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[Guest]

Bizzarely this is the fourth time I've typed this message as somehow I keep getting an odd keystroke that puts me back on another page and loses all the text. May be to do with the daft Essex girl nails. Either way I've now taken to copying and every paragraph as I finish it. Or maybe I'm not destined to post this at all?

 

I'm 40 next month and supposed to be doing the party thing. Hall is booked, but I've not sent out the invites or booked a disco. I just can't decide if I want to bother!

 

I'm feeling very flat lately, it could be winter blues or me having a mid life crisis. I feel like there is something missing yet I can't be doing with dating. On the other hand I yearn for company of an evening after James goes to bed and I sit here alone with the laptop, cat and telly. I really can't be doing with the idea of going out and chatting to people though, I want a proper middle aged sitting in front of the telly on the sofa kinda relationship.

 

I'm heading off to bed in a minute, partially becasue I'm tired and my teeth hurt (gum problems) but mostly because I'm bored and I know that I'll start snacking if I don't (guess how I got to be 20 stone in the first place!).

 

I know I've a lot to be grateful for, I could have been fat, 40 and stuck in an abusive relationship with an alchoholic husband who borrowed money from loan sharks. Instead I live in a wonderful house, look amazing and should be happily divorced this year. But I just feel flat and a bit down.

[SueW]

Penguinmad,

 

Fourth time lucky, your post has now appeared!

 

The first steps to beat your boredom/predicament are: book the disco and/or other entertainment and choose your invitees and send the invites out, i.e. keep busy!!! Things may then look brighter and you never know, one of your invitees might invite (don't forget to add 'bring a guest') a perfect companion for your sofa/tv/forties.

 

So often I have been informed that once the forty landmark is in the rear view mirror, many things improve, so please be optimistic!

 

I do hope that your gum problems subside and that you can find reason to raise your spirits.

[Willow]

40 feels like a significant landmark (until you're the other side of it ) so it's not surprising you're feeling a bit down especially as you feel you haven't got your life exactly as you had wanted by 40

 

But

- you need to keep reminding yourself what you have achieved so far and it is significant

- 40 is just another birthday, and it doesn't matter whether you get your life the way you want it at 39, 40 or 41 what matters is that you're happy with where you are now, you know what you want to change and you're making steps to change that (which means dating ).

 

Hope you have a great birthday !

[Janty]

I was exactly the same before my 40th last July. In the end hubby and I had a joint party as we were 40 three months apart and had a great time.

 

Hope you feel better soon.

 

Jan

[Blackrocksrock]

Go for it and show off the new you - you deserve a treat for all your weight loss - Life begins at 40 so wait and see!

[BeckyBoo]

Oh Pengy, I'm right there with you! I was 40 last July and I felt really glum and pessimistic about it. And as for missing the company in the evening, yup, know where you're coming from. I haven't been by myself as long as you but I long to be sat next to an Other Half, snuggled up, chatting about rubbish that has happened in the day. I love looking after my kids but would love to have someone else to look after but even the thought of "dating" is waaaaayy beyond me at the minute.

I was dreading my 40th - thought no one would turn up (they did, not tons but enough!) so if you don't want to do the big party thing, why not take a smaller group and go out somewhere fun for dinner, (I was terribly worried about trying to fill the room with people!)

 

Do celebrate though, you have achieved SO much and you look fantastic, I know your friends will all have seen you, but for goodness sakes girl, get out there and flaunt what you've got (or rather what you've got rid of!)

 

I hope you cheer up, life DOES begin at 40 or so they say, I hope you have a FAB day whatever you do

 

BeckyBoo

[nicki9]

I agree, book the party. Often these things feel like a struggle, but I find I always enjoy it once the effort is made.

You definitely deserve a party after all your hard work.

 

Hope you feel happier soon..

[The Dogmother]

It's probably due to the weather Pengy.

 

Accentuate the positives

 

I'm 6 years older than you and getting older has never been an issue - I refuse to let it bother me; there are far more fun things in life than worrying about the inevitable!

 

Chin up girl!

[Ygerna]

I understand completely where you are coming from. I went through something similar when I turned 30. Also, I am going to be 40 this year too, and I am not sure how I want to 'celebrate'

 

One of the things I did when I went through my little mini midlifecrisis at 30 was to look at things I had always wanted to do, work out why I hadn't done them, and then set out to try and get some of them done. It worked a treat, I learnt to ride a motorbike (and bought a BIG 1000cc BMW) I went to South Africa (touring on a motorbike), I bought a flat (I was living at home after a divorce) I learnt Sign Language (which led to a change in my career) and many other things too. I didnt do it all at once and some things I am still just getting round to (keeping chickens was on that list ).

 

I may go against the general consensus here, but, if you dont want to do the party for YOU, but because you feel its expected, then dont do it. Use the money to do something that you DO want to do, it doesnt have to be a big thing as long as it fulfills you somehow.

 

Take life by the horns I say

[bigmommasally]

I remember my 40th - I felt really old at the time and was miserable for months beforehand but now I'm approaching 50 (well 16 months to go) I'm thinking 40 was so young! And I wish I'd enjoyed it more.

 

 

Whatever you decide to do just enjoy your 40th Pengy - and don't be looking back with regrets in 10 years time.

 

[redhotchick]

Hi Pengy! There are a lot of people on this forum around the 40 mark aren't there! I am one of them too! I was 40 last December. I had a big party when I was 21. I didn't want to do that again. I wanted to spend some quality time with people I really care about.

 

I asked my sisters to get together and spend the day with me. We got our nails done, wandered around Liverpool One a bit, and went for a long lunch with tapas, champagne and cocktails. Then I went round to my mum's for a bit, before about 20 of my closest family went for a Chinese meal. It was a lovely day and I was very spoilt!

 

I didn't have the energy to organise a party in a big hall. I did what felt right for me.

 

As for dating, or not. I hope you find someone you can just "be" with soon.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Poor Pengy . I'm sure it'll be shortlived, this down feeling. If you can't be bothered to have a party, don't! You could just as easily do something special with James and your mum (no longer referred to as the anti-chicken, I'm assuming?!!)

 

Hope you feel better soon .

[poachedegg]

Both me & OH were 40 last year - we didn't want the big party - we decided to spend the whole year (not completed it yet!), doing things that we hadn't done before.....some aren't big things, some just personal things to us that we had never got round to doing.

 

I've loved doing it but to be honest my age has never bothered me - my new philosphy is 'Think about what you've got - not what you haven't got'.

 

Do what YOU want to do for your 40th - if you aren't sure about the party, then don't do it - however don't make a rash decision whilst you are feeling down.

[missuscluck]

Sorry you are feeling a bit down pengy. Hope you feel a bit brighter today.

If you dont really fancy a party, dont have one. I think more folk dont bother than do. Do something low-key instead.

 

When I think about my age I always remind myself that its not going to get any better. When Im 50 I might wish I was still 38 so I might as well make the most of it now.

 

x

[Old Speckled Hen]

I went to lots of fortieth birthday parties around the time I hit the same age and realised that I really didn't want to do that. I found out that plans were being made as a surprise which is the last thing I wanted.

So Hubby and I went away to the seaside for the weekendwithout our mobiles. It was wonderful.

I did celebrate fifty by standing on the top of Kilimanjaro on my birthday morning( I did text home from the top ) and I'm thinking of something equally ridiculous for my sixtieth.

 

As lots of people have said.

Do what you want to do and have a great day.

[Snowy]

Aww, Pengy, sorry you are feeling down - but the only way from here is up again, we don't appreciate the ups if we never have any downs I think you've achieved so much - but sometimes when we achieve what we want it's a case of "where to now?" that leaves us feeling a bit flat. You need to look at what you want, then set out to achieve it. In the meantime, take some time out to think about it, have a party, and start gathering ideas. The world's your oyster! xxx

[chickencam]

I was 40 nearly 2 years ago and it did get me down before hand.

 

I didn't do the whole party thing, not much of a party animal really.

 

Why don't you think of something really silly, but fun to do with James. Now that you are fitter and he is getting older. Some of the happiest times that I have had in the past year have been doing silly things with my children.

 

I hope that you find something to lift your spirits, remember the darkest hour is just before dawn

[Tiggy]

my next big birthday is 50 and I'm looking forward to it, I'm going to age discracefully who was it who said that? and something about wearing purple Pengy you have achieved so much, this will pass and once the weather cheers up so will you

[Purplemaniacs]

I'm going to age discracefully who was it who said that? and something about wearing purple

 

I passed 40, 4 years ago, and I am practicing wearing purple

 

Once you get to 40 I bet you will feel better, I think the thought is worse, not helped by an OH who is 1 month younger

 

Chrissie

[Lesley]

I'm going to age discracefully who was it who said that? and something about wearing purple

 

I passed 40, 4 years ago, and I am practicing wearing purple

 

Once you get to 40 I bet you will feel better, I think the thought is worse, not helped by an OH who is 1 month younger

 

Chrissie

 

You're lucky! - mine is 11 years younger! - and I wear a lot of purple!

 

Try to see it as just another number Pengy - because that's what it is, a number on a piece of paper. Being down coinciding with that number just isn't helping and I hope it was just a blip and you soon feel able to look at it with different feelings. You have so much going for you at the moment - wait until you are having a better day before deciding about the party.

 

Funnily enough - I felt inconsolable when it was my 21st - divorced, single parent, 2 small children......it was all going to be downhill.......

I'm much happier at 54 than I was at 21

[Tiggy]

21 no thankyou Looking at photos I looked great but felt like a string bean ugly duckling no self confidence and no money, today I'm rounder happier and don't worry about bills, you wait Pengy you'll feel better after that party with all your family and friends toasting you

[Mutrix Farmers]

Sorry to hear you are down in the dumps. I won't pretend to know what it's like being a single parent. Is there anyone that could baby sit once a week so you could join a club, or take up a hobby? Dark evenings don't help either.

 

Positive vibes coming your way.

[chickencam]

Spring is just around the corner Hang in there it will soon be lighter and warmer

[Hen Watch]

Hi Pengy! There are a lot of people on this forum around the 40 mark aren't there!

 

NOOOOO I'm still 39, still 39, still 39 ........ keep saying it out loud and March won't arrive

 

Same here Pengy, don't want to be 40 this year, don't want to celebrate either. Hubbie asked if I wanted to do anything and I just don't. Hate parties so that's a no no anyway. But I just can't muster the enthusiasm to think of anything else I want to do whilst I have the excuse of him having to pay for it..... Hopefully it will all pass come April

[The Dogmother]

I ended up with a surprise 40th and really enjoyed it - total blast, knew nothign about it at all and about 50 of my friends were there!

 

Looking forward to my 50th now!