy mainly cos periods as well as nappies and all that go with it on a large child were a nightmare. She was also worried re sexual abuse and pregnancy. As a nurse I could see her reasons as I spent time with them and would like to see anyone cope with a large child in nappies with periods thrown in. Of course no one wished to help. I think she may have settled for Depo injections in the end - not ideal as they have side effects. In the early 80's I worked in East London in a drs surgery and we had a care home on our books with Downs syndrome pts who were looked after very well by live in carers. I do not remember a ho ha when it emerged that there were some sexual relationships going on (same sex) and as HIV was very much in the news it was advised that all of the patients be offered Hep B jabs to protect as Hep B is far easier to catch. I dont remember any problems and no ones human rights were questioned. Its gone mad - a young woman with special needs going thro pregnancy or termination - beggars belief - I hope she is found safe and well soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grandmashazzie Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 You can get power of attorney for vulnerable( I am currently fostering a baby from a similar coupling to ANH friend) .The difference is this girl is known to social services and has been for years as there is no family help.I think therein is the problem.If you appear to cope you are just left to get on with it and then when a situation arises you have no back up.Very worrying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted January 15, 2015 Author Share Posted January 15, 2015 Met my friend today. Still no sign of her daughter . Thankfully, the police still do seem interested and phoned to ask if she'd been in contact. She only has £10 left in her account and the boy has some money but that'll soon go so once they both have no money left, the police may intervene and pick them up. His parents have reported him missing now too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soapdragon Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 That sounds more positive tho mainly, it would seem, due to the fact that they have run out of money Desperatley hoping for a happy outcome Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickencam Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 It is such a shame that once people with learning difficulties turn 18 so much if the support goes away. It would be better to have continued support and save emergency intervention at a later stage when a baby comes onto the scene. We know a couple who have a severely autistic daughter with other health problems. They had terrible trouble getting contraception advice for her when she was living in mixed shared sheltered accommodation in her late 20's, she had developed a close relationship with a boy of a similar age and condition. They managed in the end and they stayed close, but it was a heart breaking time for them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted January 18, 2015 Author Share Posted January 18, 2015 I'm pleased to report that she's back. They must have run out of money and went back to his mum's house. She contacted my friend and brought H back to her. The mum is very nice so that will help. After knowing each other 4 days, H and R are engaged and "can't wait to have a little angel together", his words in a reasonably articulate letter. I suppose if they really are meant for each other the families can work together to help them cope. I just hope they don't have "a little angel" before they find out that they're not meant for each other . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Groovychook Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Oh blimey, so pleased to hear that's she's back home safe and sound, I've been keeping everything crossed. Good to hear that his Mum is nice too, it will be much easier to deal with what lays ahead if the parents can work together. Worrying to hear about the longed for 'little angel' though. I wonder if there might be any help available to try and get across to them the hard work and reality of having a baby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mullethunter Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Glad to hear they're back and hope everything works out Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grandmashazzie Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Glad they are back.I think I would be heading to the family planning clinic tomorrow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Glad they are back.I think I would be heading to the family planning clinic tomorrow. Me too. I wonder if the families can work with social services to come to some sort of arrangement so that they can live together. They might want to do a trial first at one of the family homes; things might well seem very different in the cold light of day, as opposed to the romance of running away together. There's a family in our town, where the parents both have extra needs, as do their 2 teenage sons, they seem to manage, but I have no idea what structure of assistance they have in place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soapdragon Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 So pleased to hear that they are back safe and sound.......hopefully parents can work together to support them as a couple, if that is what they want. So scary though with the lack of support Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chickabee Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 Oh my gosh. This made me want to cry. I'm so glad they're home. Hope the "little angel" doesn't make an appearance too soon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
