mullethunter Posted September 10, 2019 Share Posted September 10, 2019 In he last year, my partner has dropped the bombshell (I am aware this may not be a big deal for some but it is for me) that he never wants to travel further than a 1 hour flight ever again. I’ve always known travel isn’t his favourite thing - he’s a proper homebody - but before we met he’d been on his honeymoon with his previous partner to Tobago, and been to the south of France and canaries for surf holidays lots of times. Then in our first few years together (we’ve been together 11 years) we went on holidays with his family to Portugal a couple of times, to the canaries once and then to Florida with his family 3 years ago. The main reason he gives for not wanting to travel is that his IBS makes it a stressful experience. I know this is true. We also had some horrendous clear air turbulence on our way to Florida and although he won’t say I think that scared him quite a lot. Ive long since made my peace with not going away very often, and with the state of the climate that’s a good thing, but I absolutely cannot get my head around never going anywhere ever again. There are so many places I want to go and things (wildlife mainly) I want to see, and I was planning on a ‘holiday of a lifetime’ type holiday to somewhere like Costa Rica or Madagascar for my 40th next year. What makes it all the harder to swallow is that he expects is to go to Ireland to go fishing every year - to the exact same place every year - even though I’m clearly bored of it! I know the obvious solution is solo travel - and whilst I did that all over the world in my 20s so that wouldn’t phase me, there are two issues with it: he’s quite insecure and jealous and I would worry that he spent the whole time I was away seething and then when I got back probably wouldn’t be speaking to me for a week which would ruin my enjoyment of it; I want to be able to share my great experiences with him. I’m not sure there is an answer, I just needed to get this off my chest - sorry. Am I being selfish wanting him to do something he clearly doesn’t enjoy? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted September 10, 2019 Share Posted September 10, 2019 I don't think you're being selfish - you are just thinking out loud among friends. I would be miffed too, and it is making you re-evaluate your relationship as far as the future goes (not more than an hour flight away!). Let it settle with you, and then think about it again in a couple of days time when you have had time to get used to the idea. You will both need to adjust, and some honest talking is to be had, especially if you are to travel alone (I just love doing the latter). His condition has obviously made him nervous about being far from home, an you both have concerns to be aired about the future. PM me if you need t chat, but here's a virtual (((HUG))) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soapdragon Posted September 10, 2019 Share Posted September 10, 2019 Wise words, DM. In any relationship both should be equal and, if you still wish to travel, then that should be on the agenda (esp in the light of the annual Irish fishing trip). If it's possible it would seem sensible for you to travel whilst your OH is fishing then you are both occupied and, hopefully, he wouldn't have time to fret about you. You could join a specialist group for solo travellers (from what I've heard their average age is rather more that yours so that might put OH's worries to rest!) but people going on these specific, far flung trips are generally interesting, interested and very good company - I have an aunt who has had some truly wonderful more long haul type trips with solo travel groups.Of course, the true compromise would be for you to go on the fishing trip and OH to accompany you to your destination of choice........................... Before children OH and I had some seperate holidays.......sharing a small loo on a tiny boat with a load of strangers in rough seas is NOT my idea of fun but sitting on the top of Glastonbury Tor being a geranium def is! Don't give up on your plans; I hope that, when the dust settles and you have both had some space to think, you can both come to an accord. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patsylabrador Posted September 10, 2019 Share Posted September 10, 2019 Have a look at this blog. I've been following this lady for years and she's very interesting. They've travelled all over the world together and separately. I really like her and she talks a lot of sense and is also sweet and fun. You may find something useful in there. https://travelsoloanyway.com/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mullethunter Posted September 10, 2019 Author Share Posted September 10, 2019 4 hours ago, soapdragon said: average age is rather more that yours so that might put OH's worries to rest! Yes it probably would and it wouldn’t worry me. 4 hours ago, soapdragon said: Of course, the true compromise would be for you to go on the fishing trip and OH to accompany you to your destination of choice........................... And I’m quite happy to do that - we’ve done the fishing trip together the last 5 years I think - but OH will, sadly, clearly not be. 3 hours ago, patsylabrador said: Have a look at this blog. I've been following this lady for years and she's very interesting. They've travelled all over the world together and separately. I really like her and she talks a lot of sense and is also sweet and fun. You may find something useful in there. https://travelsoloanyway.com/ Thankyou, that’s actually really good - might get OH to read it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted September 10, 2019 Share Posted September 10, 2019 When I travelled alone (which was quite a lot) the reason was because I wanted to be ALONE, not part of a group and not compromising for another person either - very selfish of me, but i was single anyhow. We all need to do stuff on our own to help us grow and for that vital me time. Having said that, it teaches us a lot about ourselves and our capacity for adjustment for our loved one, if we compromise every now and then. It's important to honour the other person, without counting and keeping tall. My OH and I live 2 hours apart and leave very separate lives, but also love being together. There has to be an element of trust, and both of us prefer not to live together; it's not that we don't like being and living together, just that we each have full and interesting lives and enjoy both doing things we both enjoy, and other stuff which we do alone. We may go on a trip and start off the day together and then end up doing our own stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grandmashazzie Posted September 17, 2019 Share Posted September 17, 2019 I used Explore holidays, although I was travelling with a friend there were lots of single travellers in the group. They have a lot of interesting holiday destinations. I would always chose to go in a group rather than alone. I am not very brave. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cat tails Posted September 17, 2019 Share Posted September 17, 2019 I just went to the travel agent and told the lady I don’t like people and I do like trees! I’m just not the group travel type. I need to be able to make my own plan and not be shepherd from place to place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted September 17, 2019 Share Posted September 17, 2019 Me three - my idea of hell would be either a cruise or a coach holiday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mullethunter Posted September 18, 2019 Author Share Posted September 18, 2019 12 hours ago, The Dogmother said: Me three - my idea of hell would be either a cruise or a coach holiday. Me 4! 😱 I’d be happy to join a tour, but anything that says ‘get to know your fellow travellers on group dinners’ and I’m out 🤣 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted September 18, 2019 Share Posted September 18, 2019 I was once surprised by a chap I was seeing - he had booked us on a day tour to Bruges.... very sweet of him, and Bruges was lovely. BUT it was on a coach (we had to leave at the crack of dawn) and with lots of folks who all wanted to get to know everyone and have a sing-song. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cat tails Posted September 18, 2019 Share Posted September 18, 2019 2 hours ago, The Dogmother said: have a sing-song. 😂 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted September 18, 2019 Share Posted September 18, 2019 🤮 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patsylabrador Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 For me, I know lots of people love them but a cruise would be like being in a posh prison. I can tolerate being stuck on a plane for hours only because I know at the end I can escape the crowds. One of the main reasons we have for staying where we live is that we can get to Heathrow and St Pancras so easily by tube so that when we're old and doddery and driving is no longer an option we can still travel independently with relative ease. That's part of the plan anyway, the rest involves winning the lottery so that we can afford all this fancy travel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mullethunter Posted September 19, 2019 Author Share Posted September 19, 2019 5 hours ago, patsylabrador said: know lots of people love them but a cruise would be like being in a posh prison. Snap!! Do. Not. Get. It. Current top choice is yoga retreat to Nicaragua. Jungle (a bit buggy) bungalows / rooms, morning and evening yoga classes, options to surf, beach, wildlife tour through the jungle... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cat tails Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 40 minutes ago, mullethunter said: Snap!! Do. Not. Get. It. Current top choice is yoga retreat to Nicaragua. Jungle (a bit buggy) bungalows / rooms, morning and evening yoga classes, options to surf, beach, wildlife tour through the jungle... Ooooh! Sounds lovely! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redhotchick Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 My OH is slightly older than me and has cut down on the nr of days he works. He is able to take more time off than me. For the last few years he has taken holidays without me. His last trip was to Thailand and Laos for nearly a month! I don't get a chance to miss him as he Skype me 3 times a day! Having been on many similar holidays with him, I know his daily routine, and I'm sure he is just the same when I am not with him. He isn't one for partying. There is obviously trust on both sides. I enjoy having evenings to myself whilst he is away, I catch up with friends. Would he go fishing by himself or with a friend whilst you went away somewhere else? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mullethunter Posted September 19, 2019 Author Share Posted September 19, 2019 3 times a day!!! That would drive me mad 😂 He may go with a friend but even if he went on his own, a good fishing friend of his lives there so he wouldn’t be on his own. He is quite a lot older than me and is also DEFINITELY not one for partying! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted September 22, 2019 Share Posted September 22, 2019 A girl I worked with was married to a guy who must have been a nervous flyer I mean really nervous. She had 2 teenagers and went to New York with them otherwise it was UK. I dont know if you have children but think like the others you should go off on singles holiday whilst he fishes in Ireland. Thankfully we agree we dont like long haul flights have no desire to see Africa or South America. Might at some point think about seeing friends in OS. Currently in Boston having left New York yesterday by train. But find adjusting hard as get older. Hope you get it sorted. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valkyrie Posted October 7, 2019 Share Posted October 7, 2019 I don't travel on aeroplanes now. Just too stressful - the more I flew, the worse I became. But I'm more than happy for OH to go away and explore strange new worlds, seek new life and new civilisations . . . He's just come back from Florida with my daughter and her partner. Sort of selfish on my part - it means I get the house to myself for the most part as he's here 24/7 nowadays! Plus he brought back baseball caps with Apollo 13 and the Ghostbusters logos on them. My daughter bought me a mug with the Grinch on it - that's so meeeeee! But he feels refreshed and I slept well! Win for both of us! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mullethunter Posted December 31, 2019 Author Share Posted December 31, 2019 Well - Nicaragua / Costa Rica has turned out to be a bridge too far this year as on top of accompanying OH to Ireland for his fishing trip in September, his mother has decided she wants to take the whole family away in October (I suspect it will be Portugal which is lovely but can be a bit stressful as OH and I are quite different to the rest of his family) so that’s quite a lot of flying (which I now feel really guilty about) and cost. BUT - in a fit of feeling sorry for myself and that I had nothing to look forward to on the day after Boxing Day I’ve booked myself 3 days skiing at the beginning of Feb!!! I haven’t been for 12 years and I’m so excited!!!!!! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daphne Posted December 31, 2019 Share Posted December 31, 2019 How exciting, where are you going? (Just want to make sure you aren't on a dry slope in the UK, but that you are going to get cold and wet and invigorated in real snow!) Its a tough conundrum for you, the original question, I think I would definitely say its not fair on you to give up seeing the world, or even a small bit of it, but I do know a lot is at stake. Very good friends of mine have explored things which are important to them on opposite sides of the world in the past 12 months. As it happens its all worked out fine, although they did have a strong and 30 year plus relationship to start with which meant they knew each other pretty well, but it was still a massive step into the unknown for them and who knows what might have happened. You'll work it out, I am sure, but in the meantime, you go and have yourself a very merry skiing break! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted December 31, 2019 Share Posted December 31, 2019 Well done you! I totally get the family thing Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patricia W Posted December 31, 2019 Share Posted December 31, 2019 Good for you! Send us lots of pics. Have you thought about a holiday away by yourself where you learn a new craft or something? My OH is a homebody too, but I go on quite a few 2 or 3 day residential courses, pursuing my interests and learning new skills. I go to places in this country, but I know there are courses I could do in exotic places. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mullethunter Posted January 1, 2020 Author Share Posted January 1, 2020 On 12/31/2019 at 6:23 PM, Daphne said: where are you going? Austria - definitely real snow! I can’t wait! I was thinking about it the other night and we actually know quite a lot of very long term couples who take separate holidays very successfully and happily. Patricia - I do a lot of yoga so yoga retreats would be good and you can find them all over now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
