Peacocks

[patsylabrador]

Our lovely new neighbours invited surrounding people to an afternoon tea last Sunday. I went with the two of my family that were not working. Only one other set of neighbours visited. "Ooops, word censored!"ody else had replied so my neighbour and her little girl had made a table full of cakes and bits and had put up their Christmas tree.

It was a lovely little party but the thing that has bothered me since was comments by the other people there. My new neighbours are of Indian descent but are utterly English. The wife of the other couple asked if they usually cooked 'normal' food or their 'native' food. When she replied that she cooked whatever she felt like, the other neighbour commented that ' they were quite westernized then'. She said that the only thing they didn't eat was beef because they are Hindu at which the other couple chuckled and said they were having veal for their dinner. I felt very embarrassed, that is just so rude. I don't really know why I'm posting about it but it keeps going round & round in my mind, I hope the new neighbours don't think I felt the same because I feel we are already good friends.

[Patricia W]

I'm sure they'll realise you aren't like your other neighbours.

[HappyhenSG]

Some people are just so ignorant it's unbelievable! I'd probably feel the same if I was in your shoes but there really is no need - I'm sure your new neighbours will already have worked out for themselves that these people are not worth bothering about. Sadly I expect they come across this kind of behaviour all too often. Perhaps you could reciprocate their hospitality with an invite to drinks and nibbles at yours over the festive period. They sound like very nice neighbours to have.

[Charlottechicken]

I agree with Patricia, I'm sure they realised the others were just complete idiots. What an uncomfortable time for you and your new neighbours though

 

I must admit to being puzzled by the term 'normal' food. Wonder what they think is abnormal???

[WitchHazel]

Patsy

It's incredible that your new neighbours should have encountered that sort of behaviour when you live in London (although, on reflection, I have been to parts of London where the only faces are white).

 

On the plus side (if one can find such a thing) they did come along for tea whereas the rest of the neighbours didn't even bother to reply. It makes me think that these people were just very thoughtless rather than being deliberately rude. Well, it's a reason, but not an excuse.

 

I think I would say something to your neighbours (the ones who invited you to tea I mean). Just something like "I was really embarrassed when Mr & Mrs X said that. I didn't know what to say. I wish I'd said something though". That way, if it happens again, you'll be able to say something.

 

It would also be worthwhile replaying it to yourself, and thinking about what you could have said or done, just so that you can be prepared if it happens again.

 

We once went to dinner at the house of a friend of my husband. After dinner we played board games, and at first I was paired with the friend and everything was OK. For the second game, I was paired with my husband, and the other couple were paired together. He was very competitive and got very abusive towards his wife. We didn't know what to do. In the end, we made our excuses and left.

 

I very much regret that, as I suspect that he would then have blamed her for our leaving. To this day, I wish I'd actually said something. Even if it was just" Sorry, we can't stay here and listen to you behaving so badly to your wife".

 

H

[Chucky Mama]

I understand why you would have felt awkward, but they will be used to this sort of thing, it goes with the territory. Having been at the sharp end of 'you don't need to go on holiday do you'- read as 'you don't need a suntan' one tends to take it with a pinch of salt. People tend to say things like this as conversation fillers and don't mean to be offensive or insensitive. Some say things like this trying to be inclusive and interested in cultural differences. I am sure that your neighbours will have either laughed or sighed about it afterwards but will have taken it with a pinch of salt.

[sage]

Where I work there are young people from all over the world. Every Christmas I take in baking, mince pie (veg suet) as most are veggie. I send cards to them all whatever religion they are. What I love is when it's a religious festival for their own religion they do the same.

All year we get traditional sweets/baking from all over the world. Most I like some I don't but I will always try them and thank whoever brought them in.

 

Sage

[mostin]

Unfortunately, as chuckymamma says , they will have had these insensitive comments before .

 

Reciprocate the hospitality, and invite your new neighbours round to your house when your whole family will be there to give them an opportunity to meet the people who couldn't come to the tea party, and to meet the chickens of course .

 

The other neighbours won't be there and you can relax and make sure they know you for who you are and set your mind at ease .

[patsylabrador]

Thank you all for your helpful comments, I acted on them this morning and popped round with some eggs and we've made a date for a little party for when we get our tree next week.

I feel better now & found 'talking' to you helpful.

Now I must pack because we're driving to Heidelberg tonight!

[Cinnamon]

We had a similar experience when a lovely,& very English, Indian lady,her English husband & their children moved in to the house over the way a few years ago.

A lot of the people in my village are older & there were some quite dreadful comments made.

I fell out with one neighbour after his 'there go the house prices for this neighbourhood' vileness

 

Happily enough of us are mature enough in our ways to see past such prejudices & celebrate peoples differences rather than make them an issue.

[Tiggy]

I lived on a new estate before I was married & lots of young families moved in, I was the only white face on the block, I had a great time, Jamaican Pakistani Indian and Chineese families all around me. They were some of the best neightbours Ive ever had There was a coment from an older relative of mine, ' I wouldnt fancy living next to them' to which I replied ' I dont suppose they'd much like living next to you either'

 

Im sure your lovely new neighbours will ride it out and soon become an intergral part of your neighbourhood

[Cranfield Kate]

I used to live with a guy who was half pakistani and half egyptian (I'm white welsh) and at dinner with my parents and some of their friends one night, my dad's friend started making racist comments! it was like he hadn't noticed tarek was sat there! not that it would have been okay to say anything anyway, but the fact that he hadn't even noticed him at the table made it even more ridiculous!

 

some people are just odd.

[beach chick]

oh patsy... but at least they know you are nice people.

we were at a lunch party a few months ago, with my dear ex-schoolfriend back from Oz. there were about 10 of us in all, and 6 of us had been to school together. one guest was the hostess' older sister, married to a very senior army officer. conversation turned to why her children had not gone to our old school - and out loud she made a racist remark. Literally jaws dropped around the room, but not one of us had the courage to pick her up on it. I still wish I had - or that my kids had been in the room, and asked what she was talking about - that would have embarassed her - I hope.

[C&T]

I let rip at my in-laws about a year ago for the same thing. I might have let it go, had not young impressionable children been in the room as well... They all hastily back tracked what they had been saying!

 

What made it slightly odd, is that they are nearly all "mix-race" themselves, but they seemed to conveniently forget that and some of the comments they can get and complain about

 

They are still talking to me - and a couple of them even rang up to apologise after the event - and while it is no excuse, I just don't think they realised what it was they were saying.

 

Patsy Labrador - I think in your case you have done the right thing. Actions speak louder than words, and inviting them round I am sure means a lot to them, and will help make them feel welcome into the street.

[Alis girls]

My dad and uncle are very racist - I suspect its ignorance and the fact they live in a very "white" area. Having said that some of my patients will happily sit and slag off the British (these are people born outside UK ) and when one day I said in a small voice "I'm British" they looked shocked and back tracked immediately - one even said" but you're different" - do I have 2 heads of something. I suspect it was a compliment in a round about way. I like the diversity of different cultures - and the way many embrace our culture (whats left of it) - I get Christmas cards and presents from people at work who dont celebrate it.

[Christian]

This thread has been moderated on several occasions.

 

Even though this thread is about opposing racial discrimination, it's not acceptable to repeat racist comments.

 

Would all posters please think about what they are posting before pressing submit.

 

Thank you.