Griffin Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I am now public enemy number one Daughters number one and two finished school early today. They had a half day so that staff can prepare for tonights open evening where prospective new students and their parents can go along to see the school. My eldest is in year 10 and has been volunteering at this event ever since she started at that school. She thoroughly enjoys helping out and is rewarded with a trip to the buffet they lay on Normally, she barely says two words to me. She grunts alot too. That sort of typical teenage behaviour. I couldn't believe my ears when she arrived home earlier and sat down and talked to me for about half an hour Most unusal behaviour. Behaviour like this often leads me to believe she wants something She said she was going to her best friends house first and that they would both walk up to the school for 5.30pm. I was to pick her up afterwards at 8pm. She then phoned me about an hour ago to ask if she could go to another friends house for a sleep-over tonight. I thought that sounded odd. She used to be good friends with this girl, who shall be known as Z from now on. Since starting senior school they've drifted apart and now have different friends. She never mentions Z, never socialises with her and Z wasn't amongst the ten friends my daughter invited here for her birthday. I've never met Z' parents nor been inside her house. The family as best described as 'rough'. My gut instinct is usually right so I said no. Despite her protestations I stood firm. She then came back home in tears begging me to let her go. And she was wearing tonnes of make-up that she must've layered on at her best friends house. Most unusual! It just didn't sound right to me. And she never cries. Mind you, I don't normally say no either She then said she didn't feel like helping at the school and wasn't going to go. I told her I wasn't having her letting the teachers down and that she was going and I'd see her later. Apparently it wasn't going to be as much fun anymore. I pointed out that as according to her the first she heard about this sleep-over was a few hours ago, tonight would be just as much fun as it was going to be this morning. I don't think she likes me very much Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
majorbloodnock Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Line drawn, foot firmly put down. Good honest parental decision. Nowt wrong with that in my book. Parenting so as to remain popular rarely works, in my experience. Good to see someone taking the right rather than the easy line. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patsylabrador Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 The main thing that registered with me is that you said you follow your gut instinct, I think that is what a parent should always do and it's usually right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 i feel your pain and I think you did well to stand firm. Summat fishy I think and gut instincts are rarely wrong - well done. ES 15 is very moody at present - his lady friend recently "dumped" him - wasnt really a relationship - but hes grumpy and bad temepered. Another lad - pleasant slightly immature boy seems to be having a crisis and ES appears to be on hand - asked what the prob was but ES said "nuffink" as they do. I did a quick spy on his facebook page and all I could see was a pic of an ex in shorts and bikini - another young woman with baggage and probs. I honestly despare of teens and have to go thro it all again soon. Good luck and well done - its tough but she;ll thank you in the end. Also sleepovers here we insist on Fri and Sat only not school nights Ali x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Griffin Posted October 6, 2011 Author Share Posted October 6, 2011 It's not a school night, tomorrow is an inset day at their school. I was going to take the pair of them out to lunch, they hate each other and eldest isn't talking to me anymore so that ought to be fun Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Mmm might be better to leave lunch -waste of money if its not going to be very sociable. I am impressed they want to be seen with a parent - I am such an embarrasement to ES - I think the thought of lunch with mum might push him over the edge Hope you get it sorted soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Line drawn, foot firmly put down. Good honest parental decision. Nowt wrong with that in my book. Parenting so as to remain popular rarely works, in my experience. Good to see someone taking the right rather than the easy line. I agree. Just a couple of months ago my youngest,aged 16,'stayed over' at a girlfriends house. It was not until a week or so later,when I looked at her phone,that I found she had slept rough in a park all night....& had a 19 year old boyfriend Parenting is never easy,& it is sometimes hard to remember to be a parent as well as a friend (& nurse,taxi driver,chef,cleaner etc,etc) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chucky Mama Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I agree with gut instincts and I have no doubt that your instincts will be right. What I would say though that I would have a conversation with my children about why I was not allowing it. I generally let them put their case and then do the 'let me think about it'. Once the decision is made if I am unpopular I don't care. I am the grown up and I have to do what I feel is right. Sometimes they can dodge a bullet by being banned from doing something. My children often text me and ask me to ban them from going to things that they don't want to go to so that they have an excuse Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Sorry Griffin - i have missed a line out of my first post - I meant to say ES seems to attach himself to young women with "issues" and his inexperience shows. However I hope I didnt imply your daughter had problems. Apologies for that Ali x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Griffin Posted October 6, 2011 Author Share Posted October 6, 2011 I didn't read anything into it Alis Girls There's just something in the tone of her voice when she's not being completely honest with me and I didn't believe the things she said. It doesn't ring true. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickencam Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 You did the right thing in following your gut instinct on this one I have one daughter who is as honest as they come and another who is quite the opposite. The honest ones is the eldest and even she has tried a few things including buying extra alchol for her 18th party last week when we had told her not to knowing that enough would be smuggled in anyway. We were right. I am dreading YD being older she is not far off 13 and already an accomplished fibber who pans all sorts of things that we have to say no to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goosey Lucy Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 A difficult decision but well made. I believe gut instincts are rarely wrong. One day she will thank you but it may be a very long time coming. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I agree, and coming from another mother of a teenage daughter, i feel your pain must be summat in the air as mine threw a wobbly this morning too. I don't care if I get the 'bad mum reviews', I'm the adult in this family and trust my instincts as well. Stick to your guns Griffin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keyhole kate Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Having survived four teens myself although tbh only ED was a trial stick to your guns Griffin trust your gut instinct they do thank you eventually honest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadietoo Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Just to add my support to the "stick to your guns route"...and I totally agree with the "If it feels wrong, don't sanction it" line..... It does get better and they will be more reasonable too....in the end I took a very tough stance with my DD over a certain friend and their activities aged 14/15 which caused no end of unpopularity on my part at the time, and now at the ripe old age of almost 22 she has thanked me for it, because she can see how different her life might have been had I allowed her to doss about at school! I personally feel that not drawing clear boundaries for teenagers leads to even more angst on their side..they will rebel against your rules, but better that rebellion be against something relatively small scale, than giving them free range to do whatever they like so that their rebellion ends up as something extreme if you see what I mean. Thank goodness we love them so much...there would be a lot more homeless teenagers otherwise! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LolaLayla Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I know it feels horrid not to trust your child but you know her well and if your gut instinct tells you something is wrong I think you are right to go with it. It is so hard being a parent and sometimes I don't think you can be a friend too especially when you have to lay down the law. My YS thinks I am the strictest mother there is.... it would lead to a much easier life to give in but their future is too important. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickencam Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Boundaries give teenagers security, those that I know with little or no boundaries are the insecure unhappy ones. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 What I found annoying is that some of ES's mates criticised me and OH for our parenting - saying we were too strict. I was quite upset as they have no right to bend his ear - one has had drug probs, the other the mum seems strict but then seems lenient. I do not expect to be criticised by a 15 yr old. Also its never to my face - probably cos they are too scared to say anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clootie Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 The trouble with these pesky kids, and I have two teens also, is that they think us parents only came down in the last shower!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Griffin Posted October 7, 2011 Author Share Posted October 7, 2011 Too true As Mr Griffin reminded me last night, I'm only 33, it wasn't that long ago that I was 14 and trying to pull the wool (rather successfully I thought) over my parents eyes I still remember all of my old tricks and am watching for signs in others Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
majorbloodnock Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 ... I do not expect to be criticised by a 15 yr old.... You may not,but I do. Personally, I assume my decisions will be unpopular and am then pleasantly surprised when they're accepted gracefully. I always give my reasons and always try to be fair, but I still expect to be misunderstood big bad monster at least half the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clootie Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 ... I do not expect to be criticised by a 15 yr old.... I still expect to be misunderstood big bad monster at least half the time. I'm an OGRE!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
majorbloodnock Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 ... I do not expect to be criticised by a 15 yr old.... I still expect to be misunderstood big bad monster at least half the time. I'm an OGRE!! Showoff Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickencam Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 You are so right, they really don'e believe that we were ever teenagers ourselves Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seagazer Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 Boundaries give teenagers security, those that I know with little or no boundaries are the insecure unhappy ones. This is too true - we're firm but fair I like to think but ES was best friend's with a boy across the road and they used to get up to all sorts in his house because his mum and step dad were not strict or had little control - consequently they would love to spend time over there because they could do what they like. It was very hard trying to explain to ES that some of the behaviour was not correct and we were the big bad parents. I have to say that they are still friends and that the other boy is now a part time father to a 3/4 year old - he's only 20! I've currently got a grumpy hormonal nearly 14 year old but luckily he is so busy doing his kayaking that it keeps him on the straight and narrow (and I hope it stays that way). Its tricky being a parent..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
