Chicken bald back

[Alis girls]

Another thread on famillies. OH has a cousin whose daughter is getting wed in Jan 2016 and we are invited. The cousin is a lovely lady but we dont hear from her for ages and then shes on the phone 24/7 and is very religious. Daughter (a curate) I haven't seen since since 1993 when we got wed. The boys arent invited but at 19 and 14 can be left for a day. Its out of London. OH doesnt really want to go as we will be put with his brother and SIL and there were some issues in the past over care of a parent. Sounds hugely familiar doesnt it? OH says he cant think of a good excuse and doesnt want to hurt her feelings. I'd sooner just send a present. I am praying for 6 ft of snow.

[Cat tails]

You have to chicken sit in the Netherlands!

[mullethunter]

Invent an illness just long enough before so that they have time to plan for your not being there.

 

I really think it's about time people stopped inviting guests to their weddings just because they think they should. After over 20 years you don't know each other so why bother?!

 

Sorry - rant over - bit of a bugbear of mine!

[soapdragon]

Car trouble? Sick chicken/dog/goldfish etc? Boiler broken...expecting plumber? Washing hair? Have to work? Food poisoning? Public transport issues?

 

Or maybe you could say that you have already booked a weekend away...but then you'll just have to go somewhere nice

 

I do agree that there shouldn't just be a 'default' list for this sort of occasion; weddings, christenings, big birthdays etc should be shared with those that you (one) wants to spend time with and not people that you haven't seen for ages but happen to share genes with.

[merlina]

If you're not close, I'd say you don't have to give an explanation

Just 'prior commitment' or 'not free that weekend' should suffice?

[Ain't Nobody Here]

I agree! Are they likely to phone up and ask what your prior commitment is ?

[Alis girls]

Oh yes and OH is a lousy liar. I like the chicken sitting one.

[Cat tails]

[Olly]

I'm with merlina - you don't need to explain. Just send a polite response saying you're delighted to have been asked but you're not free that weekend. They're not likely to ask for details. They've done the decent thing in asking you, and (in my experience) there will probably be a sigh of relief and a hasty rush to the list to see who they can ask to fill the space!

[HarrisonFamily]

I would just politely decline...weddings cost so much and an excuse at the last minute I would find more upsetting than being told early....

[Valkyrie]

Yup, I agree, sorry, weekend booked up already so won't be in the area to pop in for the wedding. But all the best and here's a present. Then you can relax. They'll either not fill the gap (and be relieved that the cost is reduced a tad) or as previously mentioned, they'll find someone to take the place as long as you notify them early enough. Sooner rather than later.

[Luvachicken]

I would just send one of those pretty 'with regret' cards, that way you don't really need to make an excuse unless they specifically phone to ask why you're not coming.

[Egluntyne]

You have a previous engagement. That's all they need to know.

[redhotchick]

In this circumstance I'm with luvachicken.

A pretty card regretting that you can't attend.

A cash gift if you feel it is appropriate, and can afford it.

If asked why, say that you have committed to staying at a friend's in the Netherlands. If you are ever asked about this in the future say that it fell through, but it was too late to rearrange.

[Cinnamon]

No one with an ounce of manners would ever think of asking why you cannot attend if you send a formal card.

Although my sister-in-law would, & has done in the past, but I did say no one with manners........................

 

As I get older I feel more strongly that I don't have to do anything I don't want to do.

Just be polite, send a card & don't worry about it any more - it will be fine

[Alis girls]

Update _ we are all going. Groan. Hopefully it will snow

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Noooo! Why?!

[Janepie33]

Hopefully it won't be as bad as you expect. There must be a couple of people you will be happy to see?

[Alis girls]

OH told his cousin that we could go. Can't be bothered to argue. He doesn't want to upset her. Suspect it won't be a knees up. If I say I don't want to go he'll be upset.

[Valkyrie]

Don't wish for snow - you might get stuck there!!!

[Alis girls]

OMG you are right - on second thoughts its Oxford which I love so no work on the Monday

[Valkyrie]

A silver lining for you

[soapdragon]

I hate to disapoint you but we are 15 mins south of Oxford and I can't ever remember getting snowed in in 30 plus years!!!! Still, you never know!

 

Is the venue actually in Oxford? If its 'our' side then you are welcome to a cup of something at Franklin Towers

[Valkyrie]

You have to come to Hampshire to be snowed in! We were stuck twice for 2 years running! Now they have containers on the slopes for us to throw on the roads. Since the bins were installed we haven't had as much snow - if any!