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[goodinparts]

This is an amazing thread...I love how we all feel safe enough to be so open with one another, and as a relative newcomer it has really helped me to get to know you better. I don't think that anything we say will have any impact on what Redwing & her OH decide, nor should it, - but it's really good to have the opportunity to think about the difference that parenthood has made to me, one month into life with no children at home for the first time in 23 years!

I was an only child of 2 only children, who died, 6 months apart, when I was 18 - so maybe no surprise that I was always set on having children. OH comes from an RC family, so not having children hadn't occurred to him either - the only question was, when?

That said, when the 1st pregnancy test showed positive I wept for an hour - because I felt so inadequate, and because I suddenly realised (or thought I did) how much life would change.

Then I miscarried.

Several times.

In the end, I managed to carry 3 babes to term - and being a mum has been the greatest joy, unquestionably the most significant and best thing I have ever done.

A Cambridge graduate with ambitions as a singer, overnight my career just ceased to matter. My OH is a self employed clock restorer, and this was the last recession, so we had no money whatsoever when the children were small. We lived from hand to charity shop for years. We never went out and were usually too knackered to do much except groan gently to one another (we were doing up a Georgian farmhouse at the time, to add to the excitements).

 

But being a parent is such a gift...and today my 3 (officially!) adult children (23, 20 & 18) are wonderful friends, people who totally "get" me, whom I can talk to as to few others, who share many of my passions in life, who make me laugh and hold me if I need to cry.

I can't imagine life without them...and am so very thankful that I am their mum.

 

Redwing - whatever happens, life is an adventure, with some really grim times and some wonders along the way I hope & pray that your decision, for or against, brings you lots of joy.

[CallyChook]

This is an amazing thread...I love how we all feel safe enough to be so open with one another, and as a relative newcomer it has really helped me to get to know you better. I don't think that anything we say will have any impact on what Redwing & her OH decide, nor should it, - but it's really good to have the opportunity to think about the difference that parenthood has made to me, one month into life with no children at home for the first time in 23 years!

I was an only child of 2 only children, who died, 6 months apart, when I was 18 - so maybe no surprise that I was always set on having children. OH comes from an RC family, so not having children hadn't occurred to him either - the only question was, when?

That said, when the 1st pregnancy test showed positive I wept for an hour - because I felt so inadequate, and because I suddenly realised (or thought I did) how much life would change.

Then I miscarried.

Several times.

In the end, I managed to carry 3 babes to term - and being a mum has been the greatest joy, unquestionably the most significant and best thing I have ever done.

A Cambridge graduate with ambitions as a singer, overnight my career just ceased to matter. My OH is a self employed clock restorer, and this was the last recession, so we had no money whatsoever when the children were small. We lived from hand to charity shop for years. We never went out and were usually too knackered to do much except groan gently to one another (we were doing up a Georgian farmhouse at the time, to add to the excitements).

 

But being a parent is such a gift...and today my 3 (officially!) adult children (23, 20 & 18) are wonderful friends, people who totally "get" me, whom I can talk to as to few others, who share many of my passions in life, who make me laugh and hold me if I need to cry.

I can't imagine life without them...and am so very thankful that I am their mum.

 

Redwing - whatever happens, life is an adventure, with some really grim times and some wonders along the way I hope & pray that your decision, for or against, brings you lots of joy.

 

goodinparts, you made me cry

[goodinparts]

Whoops. And thanks, I think...

have a recycled tissue (that sounds unpleasant, but you know what I mean...!) Being a vicar now I tend to have a large supply about the place...

[Seagazer]

Goodinparts - your family story brought a tear to my eye too, it was beautifully written.

[CallyChook]

I cry at anything these days, am currently full up thanks to seeing 2,010 schoolchildren in the commonwealth games ceremony, but I think I'd have cried anyway at that post. I'm so sentimental sometimes, although I try damn hard not to be!!

[Ms Marple]

Beautifully put Goodinparts

[Mrs Webmuppet]

I was like Tasha quite a few years ago. All the way through my twenties and early thirties I said absolutely no way would I have children and suddenly one morning in my middling thirties I woke up with a whole bucketful of hormones. I left it a while thinking maybe it was a passing phase.

 

I finally went off to see my lovely lady doctor for a check up ( I had a selection of relatively minor health problems which could be made much much worse with pregnancy so this was an important part of a 'risk assessment') and she came up with an action plan to get me in a fit state to even consider getting pregnant.My doctor was very supportive and did every thing she could to stop me worrying and stressing.

 

Then we moved house rather unexpectedly and bought a new bed.

 

And you know what they say about a new house and a new bed........................suddenly I started feeling icky ..........then that little blue line appeared on a test.........and along came Little Miss Webmuppet!

 

It's been a tough few years, Mr W has had some really bad times with his depression and my health has been dodgy at times, we got relocated by work but we have muddled through. We wouldn't be without LMW but I do wonder at times what it would be like to have a lay in ( my last lay in was on 25th June 2000).

[Willow]

I do wonder at times what it would be like to have a lay in ( my last lay in was on 25th June 2000).

 

Gosh I'd forgotten how much I used to feel like that With LWM getting towards 10 you should be getting the chance to have a lay in at the w/e soon Afraid I've never encouraged my boys to do w/e sporting activities chance for a lie-in has taken precedence

[bronze]

And you know what they say about a new house and a new bed........................suddenly I started feeling icky ..........then that little blue line appeared on a test.........and along came Little Miss Webmuppet!

 

 

DO they? I'm moving on friday and we have a new bed being delivered good thing dh has had the snip (actually head says good thing heart doesn't)

[mags]

err can I sayt hat the snip does not always work........

 

no 4

 

 

8 years later and a kick in a tender place

 

mags

[Griffin]

I've been praying for four years that Mr Griffins snip would fail!

[mags]

i could lend you my daughter

they wereplay fighting and she got a luckly hit opps

 

he went white with pain

 

there is an 8 years difference between my youngest

 

mags

[bronze]

With my health I probably wouldn't fall pg at the mo annyway so the odds would be very low indeed.

 

Part of me secretly prays that too Griffin though common sense (oh hello prudence) tells me not to be stupid

[mostin]

It's so interesting to hear, or should I say read, all the different points of view.

 

I had a childhood, that had parts I wouldn't wish on anyone, and parents that I would never model myself on, leaving myself always knowing from a very early age, that I wanted loads of animals but no children.

 

From watching other friends enter the parenting world, it seems that no amount of planning works . One friend had told her boss she would be off for 6 months but went back to work before 3 months was up, full time at home motherhood just wasn't for her. Another friend was only planning 6 months off, and she never returned to work at all.

 

Don't set any rules sweetie, and don't punish yourself whatever you decide. Hubby and I have been together for ages and realised that I may get a broody surge in my 30's and change my mind, and that it may be too late then. We agreed that if that happened, then we wouldn't punish ourselves for not trying earlier.

 

I'm 33 now, and the hormones haven't kicked in yet, although I do seem to be collecting a lot more chickens these days . It's weird, because I don't feel old, I still feel like I'm having the childhood I never got to have the 1st time around .

 

Good luck on your decision xxxx

[Redwing]

Thank you to everyone who took the trouble to post on this thread

 

Talks are continuing in the Redwing household and while we havent reached any final decsions the barriers are starting to fall now that we have looked in to childcare options and costs etc..

[Aunty e]

 

 

pitter patter...

[Snoxy]

I was rejected by my Mother before I was born...instead of giving me up for adoption she kept me...and consequently I didn't ever feel loved or have a particularly nice childhood especially the bit where my Mother walked out on my Dad leaving me to decide in 5 minutes whether I was going to go with her or stay with my Dad. As a 13 year old my first thoughts were I can't leave all the animals (we had 21 pets as the time) as my Dad wouldn't be in a fit state to take care of them I was left to tell my Dad that my Mum had left him...cheers Mum

 

Anyway just wanted to say I have 4 children now...although I could quite easily have been put off for life...but my secret is not to look back...but forward and to live every day with as big a smile on my face as is possible I am not the kind of Mother that mine was I was so afraid of having a daughter but after 3 sons I did have my dear little miracle, Ellin. I always say Ellin has been sent from heaven to give me the love that my Mother never did...she is definitely an Angel and I love her more than words can say

 

Good luck with whatever you eventually decide Tasha...it will be the correct decision for you

 

All my love...

 

Lou

[The Dogmother]

Glad to hear it Tasha. I'm happy to gen you up on working parenthood at The National when we meet up.

[Snoxy]

Glad to hear it Tasha. I'm happy to gen you up on working parenthood at The National when we meet up.

 

[Valkyrie]

Oh Lou - sad story, but a great ending.

[Snoxy]

I didn't mean anyone to feel sad...I am a stronger person for having lived the life I have and am grateful for every day...I estranged myself from my family 10 years ago now and my Mother has never acknowledged the birth of my daughter even though she was born at 26 weeks and 1 day suffering from meningitis... This alone reinforces the decision I took as being the correct one. Friends are the family I have chosen myself and I know people love me which is more than can be said for my Mother

 

I have rambled enough about my situation...so sorry Tasha...I am feeling a little delicate this morning as my daughter had a few tears when I dropped her off at school and her vice-like grip has returned after having 10 days at home with us all...silly old billy me...just having a little wobble

[chick wiggle]

Wow! What a thread some amazing stories.

I cant add anything else to help you Tash, i always wanted children and we had 1 as soon as we decided, everything just fell into place, then no.2, the only shock been no. 3. Now that was a shock!

 

You do what you want Tash, theres no medals given out either way, but if you do decide to go ahead, dont wait for the 'right time' (never comes) or 'enough money' (never enough) or anything else, just do it and it'll sort itself out - honest

[Snoxy]

Wow! What a thread some amazing stories.

I cant add anything else to help you Tash, i always wanted children and we had 1 as soon as we decided, everything just fell into place, then no.2, the only shock been no. 3. Now that was a shock!

 

You do what you want Tash, theres no medals given out either way, but if you do decide to go ahead, dont wait for the 'right time' (never comes) or 'enough money' (never enough) or anything else, just do it and it'll sort itself out - honest

 

[sadietoo]

I just wanted to add that I didn't particularly want children, and still don't like other peoples' children! My first child was not planned, and none of our immediate friendship group of nine couples had children. Then two of us announced our pregnancies at the same time! I was in my early 30's. The other couples still do not have children. My only regret now is that I didn't have more than two..They are undoubtedly the best thing I have ever done with my life. All grown up now (21 and nearly 18) I look back on their childhoods with great pleasure and enjoy their company, their online chats when they are away, and their support when times are tough. I am of course incredibly proud of their achievements and I wouldn't have changed a thing. In contrast at least two of my friends (interestingly the two who were the most agin having children) have subsequently confided in me that they regret their decision. I am truly shocked that many of you who have decided not to have children have been questioned about your decision. I would never presume that motherhood is for every woman, and I think people who ask why you don't have children are extremely rude ( and sometimes tactless - maybe people can't have children..who'd want to be quizzed about that?). Tasha, Good luck whatever your decisionxxxx

[beach chick]

Tasha - I've not read all this, but just wanted to add my tuppenyworth, if its any use!

I was the archetypal career girl til I was about 33; then it kicked in that I wanted children - OH was less keen, but went along with it. took a long time to get pregnant and we were on the IVF route. then I got pregnant naturally and lost it at 8 weeks. dire time - but within 2 months I was pregnant again. had my first at 36 (8 weeks after my father dropped dead of a heart attack) and my second 2 weeks short of my 39th birthday. I adore them both, they have made life so different than I ever expected in so many ways.

but, it's not always easy being a mother. I was OK with babies (although had PND after the first), absolutely rubbish with toddlers, but once they become real 'people' and you can have a conversation and not be immersed in nappies, tantrums, and all the stuff that goes with small ones, it has just become better and better for me. I know we are going into the teen years now, and I do anticipate storms along the way, but I would never ever be without them.

there's never a 'right' time, we're much broker now than we ever were, but it really doesnt matter that much!

good luck, whatever you decide xxx