Single hen

[Looney]

Kind forum people - apologies for posting this, but it will probably be therapy just writing it down!

 

One of my best friends got married a couple of weekends ago - a lovely, quiet wedding, involving immediate family and 5 friends (including me). We had a wonderful day, the ceremony was followed by a long leisurely lunch and then a small reception at her brother's flat.

 

My dilemma is that she is having her "official" wedding reception this weekend for 100 or so guests.....and I know it sounds dreadful.....but I can't face going along

 

I live in Ely in Cambridgeshire and she lives in Wandsworth in London. There are engineering works on the trains so my journey on Saturday will involve: 25 minute walk to Ely station, train to Cambridge, bus to Royston, train to Kings Cross, underground to Victoria, train to Wandsworth Common and then a 20 minute walk.....and then repeat in reverse for Sunday.

 

I'm soooooooooo tired. Just the idea of the journey is putting me off never mind a party that starts at 4pm and goes on into the small hours. I will be staying at her flat but so will other people so it isn't as though I can sneak off early plus I'm not sleeping properly at the moment so any noise will disturb me - phew!

 

I'm 14 weeks pregnant and have been feeling particularly drained of energy, I've been promoted in the last couple of weeks so work is mega hectic and there is a whole other story relating to my promotion and bad feeling from other people, I seem to have a constant headache as well (get the violins out!). I haven't told work yet that I am pregnant so that is another weight on my mind.

 

I love my friend dearly (who is 15 weeks pregnant and not tired at all!) and I don't want to let her down or hurt her feelings but on the other hand I just want to have a quiet weekend and try and recouperate.

 

What do I do? I think she will be really upset if I don't go but then again I'm not going to be good company if I do go I actually feel like finding a dark room to hide in for a while

 

Thanks for listening!

[bronze]

I would play up on the pregnancy making you feel rough thing and how if you could even make it you would actually be a drag as you feel so rough.

Edited October 3, 2007 by Guest

[bronze]

Congratulations btw if I havent already said it

[Egluntyne]

What a dilemma.

 

If you are feeling tired...and I know only too well that all encompassing exhaustion that comes with early pregnancy....then don't go.

 

Your health comes first.

 

You have my permission to rest in bed all weekend.

 

She will be disappointed, but you have been to one wedding, and she will be so busy on the day with other guests.

 

Finding the words for your apologies will be the trickiest bit. Is it too early to cite high blood pressure?

 

Maybe a massive bunch of flowers will help her get over it. (Cheaper than a rail ticket too).

[Looney]

Thanks both of you. I'm looking forward to spending the weekend in bed Egluntine (or at least lazing around doing nothing in particular)!

 

I think I am probably more worried about actually telling her, and should probably get it over and done with rather than let it drag on.

 

She goes on her honeymoon on Monday so perhaps I could arrange to send her some flowers on her return.

[Jools]

Congratulations on your good news first off

 

I'm sure your friend will understand your predicament. You know sometimes it's easy to build things up as a big issue in your mind. I'm sure your pal thoroughly enjoyed sharing her real big day with you and she'll be able to remember that forever. Tell her how much you wish you could be there for her in person, and that you'll be thinking about her all day anyway ..... while you're curled up in bed with a hot water bottle. She's bound to understand that you feel so rotten and the difficulties of the journey for you while you're under the weather. I love the idea of sending her some flowers to remind her that you're thinking of her.

 

Good luck

[Looney]

Thanks Jools.

 

You're all such wise, wonderful people!

[Jools]

Just another thought. Do you know anyone who is going to the do? Do you and your pal have a special song, or anything like that? Could you arrange for someone to arrange for that song to be played? If not, maybe someone could organise a toast to her from you - then she really will know that you're with her in spirit (no pun - sorry)

[Karen & co.]

Congratulations first of all

 

But as the others have said, your health comes first, and you were there for the important bit and she can share her day with a big crowd that weren't able to be there for the wedding. Good friends will always understand, and a lovely bunch of flowers on her return would be a nice thought

 

karen x

[Looney]

I don't know anyone else that is going, which is adding to my dread of going if I'm not feeling overly sociable! I might try and do something for her though.....mmm, I'll have a ponder.....

Edited October 3, 2007 by Guest

[Cinnamon]

I think a well timed bout of food poisoning may be in order

 

Poor you, but congrats on the little one

When push comes to shove,you have already celebrated her marriage, & I am sure with 100 people attending this do,you won't really be missed.

 

Maybe you can send something - flowers,champers ....send something to her Honeymoon hotel to be their upon their arrival maybe?

Where are they going?

 

Hope it goes well anyhow

[Egluntyne]

Forgot to congratulate you!

 

How exciting.

[Looney]

They are going to Barbados - lucky things! And you're right that she will have loads of guests making demands on her time so I won't be missed.

 

This is my first pregnancy and I'm swinging between excited, terrified, thrilled, terrified, excited!! I'm just not used to feeling under the weather so it has come as a total shock to the system - I've only been to the doctors once in the last 3 and a half years and that was to register at the surgery and tell them I'm pregnant!

Edited October 3, 2007 by Guest

[chocchick]

I suppose, you could find somewhere else to stay where you can sneak off, but then is it really worth it, when really you don't want to go anyway. Love the suggestion of a gift.

[Egluntyne]

, terrified, excited!! I'm just not used to feeling under the weather so it has come as a total shock to the system

I was just the same...it came as a huge shock to have to lie on the bathroom floor with my head down the loo for 16 weeks. (Each time )

[Cate in NZ]

Nothing to add to all the great advice, except, of course, my congratulations on the pregnancy. Such an exciting, tiring, terrifying time

 

Look after yourself and your little one, and your friend will understand I'm sure

[Looney]

Well, I've just got off the phone to my friend and she says she's disappointed but understands . I still feel guilty but at least I won't be waiting until the last minute to let her know and I'll try and find something nice to pop in the post for her.

 

Apparently she is also feeling knackered but has been feeling like she shouldn't admit to it. One close friend that she tried to talk to and tell she was feeling tired and a bit down actually asked her whether she really wanted to be pregnant and told her she ought to be over the moon not complaining

 

A big thank you to you all for listening and for your wonderful advice

[Krysia]

Congrats on the little one and well done for getting a promotion in at work before they know! (I hope it means more money!)

 

I know employers 'Cant' stop you from being promoted when preggars but it invariably does happen!

 

The whole tired thing is awful I can remember it well (My little angel is 1 on Saturday )

 

Get as much rest as possible and although your friend is a bit dissapointed she will be so bsy with the other guests anyway that she probably won;t even miss you (Sorry but I'm sure she won;t on the day!)

 

Congrats agaion and get as much sleep as you can before the big day when your life will change forever! (But its fab!)

[Snowy]

Many congratulations Lorna! You've done the right thing - I vividly remember the overwhelming tiredness of early pregnancy, then not being able to sleep properly and having really vivid dreams when I did manage to get to sleep! But if you are 14 weeks now, hopefully that should ease a bit soon and you'll feel a bit better. I also remember swinging between elation at being pregnant and feeling terrified because there was no going back! It's all normal - come on here and tell us all about it at any time

 

(And I'm feeling broody now as I did toddler group this morning and we have 3 mums with baby girls between 6 weeks and 6 months old. I had a cuddle of them all. )

[superjules]

Congrats!

 

You have my sympathies on the whole tiredness front. I was working in London when I was pregnant with DS (six years ago) and felt lousy for the first 20weeks. I used to book a meeting room and schedule imaginary meetings involving "Ooops, word censored!"ody else so that I could crawl away for a sleep under a desk!!!

 

Glad you have a stress-free weekend to look forward to.

[Lesley]

Congratulations Lorna - and I'm sure you will feel better for having told your friend.

 

look after yourself

[redfrock]

Oh congratulations! And I am sure you have done the right thing. That is a grotty journey for anyone to contemplate let alone when you aren't feeling too good. The main thing is that you were one of the honoured few who attended the proper wedding and the more intimate gathering. This is the one that she will remember more than anything - and that is the one that was important for you to attend. I had 150 guests at my wedding (a rather large greek family being the main ingredient) and I can honestly say it was too many because I feel I didn't get to spend significant time with anybody. Looking back, if it had been 'politically' possible, I think a smaller gathering would have been nicer so that I could have spent more time with people and absorbed the whole day better. So, better that you were a large part of a special gathering than an insignificant body in a crowd (god that sounds awful, sorry, but hopefully you will know what I mean)

And not knowing anybody would just have made the whole day worse - I hate it when we go to weddings and we just know the bride and groom.

I'm glad your friend was understanding and at it has probably helped her to know that she is not the only one finding the pregnancy is not all about glowing and blooming. At least you will now be able to compare notes all the way through without worrying that the other one might be finding it a complete breeze! x

[chelsea]

Congrats on the news!

 

Your health comes first, think of you and your baby and dont worry about not attending to the "do". You've already attended the main "do" - so your friend will understand.

 

be honest and tell her outright you dont feel up to it and please dont fret anymore about it. Worry is something you dont want to be doing in the early stages of a pregnancy.

[feemcg]

Congratulations - hope you have a happy and healthy pregnancy . I agree with whats already been said - you played a huge part on your friend's special day, and you and your baby's well-being is just as special.

(my best friend is in Barbados just now and the forecast is rain, rain, rain ).

[Looney]

Thanks for all the congratulations and kind words Speaking to my friend and knowing I have a free weekend ahead of me must have done me the world of good as I actually had a good nights sleep last night - hooray!!!

 

Roll on the weekend