Trish Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 Sorry to hear your rotten news, can't understand how a grown man can be so childish, I've know more mature 2 year olds. I can understand that the future looks tough but it sounds like you are all better off with him out of your lives. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nicola H Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 Oh I am sorry to hear the news, I can't offer much advice but stay stronge you can do this without him, get all the finacial help you can and i am sure you and the children will be happier without him... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 So sorry to hear that Mrs.B - I really hoped it would work out for you all. I've 'been there, done that' - a long time ago now - and my two have grown up to be wonderful, grounded, adults. They are all going for lunch today with their father, 'stepmother', half sister and her boyfriend , and we will all be together this afternoon as it is Lauren's birthday tomorrow. My ex was a waste of space for a long time - until he grew up a bit. He was always missing planned visits and in the end, just like Pengy, I didn't tell them he was coming - when he did turn up I was pleasant and didn't say anything in front of them. I also had to fight for any money I ever received from him. Try hard to stay friends - that may take some time - and never let your children hear what you think about Daddy, keep that between friends! I wish you all the best - lots of friends on here to help out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhapsody Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 (((((((MrsB)))))))) I'm so sorry. People here have offered some excellent financial/legal advice and I don't have anything to add on that score. However as someone who lived with alcoholic parents I wanted to add that he will probably feel sorry for himself in about 2 weeks time and will try to get in touch with you and the children. He'll be oh so sorry and oh so sad, but broke! It is typical alcoholic behaviour that makes him think none of the rules apply to him, and he can just waltz off with his drinking buddies and leave all his responsibilties behind. He is not thinking of how this affects you kids, but then he wasn't thinking about them when you were together and he wouldn't stop drinking either. Your children are very lucky to have you as their mum, they know they can rely on you and that you have them as your no1 priority. Ps don't forget I'm 25min down the road, if you need anything, I'm Pm'ing you my mobile number. Rhapsody xxxxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
baby bears mum Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 So sorry to hear your news Mrs. B. Can't really add any better advice than you've already had above. Just remember you gave it your best go and also remember that kids have an incredible ability to bounce back - especially when they have such a wonderful Mum. Put on a brave face if he turns up and don't let him see he's getting to you (harder said than done I know). Its probably better to treat him like a naughty toddler (even though his behaviour is a lot worse than that) and don't reward his behaviour with any attention (try and pretend he's not there!!!!!!) just say Ok fine or whatever and then come and blow off some steam on here. Am sending you loads of positive vibes and hugs. It will get better honestly. Take care. Love Helen xxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeckyBoo Posted January 11, 2009 Author Share Posted January 11, 2009 Well it's been a roller coaster day here, I dropped a letter off to him (I now I know I wasn't going to do it til tomorrow but I walked the dog on my own and was nearby) so anyway, I got REALLY cross because when I handed it to him he said "Hello" as though nothing had happened as he was stood there with his pint in his hand, and there's me with £4.78 to last us until I get paid at the end of January. Anyway, I stupidly threw a "by the way if you're interested your children are fine" then walked out. So later on eldest daughter mentioned keeping something for Daddy so I said again that he wasn't staying here and she asked if we had "split up" so of course I had to say yes. Basically after she'd digested this and we'd talked for about 10 minutes she was fine, then later she wanted to ring him but of course he won't answer calls from home or from me and kept pressing reject on his phone, so I then had to text him to say it was HER ringing not me, so he rang back. By which time she was sobbing uncontrollably and I could feel my heart nearly breaking for her. She refused to speak to him on the phone, middle daughter did instead, then later on she DID ring him and he asked HER if he could pick them up from school tomorrow! HONESTLY!! How about checking with the mother first?! Anyway, I ended up speaking to him on the phone and he has said that he WILL be paying something towards their upkeep - he's going to work out "what he can afford" and e-mail me but the main thing is that he DOES want to see them, he's going to pick them up from school on Wednesday and he'll have to have them here for a while as he can't have them at the pub (probably a squalid pit by now anyway ) I was seething earlier but I'm calmer now and I feel better now the ice has been broken, sort of. I think eldest has benefitted from speaking to him, she's got a busy week with various friends to see and now seeing Daddy on Wednesday as well, I just hope he doesn't let them down, I don't think he will, but you never know. Anyway, can I just add a thank-you to everyone who pm'd me, I have had such lovely words and thoughts, thank-you. I liked the message that said "When you're going through hell, keep going!" I'm going to stick that on my fridge!! Mrs B Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 Well, I suppose that's a positive step - in which direction is unclear but at least he was saying those things about the money and the children in anger. I hope he doesn't make things too difficult for you - if he starts being all apologetic it will be harder for you to stick to your original plans . Best of luck . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jlo Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 Sorry to hear the latest news. I can't offer any advice I am afraid but everything on here seems very sensible. At least your work is being really flexible and I am sure that your friends (virtual and real!) will rally round. Take care Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joojoo Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 Although my situation wasn't as complicated as yours, I know exactly how difficult it is not to throw things back at them . Don't feel bad about that - I'm certain that they know just how much to keep pushing and pushing til they know you are going to snap. I hope you are feeling a bit better now and that's really good news that he is going to continue to see the children and that he is going to contribute towards their upkeep. Like everyone else has said, make sure you contact the CSA as you can't carry on with so little to live on. If he can't pay towards them, then they will have to. Don't feel bad about it. You've worked your socks off for your family, it just happens now that you need some help in return. Keep smiling xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missuscluck Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 oh mrs b. I have just read this through. So sorry to hear that things havent worked out for you. Last I read, you were giving things a go. Sorry its gone so wrong. Hope you get some thing sorted regards money. Dont know what else to say. Just sending love and hugs to you and your lovley kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chicken Licken Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 Hugs for all (and a whine from the old dog). Keep going Mrs B - it sounds to me like you are doing a grand job at a difficult time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A chickychickychick-ENN!! Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 Sending you love. xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plum Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 So sorry Mrs B for what you are going through. Wish you and family all the best. xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hillfamily Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 Only just caught up this Mrs B I haven't got any different advice to that, which has already been suggested.........but just to say I'm thinking of you and am sending big big hugs to you and your children xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rona Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 I am so sorry you are going through such a dreadful time but sometimes things just have to get worse before they get better and you are now moving forward to a much happier life for you and your children. You seem like a very strong and loving woman and you will be able to look back on this time and be very proud of yourself. How about that new forum name? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yorkshire Pudding Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 I can't add anything that hasn't already been said, but to say that you are doing extraordinarily well under very difficult circumstances. Your children are very lucky to have such a good Mum. Contact the Mods about a new forum name! What did you have in mind? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiepoppies Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 The last time I looked you had over 400 hits on your post and at least 10% had replied with really valuable, practical advice. The other 90% (in my view) are 100% behind you but with nothing to add that can be any practical use apart from the cyberspace support. Just know we're here for you. Jackiex Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olly Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 Can't offer any specific advice, but big hugs and there's always support on here when you need it. As someone said early on in this post, you've been coping on your own for ages in reality, so you'll manage without him. Hope you can get the practical advice you need, and sort out the finances. I think a new forum name is quite important, it will be one of those first steps into your new future! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina C Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 If you're going through hell, keep going! So pleased that you like this quote because it seems very sound advice to me. You are going to need to be very strong - and from what I have seen so far you are a very strong lady. So stay strong. ((((((hugs)))))))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goosey Lucy Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 Sorry to hear your news Mrs B. Look after yourself. x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
..lay a little egg for me Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 The last time I looked you had over 400 hits on your post and at least 10% had replied with really valuable, practical advice.The other 90% (in my view) are 100% behind you but with nothing to add that can be any practical use apart from the cyberspace support. Just know we're here for you. Jackiex Just to say, I'm one of the 90% sending good wishes but with no further advice to offer I'm afraid. Having had an alcoholic father myself, I know what they are like and you have definitely done the right thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiggy Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 I'm so sorry that the ex is being such a stupid *******, but you will get lots of good advice and support on here, talking to the benefits agency & the CSA seems like a good idea, I'm glad to hear that you workmates are being helpful. It will get better - honestly it will ((HUGS)) you'll look back and wonder how you put up with him for so long Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheGirlsMum Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 So sorry it didn't work out but be strong and true to yourself. You are a wonderful thoughtful person, you deserve a break. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
surferdog Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 Just caught up with this Mrs B - sorry you're having such a rotten time. You're doing all the right things - keep going. x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tessa the Duchess Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 Sending lots of positive thoughts to you and your beautiful children. ((hugs)) Tessa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
