patsylabrador Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 I've always thought I was wired wrong because I don't like parties or loud groups of people or being the centre of attention. I don't mind being in busy places as long as I can be on the edge. Now there is quite a big push by introverted people to say - we are happy, we don't want to be changed, this is how we are wired and we like it. I wish it had happened when I was younger because it gives me more confidence. If my being quiet makes other people angry then I'm not the one with the problem. I like these cartoons, they sum me up very well. link Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mullethunter Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 Have you read 'Quiet - the power of introverts in a world that won't stop talking'? Yes - I'm with you. It's a source of constant difficulty at work where people often assume we're (my partner is the same) rude or antisocial when actually it's just that we find some social situations uncomfortable and stressful rather than relaxing and fun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quickcluck Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 My name is Kay and I am an introvert Totally agree, I find life stressful enough without the extra pressures to join in.... I like to sit on the sidelines and observe, some people say that I don't know how to have fun, maybe they are right in their own perspective, but they should allow folks to live their lives in a way that they are comfortable... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess Leia Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 me too Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 Me too. I can't stand parties, being the centre of attention or anything social really. I just want to curl up in a corner & hope no one notices me in these situations. My Brother & SIL can't understand me at all. WHY wouldn't I want a huge party for my 50th next year? Why also did I not want to go to the hen party, baby shower, 40th party they had? It upset them both so much that they no longer speak to me, rather than trying to understand my point of view & feelings. They are right, I am wrong, end of, in their opinion. They think I am a weirdo. Thats ok, I probably am Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 I think I'm 80% intro and 20% extro . We never "entertain" in the house, we hardly ever go out for meals (except the 4 of us for birthdays) and don't have a big circle of friends. In fact, we don't really socialise as a couple and don't like mixing with other people on holiday. I have a few very good friends and have now accepted that it's OK not to want to go out and socialise with people you don't know that well. Both of us would run a mile from having a big party! I am happy enough in large groups, though, and am quite comfortable talking to anybody I come across. I'll speak up in group situations too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 Thats a bit how I am too actually - I find it easy enough to chatter away to strangers - sort of a given in my job! - but I feel that my social circle is just fine as it is. I hate having people in my house & would be more likely to fly to the moon than host a dinner party. its not that I am anti social, I am just VERY fussy about who I socialise with Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soapdragon Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 As some of you may remember from a previous thread, ES has Aspergers and, since his diagnosis, I have strong suspicions that I do too! Part of this is not having a clue socially! I don't like crowds, being the centre of attention etc and have struggled with this for some time. In my previous life (before children) my job consisted of running training courses and presenting to prospective clients as well as quality audits within each facility. This was torture at first but did get slightly easier but, having been out of the work place for 10 years or so, I know that I just couldn't do it now! Equally, I have trouble 'reading' facial expressions and body language (typical Aspie!) and can find peoples behaviour totally baffling on occasions. I prefer the company of a small group of friends (I have very few friends...probably only half a dozen) but they are quite close friends and I feel comfortable with them as they know and understand me....I am not at all confident with new people but, conversley, can chat away to people who I know I probably will never meet again (another family we met on the beach last holiday, people in shops etc). Whilst I am not at all saying that those who are shy have Aspergers......they don't......I think that being an Aspie is certainly the root of my lack of self confidence. Currently I am waiting for an appointment to start the ball rolling for my formal diagnosis - there, I have said it !! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 Good for you . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dancing cloud Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 80% intro and 20% weirdo here *waves*. I enjoyed the peace of living on my own and formal dressy ball or presentation events just turn me to jelly. I feel ill just thinking about them ! I have a small group of close friends and I'm also OK making small talk with complete strangers, it's those "I know you, but I don't" people I'm not good with. The people you see at work every day, so have exhausted the small talk, but you don't actually know them well enough to talk about anything meaningful. I really don't like parties or loud people and am already trying to think of a way to get out of the office Christmas drinks and dinner. I don't want them to exclude me from the very-close work team for being stuck-up (and they already think I talk posh), but I don't want to go partying round the city centre with them and their partners either. Conundrum ... So glad I'm not the only one and I did like the cartoons Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soapdragon Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 Dancing Cloud.......I am totally with you on the Christmas party thing. I could NEVER understand why, when we all spent at least 8 hours together in the same office every working day, those people would all want to socalise together just because it happened to be Christmas...mad imho!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lydia Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 Another introvert here. I'm an event manager and the absolute worst part of my job is at the actual events where I have to talk to strangers and be in groups. Hate it! I'm fine on the phone, although prefer email, and I'm a whizzo at the organising bit but the actual human contact bit is awful, especially the social gatherings. Perhaps we should all invest in one of these ranges! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 I have a small group of close friends and I'm also OK making small talk with complete strangers, it's those "I know you, but I don't" people I'm not good with. The people you see at work every day, so have exhausted the small talk, but you don't actually know them well enough to talk about anything meaningful. I really don't like parties or loud people and am already trying to think of a way to get out of the office Christmas drinks and dinner. I don't want them to exclude me from the very-close work team for being stuck-up (and they already think I talk posh), but I don't want to go partying round the city centre with them and their partners either. Were we actually separated at birth ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bramble Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 I'm a total introvert - I really struggle in social situations and live quite an insular life - I work, so mix with people then, but apart from that I really struggle - don't even have a partner, quite happy on my ownsome Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 Does anyone else find that a lot of people really don't understand that we are quite happy as we are, & try to 'cure' us by getting us to go out of our respective comfort zones? My SIl actually said to me that I would never 'get better' if I didn't go out & socialise! She also said I should go & get some medications which would sort me out. Silly moo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 I avoid people like that. Problem solved . Perhaps you should suggest that she gets medication for being a hyperactive, over-familiar, attention-seeking, desperate-to-be-liked, silly moo . Of course, I've never met her, so I'm generalising . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bramble Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 My mum's a bit like that telling me "... you'll never meet Mr Right if you don't go out and look for him ..." doesn't occur to her that I'm quite happy on my own or that I'm very unlikely to meet someone I get on well with if I'm somewhere I feel so uncomfortable (which is most places!!) I think people assume introverts are rude/anti-social/weird etc - we're not, we're just not the same as extroverts we just like our own company and want to be left alone by others, nothing wrong with that far as I can see? I think lots of people also confuse being alone with being lonely - they are not the same thing at all, it's hard to be lonely if you are happy with your own company? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 I avoid people like that. Problem solved . Perhaps you should suggest that she gets medication for being a hyperactive, over-familiar, attention-seeking, desperate-to-be-liked, silly moo . Of course, I've never met her, so I'm generalising . Are you sure you haven't met her? You have her down to a tee there! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patsylabrador Posted August 7, 2015 Author Share Posted August 7, 2015 Bramble, you are so right. When I was bringing up my family it was very important to me that they knew it was ok to have time on their own and that that didn't signify anything. I also know four very strong women who are happy to live alone and have a great time - my SIL, one of my nieces, my daughter and my neighbour. Living alone isn't a negative for them at all. I also noticed in the replies just what strong wills you all have. I googled 'famous introverts' and the list is quite unexpected. People feel 'sorry' for me which is crazy. If I get the urge to do something challenging then I do it, like the voluntary thing I'm doing at the moment. It took some determination to see it through on the first day but I did it because I wanted to and not to satisfy other people who don't believe that I can be happy as I am. One of the reasons I opened a FB page was to show that I do fun stuff but according to my own set of values. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickencam Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 I am seeing a pattern here I think that this forum works because we can chat when we want to, lurk when we want to and rant when we want to about the rest of the world. We are an insular couple, we don't have people round to our house and go to very few social functions. I am ok with small groups and do enjoy the office Christmas party, but we are a small office of around 20 people who are pretty much a large dysfunctional family. We have just had my BIL and SIL and two small nephews here for an hour, they are in their way back from Cornwall to Merseyside and we were a mid way stop off. For the past few years we have met them at other places on their way down and back, or they have spent a couple of days in a nearby cottage, so it is five years since they actually came to our house! My OH hates parties and tends to lurk in the sidelines or outdoors, we recently had an office ten pin bowling evening and he sulked all evening it would have been far better if he had stayed at home but he insisted on coming. We do however like going out as a couple for meals or to the pub. I will also chat to strangers in shops and on public transport. I hated the playground politics of primary school so just waited alone for my children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackrocksrock Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Dancing Cloud.......I am totally with you on the Christmas party thing. I could NEVER understand why, when we all spent at least 8 hours together in the same office every working day, those people would all want to socalise together just because it happened to be Christmas...mad imho!!!!! That is me to a T - I would not wish to spend my own time with work colleagues sitting in a hotel/pub eating and drinking all night and putting on a smile on my face - I hate it and now they know I just dont go - I am sure they cannot work out why but I rather my own company at home. I hate crowds and although my job involves public I dont mind talking with strangers all day - but my time is mine. Dont do much socialising either bit like all the others on here - we seem to be quite a bunch!!. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soapdragon Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Ummmm, am guessing that a mass Omlet get together is out, then Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mullethunter Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Chickencam I think you and your OH may be the same people as me and my OH Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickencam Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 I also love spending time on my own at home, it is a real treat for me if I have a day to myself just to mooch about or really get stuck into jobs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redhotchick Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 I am seeing a pattern here I think that this forum works because we can chat when we want to, lurk when we want to and rant when we want to about the rest of the world. We are an insular couple, we don't have people round to our house and go to very few social functions. I am ok with small groups and do enjoy the office Christmas party, but we are a small office of around 20 people who are pretty much a large dysfunctional family. We have just had my BIL and SIL and two small nephews here for an hour, they are in their way back from Cornwall to Merseyside and we were a mid way stop off. For the past few years we have met them at other places on their way down and back, or they have spent a couple of days in a nearby cottage, so it is five years since they actually came to our house! My OH hates parties and tends to lurk in the sidelines or outdoors, we recently had an office ten pin bowling evening and he sulked all evening it would have been far better if he had stayed at home but he insisted on coming. We do however like going out as a couple for meals or to the pub. I will also chat to strangers in shops and on public transport. I hated the playground politics of primary school so just waited alone for my children. You sum me up pretty well too. I am not adverse to a party or a get together but I like to engage with people on a one to one basis and have a proper conversation. I'm quite happy to make and hand out drinks or food at a party, giving the impression of being a social butterfly but I'm not really engaging with anyone. I mostly volunteer to drive and will taxi people around ( close to home!) and allowing me to leave early! I'm from a large family and the amount of birthday and anniversary parties can get a bit much! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
