4m x 3m Omlet pen, cube, new auto door still boxed and coop light

[kitchens]

Met up with a friend today and when I got home felt completely drained! I've known her for years but got more friendly has we had children of a common age.

 

She's been trying for a baby (as have I) for the last 4 or so years and now has her little bundle of joy ... but now she's here does nothing but moan about that and everything else in her life. She's always been like it but I now don't enjoy meeting up and try to plan those meets so that there is quite a large gap inbetween when we do.

 

Of course i'm jealous of her I'd be mad not to be but at the same time feel happy that she has finally got her second child but knew it would not be the answer to all her moans and groans and now sounds like the beginning of a new reason to moan about something.

 

Yesterday she moaned about:

 

What she had to do today as it would take up too much time.

The supermarket shop she had just done.

That she needed to collect a prescription from the doctors.

The new baby is always hungry.

She doesn't have anything to wear at the moment.

School uniform.

She can't wear jewellery because she has a new baby.

Her car.

The new car she is looking to buy.

How everything doesn't fit into the car she has.

 

Then we had to discuss in detail how much milk her baby drank and then moaned that she is fed up with people offering her advice on what to do.

 

There was a little rant on the tip of my tounge all afternoon but I bit it

 

I know its not just me because other friends of hers have said similar.

 

Sorry I needed to vent

[keyhole kate]

I too had a friend exactly the same

 

Everyone else she knew I knew couldn't stand her

Everything was me,me,me how her life was so miserable she moaned about everyone and everything she literaly sucked the life out of everyone around her after each of her visits and I began to dread her visiting me more and more

 

I gradually decreased our meeting up occasions and when I told her I was starting a new job full time she went into the I have been such a good friend you are just throwing me to one side mode and sent me a nasty spitefull email full of poor me because I wouldn't be around as much.

I replied politely saying that I was sorry that was how she viewed our friendship and that clearly if that was her view of me then there was was no more to be said

 

Sadly I have to confess I am relieved I have not heard from her since

[poachedegg]

I posted about somebody like that a while ago and now keep my distance from her whenever possible and just polite chat when necessary........ I was also advised that in life there are people who are like drains who suck the life out of you and ones that are like radiators who give out warmth.......basically get rid of the drains and seek out as many radiators as you can - life's too short.

[Olly]

I love that 'radiator and drains' analogy, I first came across it on this forum, and I think it's so true!

 

My sister, sadly, although capable of being very funny and witty, has a tendency to be a 'drain'. I think she's just got into the habit of making negative comments and doesn't realise how she sounds - but the way she tells it, the shop assistants are always rude and ignore her, she can never find what she wants, if she buys something it always turns out to have something wrong with it .... mum used to say that a phonecall from my sister used to leave her feeling exhausted! She's just got so used to moaning about things, she doesn't hear herself any more.

 

I have discreetly dropped friends like this in the past, life's too short. Everything has a payback, and with true friends you don't mind them moaning because you know they will listen to you in turn, but it doesn't sound as if you're getting anything out of the relationship. Time to let go, kitchens!

[Cinnamon]

My husbands uncle is a fun-sponge too, & does nothing but moan & complain about how hard his life is & how difficuls everything is for him

 

And of course if you suggest a wat that he can make improvements,its always FAAAAAAAR too much trouble for him to do.

 

Some people are complainers, & frankly I don't have much time for them in my life any more

[Olly]

My husbands uncle is a fun-sponge too, & does nothing but moan & complain about how hard his life is & how difficuls everything is for him

 

Oh that's a great one - fun-sponge! I love it!

 

I've heard them called 'mood hoovers', too - the minute they come into a room, they suck up all the good feelings!

[Cinnamon]

Emotional Vampires is a favourite of Clarets

[Happy chickens!]

Emotional Vampires is a favourite of Clarets

 

Yes, avoid them!!

[Looney]

Don't you find with these sort of people that you can get sucked in before you realise it?

 

I think a really good moan is great and good for the soul.....just not all the time and about everything!

[Space Chick]

I think everyone has a friend like that. I know I have

 

However, I am glad to say that I have more friends that fill me with laughter and joy

[Alis girls]

OOOOOOh I love a good moan - now did I tell you about.....................?

[Seagazer]

My mum is like this and I know its hard for her because she's on her own and has "Ooops, word censored!"ody else to moan at but it is really draining. I can be in a really good mood, she comes round and by the evening I feel like a limp lettuce. Trouble is it does then make you feel the same way.

 

I've tried to turn things round when she's moaning and get her to see things from a different perspective but she then gets really grumpy.

 

I'm the nearest of her 3 kids. She has to go and stay if she sees them and they see the happy mum

[xScrunchee]

Not sure if this might help anyone

 

Edited to remove link as the page nolonger exists apparently

 

Copied and pasted version..............................

 

10 Tips For Staying Positive Around Negative People:

 

1. Leave.

If possible, remove yourself from the presence of the low/slow vibrations as quickly as you can. This is the easiest and often the best way to deal with the situation. If you find yourself immersed in a water-cooler conversation that takes a negative turn, excuse yourself as soon as you realize what’s happening. Admittedly, this is not always possible (think family gatherings!) so we’ve got 9 more.

 

2. Try to keep the conversation positive.

If you recognize that the conversation is taking a turn for the worse, see if you can turn it back around. Politicians and marketers call this staying on message. Your “message” is positive. The topic doesn’t matter so much as the tone. So anything you can do to keep the conversation positive is staying on message.

 

3. Think of something positive in your life.

If, in spite of your efforts to stay on message, the conversation becomes negative, see if you can split your attention and allow a part of your mind to focus on something positive. Think of it like the “picture in a picture” feature on your TV. Insert a little positive thought or memory into the big picture.

 

4. Find something positive about the person to focus on.

Everyone has redeeming qualities. They may be difficult to notice in the heat of the negative moment. But they are there. See if you can find one. Maybe you like her scarf. Maybe he just got a new hair cut that looks good. Maybe she smells good. Maybe he helped you move last weekend. When you notice and focus on something positive it neutralizes the power of the negative energy.

 

5. Close your eyes.

This obviously may not be possible when you are engaged in a one-on-one conversation. In this case, deliberately slow down the blinking of your eyes. Closed eyes, even if closed for just a second, immediately begin to bring your brainwaves down towards the alpha state. Try it right now. Take a few slow eye-blinks and watch what happens to you physical and mental state. You are much less susceptible to negative energy when you are in that relaxing, contemplative alpha space.

 

6. Focus on your breath.

Again, see if you can split your attention and focus part of your awareness on your breath. Become aware of the air moving in and out of your body. Feel your chest and belly expanding against your shirt. Notice the rhythm of your breath and see if you can consciously slow your breath down.

 

7. Unplug your energy from the other person.

Imagine that you are literally pulling your plug out of the other person. These negative people thrive on their ability to bring others down to their vibrational level. Use visualization, feeling, or intention to pull your plug and maintain your own vibrational level.

 

8. Remember the prayer of St. Francis.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace. Where there is hatred let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy. Recognize that the person’s negativity is an expression of their inner doubt, despair and sadness. The way that you “sow” love and hope and peace and joy is by remaining positive and allowing yourself to become an instrument of peace in that moment.

 

9. Stop judging.

If you find yourself being judgmental, stop. We all have moments of negativity. And, in fact, this person’s presence in your life could be a signal that there is some negativity in your space that you are not acknowledging. So stop judging the person and, instead, offer your gratitude for the opportunity to explore your own tendency to drift into low/slow vibrations.

 

10. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you get pulled down into the low vibrations!

Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, no matter how strong your intention is to stay positive, you will find yourself pulled down into that negative vibration. Be kind on yourself. As with number 9 above, judging yourself will only add to the downward spiral. If you fall off the horse, the best response is to get right back on and try it again!

 

Wow-bit long, sorry

Edited August 2, 2009 by Guest

[Egluntyne]

I think everyone has a friend like that. I know I have

 

I certainly have, Me me me, I want I want I want, whatever illness you have, she has had it 3 times more severely, with bells on. *tuts*.

 

Always asking favours but never returns them.

 

Naturally, her children are more gifted and beautiful than mine too.

 

However, I am glad to say that I have more friends that fill me with laughter and joy

 

Same here.

[Lesley]

Not sure if this might help anyone

 

10 top tips for staying positive around negative people

 

 

The link wouldn't open for me.......

[xScrunchee]

Edited post

 

Copied and pasted instead

[tiggerlady]

Egluntine, we call it 'black cat syndrome' in our house! I have a black cat and so do you, but MY black cat is blacker than yours,purrs louder than yours..etc etc etc....

On the other note..I was told that when you are in the presence of an 'energy magnet' to protect yourself by encasing yourself in a pillar of golden light, green pyramid over you,golden cloak or one of mirrors to deflect the negative vibes back, but sent with love...(hard sometimes, I know..)

[Ygerna]

http://www.evolvingtimes.com/2007/08/10-tips-for-staying-positive-around-negative-people.htm

 

Some great tips on that link! Love the closing eye one. I just tried it whilst sat here, lol.

 

When someone is a life moaner I try and remember that this is all they have in their life to hold onto. They dont realise that this is how they are, and it can make life lonely for them, although this then gives them something else to moan about. As we can't make them see this, its a case of letting them get on with it. If we can't cope, or deal with it, it is VERY draining afterall, then we have to protect ourselves by either leaving (tip 1) or reducing the amount of contact we have with them etc.

 

Its sad, but, we can't change people from being who they are.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

My mum is like this and I know its hard for her because she's on her own and has "Ooops, word censored!"ody else to moan at but it is really draining. I can be in a really good mood, she comes round and by the evening I feel like a limp lettuce. Trouble is it does then make you feel the same way.

 

I've tried to turn things round when she's moaning and get her to see things from a different perspective but she then gets really grumpy.

 

I'm the nearest of her 3 kids. She has to go and stay if she sees them and they see the happy mum

 

I could have written this . (Apart from the "happy mum" bit, obviously . There is no "happy mum" in mine ).

 

I like those 10 rules - they really sound worth trying .

[Seagazer]

Oh ANH what can we do with these mums? I love mine to bits and she does so much for me always at the drop of a hat so I do feel bad moaning (oh no I'm a moaning minnie )

 

I just wish I could have a laugh with her like I do with my MIL (at times)

 

I like the idea of virtually unplugging myself though.

[Happy-Mama]

I reckon most people probably know someone like this. I guess the problem is that when they are going through a genuinely bad patch no one listens anymore as they are too drained from the fake drama's they hear about every day. I'm lucky as I have a lot of positive people in my life, though there are a few who give me a headache just thinking about spending time with them

[WarrensWorld]

I was given this stone a long time ago, by a very old lady. She lived in the weald, and my brother in laws, ex wife introduced me to her.

When she gave me the stone she said it would protect me from negative people. I had to hold the stone and imagine I was surrounded by a circle of blue flames, and I would be fine. She also said that absolutely "Ooops, word censored!"ody else should ever touch it or the circle would be broken. I think it's worked so far, it's just a pity I didn't ask her for one to protect me from illness...........

 

[Chucky Mama]

I had a friend like that she really dragged my mood down whenever I was with her. I got so fed up that one day I asked her before she launched into her usual moaning to think of 3 positive things that had happened to her that day. She said nothing positive had happened. I then reminded her that she had told me that her son had got into bed with her that morning and given her a cuddle and her daughter had made her breakfast. She then realised that she was forgetting the positive things that existed in her life. We then talked about her negativity and how it had an impact on not just her state of mind but those around her. I haven't seen her for a while but it certainly worked in the short term.

[The Dogmother]

Emotional Vampires is a favourite of Clarets

 

Beat me to it Hon!

 

Some people are just drains rather than radiators I'm afraid that I avoid negativity if I can.

[chickenanne]

I don' think there's anything wrong with having a good old rant/moan to close freinds (or virtual ones!) once in a while. Being constantly negative is different.

But, like anything else, moaning about the thing you have which your freind would desperately like is unacceptable, even if it is a one-off rant.

I dunno. If she is always negative and self-centred then I would back away a bit: as everyone has said, life is too short. If it was a one-off then I'd take it as a bad-day-rant on an insensitive subject and forget it (or at least try to!).