Chicken picking at feet

[Christian]

I bet the victims of the tsunami felt that it ruined Christmas too.

 

Enjoy your cruise

[The Dogmother]

I'm sorry that you feel that Christmas should be spent doing just what you want - so much enjoyment can be had when you just lose yourself in enjoying being with your family and spending precious time with them.

 

For me, Christmas is all about children and their enjoyment - we watch what they want and all go for long walks... bliss

 

I am really speechless about your Tsunami comment

[Guest]

It's how I felt - I have trouble connecting with these distant disasters. I feel "oh how terrible" and then I just don't think about it any more. I always support fundraising initiatives but I always feel a bit disconnected.

 

I was very proud of some of "my boys" after the Pakistan earthquake - they felt very connected as they had been there a few months earlier, guests of the government. And they organised loads of fundraising. Similarly with the Tsunami some girls I knew organised a school appeal which was supported beyond their wildest dreams - they made 100 badges and they sold out in a flash - by the end of the week they had made and sold 2000 badges.

 

To me Christmas was the one time of year when we spent time together as a family, we were doing our best to have a great Christmas without the key figure of my Dad and everyone sitting around weeping and wailing was a bit much for me.

 

I don't want to be on a cruise, or at Disney or anywhere else I want to be home giving my son the kind of family christmas I enjoyed as a child. That won't happen so I try and compensate somehow for him. Christmas is an extremely lonely time for many of us and we feel a need to go and be where other people are - in recent years that has been the mall for me. So this year it's a cruise which I really could do without - flights, 2 weeks of being cheerful, talking to strangers, and not the rest and relaxation I would choose for my fortnight off work.

 

This was our last Christmas at home, I cooked and set the table with the good stuff and tried to make it nice - Mum kept saying "why bother with the good stuff it's just us". Afterwards she went home and James and I were alone again.

 

 

Next year there is a glimmer of hope that the OTHER side of the family will all come to us. Then we will have a fabulous family christmas - lots of special stuff for the kids to enjoy, including each other!.

 

I thought you guys knew how I felt about the whole Christmas thing, I'm on here upset about it all every year!

[Seagazer]

I'm sorry that you feel that Christmas should be spent doing just what you want - so much enjoyment can be had when you just lose yourself in enjoying being with your family and spending precious time with them.

 

For me, Christmas is all about children and their enjoyment - we watch what they want and all go for long walks... bliss

 

I am really speechless about your Tsunami comment

 

I fully agree with Christian and Claret on the Tsunami comment, I'm quite shocked actually.

[Olly]

I'm lucky enough to have family to spend Christmas with, although this year it seems at the moment that due to holidays abroad, in-law commitments etc there will be four of us, rather than the usual 13 or 14 (*gulp*). It's going to be a bit different.

 

However if I stayed at home, I would probably invite some people in to share my day - it doesn't have to be family. Sadly there are lots of lonely elderly people who have "Ooops, word censored!"ody to spend Christmas with, so I'm sure if you wanted an excuse to dress the table up and get the best china up, it would be no problem to find some guests, Pengy!

[Egluntyne]

I thought you guys knew how I felt about the whole Christmas thing, I'm on here upset about it all every year!

 

We certainly do.

 

I too am sorry that you had your Christmas ruined by the tsunami.

 

I find myself feeling a whole lot sorrier for the countless others who had a bit more than indigestion and disagreeable aunts to contend with that year.

[Cinnamon]

I thought you guys knew how I felt about the whole Christmas thing, I'm on here upset about it all every year!

 

We certainly do.

 

I too am sorry that you had your Christmas ruined by the tsunami.

 

I find myself feeling a whole lot sorrier for the countless others who had a bit more than indigestion and disagreeable aunts to contend with that year.

 

 

[Lesley]

I thought you guys knew how I felt about the whole Christmas thing, I'm on here upset about it all every year!

 

We certainly do.

 

I too am sorry that you had your Christmas ruined by the tsunami.

 

I find myself feeling a whole lot sorrier for the countless others who had a bit more than indigestion and disagreeable aunts to contend with that year.

 

 

 

So why not just avoid posts that are blatantly about Christmas?? There must be plenty of others who are unhappy at times such as Christmas but who just keep quiet about it.

[Paddy]

Christmas is a very hard time.

Put yourself in my shoes - my mother has been seriously ill for three years. Three years ago she had her leg amputated after a stroke. Since then she has had six strokes and is cared for by my father aged 76 and carers who come in three times a day to their home. He does all the hoisting and general caring - not an easy task but he promised her that he would not send her into a home.

Last Christmas we had dinner in their bedroom. My children were non perturbed about seeing her hoisted (and consequently her bottom). My other half was trying to talk to my mother not aware the conversation he was having was events 30 years ago (slight dementia!).

I had a lovely Christmas!

[The Dogmother]

I think it does us all good to walk in another's shoes for a while.

 

A good friend (and the bestest person I know) feeds the homeless every evening at 6pm, 7 days a week, she gets donations of foods from local stores and companies, the rest comes out of her own pocket. Every Chrsitmas Eve, Rosie and I go down to her meeting place and take them hot soup, food and cakes.

 

I feel that it does us good to be reminded that there are people far less well off than us, and we don't have much at all.

[Redwing]

When my dad died and Christmas was no fun for a few years my mum, bro and I volunteered to feed and entertain the lonely at a special Christmas gathering, the homeless, the elderly and people with no family were brought in by volunteers, those of us who were willing and able served meals and handed out small donated gifts. It certainly is humbling to hear how some people have to live on all the other days of the year

 

Penguinmad - Christmas is not always about family, its about friends too and I honestly dont think it takes much effort to surround yourselves with happy people at Christmas. The answer does not lie in the shopping precinct or on a boat

[chickenanne]

There's such a mythology surrounding Christmas, and it always surprises me that people actually believe that "everyone else is having a big family day except for us".

Most people I know have had small quiet Christmases on occasion; equally most people have lost a loved one or suffered a tragedy at some point, and the first Christmas (at least!) is always tough in that situation. Actually, Christmas is always tough in that situation (at least, it is for me!).

The choice is accepting an element of pinning a smile on and getting on with it until it gets easier, or doing something to get out of that rut, or wallowing in the despair of it all.

Personally I go for the "pinned-on-smile"; even if there are some bittersweet moments along the way the memories are important and at some point you have to learn to treasure those memories, and whatever family you still have, as what you have left.

 

Given that you can't go back in time, what would be your ideal Christmas? And how can you make that happen? The cruise actually sounds like a pretty good trip: a bit of pampering, a bit of culture....but not if it doesn't appeal to you and you're going under sufference.

[Joojoo]

One year was extra boring as everyone ended up glued to the box watching the Tsunami stuff - sorry but I just felt it was ruining Christmas.

 

You should be absolutely ashamed of yourself for that remark!!!!!! Just be flaming grateful that you're alive unlike the many thousands of people who lost their lives that Boxing Day!!!!!!

[C&T]

In my old place, I had the most wonderful neighbour. She was getting on for 70, single (always had been) no children, no siblings.

 

And she loves Christmas. Always spends it by herself (gets upset having to keep saying no to the invitations from friends!). She gets out the best china and lays the table beautifully. She cooks a wonderful dinner, and then will go for a walk and /or watch a good film.

 

Christmas is what you make it - you shouldn't be relying on others. It's not a time to get bitter and twisted, but a time to count your blessings and to take stock of all the good things you do have in your life and to give thanks for all that you do have. Make a list - it is always longer then you think!

 

And if possible, it is a time to help others who are less fortunate then you - of which there are always too many. Whether it is working in a Soup Kitchen, or donating money to ensure the Soup Kitchen has soup to serve! Helping others I always think makes you feel humble and much more appreciative of life.

 

Expecting shops to be open right through Christmas takes so many people away from their celebrations. It means they can't spend this time as they want - be it with family, friends, or being by themselves. Isn't it selfish to ask this of other people?

 

 

"The Tsunami ruined Christmas" is one of the most selfish comments I think I have ever heard.

[Seagazer]

I have to say that Christmas, I and many others must have been counting our blessings that we were safe and well as C&T has said.

[kitchens]

The reason I started this thread is that I was upset that my brother and his partner won't be able to absorb themselves fully into our christmas celebrations. I love Christmas Day and cooking a meal for my family. We've lost people too. We are down from 11 to 8 now as grandparents have either died or too old and frail to make the journey to our house so they stay (quite happily I may add) in their little retirement flat overlooking to sea in Folkestone. My grandad died last year and we had his funeral on 22 December but we still managed to pull ourselves together and enjoy the day because we know thats what he would have wanted and he was the most wonderful man and is still sorely missed (this morning I opened the milk delivery christmas catalogue only to see tins of liquorice allsorts and burst into tears because he loved them and I always bought him a tin at christmas).

 

Think of others penguinmad. We have all lost people and I see from your christmas picture that you have a little boy. Imagine what it must have been like - one minute sitting on the beach making sandcastles with him and the next minute losing grip of him because you just physically couldn't hold onto him any longer. It's those people's life not just subsequent Christmases that would have been ruined. I know that to lose my little boy would break my heart forever.

[chelsea]

In my old place, I had the most wonderful neighbour. She was getting on for 70, single (always had been) no children, no siblings.

 

And she loves Christmas. Always spends it by herself (gets upset having to keep saying no to the invitations from friends!). She gets out the best china and lays the table beautifully. She cooks a wonderful dinner, and then will go for a walk and /or watch a good film.

 

Christmas is what you make it - you shouldn't be relying on others. It's not a time to get bitter and twisted, but a time to count your blessings and to take stock of all the good things you do have in your life and to give thanks for all that you do have. Make a list - it is always longer then you think!

 

 

Your neighbour sounded wonderful good for her!

 

I totally agree with what you have said.

[jackiepoppies]

Like you Tiggy, my job in the Prison Service involved long hours (sometimes 12 hour shifts) and there is no such thing as Christmas, bank holidays etc.

However, now living here I LOVE the way of life with shops closed on Sundays and 2 hour lunch breaks. (I can park in the centre of Vichy, a very beautiful town, for free!) Unfotunately this is changing to longer opening hours and EVEN sunday opening .

There is absolutely NO NEED for shops to open on these days, especially when you see how peoples trolleys are piled high in the run up to any Bank holiday.

Bring back some sense to these greedy companies. The Government advocats family values, lets have some family time. Life can be stressful enough thse days without adding to it

 

Jx

[Snowy]

It's not just over Christmas is it? My OH works a shift system - 2 x 12 hour days, 2 x 12 hour nights then 4 days off. Every 7 weeks he gets a full 18 days off. It sounds great, and it is generally. However, the days off are fixed, no flexibility whatsoever. I just received his shift pattern for next year. Guess what - not one holiday period coincides with any of the school holidays. So we either take the children out of school or we don't have a holiday together and I take them away on my own. Oh joy And he will be on nights next christmas and boxing day. All because toilet rolls have to be produced 24 hours a day, 365 days a year

[whoopsie]

I'm sharing Christmas this year. My colleague and I are homebirth on-call and have split the 12 hour shift between us.

[ali-s]

My OH has hardly any holiday during Christmas either. He is the maintenace manager for a well known soup/pickle/ jam factory. Christmas eve he will probably work until about 10pm making sure all the boilers are shut down correctly. He gets Christmas day at home but if the weather is forecast zero temps he is on call incase water pipes burst, if it is mild he will have a drink but if it is cold he sticks to the shloer This can work in my favour though as he always cooks Christmas lunch and if he can't drink he does the washing up as well Last year on Christmas day he stipped the wallpaper from the walls in the living room and gave it a coat of paint which was a bit inconvienent as he kept getting in the way while I was trying to watch something on TV

 

I haven't had a holiday away with OH for 8 years I get set holidays and OH's holiday are not flexible either and have never coincided yet

[Clur]

My Christmas was also spoilt by the Tsunami - I spent half the night trying to track down a close friend of mine, not knowing she was safe or not. Pengy, I know these situations can seem distant, but your turn of phrase doesn't help put your point across

 

There is so much pressure to spend, spend, spend, shops push their staff to work longer hours and they treat them like commodities - if the staff don't like it, then tough, there are plenty of other people willing to take their place - especially in the current climate. Maybe mine's a simplistic view, but I am fortunate enough to have kids and I don't want them growing up to feel like their life is only worth something if they have the latest gadget or if they have a lot of 'stuff'. I like nice things as much as the next person but I'm not defined by it and I think all this consumerism reinforces a selfish 'me' driven culture. All in my humble, simplistic opinion of course

[Snowy]

I haven't had a holiday away with OH for 8 years I get set holidays and OH's holiday are not flexible either and have never coincided yet

Oh my goodness Ali I have absolutely no cause for complaint have I really?

[Ain't Nobody Here]

I hope your friend was safe, Clur ?

[Clur]

I hope your friend was safe, Clur ?

Thankfully yes ANH. Very scary by all accounts and obviously difficult to get word out at the time