scarlettohara Posted June 27, 2010 Share Posted June 27, 2010 Only feel calm enough to post about this today On Friday I went to my 2nd cousins wedding, first time on my own to a big occasion but was looking forward to it, I went with my Mum and we stayed in a nice hotel. I told my sons (19) they could have friends round and was assured it would only be a couple (they had a party last year and were in big trouble). They had responsibility for my 2 dogs and the chickens, I completely trusted them I returned on Saturday to a completely black kitchen floor and patio, drink on the walls, a broken loo seat and cigarette ends all over the garden, in the pond and in the chicken run as well as broken glass, bottle tops and ring pulls everywhere. I think they are 200 bottles and cans waiting to be recyled They had moved the wooden perching stools around the run to sit and drink and smoke. I found out today that a girl had fallen in the pond (I hope she stunk ) how my water lillies survived I don't know, what would have happened if the chooks had eaten something or cut themselves - I am so mad with them. One has had the grace to say sorry but the other I'm not speaking to as he says I am overreacting - tomorrow they are taking all the recyling to the dump and I won't be going away again Rant over Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Couperwife Posted June 27, 2010 Share Posted June 27, 2010 oh my word I dont think it is an overreaction, i think an apology is fair game. i think you should go away again, but get a "babysitter" for them, someone who will send them to bed at a deft hour and play music at 7am to get them up again cathy x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sam Palmer Posted June 27, 2010 Share Posted June 27, 2010 Next time get a babysitter/petsitter in. It'll show them that you think they're obviously too immature to be left alone with any responsibility and they need an adult to look after them as well as the animals. Failing that, kick them out whilst you're away and get a petsitter or friend in. I'm sure they can find somewhere to go. Tell them you can no longer trust them. Why should you miss out on enjoying life just because they are irresponsible. They need to earn your trust again. Have they offered to clear up their mess yet? They should be responsible and clear up the house and garden, as well as take the empties away. Failing that, are they too old to be adopted??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chucky Mama Posted June 27, 2010 Share Posted June 27, 2010 Not an over reaction at all I would have gone ballistic if any on my children had done that. I don't know about one of them giving you the silent treatment There needs to be some big time punishment planned I think. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scarlettohara Posted June 27, 2010 Author Share Posted June 27, 2010 Love the babysitter idea One of them mended the loo seat today but I am going to say if they can't be reponsible they will have to go and stay with their Dad (would love to see his reaction to that ), perhaps they will get the message then as they refuse to see him Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scarlettohara Posted June 27, 2010 Author Share Posted June 27, 2010 Not an over reaction at all I would have gone ballistic if any on my children had done that. I don't know about one of them giving you the silent treatment There needs to be some big time punishment planned I think. I am not doing any of their washing or ironing and no 'helping' with petrol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janty Posted June 27, 2010 Share Posted June 27, 2010 They are lucky that you are so placid. I'd have packed their bags out of sheer anger. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chucky Mama Posted June 27, 2010 Share Posted June 27, 2010 done it before too Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redwing Posted June 27, 2010 Share Posted June 27, 2010 Young cockerels can be tricky, have you considered rehoming them to some young unsuspecting pullets? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janty Posted June 27, 2010 Share Posted June 27, 2010 Young cockerels can be tricky, have you considered rehoming them to some young unsuspecting pullets? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dippy bird Posted June 27, 2010 Share Posted June 27, 2010 This has happened to me with my ss . It almost cost me my marriage as I was so angry and my oh didn't do much about it. This was a few years ago. Now only last weekend the same thing happened with my other ss- he was supposed to be at his mothers! We have now confiscated all keys, if we go out, we lock all windows and put keys in the back door so they can't get in. It may seem drastic but it's the only way we can be sure our house won't get trashed and our trust won't be abused. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scarlettohara Posted June 27, 2010 Author Share Posted June 27, 2010 This has happened to me with my ss . It almost cost me my marriage as I was so angry and my oh didn't do much about it. This was a few years ago. Now only last weekend the same thing happened with my other ss- he was supposed to be at his mothers! We have now confiscated all keys, if we go out, we lock all windows and put keys in the back door so they can't get in. It may seem drastic but it's the only way we can be sure our house won't get trashed and our trust won't be abused. This is my problem my ex was too lenient with them and my punishments were never backed up I have locked them out before, as regards to young pullets - one son was living in his own flat but has recently come back, once other son has finished college I intend to move to a smaller house so there is no room for them Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlottechicken Posted June 27, 2010 Share Posted June 27, 2010 one son was living in his own flat but has recently come back, once other son has finished college I intend to move to a smaller house so there is no room for them Good idea, a nice one bedroom cottage Either that or put their rent up, they have been very disrespectful Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patsylabrador Posted June 27, 2010 Share Posted June 27, 2010 I am so cross too. That is a very bad way to treat their Mum. All you ask of your kids these days is love and consideration and they, on this occasion, have shown neither. I am absolutely certain that you are extremely important to them but this is very bad behaviour. I don't know how I would react, but they are adults and should not do this to your home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scarlettohara Posted June 28, 2010 Author Share Posted June 28, 2010 They can be so kind at times that I honestly don't think they undersand why I am angry. The son who was in his own flat seems genuinely sorry now - he got fed up with his flatmates always leaving a mess after he had cleared up. I am quite placid (I have had to be since my circumstances changed) but they know I am upset and will not trust them again Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiggy Posted June 28, 2010 Share Posted June 28, 2010 we had a similar situation last year, when we were on holiday, DS promised to only have a couple of mates over but word got around & a whole crowd turned up, a fight broke out a window was smashed, curtain rail pulled off, vomit on my rug, glass cabinet window broken, fag ends & cans/glasses everywhere. To be fair to DS he was very upset & a couple of the lads threw out the offenders, they had a whip round & paid to have the window repaired. Even so I wont be saying yes to any teenage get togethers at my house ever again, even if your teens are OK unfortunately it does tend to get out of hand when there are to many & there is drink around Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seagazer Posted June 28, 2010 Share Posted June 28, 2010 We had this once with our ES when we went away, the house wasn't trashed but it was very untidy and cigarette stubs left in plant pots in the garden etc. Some drinks had been spilt but the worst thing was that our lovely neighbour came and told us that he'd had to come round as they were being so noisy. They didn't have loud music but were in the garden talking loudly and in his words the girls were the noisiest of the lot. We read the riot act and since then he's kept the house clean and kept the noise down when we've been away. He used our caravan recently with about 7 of his mates and we were dreading our first visit there but I have to say I'm impressed with how clean it was. It is such a disappointment when your kids let you down, I hope they learn their lesson this time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scarlettohara Posted June 28, 2010 Author Share Posted June 28, 2010 At least nothing was broken (that I've found ) except an old sunlounger, I think I got off quite lightly. Sick is the worst - we had that last time I suppose we all learn the hard way and yes it does seem that girls are worse but then I think they get drunk more easily Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiggy Posted June 28, 2010 Share Posted June 28, 2010 one son was living in his own flat but has recently come back, once other son has finished college I intend to move to a smaller house so there is no room for them Good idea, a nice one bedroom cottage Either that or put their rent up, they have been very disrespectful good plan, & one Im seriously thinking about - downsizing so theres not enough room Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seagazer Posted June 28, 2010 Share Posted June 28, 2010 My dad always said that once we'd left home he would move into a one bedroom place - and he did! No going back for us Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted June 28, 2010 Share Posted June 28, 2010 That was waaay out of order of them, but a rite of passage these days. I'll volunteer to be their babysitter - I specialise in The Voice of Doom as Rosie calls it and would offer no leeway whatsoever Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scarlettohara Posted June 28, 2010 Author Share Posted June 28, 2010 Some of the recyling has been taken without any nagging from me and other son is being nicer. Half the problem is when I got home they were still hungover and had had no sleep Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickenanne Posted June 28, 2010 Share Posted June 28, 2010 I'm not surprised your livid. At 19 they are old enough to know better, to appreciate how to respect someone elses' home, and if ANY mess is made whislt you're away to have the common sense to tidy it up before you get home!!!! An apology, a rent increase, and an understanding that at 19 they are old enough to be expected to leave home and rent their own place in order. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarbaraJ Posted June 28, 2010 Share Posted June 28, 2010 Oh dear sounds a little like me last week when i came back from NY. the house wasn't trashed and i had been informed that it was tidy, i'm not house proud really but their tidy is def not mine!! The worse thing was they are 19, 21 and 23 and the 23yr old DD was left in charge of the animals, last year she fed the chickens just mixed corn and veg and was explained to that they needed pellets all the time . came back this time and found she'd done it again even though i had explained carefully what they needed so now they are not laying !!! They had a party , someone broke the arm off my garden bench, threw up on my conservatorysofa (luckily on the throw which younger DD took straight off and washed ) and MY kids had a jelly fight, apparently the floor was washed twice but was still sticky!! oh and neighbour heard them chatting loudly out the front at 3am!! we did apologise and told her she should have stuck her head out the winbdow and told them to shut up as they would have! Makes me not want to leave them again and i'm really not sure i trust them with my animals! i think if i go again i will take photos of what the house should look like and stick them on the fridge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickencam Posted June 28, 2010 Share Posted June 28, 2010 As someone who was fending for myself at 19, my children would get very short shrift from me, if they behaved like this. I would be saying another strike and you are out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
