Moonie Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 I have a 2yrs 2month old little boy and have thought long and hard about this subject now, but just can't make my mind up!! Now? 6months? 1yr 2yrs More? NEVER?? Is it best they are closer in age or a bigger gap? Is it easier for you to have a bigger gap? I have to say i hated pregnancy being sick for 7 months and then a c-section at the end and i would also have to have another one with the second, so perhaps this is what is delaying things. All advice most welcome, thank you!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nicki9 Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 I don't think there is a right or wrong time, I've got 4 years between my two, and they get on really well, I wouldn't have it any other way, but lots of people have children closer and again think this is best. One of our issues was that I need to also work full time, and we couldn't afford two lots of childcare at the same time! What ever you decide will be best for you and your family Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moonie Posted November 5, 2008 Author Share Posted November 5, 2008 Thanks Nicki, i suppose I should just do it when it feels right, and that's obviously not now seeing as i'm in such a quandry (sp). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seagazer Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 My children are 21, 17 and 10. The gap between the first two was lovely as my eldest was really into helping (although she was mightily disappointed not to have a sister both times) and she never seemed to get jealous. Plus I only needed a single pushchair. They both get on really well. I feel sorry for my youngest now though as he has often said he would like a brother to play with nearer his age. His brother is at work and sister away at uni so he is more like an only child. They all get on but are at different stages of their lives. My sister also had a 10 year gap between her children and they don't get on at all. You have to do what's right for you. If I'd had them all within a few years of each other they might have loved it or hated it - you never know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarbaraJ Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 i have 2 1/2 yrs between first 2 then 19mths between 2nd and third. Mentally i found the first gap harder but the second gap was easy mentally as my son really didnt understand what was going on and as long as he got plenty of attention he was fine but physically it was very hard work. all my 3 were born in 4 1/2 years lol mainly because i had 6 years between me and my sister and 8 between me and my brother and felt like an only child. Looking back i feel it was more to do with the lack of family dynamics (not close with siblings then or now) than the gap but glad i did it the way i did as mine are very close. But maybe they would have been anyway regardless of gap! sorry rambling now, whatever you feel suits you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janty Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 NEVER. But take no notice of me. That's coming from an only child who also had an only child. We get the best of both worlds... ...no fighting ...no siblings pinching our stuff ...friends round when we want company ...I could go on forever but I'll stop there. I know some people dislike being 'onlies' but I loved it. People often refer to us as spoilt but that only happens with a few people who have got us a bad name. In most cases, onlies are far from spoilt because parents come down harder on us because we are the only ones to supervise. Anyway, as I said, just giving the point of view that a second child isn't mandatory. Onlies can have a good time too. Best wishes for whatever you decide, Jan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keyhole kate Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 I dont think there is a right or wrong time I had 2yrs 1 month between DD1 & DD2 who were always competing I had 4yrs 6 months between DD2 & DS DS used to drive DD2 mad I had 6 yrs 11 months between DS & DD3 DD1 was 13 yrs DD2 was 11 years when DD3 was born DD1 DD2 DS all adored DD3 and used to fight over her & help. DD3 is now 16 and babysits for DD1's 2 boys Confused Now they are 29,27,23,16 they all get on fab seriously I think it is all down to the individual dynamics of your family! Most only children I have spoken to on the subject have said they were lonely & would have loved a siblings though Not sure I have helped you at all I personally have loved having a bigger family and wouldn't have changed a thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen & co. Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 I'm with the what ever is right for you brigade so not much help I'm afraid I had four in six years, and found it worked for us, not that you can change your mind if it doesn't the only thing was all the invites to friends houses stopped after 3, as no one can usually seat 6 extras with ease. The good thing about having them closer is that I never came out of the sleepless nights and nappies, so therefore didn't resent getting back to normal and having to start again (although I'm not sure I was ever normal to begin with ) Karen x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jess Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 there is five years between me and my sister, she being the eldest, and it is a nice gap because we were never in the same school (when i was in year seven starting highschool she was just finishing) so it allowed me to harness her wisdom but not have my toes stepped on by her which is i suppose why we are so different now. me and my sister have never argued or stolen each others stuff either! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Berkochicks Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 I always wanted a 2 1/2 -3 year gap. Mother nature had other things planned and after some heartache we final got my DD after 3 1/2 years. It was really easy. My Son was brill, really helpful and could understand when he had to wait for things etc. They are now 4 1/2 and 1 and he adores her though he does get frustrated with her at times. Not all things go to plan, I would say don't spend too much time planning and let mother nature decide. Donna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moonie Posted November 5, 2008 Author Share Posted November 5, 2008 (edited) Thank you for all your replies so far ... it's given me food for thought! Maybe i should just get some more pets, he does love his chick chicks after all!! Edited November 6, 2008 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chickvic Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 My children are 2 yrs 5 months apart and argue like anything There is the same gap between me and me sister (she's older) and we argued like mad but get on brilliantly now we don't live together! I'm 5 yrs 3months older than my brother and we never had any problems. Your boy is lovely and looks very happy with his chicken siblings Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluekarin Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 Mine are about 14 months apart born 97, 98 & 99 (was meant to be 2000 but she decided to show up 9 weeks early!) At the time it was incredibly stressful but as they have grown up, things are much easier. They all get on, the youngest two especially. I think I had them so close as there is a 5 year age gap between myself and my twin sister and brother and 7 years between youngest sister and myself. My two sisters are very close and get on really well. Oh, if I had a £1 for every time someone said 'is your telly broken?' I'd be a millionaire! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bassett Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 I decided to go for a 2.5 year age gap, and remember reading an article by the World Health Organisation which suggested it was the ideal age gap. Firstly for the Mother's health, as her body would have had time to recover from the first birth, but not enough time to lose the benefits of having given birth before. Also the older child would be a bit more independent, but close enough in age to do similar things as they get older. It's an age gap that seems to be working for us!!! I think that different age gaps work/or don't work for different families, so just go for want feels right for you. My own siblings were 11, 15 and 18 years older than me!!! - So in effect I was an only child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScottishMike Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 hmm - just under 2 years between my oldest two (8 and 6), then a 5 year gap to our third, who is now 16 months old. As for what is the right gap?? Who knows? Also, who is to say it will work out as planned anyway Just go for it - let it happen - don't fret and worry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jlo Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 Really don't think that there is ever a right or wrong time. My son is 14 and my daughter is 11 1/2. That works quite well as she is quite mature for her age so they enjoy the same sort of things. I have an elder brother and sister who are 8 and nearly 11 year older than me. I thought that I had the best of both worlds: all the benefits of being an only child with the added bonus of elder sibling support. How my sister doesn't hate me for all the times she was forced to stay in and babysit, I don't know. She is an Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jomaxsmith Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 I've got 21 months between my boys and that is great because they are into the same things but also a pain because at times it is like having twins where one of them is less physically able and gets frustrated. I was younger than my two brothers by 10 years and felt like an only child, I always feel if I'd had siblings closer my age i would be more socially adept. A friend of mine is pregnant with her third and her sons will be 5 and 7 when her new baby is born. For me, going back to sleepless nights and being tied to 2 hourly breastfeeds just as my previously youngest starts full time school would be madness! Mind you, I find motherhood incredibly difficult and frustrating and often not that enjoyable (I've said it sorry) Everyone is different, you just have to go with what is best for you and your family. I don't think any age gap is ideal. My brothers are 17 months apart and are like chalk and cheese and have nothing at all in common. Good luck Jo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted November 6, 2008 Share Posted November 6, 2008 I have 2 years between my daughters, which was just how it worked out at the time, but afterwards,when the little one was just a few months old, we read that 2 years is the optimum age gap to aim for with siblings. This was an actual study (not that that means much,but anyway) & apparantly they will get on better if they are closer in age, & the younger one will feel less hard done by when age related events like having ears peirced for example are not so far away after she sees her sister goinng through it. Also I found that its easier to recycle clothes for the younger one, as they are still reasonably fashionable The only downsides we have found is that the eldests terrible twos coincided with the little ones birth, & its not always a barrel of laughs having 2 teenage girls in the house being hormonal at the same thime (but it will be over more quickly!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmandaR Posted November 6, 2008 Share Posted November 6, 2008 I've got 10 months between my DS and DD. It was tough going when they were tinies but has worked really well now that they are older. It is easy for us to assist with schoolwork as they are pretty much at the same level, days out are straightforward as we don't have to cater for a wide age range and expectations of behaviour etc apply to them both equally. Although they have their spats, they generally get along with each other really well. There is 3 years between myself and my little brother, we fought like cat and dog throughout our childhood and now as adults we are more like parent/child than siblings. As a previous poster mentioned, I don't think there is an ideal - it does depend on family dynamics and personalities. Like most things in life, you should do what feels the best for you - and even with the best laid plans, sometimes mother nature decides for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lisa33 Posted November 6, 2008 Share Posted November 6, 2008 He's grown loads since you came to visit. I'll have to have to show that picture to my mum. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowy Posted November 6, 2008 Share Posted November 6, 2008 I always wanted to have several children, close together, but it didn't quite work out like that! After no 1, it was 11 years before no2 came along, then 2 years for no3! No1 was pretty much an only child so had the advantages of more money in the household! Now money is tighter, but the two little ones get on so well and are great company for one another. Definitely harder work when they are little, but worth it now they are getting more indpendant. And all 3 get on well (when they are not winding each other up ) so the big age difference hasn't mattered. I also had a time with a newborn, one doing the terrible twos and the third hitting puberty! All settled down now thank goodness! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clootie Posted November 6, 2008 Share Posted November 6, 2008 21 months between my two and I wouldn't swap them for the world ............ give them away perhaps but I wouldn't swap them !! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
..lay a little egg for me Posted November 6, 2008 Share Posted November 6, 2008 As everyone else has said, there is no real ideal gap. Whether children get on together seems not to depend on the age gap but on their personalities. My sis was 15 yrs older than me so I was a virtual only child, but we got on great as adults. My OH has two brothers...one is 18 months older and they don't get on at all, the other is 5 yrs younger and they get on really, really well. You just can't tell. So, I say, the ideal time is when it feels right for you and even then it might be taken out of your hands....accidents can happen or you might not conceive immediately. It's all a bit of a lottery really. Good luck with whatever you decide to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cordelia Posted November 6, 2008 Share Posted November 6, 2008 any time is a good time.....if you're happy about it.... and some close children fight, and some bigger age gapped children do to..and others get along fine I have a 10, a 9 and a 15 months one !!! LOL The first two were like twins as there is a year and 3 months between them....they get on really well...and fight like cat and dog too !! The baby is gorgeous and we all love her..and she is the reason I'm able to be on the forum...(maternity leave previously,,,,and the fact my company didnt give me my job back when I returned after maternity leave) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seagazer Posted November 6, 2008 Share Posted November 6, 2008 21 months between my two and I wouldn't swap them for the world ............ give them away perhaps but I wouldn't swap them !! thats so funny! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
