How can I find my old pictures?

[bronze]

Whenever is best for you.

Theres 20 months between my eldest two and they ar ebest friends although they bicker. Theres five years between myself and my brother and we've always got on well though I suspect we're not as close as my eldest even if we did fight less.

I too think its down to personality and to be honest once you have a sibling with a certain gap then you don't know anything else to compare it to.

[Guest]

I'm another only with an only.

 

I always said I'd have 2 kids as I thought I'd missed out on something not having a sibling. Also it would be nice for James to have someone to play with - we live in the middle of nowhere so there are no neighbor kids.

 

But when I was pregnant I started to wonder if I really wanted to do it a second time. Then when I had him and I found out it wasn't true I knew I wouldn't have any more.

 

Oh and what wasn't true? Well I don't like small children and I think babies are rather dull. And everyone told me I would feel differently when it was my own. It's not true, I still don't like small children and I still think babies are dull. Not remotely cute - if I cluck over your baby its an act. So I don't anymore and people respect me for it.

[cordelia]

penguin mad..your post made me laugh....in a nice way...

 

its nice you can say what you feel...

 

before I had any of mine, as a teenager and in my twenties...I told everyone I didaint like babies...it saved me years of cooing over sicky yukky babies, and people asking me if I'd like one...

 

I love them now of course, and I blame everyone in work bringing their babies in for my third baby LOL......I sooo wanted one, each time they did...

 

 

But anyway...I enjoyed your post...and its really up to the individual..

 

( I dont think people should feel forced into having children by others attitudes)..

 

and I was envious the other day, when a (childless) colleague told me she had bought a Porshe Cayenne.....not that I want one of those particularly....but just that I have no money LOL !!!!..

[..lay a little egg for me]

I'm another only with an only.

 

I always said I'd have 2 kids as I thought I'd missed out on something not having a sibling. Also it would be nice for James to have someone to play with - we live in the middle of nowhere so there are no neighbor kids.

 

But when I was pregnant I started to wonder if I really wanted to do it a second time. Then when I had him and I found out it wasn't true I knew I wouldn't have any more.

 

Oh and what wasn't true? Well I don't like small children and I think babies are rather dull. And everyone told me I would feel differently when it was my own. It's not true, I still don't like small children and I still think babies are dull. Not remotely cute - if I cluck over your baby its an act. So I don't anymore and people respect me for it.

 

Same here I'm afraid. Never liked small children & babies and still don't. Like you decided against a second child, but it would be nice for Stefan to have someone to play with as we also live in the middle of nowhere. There are a few local kids but they all seem to spend all their time going to (different) clubs and activities. When I visit friends who have just had babies I always dread them asking if I want to hold the baby

[bronze]

Oh no holding other peoples babies

I'm odd I love my own children but really am not interested in other peoples. I had to fake illnesses when offered a hold of sils (dhs sis) babies as I really didn't want to.

The only baby I am excited about holding other than mine) is my brothers baby who I am seeing on sat. Lets hope sil lets me have a hold. Is this because hes a blood relative and I love my brother dearly do you think?

[Guest]

Well, I love babies and I think I understand them and I'm good with them. I am not so keen on toddlers! I never wanted to stop having babies really, but because I don't enjoy pregnancy very much and because I want to give my children a reasonably good life, I did!

 

Mine are all about 3 years apart and that seems to have worked well. My eldest was 9 when the youngest was born and although she frequently said "we don't need any more children. We've got enough" she is now very fond of her 'cute' little brother. He loves babies and would really like me to have had another.

 

I love having 4 children. They are all different and it is demanding in many ways, but we have never felt the need to invite other children over (of course we do sometimes!) because there is always someone around to be with. Holiday times are great to watch as they all mix and match and mingle together. There is no 2+2 happening because they share different things with each other and all get on really well. Contrary to what some may think, big families are generally closer I think.

 

I do remembering worrying about the second though. I described my first baby as my best friend when she was 6 months old. We had such a lot of fun together and were really close. I could not imagine having any love spare to give to another baby/child; my love was all for my first daughter. But, as any mother will tell you, miraculously you have the same amount of total love to give the next one AS WELL. It's a wonderful thing!

 

Whatever you decide, just make sure it is the right choice for you!

[Ain't Nobody Here]

I've got 2 yrs 6 weeks between my two boys. ES wasn't that nice to YS when he was tiny (I have photos of YS as a baby with a scratch or two on his face ) and he still torments him, but they get on pretty well now and I suspect they'll be good friends when they're adults .

[keyhole kate]

I'm another only with an only.

 

I always said I'd have 2 kids as I thought I'd missed out on something not having a sibling. Also it would be nice for James to have someone to play with - we live in the middle of nowhere so there are no neighbor kids.

 

But when I was pregnant I started to wonder if I really wanted to do it a second time. Then when I had him and I found out it wasn't true I knew I wouldn't have any more.

 

Oh and what wasn't true? Well I don't like small children and I think babies are rather dull. And everyone told me I would feel differently when it was my own. It's not true, I still don't like small children and I still think babies are dull. Not remotely cute - if I cluck over your baby its an act. So I don't anymore and people respect me for it.

 

Same here I'm afraid. Never liked small children & babies and still don't. Like you decided against a second child, but it would be nice for Stefan to have someone to play with as we also live in the middle of nowhere. There are a few local kids but they all seem to spend all their time going to (different) clubs and activities. When I visit friends who have just had babies I always dread them asking if I want to hold the baby

 

I can totally relate to both of you I love my own kids but am not in the slightest bit broody or interested in other peoples phew I feel quite relieved that I am not the only one

[Moonie]

I agree, really not fussed on other peoples children, but I would really like a sibling for my wee lad, but i'm very hesitant to be vomiting in my handbag in my car ever again!!!! Oh what a decision!!

[Shirl]

My lads are 2 yrs 10 months apart and never really got on but more due to 2nd sons personality rather than anything else. They still don't get on and they're 22 and 19.

 

The girls get on really well thus far and there's a 2 yr 6 month gap (now 4 and 20 months).

 

Between the youngest boy and oldest girl there's a 15 year gap and the youngest lad really doesn't get on with the girls but that's just his personality rather than anything else I think.

 

I think it would be lovely to have an only child because I notice so much how much attention they lose from you when the 2nd one is born. I think it's nice when people have the 1st child at school before they have the 2nd because then at least the 2nd child does have a reasonable amount of one to one time which they wouldn't otherwise get. I do get sad a times when I think about how things used to be with just have eldest daughter at home and then the 2nd one came along and we didn't have time to sit on the sofa all day reading books

[The Dogmother]

There's never a good nor bad time, just waht suits you, and the more you think about it, the more points for and against you will come up with. If you generally think that it's a good idea, then go ahead and you'll manage.

 

I am one of two (3 years apart) we are very different and don't really keep in touch much. I always wanted 3 children as I love them at all ages, but my marriage broke up shortly after Rosie was born and it just never happened. I can't have any more now anyway, so the choice was made for me

 

I just enjoy other peoples' babies and children.... so long as they are well behaved.

[Sunshine]

There is 9 years between me and my youngest sibling with two inbetween.

Me-19

Brother-16

Sister-12

Sister 10

 

So i was an only child for 3 years before my brother came along and appartly i loved him lots and used to help look after him(whether it was actually helping is another matter).

The gap between my two sisters is only 18 months so they have been in the same classes at school, same brownies/guides, horse riding lessons etc. As they have got older they have stopped having the same friends and so have their own lives more especially since the older one has gone to high school.

 

We all get on most of the time. Me and my 12 year old sister are very similar(argue more, very stubborn) however my other sister and brother are much more laid back.

[Guest]

Sunshine that sounds very like my children.

 

DD1 = 19

DD2 = 16

DD3 = 13

DS = 10

 

DDs1+3 are quite similar - more moody and fiery. DD2 and DS are more easy going in nature. They all look the same though and in spite of the similarities which we can see, they are all different and individual people. I love the variety and I love our togetherness

[chickencam]

I think a lot of it is down to their personalities and can't be predicted, I don't think that my ED and YD would have been best buddies whatever the age gap, whereas my DS gets on with both of them - he is middle child - although he is particularly close to ED.

 

There is 2 years 7 monthsish between ED & DS and 2yrs 7 monthsish and 1 extra day between DS and YD it wasn't planned that way, I miscarried between ED & DS and YD was a happy miscalculation

 

In short there is no right or wrong time.

[Yorkshire Pudding]

I agree totally, it happens when it happens, and if it does and you are happy about it then that is the right time. There's no way to know if the children will be friends as well as siblings.

 

My two are 2 years 7 months apart. I originally thought I would like a longer gap - my sister and I are 4 and a half years apart and got on well most of the time, until her mid teens when we went through a difficult few years, but are best friends now. However I had a 'surprise' pregnancy when ES was 18 months old, which turned out to be ectopic. After losing that baby I was seized with a desperate need to try for no.2 sooner rather than later. So we did. And it worked.

 

While ES was tiny I found it difficult to juggle the different needs of a toddler and a baby, and I think that is the most difficult part of having your second child - with the first you have time for them alone, with the second there is always another child competing for attention. For the first couple of months I found myself wondering if I had made a huge mistake by having another, although I loved them both passionately I just couldn't see how to make it work. Once YS got older and a bit more interesting and joined in with more, that got much easier and now, although they fight, they are good buddies and playmates who are lost without one another.

 

 

If you think now is the time, go for it, it's bags of fun with two. If you aren't sure, perhaps you should wait a bit!

 

 

I like other people's babies and children but they're nowhere near as gorgeous, fascinating or wonderful (or maddening or infuriating) as my own!

[Mutrix Farmers]

I'm with Pengy on this one!! I suppose it depends on how you feel about children (primarily your own rather than other people's). I didn't find the baby years very easy and couldn't do it a second time. I only intended to have one child, I have that one, he's adorable most of the time and up for adoption at other times (all offers considered). But I have a friend who thrives on motherhood, has 4 children and would have had more if allowed (hubby and finance said no)

 

However I wish you every happiness whatever you decide is right for you.

[jlo]

I think that the replies in this thread have been fascinating and just go to show how great all the permutations of families can be.

 

I am with Penguinmad and the others who are not that keen on children per se! I enjoyed my two when they were babies but they became infinitely more interesting when they started to communicate.

 

I will hold small babies now but am not mad keen on it. Whenever I do someone will always say, "Aaah, is that making you feel broody?" to which the answer is always, "Absolutely not!"

[chickenanne]

OOh, I'm the opposite to most: I love other peoples babies, but my own???! YUK. No thanks.

 

 

 

 

 

 

(before anyone calls social services, I don't have any... and never have had...)

[kez]

I'm with Berkochicks, not all things go to plan.

 

I planned a 2 year age gap. This wasn't to be though, I ended up having an ectopic pregnancy. So the age gap is 3 1/4 years.

 

How does the saying go? Don't put off till tomorrow what you could do today. Tomorrow never comes.

 

My two are now 9 and 6. They fight like cat and dog one minute then are best of friends the next.

[Willow]

My two are a bit over 2.5 yrs apart and it's great. They get on wonderfully but are far enough apart not to get jealous of each other - although the gap translates into 3 school yrs which means we'll have GCSE/A-level trauma for years.

 

I love babies I'm always the friend happy to look after a baby at a party so new mum can have some baby free time wish I could have had more

 

Worth remembering babies don't always go to plan so planning a specific gap may mean you end up with a somewhat bigger gap than you expected.

[Seagazer]

I had to add to my previous post as I didn't want it to sound like I felt sorry for YS being like an 'only' child as he is such fun to be with, very interested in lots of things and we make a great threesome. In fact sometimes we actually forget to ask the other two if they want to come out and do things as we're so used to it being just the 3 of us

[jlo]

Worth remembering babies don't always go to plan so planning a specific gap may mean you end up with a somewhat bigger gap than you expected.

 

Or a smaller one1 we were planning for a 3 year gap but I think I fell pregnant when we passed each other on the stairs!!

[Ms Marple]

You will know in your own mind when the time is right. THere is nearly a four year gap between my two boys who are now 20 and 16. they have always got on. THere were times when the gap seemed bigger and perhaps when one or other had friends round it seemed more obvious.. Even now, OS is at uni and the first few days when he is back they both go around giggling like when they were little and both end up sleeping in the same bed together catching up. It is great to see and really make me wish I had siblings of my own

[AmandaR]

I love babies I'm always the friend happy to look after a baby at a party so new mum can have some baby free time

 

I'm the same. I always offer to feed/change/take for a walk other friends or family members babies at gatherings. Same with toddlers too - if we have gone out for a meal, I'm the first to offer to cut up their food and assist with feeding them so Mum can enjoy a meal without it going cold, for a change.

 

I remember how tough I found the early years and how much I appreciated when someone would do the above for me. And for me...well, I get to have a baby/small child to myself for a while but can hand them back at the end of the day and get a good nights sleep.

 

The other thing I make a concerted effort to do when someone I know has just had a baby is to ask the Mum 'How she is doing/feeling?'.

Everyone coos and fusses over your new baby but rarely asks that question. It took me back with my second child when a neighbour asked me the same thing. I was at the time feeling quite emotional, tired and a naff Mum but was bottling it up (as you do - to appear perfect and in control) and it gave the ideal outlet for me to express my feelings and to be told that what I was feeling was all perfectly normal. It was nice to know that someone seemed genuinely interested in how I was getting on aswell as my baby.

[Hen Watch]

I went for 2 year gaps for no other reason than my sister and I were 2 years apart.

 

My lot get on well and I am pleased I did it that way but I know some friends of mine have found falling for a 2nd child much harder than expected so things don't always go to plan.

 

I've got:

12 yr old Daughter - born Oct 1996

10 yr old Daughter - born Oct 1998

8 yr old Son - born Sept 2000