Ain't Nobody Here Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 (edited) After being really nice to me since Dad passed away, and being really grateful that I took over everything that needed to be done, she has reverted to type already . Phoned her this morning to see how see she was. All I got was curt one word answers and then when I said "I'm just phoning to see how you are, she said "you don't need to now, goodness me" and put the phone down on me. I knew this would happen but didn't really think it would take less than 2 weeks. Edited June 23, 2012 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goosey Lucy Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 I'm so sorry ANH. I have nothing more I can add but I've been in a similar situation so have an understanding of how you may be feeling. Love to you, OH and your boys x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pips_pekins Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 Sorry to see that she has gone back to how she was. Although you were prepared for this, it doesn't make it any easier especially given the length of time that she gave it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luvachicken Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 Awwwww, I'm sorry that things turned out this way for you. At least you know that you did your best. Sending you lots of love and hugs - I know how hurtful some family members can be - and friends, even virtual ones will always care. xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valkyrie Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 Hmmm, some daughters dooooo have 'em! That's so hurtful and I'm sending tons of hugs to you and to your mean mummy. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abwsco Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 Sending you loads of {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} ANH. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparkysmum Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 Vicki, just so sad that its been like this for you. Had been hoping for some kind of reconciliation. You've certainly gone the extra mile & wish things had turned out differently. Whilst it's not directly related I really hope you hear good news about your job Wish I could help. Alli x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LolaLayla Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 How hurtful All you can do is know that you did the right thing all the way through and behaved as your dad would have wished. I am sorry that it did not turn out better. Sending hugs.x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluekarin Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 Grr mothers! (((hugs))) from me too. Sorry she has reverted to type. You have done your best and I would just enjoy your life and don't let her get you down. She's done that for far too long. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted June 23, 2012 Author Share Posted June 23, 2012 I asked mum and my brother to come round. I wanted a few things out in the open. She was here for half an hour - apparently the whole thing is totally my fault. She constantly asked to see my kids but I never let her see them always making some excuse that they were busy, my dad complained constantly that he was never invited round for a meal at my house, I never showed any gratitude for any money they gave us, blah, blah, blah. All of which is so untrue it's unbelievable. When I tried to tell her that, she just accused me over and over again of lying and only seeing things from my point of view. What makes me angry is she's saying dad said things which I know he wouldn't have. My brother didn't say a word. He just shrugged when she got up and left. The relationship is over now. I'm not going through that again. I'm shaking, I'm so angry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goosey Lucy Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 Hugs Vicki. Well done for trying to talk to her about it, I'm sorry but not surprised that it didn't end well. Concentrate now on the lovely family you do have. Lucy x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superkitty Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 Really sorry ANH. Families are very difficult Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted June 23, 2012 Author Share Posted June 23, 2012 Just remembered something else she said. Apparently I "screamed at her" when she tried to pick one of my boys up as a baby . I've never screamed at anybody in my life . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 So sorry ANH. Time to think of yourself now and cut your losses. You couldn't have tried harder. xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowberry Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 It's funny how people can warp events that never happened like that! (((hugs))) to you, you've done your best x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mostin Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 So sorry ANH, families are tricky things indeed. Anyone who has met you knows you would never do any of these things she accuses you of, remember that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Looney Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 So sorry, I can well imagine you are both hurting and seething Anyone who rants tends to do it to not allow the recipient space to speak and defend themselves as they know it will show up their comments as a total nonsense. Sending you hugs. Remember that you know how things are/were, please don't question yourself xxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted June 23, 2012 Author Share Posted June 23, 2012 Thanks, everyone. Looney, to be honest, I got a lot of chances to defend myself but she's just convinced herself that she knows the truth and I'm either lying or making it up. She's changed her story about why she cut me out of her Will too. Last week it was because I have a job (which is badly paid and part-time), a husband with a job (not high earning), a house and rich in-laws (which they aren't ) and my brother has 4 children and hasn't had a job for about a year (he has one now and I have no doubts she's been bailing him out anyway). Now it's because I've hardly let her or dad over the threshhold or allowed them a relationship with their grandchildren (who they were never interested in anyway ). We all know it's because I traced my birth family. My brother has too but didn't tell her after what happened to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scubababe Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 ((hugs)) the saying is so true....You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family!! and .....your friends are the family you choose for yourself! Deep breath...... ((hugs)) to you all Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Looney Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 Wow, she sounds so bitter. By the sounds of it there is no way you could alter her view then. Tough one. Hope you are ok Xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
counturchickens Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 I am estranged from my mother for a number of reasons, I stopped feeling guilty a few years ago although it took a long while. I have a lovely relationship with my dad and sister, like others have said you can't choose your family! Please don't give yourself a hard time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keyhole kate Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 ANH I am so sorry to hear your Mum has reverted to type you must have the patience of a saint she clearly has a destructive personality and likes to play games I think she could probably cause an argument with her own shadow. Close the door on it and don't look back otherwise she will continue to poision you and your family {{Hugs}} Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted June 23, 2012 Author Share Posted June 23, 2012 Just had a long call from mum, very quavery but apologising over and over and saying how appalled she is at how she behaved today. To be honest, I found it difficult to say much in return but when I did speak she at least listened and agreed with everything I said. She kept saying it was down to her inability to be with more than one person at a time (complete nonsense and just an excuse) and that she'd seen a psychiatrist when I was little because she couldn't cope with me and my brother (like we were problem children ). Can't quite see how that explains that I'm the only one that gets treated so badly all the time. Anyway, I've accepted her apology and said that if she wants to see me in a few days I will see her but I'm not prepared to be spoken to like that again. Still says my brother's need is greater than mine (financially) but I pointed out that OH doesn't have rich parents or a secure job and that the reason we're financially secure is because we've stayed in one house for 22 years, drive a 12 year old car and are generally careful with money. She admitted that the things she said can't be forgotten, even though I've forgiven her. She seemed surprised that this isn't the first time she's said hurtful things but I refused to go over it all again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scubababe Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 ((hugs)) It's a step in the right direction and must have been quite hard for her. Hopefully this is a positive step in the right direction. ((hugs)) to you as I can only imagine on how much your head is spinning at the moment. I do hope that you can reconcile although I imagine that it will be difficult and rocky at times. ((hugs)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
craftyhunnypie Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 Awww ANH - have a big huggie from me! You've not had a nice time recently - it's time things looked up for you. Maybe that job will be good news next week. Emma.xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
