How many chickens in Eglu Cube

[The Dogmother]

......Mainly it did make me take a couple of steps back and see OH more as a selfish twit - a trait which he has constantly shown from that moment on.

 

 

I think I was better off without then!

[Valkyrie]

I think you had the right idea. I'm still grinning and bearing it!

[patsylabrador]

We have raised four children and it has been a fantastic experience and now they are grown up and we still have a fantastic time. When everyone is home together we have lots of fun, debates and someone is always cooking and we all nick the food. I wouldn't change anything, if you want a baby then have a baby.

[craftyhunnypie]

Are there any childless people on the forum ( & not wanting any) as well as me? Just out of interest.

Sorry if I've offended anyone & if you see me in a different light now - but I get annoyed by being frowned upon for not wanting any.

Come on - there must be someone on here who'll back me up & feels the same as I do? Surely?

 

Emma.x

[Lydia]

Yes, me. I've PMed you to avoid hijacking the thread.

[sari]

I had my children youngish, 24, and 28. I've also had about 5 miscarriages. say about as I just stopped thinking about them after the 5th....not much point in getting ones hopes up for a 3rd baby.. I had my 1st daughter after a contraceptive mishap...I've since found out that I don't tolerate The Pill.and don't use the hormones properly....( I could've told the Dr. that!) so I'm not surprised. I loved being a young mum. My girls are well mannered, creative, funny, bright....absolutely gorgeous! They are very well thought of at school and in our village...Not perfect however ..I have one moody 12yr old..and an Evil genius 9 year old who thinks she could run the world in her lunch hour...she always has an idea for something..... They never slept, even now they both sleep walk, talk and the 9 year old has only just stopped appearing in our bed ....we did the co-sleeping thing, as it suited us,,,not suited to everyone..but that's a choice we made. having a young child can feel like a tie, if you are the kind of person who can't accept that your life will ( and should) change beyond recognition-again my opinion. I believe my sister would enjoy motherhood more, if she didn't try to do all the same stuff pre-baby, and not fit him into her life, rather than the other way round.

 

It's a decisions only you and OH can make....I would hate being without the girls...but, then, who knows what we would have done if we hadn't have had them. I do know I would be too anxious to have a baby now!!

[Lavenders_Blue]

Are there any childless people on the forum ( & not wanting any) as well as me? Just out of interest.

Sorry if I've offended anyone & if you see me in a different light now - but I get annoyed by being frowned upon for not wanting any.

Come on - there must be someone on here who'll back me up & feels the same as I do? Surely?

 

Emma.x

 

Yep, me too (well certainly for the time being at least). I will never say never, but at this moment in time I have absolutely no desire to have a baby. I don't feel maternal, I enjoy spending my time they way I choose to without having to put someone else first and (sorry if this sounds weird) I don't really like the idea of something growing inside me. That is possibly all quite selfish, but at the moment that is the way I feel.

 

I also get really fed up of people asking me when I am going to have a baby! I don't want one - don't you get it?!

[paddy1709]

I had children relatively later - early thirties. I was never particularly maternal - really just couldn't see myself without them. My other half definately did not see himself with children (aged 42), however he has been a wonderful dad abeit a little too soft.

I have a few friends who have decided not to have children and they have not wavered in this and have wonderful fulfilling lives. My best friend loves children, had a lovely upbringing and just never felt the need. I do get jealous seeing her jet round the world!

I always think that as I went into the whole process of having children with lower expectations, I have been pleasantly surprised how easy it has been and how much both of us has enjoyed it. After all my partying of my twenties and early thirties and aspiring to the next best job - I have to say that having children gave me the excuse not to progress my career (my ambition switched off - I still work) and happily sit at home on a saturday night watching tv without fear of a hangover the next day. It is simply the next stage in my life and I am very happy and comfortable with it!

If you are wavering, I do feel that you may come to a decision that you may regret in a few years time if you have not had children.

[docsquid]

There must be other women who feel the same as me?

 

Well, we don't have children. I like children, enjoyed teaching them to ski when I was doing that, and love showing groups round our wildlife site, and visits from nieces and nephews and the like. But I know, deep down, I would not be able to be a good mother. With my particular health problems, I do have to devote a lot of time to keeping myself well, and that is not compatible with looking after children as well as I'd like to. I also enjoyed my career so much, and enjoy the things we are doing now. I felt I had more to offer children as a whole by not being a mother, which I could not do well enough while keeping myself well, and if I am not well, I can't look after children. This way I can help other children to enjoy the outdoors and wildlife, and that I love doing.

 

I'm completely happy with that decision, although I know my own Mum would have liked to be a grandmother. However she did understand. My husband definitely does not like children, and says he doesn't know how to relate to them, but I think he actually does a pretty good job. I'm quite comfortable around children of all ages, but don't want any of my own and anyway it is too late now I'm 52! I have absolutely no regrets at all. I know I made the right decision.

 

I do get a bit frustrated when people assume it is a shame that I don't have any children and that I would have wanted them and that they feel so sorry for me.

[Jools]

Are there any childless people on the forum ( & not wanting any) as well as me? Just out of interest.

Sorry if I've offended anyone & if you see me in a different light now - but I get annoyed by being frowned upon for not wanting any.

Come on - there must be someone on here who'll back me up & feels the same as I do? Surely?

 

Emma.x

 

 

Me

 

I have honestly never wanted children of my own, but I do make a great aunt (or so my many nephews and neices say).

 

I fully understand Redwing's dilema though because that feeling that one of these days you will have to make your mind up once and for all comes to us all. I was sort of lucky in that my "it's now or never" was in my mid-late 30's when I had to have a hysterectemy. I was able to delay it for long enough to be absolutely sure in my own mind that I really didn't want kids. Having a definite deadline to make my decision was easier that letting it drift.

 

Anyway, there are more than enough kids in this house, what with the husband AND me!!

[Snowy]

It is a very personal decision and there is no right or wrong! CHP you should never feel frowned upon for not wanting children It's your choice! I always said I never wanted children, was not maternal in any shape or form, until my hormones kicked in! It was a bit of a shock and sadly I didn't enjoy my first son as much as I should have. But now I have three - we could never afford it, and have also made many sacrifices - but it's all been worth it! The most important thing to consider is your relationship though - OH and I would never have argued if it hadn't been for the children! It's all good in the end though and I can't imagine life without them now

[Looney]

Hello!

 

I will tell you of my situation, but really and honestly you and your OH must decide purely according to who you are, what you want in the future (although nothing is ever guaranteed whatever your plans) and as you know each other the best so you are the absolute best judges. There is no right or wrong, you'll make the right choice X

 

OH and I always assumed we'd have children but for a while there were other things in the way (house, jobs etc).One day, aged about 29 I raised the subject and it seemed the natural progression for us. We both came to the conclusion that we no longer wanted a "party" lifestyle, had no interest in luxury purchases, expensive cars etc and really couldn't figure out what we were waiting for....oh, apart from money, but we figured we'd work that one out! Women in my family have histories of early menopause or emergency hysterectomies due to fibroids in their mid-thirties so I was a little bit worried about waiting too long. So, we decided to let nature take its course and voila two weeks later I was pregnant! It was a total shock, goodness knows why

 

So, one Bogwoppit later and another due in January and some major turbulence along the way to deal with (OH made redundant just after Bogwoppit was born and we are both due to be made redundant in a few months - eek!) but absolutely no regrets. Moments of sheer panic maybe but no regrets! I'm not a mumsie mummy, I had no previous experience of children or any interest in them. As someone else said, the first baby I held was my own.

 

I don't think it strange if couples choose not to have children. Life is about choice and with luck you are able to make those choices and get to where you want to be. Everyone is different. OH and I aren't married, we were together for 7-ish years before starting a family yet when I announced I was pregnant the majority of people's first response was "oh, was it an accident?" I'm sure if we were married we would have got a different response. Even some close friends keep trying to encourage me to get married, I might, but in my own time. Really not a priority.

[Nicola O]

I wouldn't want this thread hijacked by the 'no babies brigade' - by I'l put my hand up to never having wanted children.

 

I'm 36 on Friday & very very happy to not have children. There must be other women who feel the same as me?

I'm 40 now and will also admit to being single for most of my adult life, and I LOVE life this way. I have never been broody and don't have a maternal bone in my body. Most friends (usually when we are first getting to know each other) feel the need to 'find' someone for me so I can be happy and have babies but once they get to know me they soon give up. I find a lot of people, when they hear you are alone, seem to hear 'lonely'. A few of the women at work have occasional visits from grandchildren (babies and toddlers) and they are usually passed round the office for all to cuddle, but they just bypass me now as they know that I don't do babies .

 

I did want to start a club once for women who never want children. As it seems that everyone expects you to have children no matter where you go...

I'd join in a heartbeat, so much of society just expects you to want children and over the years I've got quite fed up with having to explain and justify my feelings to people, who quite often think I'm some sort of wierdo for not wanting them. Fortunately, I'm now at an age where the majority seem to think I'm 'past it' anyway .

 

Nicola

[poachedegg]

Some great insightful comments - good luck making the right decision for you.

x

[Plum]

What do you mean Tasha - should you start a family? You already have 50+ dependents so it's a bit late to worry now.

 

Good luck with your decision. I haven't anything to add to what everyone else has said. My boy's are my best mates but we've had good and bad times. I'm sure you haven't got rose tinted specs anyway. xx

[Valkyrie]

Pimms always works, eh Plumsie?

[Olly]

What an interesting thread.

 

Are there any childless people on the forum ( & not wanting any) as well as me? Just out of interest. Sorry if I've offended anyone & if you see me in a different light now - but I get annoyed by being frowned upon for not wanting any. Come on - there must be someone on here who'll back me up & feels the same as I do? Surely?

 

Emma.x

 

I'm childless, but I don't dislike children and I've been blessed with lovely nephews and nieces. I don't think I have ever felt 'frowned on' for not having children, either.

 

I would have liked to have children but it didn't happen (I wasn't prepared to go it alone, and wasn't in a relationship at the right time). I certainly don't spend my time wishing things had been different, life doesn't always deal you the hand you want and you have to make the best of it, and there's no point looking backwards. I recognise that my life would be very, very different if I had children, and I have freedoms, choices and opportunities that my friends with children don't have. I've been able to help some of my nieces with things like university fees, driving lessons and so on and I love them dearly and they love me.

 

In spite of saying all that, if there was one thing I could go back and do again, it would be to have a child. The fact that you are thinking about it means your views have changed from ten years ago. I wouldn't spend too much time imagining what might happen (jobs, money, childcare) because whatever you imagine, the reality will be totally and unexpectedly different! I wish you luck with your decision, whatever it is.

[Plum]

Pimms always works, eh Plumsie?

 

The force is with you.

[BeckyBoo]

as has already been said, there never is a right time. I had an "intersting" childhood and like Laurmurf (I think it was ) didn't think I'd be a good Mum and didn't want to inflict my suspected abysmal parenting skills on anyone else. Was told I would struggle to have any (polycystic Ovarian disease) then fell for number 1 after only a few months. Was absolutely terrified, not settled in a relationship, not ready, not financially sorted. But you find a way to manage. Somehow you get through the problems. I used to look at parents with their children and think they knew exactly what they were doing, as if they'd been given a manual I'd missed out on, but as mine have got older I realise we're all just making it up as we go along.

 

I think if you could forsee the worry and the stress and the sleep deprivation (mine never slept through until they started school and it's still not guaranteed ) you'd never do it, but then there is no love like the love for your children and the love they have for you. There are other types of love which are equally as valid, but no one can tell you until you have it yourself. I didn't get the "rush of love" immediately after they were born, it took me til number 3 to really get the hang of it, but my kids are my life now. They're fun, annoying, exasperating, exhausting.

 

Trouble is, you don't necessarily know if it's for you until you've got them, then it's a bit late to change your mind!!!

 

Good luck with whatever you decide, either way I think life is a blast. Knackering, but an absolute blast!!

 

BeckyBoo

[Angie]

Children ????? You are the one that has to do it all....i mean all. I love my family to bits and spoil them and my grandchildren. But i have raised my family with little input from OH.

My ED always said she didn't want children, i found it sad but accepted this. So she married at 25 yrs and at 26 yrs wanted children WHY ???

She worked in an elderly care home before her nurse training. She told me the residents who had children came alive when they were expecting a visit from a relative, son, daughter, grandchild and it kept them sprite and talkative with news from visit to next visit. Whereas the residents with no family were quiet ,alone and had nothing to look forward to, she said she could see that , that was going to be her and she didn't want it to be like that.

She has three children two boys and a girl, 10, 8 & 6 yrs. She has never regretted having her children and she is an excellant mother...don't tell her i said that , i don't want to be obsolete .

But if you Don't want children then don't....we are not all the same and children are right for some and not for others. If you were my DD i would accept it and not pressure you into anything not right for you.

[Aunty e]

Gosh. It's a tough one. I always knew I wanted children, it was just a case of when we could afford it,which in my case was when I made it off the graduate trainee scheme. We assumed that we would never be able to 'properly' afford it, but that that would be as good a time as any.

 

As a newish mother, and one who's decided to have another one sharpish, I can recommend it so long as you're well prepared for babies to be boring, frustrating, horrible, unrewarding, positively evil sometimes and terrifying, as well as glorious, adorable, beautiful, charming and sweet. Imogen is delightful, but that's not to say that I didn't find motherhood tedious and depressing in places. I find life so much easier now I'm back at work, honestly, I need the grown up time and I find it gives me the best of both worlds - lovely baby for the weekend and a few hours a day and rewarding career for the working day. We've tried not to let Imogen change things we enjoyed about our lives, so she's come along to amdram rehearsals since she was tiny, attended parties, gone to the theatre with us, come out shopping etc. That's worked delightfully for us, and if you do have a baby, you'll light upon the parenting style that works for you. We're worried now that we won't be able to do that so easily with two, but we'l have to see and we didn't want an only child so no choice really but to suck and see.

 

My social life is curtailed though, I have to really make an effort (mostly because OH works evenings a lot) to see my friends. I'm not sure this would be so much of a problem if he worked 9-5.

 

We live a fair way from either set of parents. My mum and dad will come down for a down now and then, and OH's parents will do the same thing, but we rely on our lovely childminder for childcare. She's brilliant, really flexible and surprisingly affordable with childcare vouchers. Even better if we qualified for tax credits, but we don't. We've not had a problem so far. Childcare is our biggest Mog expenditure though. You can save a lot by buying stuff second hand and begging/borrowing/stealing stuff. We were given tons of outgrown things.

[Aunty e]

Forgot to say, Mog is 13 months and newBabyboy is due in March. And yes, it was planned that way, being pregnant is boring, I wanted to get it over and done with as quickly as possible so I had my two and didn't have to do it again. I went back to work at six months and would have gone back earlier if it had made financial sense. Imogen doesn't appear to have suffered in the slightest from early childcare or being left with her father for extended periods. She is a brilliant baby, friendly, outgoing, sleeps straight through, eats anything you give her and hardly ever cries. And incredibly pretty too.

 

Babybore done now.

[Sageandonion]

Only you can decide what's right for you. Those worries you have will happen - money most likely will be tight, your career may well suffer, childcare can be a real headache and you and your partner will clash on parenting. On top of that you'll worry as to whether they're happy, healthy and safe. We've never regretted having our 3, our one regret is that we didn't have 4. The joy our kids give us more than makes up for any sacrifices. Yes at times they're frustrating, selfish and hard work but they're also loving, caring, rewarding and fun to be with - one or more of them makes us laugh every day. I'd imagine that very few people regret having children regardless of what reservations they may have had before.

[CallyChook]

this says the heavily pregnant one...

 

I never wanted kiddies. My ex, he pestered and pestered for a family, and finally, as previous to him I had been in a financially and physically abusive relationship, my will was bent and we tried for a baby. I was a student nurse, and my plan had always been to qualify, move to Paris for 12 months to improve my french, then go to work in the Sudan for a charity for a few yrs. The second month of trying we caught, and everything seemed right in the world appart from hyperemesis (puking beyond belief).

 

Unfortunately, at 6 months into the pregnancy, the ex dropped his phone and I managed to see what he had been texting. It was a sexy message to someone called Jules.... he denied anything in it, said it was just friends being daft... then two weeks later as the dust was settling, I came home from nightshift to find my bags packed (I was living in his house) and he said he didnt love me any more, and would I mind moving out as Jules was moving in that evening!!!

 

So wham bam, there goes my career, I was homeless in Manchester, and everything was awful. I hugely regretting the pregnancy and cried every time he kicked. I was working 80 hours a week (40 paid work and 40 student shifts in the hospital), in huge debt, and totally lost.

 

I moved back to my parents, had my son in the january, and it took me 20 months to find a placement that would let me finish my student nurse training. It very nearly meant I had to quit. When my son was 4 months old I met my now-husband, and things have improved greatly, but it was a close call. I contemplated suicide a number of times and constantly struggle against depression. As a high academic achiever, to me being a "single mum" was something that I never, ever would have chosen to be.

 

Obviously I love my son very much, but when people say "oh, I never would change things", you know what, I would. I'd be nursing and making a difference, instead of struggling to manage the most basic of nursing jobs and spending more on childcare than I ever would have imagined. My husband is amazing, but the main problems we come accross are always due to having a second man in the picture, my son's biological dad, who periodically deigns to come in and make our lives miserable and upset my son's life. I think OH is amazing the way he loves my son- our son - I dont think I could feel the same way if he had had previous children.

 

I always wanted kids.. but after my career, not instead of. I am constantly battling my ward manager to be allocated shifts that don't mean leaving the job entirely and living off benefits, going bankrupt etc as nurses have to be flexible, and I'm not. God only knows what will happen when I go back off mat leave this time... I can see my P45 being waved in my face before the spring is out. The thing is, although it will cost more, logistically 2 is no different than 1, so that's why hubby and I decided to make the decision to have this baby (if she ever comes out). I have had treatment for precursory cervical cancer, and my doctor recommended that if we did want another child, sooner might be better than later as I have a huge family history of breast and uterine cancers, and all my cousins have now had radical mastectomy/hysterectomy ops after early cancer, and I lost one cousin age 31 to breast cancer. My aunt who passed away the other week had uterine, then bowel mets. All my other aunts had it too, and my gran.

 

I can;t wait to be a mum again, and this time I really hope it will be different. I've made it to the end of the 9 months with a bloke still in tow, so it's already a huge improvement! I have so much love to give, but if anyone says it's easy making sacrifices for their children, I can't help but feel strongly the opposite.

 

 

All my R/L friends seem to perceive me as some kind of Nigella-esque earth mother.... I don't know where they get that impression from! And as for other people's kids....erg. Rather not!

[Plum]

Hats off to you Callychook, keep fighting. You didn't choose the easiest career with a family. I worked nights for years to cope with them and admire you keeping your role at this stage. Let us know how it goes when you go back but enjoy your little one for now - any sign yet remember thurs 2am.

 

On a more trivial note. Tasha think of them as 'coop hands' and chuck them in with the chooks throw them some corn until they're old enough to help.